How to put the past behind you?

[Unsigned]

Kicking the bottle is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

This is gonna be kinda long so I apologize in advance but it sort of has to be.

I can't rightfully recommend how I did it to other people, because other people aren't me, but basically I had to switch to cannabis for a while, before later gradually weaning myself down, off and away from cannabis. Which is and was admittedly a lot easier to do than trying to do the same with drinking, as with cannabis, it's not physically addictive to the body.

And of course, thereafter I quit drinking, like with when I quit smoking cigarettes years ago, it took a couple years before the knee-jerk reactionary and compulsive cravings died off.

I can finally have a single once on a rare occasion drink without fully relapsing, and I really don't even smoke cannabis anymore, I'm mostly just sober.

Age partially helped me to sobriety.
Hangovers tend to really suck more when you're over your physical prime. You don't have to be too far over that timeframe to notice, either. I peaked at 26, and so I remember being 28/29 drinking and thinking "I gotta stop. This is actually really not good for me."

Knowing the science and chemistry behind alcohol helps, however.
Because it's a depressant, in excess it becomes cyclical.
You drink because you're stressed/anxious/depressed.
Alcohol is a depressant, so your drinking makes you more depressed.

For a period of time while trying to be sober again, alcohol and the effects of alcohol on the brain tend to linger around a bit, especially if you've had a drinking problem for a long enough time. This commonly gets called the "brain fog" section of trying to sober up. Because even though you're not drinking, it's still running its course through your brain and body effectively, sometimes lasting up to several days to a week, which is what lapses people through depression and causes the whole cycle to repeat. Because the brain fog itself is very...vapid, like stale and empty air, for a lack of a better way of trying to put it.

In the Medial Pre-Frontal Cortex of the brain, there is a place between the Left and Right sides called the Default Mode Network that connects to the Posterior Cingulate Cortex. The Default Mode Network is what is responsible for "mind wandering" and rumination, or the thoughts that you have when you are in between tasks or on downtime. Dr. Tracey Marks has a great video on this and how it works and ways to combat it which I will link below in order to shorten this post a bit:

This exactly describes my situation.

"For a period of time while trying to be sober again, alcohol and the effects of alcohol on the brain tend to linger around a bit, especially if you've had a drinking problem for a long enough time. This commonly gets called the "brain fog" section of trying to sober up. Because even though you're not drinking, it's still running its course through your brain and body effectively, sometimes lasting up to several days to a week, which is what lapses people through depression and causes the whole cycle to repeat. Because the brain fog itself is very...vapid, like stale and empty air, for a lack of a better way of trying to put it."

- I had gone most of the week without a drink, but yesterday I was in the office and almost no one was there.
Around 4 PM or so I started getting a very strong urge to drink. When I got off the train my biggest decision was whether to stop at the liquor store on the street, or go home and get my car so I could drive to the big liquor mart. I went to the liquor mart. Really wish I hadn't have done that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Kicking the bottle is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

This is gonna be kinda long so I apologize in advance but it sort of has to be.

I can't rightfully recommend how I did it to other people, because other people aren't me, but basically I had to switch to cannabis for a while, before later gradually weaning myself down, off and away from cannabis. Which is and was admittedly a lot easier to do than trying to do the same with drinking, as with cannabis, it's not physically addictive to the body.

And of course, thereafter I quit drinking, like with when I quit smoking cigarettes years ago, it took a couple years before the knee-jerk reactionary and compulsive cravings died off.

I can finally have a single once on a rare occasion drink without fully relapsing, and I really don't even smoke cannabis anymore, I'm mostly just sober.

Age partially helped me to sobriety.
Hangovers tend to really suck more when you're over your physical prime. You don't have to be too far over that timeframe to notice, either. I peaked at 26, and so I remember being 28/29 drinking and thinking "I gotta stop. This is actually really not good for me."

Knowing the science and chemistry behind alcohol helps, however.
Because it's a depressant, in excess it becomes cyclical.
You drink because you're stressed/anxious/depressed.
Alcohol is a depressant, so your drinking makes you more depressed.

For a period of time while trying to be sober again, alcohol and the effects of alcohol on the brain tend to linger around a bit, especially if you've had a drinking problem for a long enough time. This commonly gets called the "brain fog" section of trying to sober up. Because even though you're not drinking, it's still running its course through your brain and body effectively, sometimes lasting up to several days to a week, which is what lapses people through depression and causes the whole cycle to repeat. Because the brain fog itself is very...vapid, like stale and empty air, for a lack of a better way of trying to put it.

