I just need to speak at this point.

[louMcntire]

Alright so let's say I'm either really good at role-playing or really good at not making enemies (for a while atleast). And it doesn't feel like a choice when meeting someone. I guess my body instinctively doesn't like to have people hating on it and takes measures into it's own hands. And honeysuckle that might work for him but it doesn't work for me. *My body isn't actually a 3rd party here it's just me being stupid. Either way... The point is: I've never had a hard time making friends with anyone. Whether it be by role-playing or simply by being me, whatever I see in someone I'll adjust. And I generally enjoy every sort of company. As long as the person in question is not an ass, she's a potential friend. But none of those friendship ever last!


As it turns out the favorite sport of most everyone is bitching about others. And when it turns out that most people actually enjoy your company, you hear A LOT of bitching. This leads to you always trying to dodge situation in which people want you to bad mouth someone you actually enjoy (And this honeysuckle goes both ways). Eventually you are role-playing whether you like it or not.

But then watch out! You constantly feel like a huge hypocrite. You're never yourself around people because you're constantly picking sides in fights where you have no champion.

Eventually you stop seeing those people because it's not necessary to do so anymore, you've changed job or school. And you're tired of having to pick sides. You also want to just be yourself.

Except with all that role-playing and douchebaggery you don't even know who you are anymore! You enjoy certain things but you don't feel like you have an identity. You're as empty as the box of cookies I just finished.

And finally, you either start over somewhere else or you just stop trying because none of the friendship you've had ended up lasting. Those friendships were always nothing more then shitty ships that sinked in the shallow waters of a pond on a not at all windy day.

So you end up with no friends. You're not even trying anymore. In 20 years of living you spend your first years of loneliness and solitude.

Two years now and I'm thinking: I don't even know how to build a relationship anymore. I have given up on trying. And just the idea of presenting myself as this lonely person looking for friendship is scary.
I AM NOW SCARED OF MAKING A FRIEND!
Ha.. *sniffle.
When I meet someone I act in the most formal of ways. I don't want to build something for a year or two with someone and watch it break and be a huge waste of my young years. Grade school was the last time I remember having actual real friends, not the façade or the shallow type. And it felt **** great. I don't answer the phone anymore; It's never for me and I hate using that piece of plastic.
Now I'm just rambling.

And my god! Do I feel stuck.
I feel stuck.

 

[nerdygirl]

Stop role playing. Be YOU. You might not get oodles of friends, but you'll make REAL friends.

 

[IgnoredOne]

As it turns out the favorite sport of most everyone is bitching about others. And when it turns out that most people actually enjoy your company, you hear A LOT of bitching. This leads to you always trying to dodge situation in which people want you to bad mouth someone you actually enjoy (And this honeysuckle goes both ways). Eventually you are role-playing whether you like it or not.

Are you trying to be agreeable? If so, agree with what you do agree on and either stay silent or gently disagree on what you do not agree on when they attack someone.

Avoid lying above all. I had a career where I basically had to actively decieve a target population, and even then, I avoided lying almost as much as possible. Humans are intuitively wired to tell when you lie. Even if you want to misdirect, tell the truth, but only the part they want to hear.

Not only will it wear on your 'real persona' less, but you'll also find that it convinces others a hell of a lot more. And try not to be trapped in positional situations like you clearly were; accept it at times, but do avoid becoming part of it.