Human Compatibility.

[wolfshadow]

Since I joined ALL, I've been searching in the hopes of discovering a thread that explores the relationship between boredom and loneliness. Thus far, I haven't found anything that completely encapsulates that criteria, so have posted this topic to try and explain what I mean.

Already, I have come across many examples in this forum of people who find themselves in the frustrating postion of being observers, as opposed to participants, when placed in a social situation. This is something that I can relate to completely and I have often asked myself why this happens, to both me and others of a similar disposition. Sadly, I don't think there is a universal reason (well, certainly not one that I can grasp) but I would like to touch upon something that I believe to be an important factor in my instance -an excessively low boredom threshold.
At first, that may strike one as being a trivial problem and an attribute that connotes a shallow mind. Perhaps the latter could well be true because I find the motions of interaction unbearably tedious. As a result, I can never really concentrate on what people are saying (or indicating) to me, so am seldom able to formulate a meaningful or appropriate response. This is where the shyness kicks in - I know in advance I'm going to look foolish and I want to hide.
Ultimately though, if I don't find anyone else particularly interesting, how an earth can I seriously expect anything but the same in return? Quite obviously, I can't. Yet that is an utter divergence from the needs of a social animal, which fundamentaly every human being is supposed to be.
I'm not looking for advice or solutions but I am curious to know if there is anyone else out there that feels boredom can be a major catalyst for ending up lonely?

 

[Knight]

Yes absolutely, I guess my boredom with dumb people has had an impact on me being lonely but it is also the other way around, me being lonely also makes me terribly bored.

 

[wolfshadow]

Yes absolutely, I guess my boredom with dumb people has had an impact on me being lonely but it is also the other way around, me being lonely also makes me terribly bored.

When you say "dumb people", is that just a case of you being selective, or do you just generaly find folk uninspiring?

 

[jasmin]

Have you tried forcing yourself to listen to people?
I can relate to your situation on some levels. In that when I am interacting with people I often find that, unless they’re saying something I find relevant I don’t properly listen (I just end up nodding and smiling) . I consider this to be my own failing, so I’m making a real effort to listen to what a person is saying. I’ll let you know how this goes...
I accept at the same time not everyone is going to be engaging. This subsequently makes me feel less guilty about not listening to what they’re saying.

Why do you think your boredom threshold is so low? Are you interacting with people who you are incompatible with?

 

[wolfshadow]

Have you tried forcing yourself to listen to people?
I can relate to your situation on some levels. In that when I am interacting with people I often find that, unless they’re saying something I find relevant I don’t properly listen (I just end up nodding and smiling) . I consider this to be my own failing, so I’m making a real effort to listen to what a person is saying. I’ll let you know how this goes...
I accept at the same time not everyone is going to be engaging. This subsequently makes me feel less guilty about not listening to what they’re saying.

Why do you think your boredom threshold is so low? Are you interacting with people who you are incompatible with?

I've had to force myself to listen to other many times whilst at work and although I find this a tremendous struggle, I can usually glean enough fromwhat I'm being told to act accordingly. On a social plane, things become a lot more compicated. If I focus hard enough I can get the jist of what is being relayed to me but the fatigue involved usually means that, if I can think of a retort at all, it materialises in an awkward, mechanical fashion. This did start to frustrate me enormously but now, I accept that it's just a quirk that I have to live with and sometimes even derive amusement from my bumbling ways :shy: (athough, if I put my hand on my heart, I would like to imagine there was some room for improvement).
Your last question is by far the most pertinent and I can tell you this much. Due to my lack of social refinement, I have found myself working in an industry that isn't very well taylored to my character-type so, yes, I have struggled to engage people with whom I am compatable.
I look foward to hearing the results of your social experiment and implore you to take heart in the fact that they cannot be worse than any of mine (it is, literally, impossible).

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

My opinion is some people have a higher boredom threshold and some lower. I think boredom and loneliness are separate states, yet they're closely linked. If you start to feel lonely after feeling bored, it isn't the boredom that caused that to happen necessarily. I think sometimes we fear becoming bored because we don't want to feel lonely, yet that doesn't always happen. If you spend a lot of time by yourself, for instance, you may become bored. Will you become lonely then? Not necessarily. There are other factors involved in that, even though the two conditions tend to occur in bunches at times.

 

[wolfshadow]

My opinion is some people have a higher boredom threshold and some lower. I think boredom and loneliness are separate states, yet they're closely linked. If you start to feel lonely after feeling bored, it isn't the boredom that caused that to happen necessarily. I think sometimes we fear becoming bored because we don't want to feel lonely, yet that doesn't always happen. If you spend a lot of time by yourself, for instance, you may become bored. Will you become lonely then? Not necessarily. There are other factors involved in that, even though the two conditions tend to occur in bunches at times.

