I want to believe

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Thank you, ladyforsaken. I appreciate that.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't know what to say. This past week has been incredibly difficult, and I've been trying to cope with a lot.

I'll be honest with you all here. Remember that situation with my sister? Well, she moved out, left all her stuff here, and basically cut herself and her 5 kids out of my life.

This has badly wounded me, and I'm trying not to let it. But I've been in those kids lives since they were in diapers, and they were treating me like crap when they lived here. To have them first treat me and my mom like dirt, and then leave us in a filthy house, that they created, is unbelievable. I'm trying to clean up the house bit by bit, but you can't imagine how much...trash...is just her stuff. She even left filled dirty diapers here when she walked out.

This is called being passive-aggressive. You do this quite often, whether you realize it or not. You LOATHED having them in the same house and cheered when your mother "evicted" them, and then claim that their leaving "wounded you?"
You spoke of your sister and her children as if they were less than human, Muse. You've blamed at least half of your misery on your sister and her children. This is NOT to say they weren't wrong with some of the behaviors you mentioned, by the way. But...
Your misery is yours and you need to OWN it. Stop pointing fingers and realize that your life is what it is until YOU do something about it.
Your sister and her kids are gone - no more using them as an excuse for anything. Clean up the house and be happy that you will have more quiet time.

Not to mention, I'm going on job interviews now, and I'm realizing how much I've forgotten in just three semesters. I'm terrified that I'll get hired, get onto a Co-Op job, and then get fired, because I'm not good enough...or I can't remember enough. I have diagnosed attention problems, and even though I'm good at coding when I remember how to do it, I have to google a lot because I just plain forget until I see it again.

Stop blaming your ADD. Plenty of adults manage to function just fine with it. Yes, you will have to work harder than some others will. Adjust your meds until you find something that works and DEAL with it.

It's not that I don't think nobody here can relate to me. It's that I feel a lot of people here suffer from loneliness, but not the issues I deal with.

Have you READ many posts/threads here?? Of course people here suffer from the same issues you do! People don't DEAL with their issues in the same way all the time, however. In five years of being on this forum, I've NEVER see anyone mention ANY issues that someone else hasn't suffered from/with. Your problem is NOT that you suffer worse than others or from different issues than others - it's how you DEAL with them and how little tolerance you have for adversity.

I post on an anxiety forum, and everyone there is so understanding, because it's like "Yes, I go through that, too." When I come here, I get a few responses of "Yes, I go through that, too", and a bunch of responses of "You should be better than that" or "I don't understand why you put yourself through that." That's why I say people here don't understand, because it's not just depression I'm going through, because when I'm not socially anxious I'm the most happy and smiling person in the room. When I'm not insecure in the situation, I can be a social butterfly, and act completely normal.

See above comment about dealing with adversity. EVERYONE functions better when there are no issues to deal with. Of course you are happy when there's nothing to hinder you from being happy.

I'm sorry, Runciter. I just went back through my PM's, and I not only realized that I never opened that PM (you sent me two back to back, and I only opened and responded to one), but I didn't know that. I'm glad that you understand, and I'm sorry if I've been giving you a hard time.

You've ignored good advice on this forum more times than I can count. Half the time, you don't even acknowledge posts if they aren't what you feel is "supportive" of you and what you feel that you're dealing with. Just because someone tells you an opinion you don't like, doesn't mean it doesn't have merit. Just because they don't baby you when they express their opinion or offer advice, doesn't mean the advice isn't good, nor does it mean they're trying to attack you. When a person feels like they're being beaten up because no one seems to understand or agree with them, they can get VERY defensive and start blaming everyone around them for the bad things in their lives.

I think a lot of what I've been going through lately has to do with that. To be honest, I'm a little worried; I don't know if it's stress, or if it's the medication stopping working. I'm going to contact my doctor, to see if he can put me on a higher dose.

Don't wait - do it NOW. You aren't doing yourself any favors by waiting if you think changing meds will help you.

And I don't think I'm better than anyone.

No, I don't believe you think that either. However, you DO think that no one suffers like you do or can understand the depth of your suffering. Trust me - you haven't cornered the market on human suffering. That's not meant to discount your suffering, but maybe if you realized OTHERS suffer just as much and even more sometimes, maybe you'd stop with the self-defeating behaviors.

