Tiina63 said:
Maybe others would see something different if they looked into your eyes? This could be just your interpretation. They might see kindness, friendliness, many different things which you do not see.
Possibly, but that's not really the point. It's nothing to do with the way I look to others, just the way I'm expressing myself. I hide everything. I can easily fake any expressions, and I do this around people, but this was just me... alone, all by myself. I wasn't faking anything, and so I saw nothing at all looking back. It's just a stoic, merciless, glazed stare. It's like I'm just looking at a shell of who I once was. So what does that mean? Where is my own reflection then?
I've just gotten so used to hiding everything from others that now I can even look at myself and it's like.... I don't even recognize the person looking back. It's strange, and frightening. I'm not sure what to think of it yet.
Have I become that detached from myself? Or is this just a result of long periods of having not looked in a mirror, becoming detached with my image? I just don't know... What am I seeing?
LonelyInAtl said:
I don't look at myself in the mirror because it reminds me of why I'm going to a concert alone this weekend.... My looks.
This is why I don't look in the mirror anymore. Not that I think I'm ugly or anything, I used to think that but not anymore. I believe people who do see those kinds of things are just too focused on materialism, and in truth have no fair base of comparison.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my friend. That's why I've stopped looking on the outside. There's really nothing to be found there. The real beauty is found on the inside.
Imagine it like a juicy, ripe orange. The skin of the fruit is what holds most of the color, texture, and even the scent. But the flavor of that skin is very bitter. What you want is always on the inside, and you must strip away that skin to get to it.
If you think you're ugly, then strip away your clothes, your hair, and your skin. Strip away all of the 'conventional beauty', or what you might think is a lack therof. What is left? Maybe the ugliness you see is on the inside. And if you don't like that then change it. Unlike fruits, humans have been known to change their flavor once in a while.
If what you're left with is ugly, but in a way you think is beautiful, then that's when you've got the same problem I do. When you have to mask all that ugliness away from the world, to protect it and to protect them, and maybe even lose what little of yourself you have left on the outside.
But I don't wish that on you, or anyone. Hopefully you'll find some sweeter fruit.
