I can never make friends

[rocky243]

I don't know why it happens and i know it's my fault and it always has been. People are interested in being friends with me yet i somehow miss that oppurtunity and i accidently push them away, or the people I do want to be with are uninterested in me. I can never make proper friends and when i do i can never maintain our relationship. Why? Because I become this silent person that is unable to socialize any further because im afraid of offending them or i would say something really awkward and weird... In all honesty im not shy at all. I'm just paraniod and i feel like this happened over the time through the experience i have been through. I tried expressing myself but i have only been called a *****. No matter how hard i try, im always the same. Everytime i try to pick myslef up i regain confidence in myself and i know i will become someone better but, I fall down again when something happens.

I don't know if it's because im not strong or it's because i don't know how to deal with it. I still remember back a few years ago I wouldn't cry so much over little things but now it's so bad. I get so depressed over anything that happens. I overthink situations that probably aren't possible, I get so many negative thoughts, and i feel like everyone hates me. I can't possibly remember the time i was really happy or actually feel happy. Everything feels so depressing. I can't stop, it hurts so bad that i'm crying while writing this post.

I really don't know anymore. I really don't want to exist anymore. I don't know why I was born. My english is so bad eventhough it's my frist language. I suck at socializing because I don't socialize. My school grades are going down. I haven't been able to find a hobby and I don;t know why the people that seek me out and try to help only turns their backs on me.

 

[Overthinker]

You and I are in the same boat. Not until recently did I really understand what my problem (and probably yours) is: trying to figure everything out. Most of the people I know are pretty relaxed around others, and the reason for is that they understand that it really doesn't matter if someone gives you a funny look, or if someone thinks what you said was a little odd.

I find myself thinking: "OK, here's what I'll do... I'm going to walk up to him, reach out my hand, and say 'Hey, how's it goin'?'" I then begin approaching him, and I reach my hand out, but before I can say my line, he asks me "What's up?"... UH, OH! CURVEBALL! So I find myself trying to respond to his question and remember my line at the same time, and it all just turns into a jumbled mess of nonsense. Now the dude's looking at me like I'm not wearing any pants, and I keep thinking, "it would've been perfect if he hadn't thrown me a curveball like that!

What I'm trying to say is that life is not scripted. Life can't be scripted. And if you try to work every little detail out, try to make people like you, things will go wrong. You have to learn to adapt to the situation, to roll with the punches. But you also have to remember that there is no right answer. If you say what you honestly believe, and you stick to it, people won't question you. They'll think, "wow, she knows what she's talking about." People will respect you even when they disagree with you.

Another incredibly important thing to remember is whenever you find yourself thinking "These people hate me," it's all paranoia. It's all in your head. Believe me, I know. I have those same thoughts every second of every day. When you have those thoughts, you just have to yell at yourself, "STOP IT. No one is thinking that but myself."

A lot of my problems are caused by myself. Sometimes I tell myself "Well, I'm unsociable because of the way people mistreat me (which is part of it), but really it all boils down to you. You are the only one who can control how you feel. Don't let yourself be convinced that people hate you. You can't believe it, because if you do, you will find yourself in a very, very dark place. You have to recognize that you are telling yourself things that simply aren't true!

I know what it's like when everything feels hopeless and absolutely meaningless, and then some bubbly, talkative, popular extrovert who has never had an awkward moment in his life tells you "Oh, don't give up! It's not that hard." And you feel like yelling, "DUDE! IT IS THAT HARD!" I'm not going to tell you it's not hard, because it definitely is.

But no matter what happens, even if you never have lots of friends, God created you, and that alone means you're significant.
Anyway, don't give up! If you keep going at it, you will succeed. Never let someone convince you that you're insignificant, because you are significant

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

I know what it's like when everything feels hopeless and absolutely meaningless, and then some bubbly, talkative, popular extrovert who has never had an awkward moment in his life tells you "Oh, don't give up! It's not that hard."

Gotta hate those **** bubbly extroverts!

Kudos on your excellent post, Overthinker. I consider it perfectly thought out and seasoned with just the right amount of logic.

 

[R2349]

What I'm trying to say is that life is not scripted. Life can't be scripted. And if you try to work every little detail out, try to make people like you, things will go wrong. You have to learn to adapt to the situation, to roll with the punches. But you also have to remember that there is no right answer. If you say what you honestly believe, and you stick to it, people won't question you. They'll think, "wow, she knows what she's talking about." People will respect you even when they disagree with you.

...

A lot of my problems are caused by myself. Sometimes I tell myself "Well, I'm unsociable because of the way people mistreat me (which is part of it), but really it all boils down to you. You are the only one who can control how you feel. Don't let yourself be convinced that people hate you. You can't believe it, because if you do, you will find yourself in a very, very dark place. You have to recognize that you are telling yourself things that simply aren't true!

Inspirational ._. I'm glad I clicked this post. It's hard to remember that what other people think doesn't matter when you're alone all the time and want nothing more than to have a friend or two, and to feel accepted.. and then you find yourself just trying to say what you think they want to hear, or trying not to say what you think they'll find weird.

 

[MadMonkè]

yup overthinker nailed it. case closed?

the lesson here is to monitor your own internal dialogue like in 3rd person. so you can catch yourself saying stupid honeysuckle to yourself. you will learn a great deal more about your own mind and reflect clearer

im probably not helping much but im too tired to get into details. now... gonna sleep now