....and my sister, when she lived here, bled our finances dry.

No, she didn't. She may have bled your mother's finances dry, but not YOURS. You've mentioned that you are totally dependent on your mother for support. Yet, I've seen you make mention of "our house" and "our money" when you spoke of your sister and how you said she took advantage. Are you any different than her, when it comes to allowing your mother to support you? No, you aren't. That might sound a little snarky, but my point isn't to make you feel bad, it's to point out that you seem to hold yourself to a different standard than others at times. I'm all for helping family and friends if I can, in whatever capacity I can, so don't think I'm speaking poorly of you for living at home while you're in school.
All of this goes back to you blaming others (people, as well as circumstances) for what you see as your failures in life.
NO ONE is going to offer you some magical cure or solution for all that troubles you.
Now...you will take this post however you take it. But let me clarify what it IS:
It's meant as something that will hopefully get you to think more about your situation and consider that maybe there's more you can do on your OWN to remedy the things that you think you have problems with. I took 40 minutes of my own time to type, re-type, edit, etc this post. It was NOT to condemn you or to belittle you. It was an attempt to offer some candor with ZERO hostility.
You would be surprised at how well I actually understand, Muse.
So, take what you can from this post, or completely ignore it. I guess that's up to you.

 

[VanillaCreme]

. . . I still left up the things that the kids made for me on the wall and fridge, because if I took that down, and accepted that they never really loved me, that is basically me throwing away 13 years of my life (starting with the oldest) that I've spent caring for those children, and that just hurts.

. . .

. . . I've been hurt by my own family.

I've got two things to say on this:

One: I wouldn't take what her kids do personally. You couldn't imagine the influence she has on them, and whatever she dislikes, they'll probably take her side. Her oldest (if she talks to them about it) is most likely agreeing with her. And they don't agree because they know what's right, but because it's their mother. They're never going to take anyone's side... Not until they become older.

Gone through this myself, with my aunt. She treated my mom like garbage when my mom became sick. She treated my grandmother like garbage too, had a nervous break down over it when my grandmother died. Now, my aunt has two twin girls, and one of them went along for the simple fact that it was her mother. The other twin... well, she knew that my aunt was wrong, but she didn't have any other choice but to go along.

Your sister's kids don't have a choice. Even if they do disagree with their mother, she's still the one who has to care for them. So, don't put your whole heart in it and think that they dislike you or hate you, because truth be told, they don't know any better. They only know what their mother teaches.

You also chose to care for them, and while it was probably a thoughtless thing for you to do, because I take it that you're a good uncle - it wasn't your job to do. Just because you did it, doesn't mean that anyone (especially your sister, who doesn't seem to appreciate you regardless and that's a shame all on its own) should pat you on the back. Just know in the back of your mind, that you care and you did the best you could with what she allowed you.

And two:

Family hurts us the most. Not because of anything they do really, but because as family (or close friends), we tend to expect them to know better. But sometimes, they really don't see the error of their ways. Family hurts us most because they're the closest to us. If this were a girl on the street that you saw at the coffee shop, you wouldn't think a thing of it. But again, don't take it to heart. I'm sure your sister is doing the best she can with what ideas she has in her mind. And even if she's not, you shouldn't feel like you have to be the one to fix her mistakes.

She's an adult, and if she doesn't see fit to live how you think she should, then brush it off. Trying to deal with her about it will only cause you stress. This is the reason I can't care about my own brother anymore. I'm not dealing with that mess anymore. He's had EVERY chance in the world... Chances I'll NEVER get... and he's failed at every one. Not dealing with it anymore. I refuse to put myself down just because he refuses to live up to the potential in himself.

I hope you feel better though, because I can only imagine the amount of frustration and stress you're feeling right now.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

This is called being passive-aggressive. You do this quite often, whether you realize it or not. You LOATHED having them in the same house and cheered when your mother "evicted" them, and then claim that their leaving "wounded you?"
You spoke of your sister and her children as if they were less than human, Muse. You've blamed at least half of your misery on your sister and her children. This is NOT to say they weren't wrong with some of the behaviors you mentioned, by the way. But...
Your misery is yours and you need to OWN it. Stop pointing fingers and realize that your life is what it is until YOU do something about it.
Your sister and her kids are gone - no more using them as an excuse for anything. Clean up the house and be happy that you will have more quiet time.

