I'm checking out

[TheRealCallie]

Go for whoever you like, but if you are getting no results, either change what you are doing or keep whining til you're blue in the face (no pun intended) because that is the definition of insanity. Beauty doesn't just reside on the outside of a person and I'm sorry, but if you pass over girls because of their looks, then you could be missing out on the love of your life.
I never once said, nor will I ever say that guys who aren't super model gorgeous can't be with super model gorgeous girls, because it's simply not true. The same goes for girls going after guys.

He needs to change his attitude, not his looks.

Yes, he can improve his body, but outside of seeing him in real life, and just going by his OP, the reason he doesn't have a girlfriend is because of his terrible attitude and low self esteem. Anybody can get a girlfriend if they actually believe they can, but a male model will have women avoiding him if he's got a crappy outlook on life.

I think he needs a good therapist, needs to make some good friends, and needs to work on his social circle instead of just improving his body. If he improves his life in other ways, along with his health, and believes that he's actually worth something, he could attract the kind of girl who would recognize that.

WTF is up with you going off on things I never said? Seriously, show me where the fresia I said he needs to focus on LOOKS?

Anyone that's been around the forum and has read anything I've ever written (I would have thought you would fall in this category) knows that I have NEVER said looks matter and that I ALWAYS say they need to focus on themselves and their issues, NOT their looks.

If you had read what I wrote the first time, you would know that I told him he has to work on himself. Yes, I said he should change what he doesn't like that he can and said I gave an example of things he could do for his hair, but if it really bothers him and he can change it, I honestly feel he should. BUT, I also said he needs to focus on other things, NOT concerning his looks. Please do go back and read what I wrote, as well as what the OP wrote, because he HAS been in therapy. However, that is ALL I'm going to say to you, as it's not your thread and clearly you read nothing....

I appreciate you responding. I'm at a point where standards aren't really relevant. I never just went for the hottest woman around. Even before I took the major confidence hit, I talked to everyone. The results were exactly the same regardless of their attractiveness level. The profile comparison gave me valuable insight on why things are the way they are. Like I have mentioned I was never self conscious about my hair and height in the past until I realized it's a huge contributing factor of why I'm not getting any results. In fact I did have a healthy amount of confidence and self esteem but the results were exactly the same. So I hope you see my dilemma.

I know that having no self confidence or self esteem isn't making my situation any better. Perhaps it does project onto other people, but I can't really seem to get it back. I've been in therapy for this for over a year with not much help.

What do I like to do? I go to the gym everyday to lift weights, it's always been a fiery passion of mine.

What do I like about myself? I like that I'm pretty intuitive about how I'm feeling, I like how I stay disciplined with my physical training.

What do I want to do with my life? Right now I'm back in school full time on the government's dime so I can get my associates. I'm either looking into a computer science degree or physical therapy.

I've thought about hiring an escort but for one they're way too expensive, and second off I would feel horrible that as a human being and a man that I'm not capable of finding another woman to do it with. Obviously there is more to life than sex, but it's different when your physical intimacy needs aren't being met. People that have had sex before or are in a relationship don't understand it. That's why it's difficult to talk about this with other people or my therapist because they've felt what it's like to be needed and desired.

You should always have some kind of standards, but with the way you phrased it in your OP, it seemed like you were being extremely picky.
I don't know if I believe you never had ANY results at all. Perhaps you just didn't see them or overlooked them as something else? But, if you think you've never had results, doesn't that show you that you have to work on yourself and stop focusing so much on what you DON'T have?
Therapy only provides you with the tools you need to get through things and a place to vent and get feedback. Honestly, no different than a forum, except the therapists generally have training and charge a shitload of money. Most of the work you have to do yourself. Do you believe that therapy can help you? If you go into something thinking it won't work, it won't because you set yourself up to sabotage (subconsciously, of course) any positive aspect of the experience.
Work on getting your confidence and self esteem back. Put girls on the side for now until you feel better about yourself. Continue going to the gym if it makes you feel better, but focus on your mental health too, both are important. Identify the issues you think you have and come up with solutions that might help you get over them. Focus on school, join a club or volunteer somewhere. Do something that will make you feel good about yourself.
If you volunteer and help people, it has so many benefits. You help others, you help yourself, you get experience and conversation starters and it's also a good way to meet people. How do you feel about running? If you like to run, you could sign up for 5Ks or marathons or something. Get yourself out there doing things that you can feel pride in (not saying you don't have pride in anything here), things that get your out there among the masses. Meet new people and gain new friendships, but stop focusing on the lack of a girlfriend.
You can get through this and there's so much more that life can offer you if you just open up and see it. Opportunities knock all the time, but if you are slamming doors because of your outlook right now, they are worthless.

