I'm embarrassed to say this but I feel like it needs to be said

[Hello12345]

Please take the time to read the entire post
Hello, I want to get my point across without writing a book, here is a summary of my situation.
Every day I am alone
Every night when I go to bed I am alone
Every hour, every minute, and every second of every day I am alone
I am 22 years old
I have never had a girlfriend
I've always wanted a girlfriend even as a little kid
I used to have friends
I have maybe 2 real friends now, both of which are online friends
I feel like I can't discuss anything personal with any of my other friends, and every time I try I'm immediately ignored
I've tried to discuss these things briefly with a family member and have been ignored
I haven't had a best friend in over 9 years
I'm getting a degree in something I have little interest in
I'm unphotogenic
I have never done drugs or drank alcohol before
and I've never wanted to
I don't own any weapons, and have no desire to
I've never been to prom, hs graduation, any parties
I've never wanted to go to parties where everyone gets drunk, where people do drugs, blare loud music and have meaningless sex
I never want to have meaningless sex
I sort of wanted to go to prom, but decided not to because I didn't know anyone and couldn't dance
I never went to my hs graduation because I didn't want to be around my peers
My peers that giggled and said n____r thousands of times a day to eachother
My peers that said fresia and other expletives several thousand times a day
My peers that openly smoked weed in the classroom
My peers that had sex openly on campus, in the bathroom, under the bleachers, in other hidden corners of the school
My peers that discriminated against eachother and would get in fights over petty differences
I didn't want to be around my teachers
My teachers that would lecture about things unrelated to furthering our education
My teachers that never taught anyone, only babysat us as they unknowingly brought down everyones intelligence
My teachers that enabled people to smoke in class
My teachers that told us stupid and sometimes even creepy stories instead of teaching
But none of that really matters anymore. What bothers me is when I think I have a connection with someone, but am too afraid to act on my feelings.
I have a crush on someone I don't know, an employee I briefly talked to at a store recently
She approached me immediately and seemed flirty with me, but I figure she's probably that way with everyone
I assume that because she's so pretty and I'm sure she has guys lined up
so I don't try, and I assume that I don't exist to her
and I don't try because I don't have many friends, and have never been in a relationship
and because of that I don't want to unintentionally creep her out
and I don't try because I'm unphotogenic and automatically assume that any girl I talk to is just being friendly with me
and in the offchance that she actually was interested and found all this out, I'm afraid about what she would think
I'm afraid about what her friends would think
I'm afraid her friends would tell her to leave a loner like me, that being alone for so long is weird and I should be avoided because of it
and I'm afraid she would agree with them
and if she disagreed with her friends, and was willing to give me a shot
I'm afraid they would tease her mercilessly, because why would someone want to be with someone like me?
I'm afriad that because of my inexperience she would be completely turned off and get bored with me quickly
I'm afriad that because I have very few friends, she would feel trapped
and I'm afraid I would unintentionally make her feel that way, and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone
but at the same time, I dream
I dream about what could happen
I dream because I feel like I don't deserve to be alone
I dream because even though I am unphotogenic, when I look in the mirror I see a tall and handsome man
A man who walks tall, with his head held high despite suffering so deeply inside
A man who is not ashamed to cry silently to himself every once in a while, because holding in all the emotions hurts so much more
A man who dreams
Dreams about what holding someones hand feels like
Dreams about how much fun watching a great movie together would be
Dreams about going on a first date
Dreams about kissing someone he loves who also loves him back
Dreams about cuddling on a cold winter night
Dreams about making love with someone who loves him
Dreams about making someone else happy, instead of only himself
Everything I just said is embarassing, painful and true
But I feel like I needed to get it off my chest
and everyone who listened
thank you

 

[Badjedidude]

You're only 22.

Work to get a good job and earn **** good money. Then when you're 30 or so, you'll be amazed at the amount of hot young women who will want to be around you.

No more loneliness.

You have plenty of life left.

Welcome to the site.

 

[Azariah]

Keep your head up, dude. You're worthy more than you think. Seem like a man of integrity.

 

[GioRocket]

I feel like I'm looking in a mirror!