And forget all the memories of me babysitting, changing diapers, reading to them, helping them with their homework, etc?

I didn't loathe them being here. I loathed the way they treated me. There is a difference. I didn't care if they didn't pick up their clothes, or lied about doing their homework, but I did care if they didn't talk back to me or treat me like they were better than me when I told them they were in the wrong.

And whenever I tried to maintain some discipline, as an uncle, my sister hated it and told me I was in the wrong to do it. But she would never discipline them. They were golden children, even though two of them lied and stole from my 62 year old mother. One stole $50, I suspect the 8 year old stole $60, and I do know that he signed out a blank check to steal thousands from my mom's bank account (which she didn't have.)

Stop blaming your ADD. Plenty of adults manage to function just fine with it. Yes, you will have to work harder than some others will. Adjust your meds until you find something that works and DEAL with it.

I seriously do have a hard time forgetting things. This is you, once again, ignoring what I'm saying to you, and trying to make something personal. I was once fired for it, too...from a retail job. I can't imagine what a company, which has thousands of dollars relying on me not forgetting or screwing up code, would do if I ended up screwing up the database. I have nightmares about it.

Have you READ many posts/threads here?? Of course people here suffer from the same issues you do! People don't DEAL with their issues in the same way all the time, however. In five years of being on this forum, I've NEVER see anyone mention ANY issues that someone else hasn't suffered from/with. Your problem is NOT that you suffer worse than others or from different issues than others - it's how you DEAL with them and how little tolerance you have for adversity.

No comment. You're making this personal, and I'm trying to explain myself, and it's clear you don't understand.

See above comment about dealing with adversity. EVERYONE functions better when there are no issues to deal with. Of course you are happy when there's nothing to hinder you from being happy.

Ugh.

You've ignored good advice on this forum more times than I can count. Half the time, you don't even acknowledge posts if they aren't what you feel is "supportive" of you and what you feel that you're dealing with. Just because someone tells you an opinion you don't like, doesn't mean it doesn't have merit. Just because they don't baby you when they express their opinion or offer advice, doesn't mean the advice isn't good, nor does it mean they're trying to attack you. When a person feels like they're being beaten up because no one seems to understand or agree with them, they can get VERY defensive and start blaming everyone around them for the bad things in their lives.

I'm not blaming everyone...what the hell? I just apologized to him!

I'm deleting all the rest of this, because I can't comment on it, other than bewilderment...but I have to comment on this.

No, she didn't. She may have bled your mother's finances dry, but not YOURS. You've mentioned that you are totally dependent on your mother for support. Yet, I've seen you make mention of "our house" and "our money" when you spoke of your sister and how you said she took advantage. Are you any different than her, when it comes to allowing your mother to support you? No, you aren't. That might sound a little snarky, but my point isn't to make you feel bad, it's to point out that you seem to hold yourself to a different standard than others at times. I'm all for helping family and friends if I can, in whatever capacity I can, so don't think I'm speaking poorly of you for living at home while you're in school.

The condition for my sister to come live here was this:

1. My sister and I both go to college, and my mom will pay for it
2. All three (my sister, my mom, and I) are equal disciplinarians of the children.
3. We keep finances tight
4. If one of us gets a job, that person pays rent.
5. Once my sister and I are both financially stable, either through college and getting a good job after a degree, or finding a good job, we both find separate places to live, and leave mom the house.

Pretty simple conditions. I honored the first one, since I immediately started taking college seriously.

However, my sister didn't honor any of them. She didn't go to college, she made excuses. She didn't let my mom OR I be disciplinarians of her children; they were HER children, and not ours. She spent my mom's money on stupid honeysuckle. She had a job for a year, and didn't give my mom a dime. And then, when my mom throws her out, she doesn't clean up anything, she just leaves dirty diapers, dirty clothes, and toys all over the place.

I'm sorry, Eve. I know you're a single mother. But you don't need to defend my sister, who is a shitty mother and has proven to be a shitty human being, at least judging after this.

As far as the blaming me for being stressed, you really, really don't understand. I am grateful that Vanilla and Ladyforsaken do, but I am bewildered by your post.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Eve's not defending your sister. She's really defending how much energy you put into the entire situation. I had a feeling you wouldn't understand what she was telling you, and I'm using a softer tone on you myself, for the simple fact that I don't want you to feel like you're being attacked by two sides. But believe me, she's not defending your sister. Try reading her post as if she's not talking to you. You may see what she's saying more clearly.

