I will never get a girlfriend

[duff]

I was told that I looked like a transsexual wearing lipstick. That no girl would find me sexy enough to even kiss. I was told that I was a monster and that I should kill myself. That my penis was unnecessary, and that I should cut it off, because nobody would have sex with me. I was called big nose, freak, ugly geek.

All of this before I was 18, and I've dealt with other things like that.

Some women have shown what could be interpreted as interest, but I can't tell anymore if they are serious, or just trying to jerk my chain. I've had girls show interest in me, get me alone, and then tell me that it was a dare that their friends put them up to.

put women on hold for a few years. Get a job, earn some cash, do some travelling, get some hobbies, make some friends.

And also take no notice of people who insult your appearance. Who on earth does that ? Insult a person about the way they look ? Horrible, boring, mindless people ! Not worth knowing !

 

[Locke]

I don't know if being positive will help you or not, but it sure as hell couldn't hurt. I've read a few of your threads, and what I do think is that you're way too hard on yourself.

You were worried that you started college too late, but the fact that you went at all means that you're intelligent and want to improve your life. Many women like smart men.

You tried a few different career paths and you think it was a waste of time, when it was actually life experience and makes you more interesting. You might be happy to have that experience when you're on a date, it'll give you something to talk about.

You're a virgin. So what? When the time comes to tell a girl that, just say, " I was saving myself for you, baby!" Or, y'know....something that sounds a little less stupid. Just stop beating yourself up over it.

You're worried that you're hideous, which I doubt is true. Even if it is, it doesn't mean you won't find someone. If a girl only cares about how you look, she ain't worth your time. But I don't think women are that shallow anyway.

The verbal abuse you received is harsh. I grew up with a abusive father, so I know how difficult it is to get past that. But you know what? My dad is an idiot, and so are the people who treated you so badly. You have no reason to believe anything they say. Those people are beneath you, and if you believe them for even a second, you're letting them win.

No, there's no guarantee that you'll find someone. There's no guarantee that you'll be alive tomorrow either. Want to give up on everything? You're a good guy, LeaningIntoTheMuse, and I think a girl will see that someday. But if you think in a negative way and are way too hard on yourself, a girl will see that too.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I just wish I was born with a different body. I hate my genetics.

I wish I could afford plastic surgery.

I'm sorry, but it's not your body that prevents it. I've never seen you, and as a woman, I would probably not look your way. I can't quite put what I'm thinking into words, so just re-read what Lady has posted. She's posted what I'm thinking.

 

[lonelyfairy]

You will get a girlfriend. Love comes when you least expect it.

 

[*Sammy*]

I don't have much advise to offer from things that have already been said. I can understand a little bit why you feel the way you do regarding your body. I hate the way i look always have since i was old enough to notice it. A lot of people (mainly kid's while in school) are cruel horrible people who will pick on anyone who is a little different.

I know its easier said then done but hun seriously apart from being overly low sometimes (which everyone can be guilty of) you are a very smart, intelligent person (quite honestly make me feel a little dumb sometime ), you have good whit when you show it i'm sure underneath it all you have a killer sense of humor.

A true woman who is going to like/love you is going to do that because of who you are and your personality not how you look. I know at this point it must feel hopeless for you but i think your giving up way to soon. So your a virgin? I think that's rather sweet god knows far to many people put it out too easy now a days (personal experience there wish i hadn't back in my past).

All in all i think your a lovely guy and as some have said you really need to stop being so hard on yourself. Listen to the lies of bullies long enough and you begin to believe they are true, well they are not. You are a special person and there is someone out there for you to find or who in time will find you!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I just wish I was born with a different body. I hate my genetics.

I wish I could afford plastic surgery.

I'm sorry, but it's not your body that prevents it. I've never seen you, and as a woman, I would probably not look your way. I can't quite put what I'm thinking into words, so just re-read what Lady has posted. She's posted what I'm thinking.

I'm not hurt by this. I have a lot I need to work on.