I agree that how boredom and loneliness relate, does mostly depend on ones situation. For instance, one may be hip deep in dirty dishes and be propelled into a state of excruciating boredom, but it does not mean that they will lapse into a state of loneliness (in fact, I would have imagined that the next stage of this scenario would be abject relief).
As you say, the boredom threshold between one person and the next ranges extensively, but I do believe a point can arise in certain people, where boredom features so extensively in their day to day life, that it gradually begins to disconnect them from others.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Some people mistaking boredom for peace.
If you had ever lived through dramma and chaso..you might appriciate being bored every so often.
Never a dull fucken moment I'm tell'in ya.
Nothing...absolutely nothing happening= peace.

Some people mistaken being alone with loneliness.
You can be in a seiouse relationship and feel lonely and alone.

If a person has ADD. I magine they would feel bored really quick if they have to sit
and focus on a single subject, matter, events.

Or a hydralent juckie will get bored with activies that the brained had crossed a threashold.
Suck as a sky diver will take greater risk to get same amount of indorphine released.

Mind masterbations...pick you're pioson.

vedio games
sex
dramma
chaos
A good noval
drugs
parties
Movies
gambling
Intellectaul conversations.
.......etc

 

[wolfshadow]

Some people mistaking boredom for peace.
If you had ever lived through dramma and chaso..you might appriciate being bored every so often.
Never a dull fucken moment I'm tell'in ya.
Nothing...absolutely nothing happening= peace.

Some people mistaken being alone with loneliness.
You can be in a seiouse relationship and feel lonely and alone.

If a person has ADD. I magine they would feel bored really quick if they have to sit
and focus on a single subject, matter, events.

Or a hydralent juckie will get bored with activies that the brained had crossed a threashold.
Suck as a sky diver will take greater risk to get same amount of indorphine released.

Mind masterbations...pick you're pioson.

vedio games
sex
dramma
chaos
A good noval
drugs
parties
Movies
gambling
Intellectaul conversations.
.......etc

I think, I see what you're saying - that there is appreciable distinction between solitude and loneliness.

It's interesting that you should make the observation about how an adreinaline junkie may encounter problems with boredom when engaged in mundane activities. I guess if one leads a high-octane, thrill seeking life, everything else must seem like a bit of a comedown when they are not pushing the envelope.

 

[SilentThinker]

For me,I get bored easily.It really comes down to what you use to quell the feeling of boredom.

 

[wolfshadow]

Thanks for taking the time to leave comments. For what it's worth I've been very impressed with the overall articulation and class that seems to prevail amongst those who have been posting whilst I've been on here.
I've modified this post since yesterday because what I wrote was a little bit pathetic and devoid of optimisim.

 

[Alive42]

Since I joined ALL, I've been searching in the hopes of discovering a thread that explores the relationship between boredom and loneliness. Thus far, I haven't found anything that completely encapsulates that criteria, so have posted this topic to try and explain what I mean.

Already, I have come across many examples in this forum of people who find themselves in the frustrating postion of being observers, as opposed to participants, when placed in a social situation. This is something that I can relate to completely and I have often asked myself why this happens, to both me and others of a similar disposition. Sadly, I don't think there is a universal reason (well, certainly not one that I can grasp) but I would like to touch upon something that I believe to be an important factor in my instance -an excessively low boredom threshold.
At first, that may strike one as being a trivial problem and an attribute that connotes a shallow mind. Perhaps the latter could well be true because I find the motions of interaction unbearably tedious. As a result, I can never really concentrate on what people are saying (or indicating) to me, so am seldom able to formulate a meaningful or appropriate response. This is where the shyness kicks in - I know in advance I'm going to look foolish and I want to hide.
Ultimately though, if I don't find anyone else particularly interesting, how an earth can I seriously expect anything but the same in return? Quite obviously, I can't. Yet that is an utter divergence from the needs of a social animal, which fundamentaly every human being is supposed to be.
I'm not looking for advice or solutions but I am curious to know if there is anyone else out there that feels boredom can be a major catalyst for ending up lonely?

I so agree with you. and a number of other postings in this thread. Since I worked through a lot of my issues and I am no longer in the cycle I grew up in I find a lot of the people I know bore me. But it is not only that - I can be doing things, but still find or feel like I am bored (just doing what ever to pass the time away - no real meaning or direction for what I am doing). One more thing - i tend to look for friends (associates) who talk a lot (babble on and on) that way I don't have to put in a lot of effort, but i can only take them in short doses as i quickly become bored - then they leave an I am lonely again - this round and round is driving me. I would like to have a friend who is at the same stage in life as me, with a healthy outlook and similar interests.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Since I joined ALL, I've been searching in the hopes of discovering a thread that explores the relationship between boredom and loneliness. Thus far, I haven't found anything that completely encapsulates that criteria, so have posted this topic to try and explain what I mean.