Frankly, I appreciate Eve's words. I often need the swift kick in my backside, and that's exactly what she'll give you if need be.

Also, Lady:

. . . I have a crazy - and I mean this, sister. . .

Ha! This made me laugh. We all have a crazy. I, in fact, have two crazies. One has gotten better though. My aunt rushed to go visit my mom, from Jersey to South Carolina, after she had a dream that had my mom and dad (my dad passed away a year and some months ago) talking to her, and it scared her so much, that she called my mom - while they were on the road - telling her that she was coming down. She wanted to see my mom with her own eyes. She told my mom that talking to her wasn't good enough.

So far, she's been nicer, but with her, no one knows. She goes through phases almost. But I told my mom to just take the nice side while it lasts. If she ever goes back to being mean, just ignore her.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It is addressed to me, because she is talking about me and my situation. How do I not feel personally attacked?

It's just another example of me having trouble with Eve, once again.

I am through here.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I'm sorry, Eve. I know you're a single mother. But you don't need to defend my sister, who is a shitty mother and has proven to be a shitty human being, at least judging after this.

As far as the blaming me for being stressed, you really, really don't understand. I am grateful that Vanilla and Ladyforsaken do, but I am bewildered by your post.

Why do you keep saying I'm making something personal? Your issues are in no way "personal" to me.

I haven't defended your sister in any way, shape or form. In fact, I pointed out that I wasn't suggesting she'd behaved very well.

What does me being a single mother have ANYTHING to do with my post or any advice I had to offer? Answer: none.

I'm sorry but I haven't "blamed" you for your own stress. I said that your issues are your own, no matter WHO created them and you have to deal with them.

And why bring up Vanilla and Lady F in your reply? I didn't mention them at all in my post. Remember what I posted about discounting an opinion or advice because someone doesn't baby you? Maybe that's why you mentioned Nilla and Lady F? Because I was more vocal about you needing to own up to what is your life and make changes that only you can make?
Nah...nothing bewildering at all about anything I said, Muse.

---

It is addressed to me, because she is talking about me and my situation. How do I not feel personally attacked?

It's just another example of me having trouble with Eve, once again.

I am through here.

I told you, point blank, that it wasn't an attack. I made that very clear in my post. You choose to see most of what I say in a negative way and that's your choice.

 

[Runciter]

I don't really want to comment on the stuff that happened before I joined the forums, I'll leave that to the others.

Thanks for at least acknowledging my comments. I'm sorry if any of my messages have left you feeling bad about yourself. I have kept a lot about myself private on these forums because I like people to judge me for who I am and not what I have done. At some point I'm sure I'll feel comfortable sharing my past with everyone here and when I do hopefully you'll see that, while different to your situation, my life hasn't exactly been a walk in the park.

I've often felt pretty terrible about myself and I only push you at time because I wish someone had pushed me when I was at my lowest. I can say though, that since being here I have felt so welcomed and I've met a lot of great people. What makes it even better for me is the thought that this community has the ability to really help people who have no one to turn to and so when someone ignores that help for seemingly no good reason, it does become frustrating.

I never meant to say that I think you feel superior to the rest of us, I just think that you're too consumed with yourself. I have been humbled by what people here have been through and how they've managed to get on with their life and it makes me feel infinitely better about my own situation. You should spend more time on these forums looking at other people, even trying to help them. Maybe you'll see some things that make you feel lucky for the life you live and put your life into perspective.

I really hope we can all move on from this and that no one will harbour any ill-will towards each other and I hope that everyone who comes here can find something here that will go towards helping them deal with their problems.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It is addressed to me, because she is talking about me and my situation. How do I not feel personally attacked?

It's just another example of me having trouble with Eve, once again.

I am through here.

No no, I know it's addressed to you, because she's commenting on what you wrote. However, read it as if it's not addressed to you. Read what she says to you as if you were outside of the situation. You're quite obviously an extremely sensitive person, but taking it to heart won't make you see what she's saying. It may feel like it, but she's not attacking you. Being that it's on such a personal level considering the nature of this thread, and knowing that you could very well get harsh advice, you kind of have to see the forest through the trees. I suggest not nit-picking through posts, but rather see what we're saying as a whole.