- I need to get financially stable
- I need to get a job
- I need to move out on my own again
- I need to get a car
- I need to lose weight

If I fixed these five things, I'd be in a better position to date than I am right now. Right now, I am in a terrible situation, one that is forcing me to be lonely and depressed and stressed every day.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well then, are you working on fixing those things?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Well then, are you working on fixing those things?

- I need to get financially stable
I need to graduate first, and depending on whether or not I'll get hired. I'm purposely holding off getting a retail job, because I will probably be working for a company.
- I need to get a job
See above.
- I need to move out on my own again
I can't move out on a wish. My college is paid for by my mom, and I can't just want an apartment. I have to pay for it.
- I need to get a car
I need to get a job, then a car.
- I need to lose weight
I joined the gym and quit soda. This seems to be the most likely one I will accomplish.

The first four won't be fixed until next year, when I graduate.

 

[Revengineer]

Well then, are you working on fixing those things?

- I need to get financially stable
I need to graduate first, and depending on whether or not I'll get hired. I'm purposely holding off getting a retail job, because I will probably be working for a company.
- I need to get a job
See above.
- I need to move out on my own again
I can't move out on a wish. My college is paid for by my mom, and I can't just want an apartment. I have to pay for it.
- I need to get a car
I need to get a job, then a car.
- I need to lose weight
I joined the gym and quit soda. This seems to be the most likely one I will accomplish.

The first four won't be fixed until next year, when I graduate.

A car is certainly not a prerequisite to finding a date. I wouldn't worry about getting one yet unless you're unable to rely on public transportation to get to work. How are you managing to get around right now?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm taking online classes and public transport.

 

[SunWeb]

Jesus Christ. I've been in "have no gf" club for a long time. Single right now so maybe i didn't succeed much. But thats not true, so i do know how you may feel and what troubles you. And i know the road you should walk:
1. Stop thinking about them and think about yourself. Thinking about them will make you think about your zero accomplishments in the field and will lead to more depression. Thats a no go because it will take away your time for growing in all kind of fields.
2. Gym is your friend. Not because they will like more but because you will like yourself more. You'll feel yourself better not only mentally but physically as well. Good body -> good health -> good thoughts -> repeat until quite happy
3. Work|hobby anything. Must not be 1 dimensional.

Maybe you can't pass 1 part, its ok. Jump straight to 2 and by extension 3, then it will help you with the 1 part. There's tons of honeysuckle way bigger and more serious then not having gf.

Also i am pretty sure you can't get to them because you afraid. Thats ok again, that because of problem #1 - you think too much. I strongly suggest you to go with 3 parts i've wrote. Very simple, after that you'll be able to go on dates just fine, everything after that is another story. Oh and never, never think that since you like some girl and don't approach her but think its ok and you'll be together some day and because of that you can't date the other women....bullshit. Such ghost thinking shouldn't stop you, ok ? The end.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not hurt by this. I have a lot I need to work on.

- I need to get financially stable
- I need to get a job
- I need to move out on my own again
- I need to get a car
- I need to lose weight

If I fixed these five things, I'd be in a better position to date than I am right now. Right now, I am in a terrible situation, one that is forcing me to be lonely and depressed and stressed every day.

Please believe my intention in saying this was not to hurt you. My deepest apologizes if I ever have.

If I can just say something that I've observed reading your posts - I'd probably know a bit more about you if we actually talked - but that is: You're so dead-set on perfection and having perfection that I believe it really clouds your reality. Not only trying to attain perfection within yourself - with the weight and the car and the job and everything else that you believe would make you better - but with females in general.

I've read more than one post you've made here, relaying your views about the "perfect" ideal. If she doesn't do this, you can't like her. If she isn't this way, you don't like her. If she isn't this way, you couldn't possibly look her way. Well... Why not?

There's a deeper reason why you just can't accept someone as they are. Get to know them on a more personal level. Even if you never see yourself being with them, there's no harm in getting to know someone. Honestly, you never know what could happen. When you limit yourself because someone's not the ideal to you, you're just cutting yourself short on what you could have with someone, be it a romantic relationship, or just the close friendship that you never thought you needed.

