i am so lonely i don't know what to do anymore

[lonely2beeme]

i feel so lonely, i feel so utterly alone.i have my children but they are getting older and needing me less.what will i do when they no longer need me?
i don't have a single friend . i don't know a single phone number to anyone anywhere.i never have a phone bill more than hook up charge when my children call to say they will be late coming home from school ,or to call a ambulance or taxi.
i have no relatives ,no family get togethers.i don't have a job atm.i never get out never go to bars ,i don't drink.
i have some how alienated myself into a prison of my own making.i live in japan even tho i am american ,and japanese men don't date older women especially ones with children or who are not very thin.
i just want to go home again, be a child, enjoy high school ,everything i was in such a rush to be over with and now realize i didn't enjoy,never went to prom,skipped graduation ceremonies,never had a wedding party,never had a baby shower.i feel i missed out on life.
i feel trapped in my life and sinking at the same time
how do i make it stop?i just want to smile and laugh again.
i feel for everyone else who feels lonely enough to type "i am so very lonely " into google .

 

[souless]

hey lonely2beeme.. i have just sent you a private email.. hope to hear from you soon ~

 

[Bluey]

hi lonely2beeme.

your circumstances are very different to mine, but i do know the feeling of loneliness.

i dont even bother with a phone. no point in it when it never rings. wast of money.
well i do know the cultural deference from the japanese is very different."am from the uk"
well when your kids are alder you might wont to think about moving back to America. but i know that would be difficult also if you have lost contact with every one that back home.
but am 32 and still need my mum.
i think your kids well always need there mum even if its just for a baby sitter for when thay have kids of there own.
and ye japinnese women are normally thinner that us from America/the uk.
that cernt do your self confidence any good at all.
but you most remember your american not japanese and its normal for a women to have a bit of fat round her.

i think you need to try and get soom friend that are western thinking. i only know something about this coz i used to do a little work for some chines ppl and thay where Nice but they do think defiantly to us in a lot of things.
and like over there am guessing thay still look down on single mothers.
well they well catch up one day but that's not helping you any is it.
if you cernt find any friend over there that think in the same way as you, you shod really think about moving back home even if you dont know any one.
coz you well get to know ppl eventuly. and it shod be essayer to get a job in America as well, there for making friend at the job.

keep your self positive and stay well

 

[lonely2beeme]

thanks i talked to both of you guys on msnaltho it was very late ,we still had a nice talk
my only 2 contacts on msn ,it feels wierd to open it so desperate to hope someone would talk and so tireing to think i will have to explain why i am lonely over again
but i appreciate the hi ,hellos and how are yous......
yea its different here
especially for foriegners
they love us when were young and beautiful
they like to show thier english teachers off and take them out
but once you have kids, gain weight , get older , or marry one of them that is below thier standerds (bluecoller instead of white coller man) they pretty much ignore you
after 35 you wont find work as female
its just very hard and i have some health issues myself that make work hard on me
i use to work in wearhouse loading boxes from the factory into a truck at 2am to 7 am
only a very old man and myself and a 16 yr old boy was there. the boy never talked and the old man only said rude things,mostly we just did our work and went home.
i taught some english conversation when i was younger but it became increasing harder to do and nothing to talk about and they rarely hire older females anymore
i use to work in a bar makeing cocktails when i was much younger funny since i dont drink but when i was young and blong you worked as a hostess if you wanted work
regular jobs they wont give foriegners its either work in a bar or english teaching if your young and slim which i am not anymore or you do hard labor usually for guys which i cant do anymore either i ripped my back out on a dairy farm where i milked cows for 3 years again i was alone but it was fun but one day i was given notice they wouldnt be needing me anymore and that was it. now i am home on disability with my kids.
sometimes i wanna go home to america but duno how to support myself there or how
i would get by or even set up or where i would go and so i am stuck in the same place ,just trying to keep my head above the water ,above the ocean of tears i cy.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Lonely2bee,

You sound like a very brave person who's led a fascinating life! I can relate to you a whole lot. I've been to Japan 3 times before and I love it and wanted to teach English there. However with their economic bubble bursting they have much less money to hire at a decent wage, even Korea pays better and Korea....well....let's not go there!

I would love to know more about you. I am going to Private Message you. One of my suggestions is to find an activity that does not focus on your looks youth or appearance, but rather your worth as a human being and what appears to be an intelligent and sensitive one as well. (sorry for the poor grammar there!)