A lot of what's being said is similar.

 

[ladyforsaken]

It is addressed to me, because she is talking about me and my situation. How do I not feel personally attacked?

It's just another example of me having trouble with Eve, once again.

I am through here.

Muse, try to calm down, okay? And this is why I said...

Start thinking more positively, I know it's easier said then done, but I don't know, try to deal with things more with logical positive reasons, rather than emotion? (I'm not saying you don't do this.. just making a point.)

I think Eve meant well in slapping some harsh truth and reality.. and you may not agree, but what if you try to look at it logically (without emotions) and try to see what she's trying to say and how you can work with what she said. You have no obligations to take anyone's advice, but you can take a step back, and assess what others comment about your situation. It is not an attack to you, but to sorta help you "wake up"?

Honestly, though, try not to take it too personally.. I'm pretty sure Eve doesn't have any ill intention towards you or she wouldn't have written that post. :\

Like I said though, calm down first, try to see things and comments by others in a positive light. That would help.

Also, Lady:

. . . I have a crazy - and I mean this, sister. . .

Ha! This made me laugh. We all have a crazy. I, in fact, have two crazies. One has gotten better though. My aunt rushed to go visit my mom, from Jersey to South Carolina, after she had a dream that had my mom and dad (my dad passed away a year and some months ago) talking to her, and it scared her so much, that she called my mom - while they were on the road - telling her that she was coming down. She wanted to see my mom with her own eyes. She told my mom that talking to her wasn't good enough.

So far, she's been nicer, but with her, no one knows. She goes through phases almost. But I told my mom to just take the nice side while it lasts. If she ever goes back to being mean, just ignore her.

Wow - glad to know I wasn't the only one having someone really crazy (seriously) in my life. I think if I begin telling you what my sister does, you'd just facepalm your way through lol.

It's weird isn't it, they can lead a life under the same roof at some point in time, and like for me and my siblings, we were raised by the same people yet we just turn out to be such different individuals.

Thanks, Nilla, I actually feel quite comforted now... oddly. Lol.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think Eve meant well in slapping some harsh truth and reality.. and you may not agree, but what if you try to look at it logically (without emotions) and try to see what she's trying to say and how you can work with what she said. You have no obligations to take anyone's advice, but you can take a step back, and assess what others comment about your situation. It is not an attack to you, but to sorta help you "wake up"?

Honestly, though, try not to take it too personally.. I'm pretty sure Eve doesn't have any ill intention towards you or she wouldn't have written that post. :\

Like I said though, calm down first, try to see things and comments by others in a positive light. That would help.

Agree completely. Not singling you out, Leaning, because we all need some harsh truth and a reality check from time to time. Everyone needs that ONE person in their life - be it a best friend or someone you don't know that's just talking some sense in your ear - to keep our perspectives in check and our priorities straight. Even when we know what's right, sometimes we just need that little push to know what to do.

Wow - glad to know I wasn't the only one having someone really crazy (seriously) in my life. I think if I begin telling you what my sister does, you'd just facepalm your way through lol.

It's weird isn't it, they can lead a life under the same roof at some point in time, and like for me and my siblings, we were raised by the same people yet we just turn out to be such different individuals.

Thanks, Nilla, I actually feel quite comforted now... oddly. Lol.

Haha, Lady, me and my brother are so completely opposites in some aspects of life, that if we didn't look like brother and sister, you would never guess. We were raised the exact same way, yet how we think for the most part, completely on the opposite ends. And oh, to think that he married a crazy... Well, my plate over in overload for a few years. Now, if I told you all the tales of my brother's wife... You would think I was the crazy one for knowing her.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Haha, Lady, me and my brother are so completely opposites in some aspects of life, that if we didn't look like brother and sister, you would never guess. We were raised the exact same way, yet how we think for the most part, completely on the opposite ends. And oh, to think that he married a crazy... Well, my plate over in overload for a few years. Now, if I told you all the tales of my brother's wife... You would think I was the crazy one for knowing her.

Lmao.. this made me laugh. Ah crazies.. what would life be without them, eh. They're everywhere.

Good luck dealing with them crazies though, I think you're doing good so far (I'm assuming)!