In the Medial Pre-Frontal Cortex of the brain, there is a place between the Left and Right sides called the Default Mode Network that connects to the Posterior Cingulate Cortex. The Default Mode Network is what is responsible for "mind wandering" and rumination, or the thoughts that you have when you are in between tasks or on downtime. Dr. Tracey Marks has a great video on this and how it works and ways to combat it which I will link below in order to shorten this post a bit:

I’m so proud of you

I have been thinking about this question more and more lately. I think having the ability to accept that the past is lessons is an interesting concept.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I’m so proud of you

I have been thinking about this question more and more lately. I think having the ability to accept that the past is lessons is an interesting concept.

This exactly describes my situation.

- I had gone most of the week without a drink, but yesterday I was in the office and almost no one was there.
Around 4 PM or so I started getting a very strong urge to drink. When I got off the train my biggest decision was whether to stop at the liquor store on the street, or go home and get my car so I could drive to the big liquor mart. I went to the liquor mart. Really wish I hadn't have done that.

Yep. I totally understand. It's not easy, like at all. Different methods do work for different people however. Whereas I switched to cannabis and the occasional LSD trip for a while to help myself stop drinking, for other people I've known 12 Step A.A. has worked, getting into diet and fitness instead of drinking has worked, some people just take up alternative hobbies instead, something like crafting or anything that keeps the hand and eyes both busy and engaged. Sometimes people I've known got very heavily into their reading material and found a community of friends amongst the fanbase therein which lead them to some additional peer support, etc. I think it's very much something that you've gotta try different ways until you find which one actually works for you as an individual.

Because I'm a musician, I look a bit to my musical influences in interviews where they've talked about their struggles with it. I even know what Janis drank. In trying not to end up like Janis, I went and watched an interview with Alexi Laiho from Children of Bodom talking about quitting drinking, how he sobered up and whatnot. And even then, Alexi died on a relapse from organ failure at like 40 or 41 years old due to the excessive amounts he used to drink in his younger years. I didn't wanna be like that, you know? Plus, that kinda screwed me up, because like guy with amazing technical skill that I admire, dies of stupid reason of his own device, you know? It's sad. Really sad. There's a girl whose a Blues guitarist named Emily Wolfe, she got sober after drinking too much and slipping during practicing while being drunk and hitting her head on a fireplace on the way down. She actually cracked her skull, and due to the alcohol her brain swelled, she had to get fluid drained from her brain and a metal plate surgically put in, so she almost died. That's why she sobered up, there's also a whole interview with her about that as well.

But yeah, it's a matter of finding The Reason and The Method for which we choose to sober up. Ya gotta have both of those things, otherwise it doesn't work. That's part of what makes it so difficult.
I'm also currently trying to wrench my best friend out of it and he, doesn't have much of either. Sobriety is somewhat of a personal pilgrimage, is the thing. It's a road back, a way back, to how things were before. But you've gotta have A Reason and A Method That Works For You as tools to getting there, and probably a support group of people who love you and want the best for you.

 

[aviculari]

I remember to forget.

 

[August Campbell]

I saw someone asking for different threads.
So here is one I think will be useful.

I try to do this by focusing on exercise and eating healthy.
But I get derailed by my thoughts about the past, which leads to drinking, which REALLY derails exercise and healthy eating.

So I am all ears.
How do you folks put the past behind you and stay focused on your goals and looking ahead?

In my case, my past has been erased for the most part, simply because my current reality is infinitely better than my past. Now I'm blessed.

 

[user 150037]

I imagine a man walking down the street - if he is looking over his shoulder while walking, sooner or later he's just going to trip or bump into something, and cause himself a lot of pain in the process.

Like the man looking over his shoulder as he walks, looking back will always cause pain - whether it's thinking 'Oh, that break-up hurt me so much - how could they have done that to me?' or 'That was such a wonderful time - my life will never be as good as it was back then!'.

Keep your eyes ahead, and you won't see what's behind you - so it won't matter as much. While you have your head turned, gazing into the past, you could be missing something amazing infront of you.

 

[Adamridge79]

You don't. You carry it with you. No long speel erases it. The question and answer is how do you accept it. That's all it is