If you can´t get love, would you rely on sex?

[tc00]

I think that friends with benefits things is foolish. I think it cheapens people and likely ruins friendships too. We live in a moralless society today. The last gal I made love to was my exwife. I wouldn't "have sex" with anyone unless in a relationship and had deep feelings for that person. And I've always been that way.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Yes.

It would have been so much better fo rme if my ex wanted a FWB deal from the start, instead of love-bombing me with promises of a long term relationship, marriage, even a child, which I would have really wanted. If we had a FWB deal I would have instead just been one of her many male orbiters that she calls upon when she wants no-strings sex, attention and companionship on her terms.
Unfortunately for me, I had no idea she was living that lifestyle while we were supposedly together. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces, and i doubt I will ever get back to normal on an emotional level. Trust was violated several times.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yes.

It would have been so much better fo rme if my ex wanted a FWB deal from the start, instead of love-bombing me with promises of a long term relationship, marriage, even a child, which I would have really wanted. If we had a FWB deal I would have instead just been one of her many male orbiters that she calls upon when she wants no-strings sex, attention and companionship on her terms.
Unfortunately for me, I had no idea she was living that lifestyle while we were supposedly together. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces, and i doubt I will ever get back to normal on an emotional level. Trust was violated several times.

Sigh.. that's heartbreaking to read. Sorry you went through that, ABM.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Thank you, Ladyforsaken.
It seems the only people who care about those who are trying their best to cope are found on ALL, and I am grateful for that.

Of course, my personal problems are insignificant in light of your own issues. Your courage and compassion towards others has inspired me to feel better about myself - despite my car breaking down a few days ago. I'm awaiting the repair bill tomorrow, which will be around $1,000.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thank you, Ladyforsaken.
It seems the only people who care about those who are trying their best to cope are found on ALL, and I am grateful for that.

Of course, my personal problems are insignificant in light of your own issues. Your courage and compassion towards others has inspired me to feel better about myself - despite my car breaking down a few days ago. I'm awaiting the repair bill tomorrow, which will be around $1,000.

We can't compare our lives and our issues... it's not fair, or comparable in any way. Each of our issues are difficult in different ways. I would consider yours just as challenging, in a different way. But it's nice if I or my situation can help others.

Sorry to hear about your car though. :\

 

[Frostburn]

Yes and no.

At times I feel so sexually deprived that I'm thinking of just hiring an escort or fantasize about friends with benifits type of relationship. Atleast then I could experience some physical intimacy, even if not emotional one. But that isn't for me. I don't think I'd even be cabeable of having sexual intercourse with someone I don't really love and trust.

And if that person who would suggest such an arrangement would be the object of my affection, I'm not sure what I'd do. The smart thing to do would be to ofcourse decline the offer to avoid any more pain, but I can't say for certain that I'd be wise enough to act in such a manner.

All in all, I think I rather live my life celibate if I can't find a suitable companion. For me sex is an extension of love and without love there isn't anything there that I'd really deem worthwhile.

 

[lifestream]

I think I'd rather have good sex than bad romance. I'm not sure what that means, though.

 

[user 115627]

I've pretty much reached the point where I want neither of those two...so I guess the answer is No.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Personally speaking, i think being or having some sexual experience breeds confidence when it comes to meeting someone of interest in a physical or romantic manner.

I've spoken with some girls, a few I even dated, who said flat out that they are not interested in a male virgin or someone who is not experienced enough (meaning lacks confidence with physical intimacy). It's a turn off to them.

I'm sure there are some girls / women out there who would being understanding and accepting of a male with zero / hardly any physical intimacy experience, but they are rare and hard to find.

My biggest mistake in life was sitting on the sidelines when I was younger, masked by shyness, while hoping to meet "the one" and everything would fall into place. That just does not happen, it is akin to winning a million dollar lottery prize. I wish I took relationships at face value, like experiments to try and discover who and what I prefer - not some idolized storybook image. Waiting around in hope cost me dearly as the years rolled on.

