I Used to be a Player

[Jesse]

That's right. I used to have the ladies falling for me all over the place. I had my choice of blonde, brunette, etc. It was like a buffet line and I could just pick what I wanted.

When was this? Kindergarten

In Kindergarten all the girls in my class wanted to marry me when we grew up lol. I used to play eeny meeny miny mo to decide which one it would be. I was a smart kid though, I knew how to make it so it'd land on the one I liked. I told one girl I wouldn't marry her and she stuck her tongue out at me and ran away.

So what happened? Hell if I know. I was taken out of school and homeschooled until the 8th grade. Once back in school the ladies just didn't dig me anymore. It was way simpler back in K!

So it's been quite a while since anything has happened for me. About 8 and a half months ago there was the new year's incident. Before that... hmm.. Ok that was new years 2009, before that the last time anything had happened was around November 2007. Ah 2007. Most of my experiences happened that year.

Before 2007, I had grown pretty well content about being single and at the time a virgin. I really didn't care much. I had accepted it. And then it all happened. I was given a taste of what it was like to be with someone and it was taken away. Plenty of time has gone by now and I'm getting close to being content again with being alone. Ya know, it's really a good feeling. I'm a lot less depressed. If I do find myself in a relationship again, I hope it lasts because if not I'll have to go through the depression/apathy/contentment stage again and that really hurts.

 

[Get Down!]

aww lucky you.. i was a kindergarten loser xD
i had a bestfriend (if you could say that) and she started to ditch me for cooler kids! even guys didn't like me at all. and the primary school was pretty much the same.
It was so weird when at the age 14 guys started to show some interest.
and when i got to know the pain of an ending relationship it somehow changed me into a slut for a while.

I guess it's just the opposite =)

 

[johnayboy]

whats your question?

 

[EveWasFramed]

whats your question?

There is no question - he is just sharing experiences.

 

[johnayboy]

okie dokie

 

[Lonesome Crow]

****...you started off young, man. I just wanted hotwheels and cookies.

Yeap, the story of my life. Somethings just don't ever change .....hotwheels and cookies.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

That's right. I used to have the ladies falling for me all over the place. I had my choice of blonde, brunette, etc. It was like a buffet line and I could just pick what I wanted.

When was this? Kindergarten

Well, in Kindergarten, I was a skinny blonde. Getting old blows.

 

[Jesse]

****...you started off young, man. I just wanted hotwheels and cookies.

Yeap, the story of my life. Somethings just don't ever change .....hotwheels and cookies.

lol

That's right. I used to have the ladies falling for me all over the place. I had my choice of blonde, brunette, etc. It was like a buffet line and I could just pick what I wanted.

When was this? Kindergarten

Well, in Kindergarten, I was a skinny blonde. Getting old blows.

What are old blows?

 

[cheaptrickfan]

****...you started off young, man. I just wanted hotwheels and cookies.

Yeap, the story of my life. Somethings just don't ever change .....hotwheels and cookies.

lol

That's right. I used to have the ladies falling for me all over the place. I had my choice of blonde, brunette, etc. It was like a buffet line and I could just pick what I wanted.

When was this? Kindergarten

Well, in Kindergarten, I was a skinny blonde. Getting old blows.

What are old blows?

Are you joking? ok, let me rephrase: Turning into a old fogey really sucks.

 

[Jesse]

****...you started off young, man. I just wanted hotwheels and cookies.

Yeap, the story of my life. Somethings just don't ever change .....hotwheels and cookies.

lol

That's right. I used to have the ladies falling for me all over the place. I had my choice of blonde, brunette, etc. It was like a buffet line and I could just pick what I wanted.

When was this? Kindergarten

Well, in Kindergarten, I was a skinny blonde. Getting old blows.

What are old blows?

Are you joking? ok, let me rephrase: Turning into a old fogey really sucks.

Oh lol sorry. For some reason I didn't comprehend that correctly. Well I think you're a hottie anyway

 

[Brian]

I had a girl that would kinda hang out with me in kindergarten.

That was a weird year for me. It seemed to last forever compared to how fast time goes by now! I still remember my best friend, and how for a while he kind of forgot about me and went to play with a group of other kids who had this sort of exclusive club. I remember this annoying, loud mexican kid (I use mexican as a descriptor not out of race issues, but because I cannot remember any other details about him) who I started playing in the sandbox with during that time. And this other kid I knew who lived in a trailer park and told me not to hang out with my best friend because he was black; I told him to go stick his head in the mud That kid turned out to be a bully anyways.

And man, I loved nap time. It's a shame we don't have nap time all the way through high school, or in the workplace.