21 with a degree that probably holds little weight in the real world(Fine Art), never had a girlfriend, don't have a real best friend, zero cyber friends(one of the reasons I joined here), don't drink or do drugs(straight-edge, some would say)

So hi welcome to the forum

 

[Lost Drifter]

Then when you're 30 or so, you'll be amazed at the amount of hot young women who will want to be around you

There is an amazing amount of truth in this. Relationship focused 20 year old me sucked at meeting girls, almost happy with myself 32 year old me has them coming to meet me instead. It may sound daft but the less you worry the more success you seem to have.

 

[Hello12345]

Thanks for the replies guys, it's good to know other people care. I guess times have really changed. I remember my parents were married in the early 20s. Nowadays it seems like people find their significant other in their early to mid 30s. About that employee though, should I even bother?

 

[OnlyMe]

Hello12345,

I'm in my mid thirties now and can certainly relate to a lot of the things you wrote in your original post.

One of the main things that I regret is that I have always struggled to express my feelings when interested in a girl.

As far as the female employee that you like and whether or not you should bother.

Would you feel worse if

A) You ask her and she says no.

B) The wondering of what might have been.

Try not to doubt yourself or try and guess what she is thinking - I have done this for way too long.

I was recently asked out by a woman who is in her early twenties who absolutely beautiful in both looks and personality.
She was someone that I had always liked but would never have thought could possibly be interested in me.

Sadly it didn't turn out the way I had hoped, however it has given me a bit more self belief in myself.

Whatever you choose to do I wish you good luck as I do know what it is like to go through it.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

So while you sound like a decent guy. You also sound extremely narrow-minded. You talk about parties like they are just orgies. Truth of the matter is that parties are about humans coming together to have fun. You say everyone gets drunk at parties. You want to look like a super badass at a party. When offered a drink say the following phrase No Thanks I Am The Designated Driver. Everyone can appreciate the DD. Some might probe you further, but if you make it known you are the DD those guys look like ********. I have been to plenty of parties where I only drink water. You also overlook one amazing quality of parties as well. At parties you learn how to control the volume of your voice. I can generally tell when someone does not party a lot. Because they cannot increase or decrease the volume of their voice. This is a good talent to have. At least I think so. I have noticed that now that I am not being social as much I tend to slur my words and stuff more. Knowing how to talk will do wonders for yourself.

Next the whole never had a girlfriend thing. Who knows that other than you? It is not like humans develop spots if they are a virgin at age 15. As far as your potential mate is concerned, she is just another notch on your bed post. It is not your duty to tell her otherwise. If she finds out, who cares? If someone got upset or made fun of me. I would just say What is wrong with having high standards? Trust me when I say inexperience is not going to bore a girl. Talking about hating parties and never wanting to try anything new will bore the girl.

Next is school, I really hope whatever you are studying in school has a high demand. If not why not find something interesting? Regardless of your reason college is never easy no matter how much you love the subject. So I say get through it and get it over with. Most employers just want a college degree to show you have what it takes to get a degree. If you have time I say transfer to another school, that is FAR FAR AWAY. Then reinvent yourself. You have a pretty big list of don'ts here. Turn those don'ts into dos. Go to a party, get drunk, have meaningless sex. The worst thing that can come from them is what... enjoyment? One thing I regret about school is not participating in more of the stuff my school offered. I went to a mountain college. Where they had cheap weekend excursions for students. I never went on any of them... now that I think about it I missed out on a lot.

I say maybe you just need to focus on getting out of school and getting a job. You are young, do you know how much it turns a girl on if you are 22 have a job and can live by yourself? Living by yourself is a huge turn on for girls. Plus let me tell you it is much easier to round bases in your own place. No needing to worry about mom catching you or anything or a cockblock from a bitter roommate. Plus dating when you are young is hard anyway. However, one thing that most females complain about is how guys are so immature. Having your own place and a job. Well life does not get any more mature than that.

