hi, i'm sophie.
i'm kind of your average high schooler.
i have 500+ friends on Facebook, i wear stylish clothes, i know where all the concerts and parties are happening.
and you will see me in rooms of 500+ friends, wearing stylish clothes, where all the concerts and parties are happening.
a star volleyball player with a 4.6 GPA, the senior yearbook editor, a long term boyfriend.
from the outside, it'd appear that i have it all.
so why do i feel so completely empty and alone all the time? why do i find myself bailing out from healthy, normal friendships and activities nowadays because i'm too depressed or upset to leave the house?
maybe you could say that i have self-esteem issues. i'm always nagging myself about my weight. some people will tell me that i have no reason to lose any weight and that i look fine. other people think i have an eating disorder because i'm always crash dieting.
do i personally think i have an eating disorder? no. i feel like my mind comes up with all these problems for me to have as an excuse to not focus on the emptiness i feel inside and deal with that problem.
at the bottom of the well, i want to get help. i really do. but we cannot afford it. and i don't want to stress my parents out, who already have a financial crisis going on. as the eldest in the family, i always feel like it's my responsibility to do well in school, look happy and presentable, and just the golden girl because the younger ones look up to me.
but i've been finding it impossible to do. i feel depressed, but i don't feel like i deserve to be depressed. because i always tell myself people have it worse than i do. that i can't harm myself because people depend on me for everything, including my mother who has been suicidal in the past. it's a high stress environment.
i want help. but i can't get it. and i don't know what to do. :/
i'm kind of your average high schooler.
i have 500+ friends on Facebook, i wear stylish clothes, i know where all the concerts and parties are happening.
and you will see me in rooms of 500+ friends, wearing stylish clothes, where all the concerts and parties are happening.
a star volleyball player with a 4.6 GPA, the senior yearbook editor, a long term boyfriend.
from the outside, it'd appear that i have it all.
so why do i feel so completely empty and alone all the time? why do i find myself bailing out from healthy, normal friendships and activities nowadays because i'm too depressed or upset to leave the house?
maybe you could say that i have self-esteem issues. i'm always nagging myself about my weight. some people will tell me that i have no reason to lose any weight and that i look fine. other people think i have an eating disorder because i'm always crash dieting.
do i personally think i have an eating disorder? no. i feel like my mind comes up with all these problems for me to have as an excuse to not focus on the emptiness i feel inside and deal with that problem.
at the bottom of the well, i want to get help. i really do. but we cannot afford it. and i don't want to stress my parents out, who already have a financial crisis going on. as the eldest in the family, i always feel like it's my responsibility to do well in school, look happy and presentable, and just the golden girl because the younger ones look up to me.
but i've been finding it impossible to do. i feel depressed, but i don't feel like i deserve to be depressed. because i always tell myself people have it worse than i do. that i can't harm myself because people depend on me for everything, including my mother who has been suicidal in the past. it's a high stress environment.
i want help. but i can't get it. and i don't know what to do. :/