I really want to die.

[Tiina63]

I dont want to sound self pitying but I have so many thoughts which keep going through my head that my anxiety is sky high. I have often wished in my heart of hearts that I could die because of being so lonely, but now this is stronger than ever. I really wish that I wasn't a Christian, so that I could kill myself. But the thought of hell terrifies me so I am stuck here till I go naturally. I am taking pain killers becasue otherwise the pain in my head from worrying would be too much to stand. But I don't know how much longer I can take this level of anxiety. It is driving me mad. I really don't ewant to live any longer, and I keep asking God to let me die, but He won't.

 

[BrokenInside]

Tina for sometime forget about yourself, try make someone else smile, remove their worries by any means. Have you ever questioned why you have been sent to this world? Search for the answer. Hope you get my point

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

I dont want to sound self pitying but I have so many thoughts which keep going through my head that my anxiety is sky high. I have often wished in my heart of hearts that I could die because of being so lonely, but now this is stronger than ever. I really wish that I wasn't a Christian, so that I could kill myself. But the thought of hell terrifies me so I am stuck here till I go naturally. I am taking pain killers becasue otherwise the pain in my head from worrying would be too much to stand. But I don't know how much longer I can take this level of anxiety. It is driving me mad. I really don't ewant to live any longer, and I keep asking God to let me die, but He won't.

Girl, fresia no, don't die! I'm PM'ing you.

Good on you for reaching out online, but please talk to someone IRL: a counsellor, your local crisis centre, a trusted pastor/priest (as you are a Christian), or a doctor. You're ill and in pain and this is a sign that something has to change.

 

[In a lonely place]

Tina think of all the people who would MISS YOU if you were not around. Think of all the people I know you help and have helped everyday.
Think of all the GOOD things you enjoy in LIFE and have enjoyed.
My thoughts are with you.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Oh no! I'm so sorry your feeling like this. I myself have done stupid things in the past, I let myself drown in misery with drugs cause I felt worthless. Still to this day I suffer from mood swings. Please don't do it. Everyone is right. So many people will miss you. Please hang in there.

 

[fox]

Tiina63, I am glad to read there is some thing that keeps you from it(your religion). A thing to hold on to, and keep such thoughts in check, that is so valuable. Such thoughts.. wish to die.. to fight them, that is what you must do. Fight them with all resources you can. Some good suggestions put by others already, it looks like.

I wish you all strength you need to hold on and survive this thing. I know what it is like, and I can tell.. very possible it is to become better, even in a short time and if you do not expect it. So please do not give up.

 

[jales]

Tina63,


You will die. You will just wait, eventually we all die. While you are here though you have to work on making things in your life better so that you can actually enjoy life. Find out why you are depressed and work with someone on fixing the problem.

Just always remember we all die and you will die, don't rush death.. and try to enjoy the time you have here on earth. It's really not that long when you think about it.

Also please don't kill yourself. Just remember eventually you will die in any case.. so why not wait some years. And dont spend those years depressed. what is so bad about your life that you think you cant wait till God is ready for you? (I'm not religious but still)

 

[Sci-Fi]

I keep asking God to let me die, but He won't.

Whatever you are meant for isn't completed yet. Whatever is making your anxiety high and these thoughts going through your head they need to be eliminated. You are too kind of a person to feel this way.

 

[Gutted]

Can you pinpoint what your problem is? For example, you're lonely. But what is the cause of that loneliness and anxiety? Is it due to a lack of friends or family or stress from something or that you want a relationship? If you can find out the exact cause or causes of your problem, you can start to work on it. Talking about it should in theory, help. It should essentially share the load. If there is anyone who you deem close to you, you should talk to them first. If not then as suggested, I would say that you should seek other assistance. There is nothing wrong with getting help with a problem.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I wonder if there are any depression/anxiety support groups near you. Google it. You are a very precious person. You deserve support and understanding that people online cannot give to you.

 

[perfanoff]

I dont want to sound self pitying but I have so many thoughts which keep going through my head that my anxiety is sky high. I have often wished in my heart of hearts that I could die because of being so lonely, but now this is stronger than ever. I really wish that I wasn't a Christian, so that I could kill myself. But the thought of hell terrifies me so I am stuck here till I go naturally. I am taking pain killers becasue otherwise the pain in my head from worrying would be too much to stand. But I don't know how much longer I can take this level of anxiety. It is driving me mad. I really don't ewant to live any longer, and I keep asking God to let me die, but He won't.

Tina, life is beautiful! Appreciate the smallest things in life! Today I gave some food to an alley cat that was scared of me, and I told her bye I went back to the same place later and she followed me for a while. That tiny thing made me happy.

Please believe me you are NOT alone in this world!! Hugs.