Anyway, I am starting to babble. I guess the message I am trying to get across to you is what you are doing is not working. It is not working in any small way shape or form. If anything it is making things worse. Just because a house is standing does not mean it is sturdy or safe to live in. Maybe take a few minutes to lay a foundation, to build a frame and all that kind of stuff. One word that is thrown around a lot is the word Change. This is a scary word for everyone. Stop seeing it as change and see it as Evolution. I look at Pokemon/Digimon as the prime example of what should happen. Back when I played Pokemon I always caught myself a Ghastly. Now in Pokemon come with their own default moves that you can choose to do away with. With my Ghastly, I always kept two moves he learned at a very low-level Hypnosis and Dream Eater. These are two amazing moves in my opinion. So no matter what happened he would always have those move. Ah **** it babbling again. So eventually Ghastly became Haunter. However, he still had Ghastly's moves. Evolution of the self is no different. You become new and improved, but you still retain some of who you are. That is your foundation and base and it never goes away. So stop being afraid to embrace the changes. Once you embrace them, you will find a new world opens to you. Plus the old one does not close unless you want it too.

Anyway, I hope this made a little sense.

 

[painter's radio]

As far as the female employee that you like and whether or not you should bother.

Would you feel worse if

A) You ask her and she says no.

B) The wondering of what might have been.

Definitely her saying no.

Still, this is not reason to never attempt it.

 

[Badjedidude]

There is an amazing amount of truth in this. Relationship focused 20 year old me sucked at meeting girls, almost happy with myself 32 year old me has them coming to meet me instead. It may sound daft but the less you worry the more success you seem to have.

Yup.

 

[bodafuko]

You're only 22.

Work to get a good job and earn **** good money. Then when you're 30 or so, you'll be amazed at the amount of hot young women who will want to be around you.

No more loneliness.

You have plenty of life left.

Welcome to the site.

I quit reading after this post because this is the best advice.

 

[Nullpointer89]

Welcome to the ~10% of the population that's introverted for which we have a 90% success rate.
You sound very much like the person I was before I went to college. Not that I changed into this alcoholic, sex driven, smoker but, I simply found people like me. I went and joined a club where there were a bunch of people like me with even in the same field of study. It's just really hard for introverted people to find other introverted people.

Majoring in something you have little interest in sounds like a real problem though. I would even take the financial/time hit to change majors and actually have a nice career.

 

[arcolino]

@hello12345 I guarantee like a couple of post said invent in education that is the key, put your mind into learning something go to college pick a field that you love please something current I can send you a like on best fields and worst fields woman like smart guys u may meet a nice girl in school but do this foryourself and finish finish finish become an network engineer. if your out of shape join a local gym and take your time getting back in shape picture the story you can tell folks. remember its not going to fall into your lap, you can find self esteem and self work by building yourself up mentally and physically. what do you think the difference is between you and the popular guy, he just believes he is it, you can do the same. let me know what obstacles you are facing for a career choice and gym choice, remember u can start of just by power walking which does not cost anything near year is coming u know what to heck with that start tomorrow, remember when the blood is pumping faster the mind and body feels better.

 

[blackdot]

Hello12345: Look at the bright side, you are only 22. At that age I think I was exactly like everything you just listed.
Just find some way to change some of those things though or by the time you are 39 like me, you will still be exactly like those things.

 

[HappyYogi]

Just from my experience, I wouldn't focus on the goal of marriage but the joy and happiness you feel with an individual. That is what matters.

Many marry early only to feel unfullfilled or unhappy later. They marry because of internal or external pressures. To me, marriage isn't the goal, it's the inspiration and happiness I feel with a man. Marriage comes naturally after that.

Thanks for the replies guys, it's good to know other people care. I guess times have really changed. I remember my parents were married in the early 20s. Nowadays it seems like people find their significant other in their early to mid 30s. About that employee though, should I even bother?

 

[CherrySlushie91]

Totally off topic but I like the way you formatted your post very creative.....ever think about writing???
Things will get better for you, Chase your dreams you'll get there. As far as school i can totally relate, i went to a similar school but I learned a lot there, not necessarily academically, but culturally. Don't be so quick to judge, its good that you see the problem with it but I think you may need to find some understanding to see the solution. Most of what your saying about meaningless sex and drugs, etc. is our society. Good luck changing the world. You can't control her friends, you can't control her, be yourself and if she likes you then great, if not find someone who will.