Can you read to the blind? Would you be interested in getting involved in Ikebana or is that an expensive hobby? I think that once you have found an activity that allows you to interact with others in a nonthreatening environment, you could find a companion to lessen the loneliness!

 

[AaronAgassi]

Do you want help, as whatever little is possible online, or just sympathetic commiseration? (Yes, I do have to ask.)

If the former, then:

How limiting are your disabilities?

Are there any important particulars or qualifications on your need to be needed?

Might it be fruitful to pursue the question of how to become marketable again in order to make more money in Japan?

After all, they say two heads are better than one...

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Lonely2bee,

I sent you a private message. Can you respond? Hope to hear from you!

 

[AaronAgassi]

Try email.

 

[lonely2beeme]

hi im sorry i didnt answer i have been so sad and depressed i didnt realize a few days went by
i have been crying every few hours and cant seem to get it to stop.
i feel almost panicked,not almost i am panicked
i want to go back home but havent been to america since i was 14 and dont know where or how to get back let alone the money for it
i have a very bad herniated disc in my spine and a herniated stomach i wear a medical corset for both
i just always felt a need to be needed, always wanted one person to love me very much ,always just wanted to be a mommy and wife and cook and be happy.
i will never be marketable in japan ,it is not how the society is here.i am too old and to fat to fit in thier standards on top of that i am a foriegner which limits everything i can do.
im just terriably lonely and even tho i am trying to help myself by coming here i am also hurting each time i do , i feel like such a loser to be here at this place as if i have sunk so low as to go online begging for friends to comiserate and swap sad stories with ,to see who is more depressed.i just am feeling very low ,wishing my children were safe and happy so i could just die sometimes and yet hat is my biggest fear is that i will die ,alone and not see them grow up.
is this a mid life crisis ,what is happening to me? i think i need help in one form or anothrer and quick
the tears wont stop

 

[AaronAgassi]

Simple reliance upon the accommodation of traditional roles leaves one all the more at the mercy of circumstance.

There are people around the world, who would only be too glad to pay someone to go shopping for them in Japan, or even to DVD record anime for them! And there are other business opportunities I'm sure, but far more complicated.

Have you have any relatives, Stateside, to reach out to?

Another thought, how do the Buraku relate to us gaijin?

 

[VelvetMouse]

Greetings, Earthling.

I know that you can make some money on Ebay (believe it or not) by buying the various dolls they have in Japan lately, the ball-jointed dolls (not the kokeshi), which are not usually available in the U.S. or Europe, and selling them to the people here in the U.S. Please check out the completed auctions. One of the more famous brands is the Volks brand, but there are quite a few new and desirable brands. This won't last forever, as tastes change, but it is a beginning?

Good luck to you, from reading many other sources about life in Japan for non-Japanese, I can tell you it might be best to either immerse yourself in the ex-pat community or come back home, where you won't face the same sort of discrimination.

Even if the doll reselling works well for you, it is not enough. You must fight against this loneliness, although you are weary.

 

[AaronAgassi]

I don't know what the demand is like for translating.

But there is always a learning curve and effort for any strategy for making money on Ebay.

And how can one learn more about local ex-pat communities? There are certainly forums online.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi,

I am sure it's hard being a foreigner in Japan, period. I went there for only one week but I felt like a rock star. At the time I was younger, thinner, blonde, tall, and pretty. That did get me a lot of stares. However, I did get the feeling that you live in a bubble there as a foreigner--maybe no one will get that close.

Your husband is Japanese, right? Is his family rejecting of you? If you want to come back home to the USA I will do anything I can to help you. However if your kids are still minors I know it could be impossible to get them here without your husband's permission.

Where in the states are you from originally?

 

[mike3486]

reminds me of that movie with bill muray and that cute girl....yeah i no thats vague...but i really enjoyed that movie...he went to japan ( i think it was japan ) to do liqour commercials for them and he meets this girl whos american too....and they fall in love....i wish i could remember what it was called.

 

[Jeremi]

reminds me of that movie with bill muray and that cute girl....yeah i no thats vague...but i really enjoyed that movie...he went to japan ( i think it was japan ) to do liqour commercials for them and he meets this girl whos american too....and they fall in love....i wish i could remember what it was called.

"Lost in Translation". Yeah, really great movie, though it was a bit depressing. I love Bill Murray ^^

 

[mimizu]

Heh, I saw that movie too. Bill Murray is ugly.