 

[Peaches]

a hug, hope you feel better, for me when I have moments like this (having one right now, actually) it is important to sleep, eat, and talk with people, and stay with the worry in my head like it was a toothache, because eventually it will go away if I keep calm and know that that pain is not really me and my life is in fact a little bit less grim than it seems in that moment.
Blah blah, sorry for writing this, pain is pain, I can't offer a good reason to live like those in the previous posts, but, yeah, I guess a reason is that one never, NEVER knows what will happen next. I mean anything. You walk one day to the shop, your favorite president or spiritual leader is talking, somebody aims a gun at him, you take a bullet. You are a hero, or you die.
You will win the lottery. You will meet a new friend. You will bump your head and afterwards will feel completely happy and different. Who the hell knows. Please consider that.

 

[Bill Compton]

I dont want to sound self pitying but I have so many thoughts which keep going through my head that my anxiety is sky high. I have often wished in my heart of hearts that I could die because of being so lonely, but now this is stronger than ever. I really wish that I wasn't a Christian, so that I could kill myself. But the thought of hell terrifies me so I am stuck here till I go naturally. I am taking pain killers becasue otherwise the pain in my head from worrying would be too much to stand. But I don't know how much longer I can take this level of anxiety. It is driving me mad. I really don't ewant to live any longer, and I keep asking God to let me die, but He won't.

Tina, living anxiously is NOT good, and you gotta seek some professional help if your feeling like this about your life. Find a reason to live, everyone has one somewhere and get help to ease the feelings inside.

Don't wait.... you'd made the first step already by asking for and admitting you need help here, hardest part done.

 

[Wrath_1134]

you know i have alot of messed up things that have happened to me in my life and i have alot of messed up things floating around in my head but the one thing i will say to you is live you seem like a cool chick if you are a girl i say its people like you who should live and people like me with hate in there hearts that should die and i know youll be fine find a guy that makes you smile or anything that makes you happy and hold on to that and i belive that you will have a wonderful life

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'm just checking in with you again because I care about you.

 

[Tiina63]

Thank you to everyone who has written. I am feeling really low still and one of my friends suggested that I go to the local hospital tomorrow to talk to someone there if there is someone available. I think I will do this as othersiwe I will crack up.

 

[Trent]

do whatever you have to do to save yourself

you are all you have

and life is short

there is no reason to rush to the finish line

take comfort in knowing that it will happen sooner than you think

AND IN THE MEANTIME, get on with living

 

[aribeth]

Tina had the courage to speak up about her problem. I too wish I were dead. The loneliness gets too much. Day in day out the same 4 walls. Only comfort is in my computer and me 3ds. On disability so I can't work. My legs and back aren't the greatest and I fight with partial paralysis. I only have 3 friends that I seldom see. The most I hear is from is my son on messenger. He lives in another city far away. I rather be with my son but I can't afford it.

I live in a run down apartment which roasts in the summer and freezes in the winter. There is only one pane of glass on 3 of the 6 windows. Also noticed today I have mice in my kitchen garbage. I've been depressed because my future seems so uncertain. The depression has been recent but add to it the loneliness and its unbearable.

I had considered ending it but in a sense I don't want to because of my son. But I cant keep living like this. I'm on medication for depression already but it don't help much. I just moved here in the city a few months ago. I was hoping the change would do me good. The small town was boring enough. Only friends were on the weekend and wednesday nights and from church. But moving to the city didn't give me much to offer either. Everybody in their own little groups, everybody laughing. Meanwhile I feel separate and alone.

Tina I commend you on the courage to speak up for help. You have good friends who offer you support. It's not easy, and must find something or someone to keep fighting for. Unfornate for me I wonder if my son would be better off with me gone. He has his own life now but I think he might grieve so I keep struggling on.

 

[Wrath_1134]

yo aribeth i dont know if you will read this or not but i want to die to man my hearth is full of hate and chaos and i dont belong in this world and i know that but the thing is man if im going to die im going to die fighting i dont give a s**t if anyone wants me in this world or not i want to go out bleeding and fighting till the last drop of blood and the last breath leave my body the thing there will always be people like me in the world that are ment to be alone and you my friend are not one of those i dont know how old you are hell i dont care you have people who care about you like your son just tell him whats going on and how you really feel and im sure he will be by your side taking you somewhere where you can be happy point is never give in without a fight

 

[Trent]

yo aribeth i dont know if you will read this or not but i want to die to man my hearth is full of hate and chaos and i dont belong in this world and i know that but the thing is man if im going to die im going to die fighting i dont give a s**t if anyone wants me in this world or not i want to go out bleeding and fighting till the last drop of blood and the last breath leave my body the thing there will always be people like me in the world that are ment to be alone and you my friend are not one of those i dont know how old you are hell i dont care you have people who care about you like your son just tell him whats going on and how you really feel and im sure he will be by your side taking you somewhere where you can be happy point is never give in without a fight

+1,000,000,000