 

[Bones]

Dude, I wish i only had your problems - my life would be so much easier & less stressful - everything you have mentioned in this thread, i have had a related experience - for example:

~ I have social anxiety and use to wonder why a dark fog would surround me and end up wondering why at social events like proms, red carnation ball, fishing with fiends, etc i would totally freak out innarwardly & silently - hell even to this day, i go to the grocery store late at night or early in the morning to avoid people, if possible - right now, i need to pay my county taxes and it freaks me out having to deal with it since i pay it in person - but, i deal with it.

~ I have had dysthymia & anhedonia (after finally seeing a doctor about it) all of my life and there is only one medication that i can take without turning me into a maniac, but my employer health insurance does not cover it - i have a choice to take money out of the household budget or deal with it - i deal with it, ignore it, and persevere so none of my friends, my daughter, nor my colleagues are affected by it as much as possible - otherwise, i would be taking something away from them in one form or another and it is not fair for them to deal with my problems.

~ Diapers & house cleaning duties ... when i was married, i had to get up early in the morning change the kids diapers, feed them, etc before work - come home during my two breaks and lunch and change and feed the kids because my ex wife would not do it - when i got home from work and/or graduate school (carried a full time job as a social worker plus graduate school at the same time), i had to feed & change the diapers and she would go out and party & not work at all even when we were hurting financially after i got furloughed & subsequently laid off after being married for a couple of months - on top of it all, after about a year from divorcing her, i found dirty, shitty diapers under the rug, in the closet, etc during the few times she actually did something for the kids. (I still miss my step-daughter even after 15+ years - I treated her as my own and never saw a difference between my biological daughter and her .)

~ Air conditioner ... I work for a living, a single parent, and provide some assistance to my mother, and cannot afford to turn on the air conditioner during the summer and the house stays around 55 to 60 degrees in the winter because it takes money out of the household in order to be able to pay for my daughters education, for her to have money in her pocket, to prepare for retirement with a long range plan, etc - so, why are bitching about it for not having it for a week or so?

I only addressed some of my problems from what you identified in this thread; and, i had to get off my lazy ass, get my education, and work (volunteering & catching a bus to work) since i was ten years old - it must be nice (& admittedly I am a little envious) to not to have to worry about building a curriculum vitae by age 30+ and not having to totally provide for oneself (if i understand the history of your posts correctly) - i would love to only have your problems because I have been wiped out twice financially helping family members (without it affecting my credit score) and had to give up my very promising career for family members.

I realize I am being blunt, obtuse, and not supportive, but you ignored my PM as well when i was reaching out subtly several months ago - can't you see the pattern?

Admittedly, there are times that i break down and post something, but i learn from the experiences & others on ALLf - hell, someone PMd me last Saturday and asked what was up and probably sounded like i was whining because I am stuck in life for at least the next ten years & can't see a way out of it due to only being interested in someone out of state (which means I will have to develop some type of plan one way or another), but i dusted off my pants after going through a major depressive episode after two weeks, and did something about it after having my personal pity party - once again, I really wish I only had your problems in life & sorry being so blunt from my POV.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I had a chance to get off the computer, get a good night's sleep, come back, and re-read this thread from the beginning to the end. I now see where I misinterpreted Eve - I re-read her reply like Vanilla told me to, and it wasn't a personal attack at all. And I just realized that I personally attacked her when she was trying to offer helpful advice.

I misinterpreted everything. I should try to see other people's POV.

 

[LoneKiller]

I had a chance to get off the computer, get a good night's sleep, come back, and re-read this thread from the beginning to the end. I now see where I misinterpreted Eve - I re-read her reply like Vanilla told me to, and it wasn't a personal attack at all. And I just realized that I personally attacked her when she was trying to offer helpful advice.

I misinterpreted everything. I should try to see other people's POV.

I think that we can all agree that it takes a lot of guts for Muse to open up like this. I've misunderstood some of Eve's posts on different occasions that resulted in anger towards her that I came to regret later on after cooling off and reading them again. I think that we all have at one time or another.

Recently, I misunderstood Eve's sentiment in using an emoticon and got angry. This caused me to shoot my big mouth off without thinking it through first. I had to take a few days off to collect myself. I was already on edge with some personal issues and took it out on her. After calming down and thinking, I realized that I was out of line and apologized.