Already, I have come across many examples in this forum of people who find themselves in the frustrating postion of being observers, as opposed to participants, when placed in a social situation. This is something that I can relate to completely and I have often asked myself why this happens, to both me and others of a similar disposition. Sadly, I don't think there is a universal reason (well, certainly not one that I can grasp) but I would like to touch upon something that I believe to be an important factor in my instance -an excessively low boredom threshold.
At first, that may strike one as being a trivial problem and an attribute that connotes a shallow mind. Perhaps the latter could well be true because I find the motions of interaction unbearably tedious. As a result, I can never really concentrate on what people are saying (or indicating) to me, so am seldom able to formulate a meaningful or appropriate response. This is where the shyness kicks in - I know in advance I'm going to look foolish and I want to hide.
Ultimately though, if I don't find anyone else particularly interesting, how an earth can I seriously expect anything but the same in return? Quite obviously, I can't. Yet that is an utter divergence from the needs of a social animal, which fundamentaly every human being is supposed to be.
I'm not looking for advice or solutions but I am curious to know if there is anyone else out there that feels boredom can be a major catalyst for ending up lonely?

I so agree with you. and a number of other postings in this thread. Since I worked through a lot of my issues and I am no longer in the cycle I grew up in I find a lot of the people I know bore me. But it is not only that - I can be doing things, but still find or feel like I am bored (just doing what ever to pass the time away - no real meaning or direction for what I am doing). One more thing - i tend to look for friends (associates) who talk a lot (babble on and on) that way I don't have to put in a lot of effort, but i can only take them in short doses as i quickly become bored - then they leave an I am lonely again - this round and round is driving me. I would like to have a friend who is at the same stage in life as me, with a healthy outlook and similar interests.

well...it definitely wasn't borning for me last night.
I had 2 very interesting people confront me with a lot of deep personal issues.
Gut wrenching, fearing facing, and baring all. Stripping my walls.
I couldn't bull honeysuckle to them becuase they had also walked
those miles or are in the process of going through it themselves.
A connection...a common bond. Am I totally, totally close to these
people ? Do I hang out with them 24/7 ? No...but there's a deeper
connection.

I've also been trying to reach out to a friend I've know for many
years. I've always had a connection with her. Being around her
and doing nothing never bore me. Can we be compatiable ?...sure
we can...If we chose to.

I kind of got rejected by a girl recently...it hasn't been borning
for the past couple days that's for sure. I actaully allowed myself
to fall deeply in love with her.

I read and wrote in my work book...This is definitly not borning.lol

I listen to some music today...that was cool.
I played my guitar today that was cool too.
I picked up a book about the history of art..that was cool
I went for a walk in the park alone today that was cool.
i watched a vedio I havn't seen before.
I met a person I havn't met before last night too...that was cool.

I attended a meeting earlier with a bunch of people that share
simular problems i had...that wasn't borning...Lots of laughters
tonight.

I feel like my life is not going the way I wish it not to be...
it is definitely not borning for me at the moment.
It hasn't been for the past 5 years.lol

I might had done some rights and wrongs. Some shallow moments,
some deeper moment. Lots of tears and sorrows...lots of happiness
and. Mind numbing sex...to me getting on my knees and pray to
god...To me having a conversation with a dead woman.
To just sitting alone and enjoy a lick or a taste of icecream.
Shear insanity to complete serenity.
Borning...definitely not borning.

Lonely....yes ?
I felt lonely until just recently.

 

[one lonely guy]

Good topic!

I'd have to also say that part of my loneliness results from my extremely low boredom threshold. Sadly, the vast majority of my few so-called 'friends' are tediously boring, resulting in my feeling lonely and bored even when surrounded by them.

Before proceeding, I should state my perception of boring: lacking depth or understanding, or having very limited interests/knowledge or analytical skills.

I'd contend that the vast majority of people are in fact boring, but that's obviously subjective and relative. Their boringness is probably usually not a quality they're entirely aware of. From my limited observations, when you put a lot of boring people in a room and let them interact, they do so rather poorly but happily. Boring people seem to have a very high boredom threshold.

I've noticed a strong correlation between boringness and level of education/intellect (with a few notable exceptions). A math prof I've known for years is one of my few friends I can honestly say doesn't bore me when we get together - annoy, often; bore, seldom. My mind needs to be stimulated to socially interact effectively.

The remedy for me (though it hasn't ended in many close friendships for some reason): Join activity groups/clubs that deal with issues you have a strong interest in and/or knowledge of.

"A WISE MAN IS STILL A FOOL TO AN IDIOT" - author unknown

 

[one lonely guy]

My mind needs to be stimulated to socially interact effectively.