You are in many ways, way too harsh on yourself. You don't need to change yourself for anyone to like you. If you want to better yourself by losing weight, or improving your education, or getting a job, that's perfectly fine. I think it's great when people improve themselves.

But the thing is... you have to do it for you. Don't do things because you think it will make someone like you, or because you believe that's what people like more than what or who you are now. You need to do you for you.

 

[blackdot]

I'm not hurt by this. I have a lot I need to work on.

- I need to get financially stable
- I need to get a job
- I need to move out on my own again
- I need to get a car
- I need to lose weight

If I fixed these five things, I'd be in a better position to date than I am right now. Right now, I am in a terrible situation, one that is forcing me to be lonely and depressed and stressed every day.

Not to burst your bubble, but that probably won't help.

I'm financially stable (no debt, house and car paid off).
I have a job.
Already on my own.
Already have a car.
I don't have any weight issues.

It still doesn't help finding a date.

 

[Felix]

Truth is, most of us in the no gf club could use some more alphaness :-/

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Please believe my intention in saying this was not to hurt you. My deepest apologizes if I ever have.

If I can just say something that I've observed reading your posts - I'd probably know a bit more about you if we actually talked - but that is: You're so dead-set on perfection and having perfection that I believe it really clouds your reality. Not only trying to attain perfection within yourself - with the weight and the car and the job and everything else that you believe would make you better - but with females in general.

I've read more than one post you've made here, relaying your views about the "perfect" ideal. If she doesn't do this, you can't like her. If she isn't this way, you don't like her. If she isn't this way, you couldn't possibly look her way. Well... Why not?

There's a deeper reason why you just can't accept someone as they are. Get to know them on a more personal level. Even if you never see yourself being with them, there's no harm in getting to know someone. Honestly, you never know what could happen. When you limit yourself because someone's not the ideal to you, you're just cutting yourself short on what you could have with someone, be it a romantic relationship, or just the close friendship that you never thought you needed.

You are in many ways, way too harsh on yourself. You don't need to change yourself for anyone to like you. If you want to better yourself by losing weight, or improving your education, or getting a job, that's perfectly fine. I think it's great when people improve themselves.

But the thing is... you have to do it for you. Don't do things because you think it will make someone like you, or because you believe that's what people like more than what or who you are now. You need to do you for you.

It's actually funny that you say that, because I don't want to be perfect. I would be happy with my long hair, my glasses, my geekiness, my beer belly, and my shyness.

In fact, if I met a woman who was attracted to me, the way I am now, and didn't want me to change...that would be perfect. I would be so happy.

I'm not talking about wanting to be financially stable. I want that, too. Or getting a car, or job, or moving into an apartment. Etc.

But if I met someone who didn't give a flying fresia about any of that, and just loved me for me...that would be exactly what I want. But I think this is unrealistic. I have to change into whatever women want.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You don't have to change. Believe me, it may seem impossible to find someone who loves you regardless, but it's not. If you feel like you have to, then there's a deeper reason you really want to.

 

[duff]

I'm not hurt by this. I have a lot I need to work on.

- I need to get financially stable
- I need to get a job
- I need to move out on my own again
- I need to get a car
- I need to lose weight

If I fixed these five things, I'd be in a better position to date than I am right now. Right now, I am in a terrible situation, one that is forcing me to be lonely and depressed and stressed every day.

Not to burst your bubble, but that probably won't help.

I'm financially stable (no debt, house and car paid off).
I have a job.
Already on my own.
Already have a car.
I don't have any weight issues.

It still doesn't help finding a date.

looks and personality are the main things.

 

[blackdot]

looks and personality are the main things.

but you aren't supposed to say that on here.

 

[SophiaGrace]

My textbook says this.

Looks can be offset by personality or some other quality a person brings to the relationship, like education level...etc

So if you are terrible in the looks department you can make up for it in some other way and you'll find someone.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Textbooks are utterly pointless. Burn the honeysuckle. You don't need anything to form your own opinion about something.