Jeckyl
Member
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2014
- Messages
- 6
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Hello all, you can call me Jeckyl.] I want to share something with you guys. I want to share you my story. My life.
I know that everyone has different circumstances that causes loneliness and I wouldn't consider myself worse off than anyone. Ever since I could remember, I've always had this... disconnected feeling from the rest of the world. I've always felt like... a ghost to the world around me. To the people. It doesn't matter what happens, I've felt a complete isolation and immense loneliness.
Now, I wouldn't consider myself socially awkward, perhaps as a child, but since my teens I've been fully comfortable with talking and socialising with others. People seem attracted to me and comfortable around me, and though I am not the centre of attraction (which I don't enjoy being anyhow) I'm surrounded by people that talk to me (and some even more at times.) I don't do anything special to bring this, mind. I'm just me.
I grew up isolated and completely alone and because of that I always grew comfortable with my own company before finding comfort in others. Even now to this day, I prefer isolation instead of a big group. Because of this, I found out what type of person I am and never needed the use of a mask in order to try and fit in with people (like many people do.)
And yet, I never felt like I belonged, Even right now, in my own house, I don't consider it my home. I don't belong here. I feel like a ghost, observing from the outskirts.
I'm not a person that displays my problems to people. I'm the guy that everyone comes to for help with their problems. I usually fight my own battles.
In the last few months, it's gotten so much worse. It's gotten stifling and I feel like I'm drowning in this feeling. There is no other way for me to describe it really. I look at people and despite the fact I can see through masks with ease and I used to let it be, I feel angry, isolated, wanting the rip the masks off. The other day for example, I went to a bar I frequent quite a bit. I went in, had a beer, then walked out for a smoke. I looked through the window at everyone inside at all my acquaintances and my best friend and I just felt this cloud of lonesomeness fall on me. I couldn't handle it and had to leave there and then without saying anything. I couldn't even bear to enter through the doors.
I've told one or two people about this problem, and I've had two replies. Neither one understood what I was going through, one said that it may be a phase the other one said that if I felt like this I was being selfish. I'm surrounded and liked by so many people and I should stop trying to be an attention whore and keep wanting more. I was told that there are people out there that have nothing and feel fulfilled, so what right was I to feel lonely.
This just pushed me away from it all even more.
Am I in the wrong to feel like this? Am I selfish?
Anyone have any input cause I could really use it. I'm feeling lost. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm being selfish or if what I've felt all my life is something that's real.
I know that everyone has different circumstances that causes loneliness and I wouldn't consider myself worse off than anyone. Ever since I could remember, I've always had this... disconnected feeling from the rest of the world. I've always felt like... a ghost to the world around me. To the people. It doesn't matter what happens, I've felt a complete isolation and immense loneliness.
Now, I wouldn't consider myself socially awkward, perhaps as a child, but since my teens I've been fully comfortable with talking and socialising with others. People seem attracted to me and comfortable around me, and though I am not the centre of attraction (which I don't enjoy being anyhow) I'm surrounded by people that talk to me (and some even more at times.) I don't do anything special to bring this, mind. I'm just me.
I grew up isolated and completely alone and because of that I always grew comfortable with my own company before finding comfort in others. Even now to this day, I prefer isolation instead of a big group. Because of this, I found out what type of person I am and never needed the use of a mask in order to try and fit in with people (like many people do.)
And yet, I never felt like I belonged, Even right now, in my own house, I don't consider it my home. I don't belong here. I feel like a ghost, observing from the outskirts.
I'm not a person that displays my problems to people. I'm the guy that everyone comes to for help with their problems. I usually fight my own battles.
In the last few months, it's gotten so much worse. It's gotten stifling and I feel like I'm drowning in this feeling. There is no other way for me to describe it really. I look at people and despite the fact I can see through masks with ease and I used to let it be, I feel angry, isolated, wanting the rip the masks off. The other day for example, I went to a bar I frequent quite a bit. I went in, had a beer, then walked out for a smoke. I looked through the window at everyone inside at all my acquaintances and my best friend and I just felt this cloud of lonesomeness fall on me. I couldn't handle it and had to leave there and then without saying anything. I couldn't even bear to enter through the doors.
I've told one or two people about this problem, and I've had two replies. Neither one understood what I was going through, one said that it may be a phase the other one said that if I felt like this I was being selfish. I'm surrounded and liked by so many people and I should stop trying to be an attention whore and keep wanting more. I was told that there are people out there that have nothing and feel fulfilled, so what right was I to feel lonely.
This just pushed me away from it all even more.
Am I in the wrong to feel like this? Am I selfish?
Anyone have any input cause I could really use it. I'm feeling lost. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm being selfish or if what I've felt all my life is something that's real.