I guess I really meant to say stimulated and challenged.

 

[Izzy]

Absolutely. Boredom is definitely a major factor.

I believe it is also important to realize it is not the ONLY factor.

Falling very deep into the "observer" category myself, I have to point out that being the observer as opposed to the participant has a lot to do with self-evaluation. I can define myself as a very self-regulating, introspective person, and am constantly concerned for my own well-being as well as how I am affecting others. As a result of this, I feel that I am often neglecting the conversation/social situation and am too self aware, which makes me come off as awkward. Which is sad, because I am truly concerned for the other person and what the think of me and how I am portraying myself (ironic, no?)

I think a common characteristic of those whom we praise as being "socially adapted" is a lack of self-awareness. These people don't censor themselves. They say what is on their minds at the moment. Other terms often used for this are "immaturity", "dumbing down" and sometimes "drunkenness" (small joke ). See what I mean?

 

[wolfshadow]

Good topic!

I'd have to also say that part of my loneliness results from my extremely low boredom threshold. Sadly, the vast majority of my few so-called 'friends' are tediously boring, resulting in my feeling lonely and bored even when surrounded by them.

Before proceeding, I should state my perception of boring: lacking depth or understanding, or having very limited interests/knowledge or analytical skills.

I'd contend that the vast majority of people are in fact boring, but that's obviously subjective and relative. Their boringness is probably usually not a quality they're entirely aware of. From my limited observations, when you put a lot of boring people in a room and let them interact, they do so rather poorly but happily. Boring people seem to have a very high boredom threshold.

I've noticed a strong correlation between boringness and level of education/intellect (with a few notable exceptions). A math prof I've known for years is one of my few friends I can honestly say doesn't bore me when we get together - annoy, often; bore, seldom. My mind needs to be stimulated to socially interact effectively.

The remedy for me (though it hasn't ended in many close friendships for some reason): Join activity groups/clubs that deal with issues you have a strong interest in and/or knowledge of.

"A WISE MAN IS STILL A FOOL TO AN IDIOT" - author unknown

In a nutshell, you contend that boredom is (or at least might be) the cumilative effect of interaction with ones intellectual and creative inferiors? Whether that's simply breathtaking disdain or just a fundamental truth in the human condition, it did manage to make me laugh, which is very much appreciated.

On the downside that means, either I am a hitherto unheard genius, who has just never discovered the mighty caliber of intellect required to spark my interest or (possibly the more feasable), because I possess a degree of the qualities outlined in paragraph two of your post and consequently, the depth of what I am able to offer myself and others in return will always be bound accordingly. ****.

It's funny though, the types of people that you describe as unwittingly boring never seem to grow tired of one anothers' company and more crucially, they, for want of a better expression, are, or at least seem, perfectly content just to be. I have dim memories myself of occupying a similar state and I honestly don't know how or why that changed. One thing I'm certain of though, I was considerably happier back then and for that, I ruefully envy the abovementioned.

After reading your post I get the impression that our mutual battle with boredom, stems from different quarters, nevertheless your insight has been most intriguing.

 

[one lonely guy]

In a nutshell, you contend that boredom is (or at least might be) the cumilative effect of interaction with ones intellectual and creative inferiors?

Inferiors is not the word I'd have used (nor do I consider anyone inferior if they have limited capacities). As well, it's only one source of boredom.

Whether that's simply breathtaking disdain or just a fundamental truth in the human condition

Perhaps the latter, as I nowhere expressed anything approaching "breathtaking disdain".

, it did manage to make me laugh, which is very much appreciated.

I'm happy for that.

...I possess a degree of the qualities outlined in paragraph two of your post and consequently, the depth of what I am able to offer myself and others in return will always be bound accordingly. ****.

Fret not. Your magical way with words indicates to me you possess very few of those qualities.

It's funny though, the types of people that you describe as unwittingly boring never seem to grow tired of one anothers' company and more crucially, they, for want of a better expression, are, or at least seem, perfectly content just to be.

And I'm truly happy for them; they're just not my company. Envy I have none.

After reading your post I get the impression that our mutual battle with boredom, stems from different quarters, nevertheless your insight has been most intriguing.

thank you
olg

 

[wolfshadow]

Perhaps the latter, as I nowhere expressed anything approaching "breathtaking disdain".]

That came out all wrong, it was meant tobe a bit more tongue in cheek than it read. In retrospect it sounded a bit like a challenge to your modesty, it wasn't and you don't strike me in the least as being conceited. If offense was caused then I apologize.

 

[one lonely guy]

That came out all wrong, it was meant tobe a bit more tongue in cheek than it read. In retrospect it sounded a bit like a challenge to your modesty, it wasn't and you don't strike me in the least as being conceited. If offense was caused then I apologize.

No prob. Catch you on the board agn.
olg