 

[Jesse]

I know what happened to me. I was taken away from school and family. Taken away by a strange man I didn't know with a mom who was frozen on the couch in a daze. The man instilled fear within me. Being homeschooled for so many years, not allowed to see family (except grandpa who came and got me every other weekend- he was my savior from terror), Steve was the only person I interacted with except my mom when she was able. Being around Steve was terrifying. Anything you did could set him off. I broke his coffee cup once when doing dishes- I knew when he came home from work he'd be hitting me.

So I hid from Steve. I did everything I could to try to keep him happy when I had to be around him, but any time I didn't have to be around him I hid away in my room. At this point mom couldn't teach me school anymore. She gave me the teacher's answer books and I taught myself. I had to do well, I knew, because getting answers wrong meant more hitting, screaming, wall punching, dog kicking, door slamming, and throwing things. I withdrew completely into myself socially throughout my childhood years. It's what I became used to. I didn't even learn how to interact with other people.

Now I'm an adult. I'm terrified of people. It's hard for me to talk to anybody at all, let alone a female. I don't know how. I'm afraid everyone is just like my stepdad. I should keep my head down and keep to myself. It's what I know. I wish things were different.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

I know what happened to me. I was taken away from school and family. Taken away by a strange man I didn't know with a mom who was frozen on the couch in a daze. The man instilled fear within me. Being homeschooled for so many years, not allowed to see family (except grandpa who came and got me every other weekend- he was my savior from terror), Steve was the only person I interacted with except my mom when she was able. Being around Steve was terrifying. Anything you did could set him off. I broke his coffee cup once when doing dishes- I knew when he came home from work he'd be hitting me.

So I hid from Steve. I did everything I could to try to keep him happy when I had to be around him, but any time I didn't have to be around him I hid away in my room. At this point mom couldn't teach me school anymore. She gave me the teacher's answer books and I taught myself. I had to do well, I knew, because getting answers wrong meant more hitting, screaming, wall punching, dog kicking, door slamming, and throwing things. I withdrew completely into myself socially throughout my childhood years. It's what I became used to. I didn't even learn how to interact with other people.

Now I'm an adult. I'm terrified of people. It's hard for me to talk to anybody at all, let alone a female. I don't know how. I'm afraid everyone is just like my stepdad. I should keep my head down and keep to myself. It's what I know. I wish things were different.

This is awful. Good vibes to you my friend

 

[Jesse]

Thank you p2p.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I know what happened to me. I was taken away from school and family. Taken away by a strange man I didn't know with a mom who was frozen on the couch in a daze. The man instilled fear within me. Being homeschooled for so many years, not allowed to see family (except grandpa who came and got me every other weekend- he was my savior from terror), Steve was the only person I interacted with except my mom when she was able. Being around Steve was terrifying. Anything you did could set him off. I broke his coffee cup once when doing dishes- I knew when he came home from work he'd be hitting me.

So I hid from Steve. I did everything I could to try to keep him happy when I had to be around him, but any time I didn't have to be around him I hid away in my room. At this point mom couldn't teach me school anymore. She gave me the teacher's answer books and I taught myself. I had to do well, I knew, because getting answers wrong meant more hitting, screaming, wall punching, dog kicking, door slamming, and throwing things. I withdrew completely into myself socially throughout my childhood years. It's what I became used to. I didn't even learn how to interact with other people.

Now I'm an adult. I'm terrified of people. It's hard for me to talk to anybody at all, let alone a female. I don't know how. I'm afraid everyone is just like my stepdad. I should keep my head down and keep to myself. It's what I know. I wish things were different.

Jesse, I'm really sorry you had to go through that.

I know that it is hard to learn how to trust again. Don't beat yourself up if you go forward with baby steps instead of just plunging head-first into a new situation.

---

And man, I loved nap time. It's a shame we don't have nap time all the way through high school, or in the workplace.

I hear that.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

That's why I go to my meetings (group therapy) Jesse. I'm doing something about it.

I meet people that's gone through a fucken living hell and found a way out.

I talk about it...take down my fucken wall.

I get taught living tools and coping skills.

Process the mental and emotional baggages and let them go.

By being able to share about these type of issues in person FACE 2 FACE..
Fears, haTE, anger runs through my vains...A lot of painful feeling comes up.
Sometime tears runs down my face as I'm talking in front of 20 people...just letting the honeysuckle out.

honeysuckle..I'll almost broke down and cried last night becuase we were talking about not being good enough
and no matter what we did, we get into trouble or our head gets bashed into the fucken wall..

I take my inventory...my character defects and living patterns. My thoughts patterns.
I change them...I change myself. I change my life.

It didn't kill me...surely if I can cry in front of men and women without feeling
like I'm sometype of retard...I can apporch the pretties woman in a room
and ask her out and not be afraid to kiss her or whatever.

I learn how to form a healthy relationship with poeple.
I learn how to face my fears.