If we tarred and feathered every member for flipping out in anger over a misunderstanding of words, this forum would like a ghost town. Muse isn't perfect. Nobody on the planet is.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It does take a lot of guts, and if there's any fear of opening up, then I'm glad he got over that mountain enough to do so. There's plenty of people here who can in the very least share their experience with others. There may not be a solution to any of our problems, but at least we can know that there are other people like us, going through the same things, feeling similar emotions, and we can gain some comfort in knowing that we can talk to people if we choose to.

 

[Runciter]

I had a chance to get off the computer, get a good night's sleep, come back, and re-read this thread from the beginning to the end. I now see where I misinterpreted Eve - I re-read her reply like Vanilla told me to, and it wasn't a personal attack at all. And I just realized that I personally attacked her when she was trying to offer helpful advice.

I misinterpreted everything. I should try to see other people's POV.

I'm also happy to hear this, for your sake. Sometimes in the heat of the moment people can take things the wrong way. It's human. But reflection is a powerful tool and I hope it helps the way you communicate with others on the forum.

+rep

 

[living in the moment]

Dude, I wish i only had your problems - my life would be so much easier & less stressful - everything you have mentioned in this thread, i have had a related experience - for example:

~ I have social anxiety and use to wonder why a dark fog would surround me and end up wondering why at social events like proms, red carnation ball, fishing with fiends, etc i would totally freak out innarwardly & silently - hell even to this day, i go to the grocery store late at night or early in the morning to avoid people, if possible - right now, i need to pay my county taxes and it freaks me out having to deal with it since i pay it in person - but, i deal with it.

~ I have had dysthymia & anhedonia (after finally seeing a doctor about it) all of my life and there is only one medication that i can take without turning me into a maniac, but my employer health insurance does not cover it - i have a choice to take money out of the household budget or deal with it - i deal with it, ignore it, and persevere so none of my friends, my daughter, nor my colleagues are affected by it as much as possible - otherwise, i would be taking something away from them in one form or another and it is not fair for them to deal with my problems.

~ Diapers & house cleaning duties ... when i was married, i had to get up early in the morning change the kids diapers, feed them, etc before work - come home during my two breaks and lunch and change and feed the kids because my ex wife would not do it - when i got home from work and/or graduate school (carried a full time job as a social worker plus graduate school at the same time), i had to feed & change the diapers and she would go out and party & not work at all even when we were hurting financially after i got furloughed & subsequently laid off after being married for a couple of months - on top of it all, after about a year from divorcing her, i found dirty, shitty diapers under the rug, in the closet, etc during the few times she actually did something for the kids. (I still miss my step-daughter even after 15+ years - I treated her as my own and never saw a difference between my biological daughter and her .)

~ Air conditioner ... I work for a living, a single parent, and provide some assistance to my mother, and cannot afford to turn on the air conditioner during the summer and the house stays around 55 to 60 degrees in the winter because it takes money out of the household in order to be able to pay for my daughters education, for her to have money in her pocket, to prepare for retirement with a long range plan, etc - so, why are bitching about it for not having it for a week or so?

I only addressed some of my problems from what you identified in this thread; and, i had to get off my lazy ass, get my education, and work (volunteering & catching a bus to work) since i was ten years old - it must be nice (& admittedly I am a little envious) to not to have to worry about building a curriculum vitae by age 30+ and not having to totally provide for oneself (if i understand the history of your posts correctly) - i would love to only have your problems because I have been wiped out twice financially helping family members (without it affecting my credit score) and had to give up my very promising career for family members.

I realize I am being blunt, obtuse, and not supportive, but you ignored my PM as well when i was reaching out subtly several months ago - can't you see the pattern?

Admittedly, there are times that i break down and post something, but i learn from the experiences & others on ALLf - hell, someone PMd me last Saturday and asked what was up and probably sounded like i was whining because I am stuck in life for at least the next ten years & can't see a way out of it due to only being interested in someone out of state (which means I will have to develop some type of plan one way or another), but i dusted off my pants after going through a major depressive episode after two weeks, and did something about it after having my personal pity party - once again, I really wish I only had your problems in life & sorry being so blunt from my POV.

......................................................................................................http://www.fhu.com/images/cure-stress-device-feature.jpg
Please go to the above address. It will help you.
Louise