My advice to you younger guys - get out there and go for it while you can.

 

[Solivagant]

I'm sure there are some girls / women out there who would being understanding and accepting of a male with zero / hardly any physical intimacy experience, but they are rare and hard to find.

Oooooo, I'm rare!

 

[Frostburn]

Personally speaking, i think being or having some sexual experience breeds confidence when it comes to meeting someone of interest in a physical or romantic manner.

My friend once suggested me to just find someone willing in a bar and ”get it over with” because of this reason. I considered it back then, but I've manage to improve my confidence in other ways. That being said I'm sure it will have such an effect atleast with most people, especially with people who have poor self image regarding these issues.

I've spoken with some girls, a few I even dated, who said flat out that they are not interested in a male virgin or someone who is not experienced enough (meaning lacks confidence with physical intimacy). It's a turn off to them.

I'm sure there are some girls / women out there who would being understanding and accepting of a male with zero / hardly any physical intimacy experience, but they are rare and hard to find.

People have the right to decide what is a dealbreaker for them when it comes to relationships and if lack of sexual experience is one of them that is fine. I personally don't think I could be compatible with people who think that way and I'd imagine the feeling would be mutual. That being said, confidence is definietly the key here. I have been struggleing with self-esteem issues my whole life especially when related to meeting women. But I've managed to work on it and I feel I won't have any problem to pursue a woman I'm interested in.

Hmm.. I don't think they are that uncommon. I guess I might be in my own little bubble with this since I know quite many religious people because of my studies and most of them value varying degress of abstinence. Also the few discussions I've had about this with secular women is that they care more about person itself rather than their sexual history. (Or lack of it in this case.)

My biggest mistake in life was sitting on the sidelines when I was younger, masked by shyness, while hoping to meet "the one" and everything would fall into place. That just does not happen, it is akin to winning a million dollar lottery prize. I wish I took relationships at face value, like experiments to try and discover who and what I prefer - not some idolized storybook image. Waiting around in hope cost me dearly as the years rolled on.

Mm. I kinda agree with you on this in sense that you shouldn't be afraid to date people. Waiting for that ”one” to just show up in your life magically doesn't really happen outside movies. I've made a promise to myself to ask a woman out if I have even slight interest in them and it makes the whole ordeal lot less serious in a good way.

 

[blackdot]

Sex with someone that I wasn't in an actual relationship with would be just gross.
Heck, I don't see me having sex with someone I was actually in a relationship with either but at least I would try in that case.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Sex with someone that I wasn't in an actual relationship with would be just gross.
Heck, I don't see me having sex with someone I was actually in a relationship with either but at least I would try in that case.

A lot of people will disagree with you.

 

[ABrokenMan]

I'm sure there are some girls / women out there who would being understanding and accepting of a male with zero / hardly any physical intimacy experience, but they are rare and hard to find.

Oooooo, I'm rare!

Yes, in my experience, you are! :shy:

 

[LordofLosers]

gotta find the right escort service for that... since trying to be a decent person gets me nowhere, rejected and ignored... that is what this world has become... selfish, shallow people...

 

[lonelyfairy]

No. I can't do sex without love and meaningful special connection.

 

[Serephina]

If someone says I will never fall in love with you but let's have sex, then no,that's a bit of a passion killer right there

 

[weste]

I don't know. Probably I mean, they're willing to have sex with me so what better chance to finally do it. It would suck afterward but at least we were intimate for just a moment.

 

[lmph8885]

It depends on the type of person you are and what you are looking for. Some people are able to separate emotions from sex, others don't. If you are able to do the first, you might as well give it a try. If you are trying to feel human contact to fill a void you might have developed due to loneliness, I would suggest not to do it, it is only a temporal solution.

 

[Skid Row 89]

Can't afford to be choosy so i'd probably do without love especially if my prospects continue to be as low as they are now