 

[VanillaCreme]

He needs to change his attitude, not his looks.

Yes, he can improve his body, but outside of seeing him in real life, and just going by his OP, the reason he doesn't have a girlfriend is because of his terrible attitude and low self esteem. Anybody can get a girlfriend if they actually believe they can, but a male model will have women avoiding him if he's got a crappy outlook on life.

I think he needs a good therapist, needs to make some good friends, and needs to work on his social circle instead of just improving his body. If he improves his life in other ways, along with his health, and believes that he's actually worth something, he could attract the kind of girl who would recognize that.

Change his attitude, but the moment someone suggests that perhaps lowering expectations on what he's outlined in a woman, you say it's horrible advice. I would think that if someone lowered their standard or expectation, they are changing their attitude a bit. They wouldn't be so set in their ways, always expecting to get what they want when they want it.

And personally, I'd much rather someone tell me to lower my expectations in people, that not everyone will be up to my standard, than to ever be told I need a therapist.

 

[Aisha]

He needs to change his attitude, not his looks.

Yes, he can improve his body, but outside of seeing him in real life, and just going by his OP, the reason he doesn't have a girlfriend is because of his terrible attitude and low self esteem. Anybody can get a girlfriend if they actually believe they can, but a male model will have women avoiding him if he's got a crappy outlook on life.

I think he needs a good therapist, needs to make some good friends, and needs to work on his social circle instead of just improving his body. If he improves his life in other ways, along with his health, and believes that he's actually worth something, he could attract the kind of girl who would recognize that.

I don't think lowering expectations means he would be settling for 'less', it would just mean he would be open to more. That's not a bad thing at all.

 

[Xpendable]

I don't get it. If there's no objective beauty, then high or low standards shouldn't exists.

 

[Paraiyar]

I don't get it. If there's no objective beauty, then high or low standards shouldn't exists.

Does anyone really believe that beauty isn't largely genetic? I certainly believe it is. There may not be one person on the planet who every single other person finds attractive but there are plenty who almost everyone does. Infants will stare longer at faces that most people would consider attractive.

 

[Xpendable]

Does anyone really believe that beauty isn't largely genetic? I certainly believe it is. There may not be one person on the planet who every single other person finds attractive but there are plenty who almost everyone does. Infants will stare longer at faces that most people would consider attractive.

You would be surprised how many people apply relativism to highly documented biological findings. Along with the obvious contradiction that comes from that rationalisation:
Calling the person that tries to date someone of certain traits "picky", but not calling the person that does the rejection picky even when they make the rejection based on the lack of those same traits.

 

[there is no hope]

People with privilege in this society just do NOT get it, and won't until they've spent enough time deprived.

Stay away from the mental hygiene system unless you have no option, or you need a professional report vouching for your sanity against someone else's word. The system is not designed to help people if they are not part of the professional class, and doesn't do much for those who are.

All I can say is that women in this society aren't really worth the trouble, and that there are a lot of other men in the same spot. Eugenics is running its course and there is no way to stop it. Those who speak up are terrorized into silence and made to feel alone, when the reality is that most people lead miserable lives and have nothing. It is only a minority that feel happy, and those people are successful because someone else has to be deprived - this society cannot function without failures to point to and a lot of people stuck on the outside. Given what a horrible lot those on the outside live through, why would anyone want to do something that would lead to children?

Also - look up "struggle session" some time, it helps immensely to have context when this honeysuckle comes up. Also look up "Delphi Method" or "delphi technique", a common method of controlling discussion panels. It won't help with women but it does help with the knee-jerk reaction society has towards those it deems failures.

For what it is worth, I'm a total failure, and I managed to get women rarely interested in me - until they realize that I'm defective and shun me. Even if I weren't defective, I have no accomplishments and no life and that does present problems. I haven't tried to meet women for the past 4-5 years in any significant way.
The truth though is that such things don't matter much to women in the short term. Judgements really are about shallow things. The people here who are encouraging magical thinking ought to be ashamed of themselves for worsening a problem. The confidence thing is just a honeysuckle test. I doubt most women want to think about a man beyond what is immediately presented, and people in general practically beg to be fooled.