 

[PyramidHead]

In general, I would be like "You're just 22, don't take it too serious.", since it mostly is what people told me too. But now, I'm 24... and I managed to reach a lot of my goals, create new ones and still reach even more ... but I still have no "real friends" and I still have no relationship. So time sure is running out fast and if you want to reach your goals, then you have to work hard on yourself.

Or you could accept your current fate and get happy with it. There's always a different route, so you always have a choice... just don't wait too long to decide on it.
Or else, people may say to you in a few years "You are just 40, stay cool."

 

[cyberman]

Women like strength and are repulsed by weakness. It sucks but it's the state of things.

You need to create your own world and mindset. Seeking anything from others really doesn't work.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

Comments in blue

Please take the time to read the entire post
Hello, I want to get my point across without writing a book, here is a summary of my situation.
Every day I am alone
Every night when I go to bed I am alone
Every hour, every minute, and every second of every day I am alone
I am 22 years old 30 here, same otherwise
I have never had a girlfriend
I've always wanted a girlfriend even as a little kid
I used to have friends
in elementary and college, not middle, and not at all after
I have maybe 2 real friends now, both of which are online friends
I feel like I can't discuss anything personal with any of my other friends, and every time I try I'm immediately ignored
I've tried to discuss these things briefly with a family member and have been ignored
I haven't had a best friend in over 9 years
I'm getting a degree in something I have little interest in
i got a degree in something that felt safe, tried to follow my dad's footsteps and couldn't really (priesthood, has a weird catch 22 where you need to show record of church leadership, which you wouldn't have unless ordained)
I'm unphotogenic
I have never done drugs or drank alcohol before
and I've never wanted to
I don't own any weapons, and have no desire to
I've never been to prom, hs graduation, any parties
I've never wanted to go to parties where everyone gets drunk, where people do drugs, blare loud music and have meaningless sex
I never want to have meaningless sex
i've been in a lot of meaningless meaningful relationships. Meaningful, because I personally wanted them to be about other than sex, meaningless because the people involved were outgoing, and very much sexually active, and treated me almost like a gay friend.
I sort of wanted to go to prom, but decided not to because I didn't know anyone and couldn't dance
worse. i got invited to the prom, because someone's bf was missing, so I was a stand-in, he came at the last second, and I had nothing to do for 2/3 of the prom.
I never went to my hs graduation because I didn't want to be around my peers
My peers that giggled and said n____r thousands of times a day to eachother
My peers that said fresia and other expletives several thousand times a day
My peers that openly smoked weed in the classroom
My peers that had sex openly on campus, in the bathroom, under the bleachers, in other hidden corners of the school
My peers that discriminated against eachother and would get in fights over petty differences
...Public school?
I didn't want to be around my teachers
My teachers that would lecture about things unrelated to furthering our education
My teachers that never taught anyone, only babysat us as they unknowingly brought down everyones intelligence
My teachers that enabled people to smoke in class
My teachers that told us stupid and sometimes even creepy stories instead of teaching
I had decent teachers. I think I connected with them better than the students. This was the problem later, when I had no friends after college, despite giving my email to everyone I met.
But none of that really matters anymore. What bothers me is when I think I have a connection with someone, but am too afraid to act on my feelings.
I have a crush on someone I don't know, an employee I briefly talked to at a store recently
She approached me immediately and seemed flirty with me, but I figure she's probably that way with everyone
I assume that because she's so pretty and I'm sure she has guys lined up
so I don't try, and I assume that I don't exist to her
... The hell kinda stupid assumption is that? Better to go too far and have memories of regrets, than make blanket assumptions about people being too good or not good enough and have memories only of inaction.
and I don't try because I don't have many friends, and have never been in a relationship
and because of that I don't want to unintentionally creep her out
and I don't try because I'm unphotogenic and automatically assume that any girl I talk to is just being friendly with me
and in the offchance that she actually was interested and found all this out, I'm afraid about what she would think
From what I've learned of both being too shy and withdrawn and too forward, is that women are not china dolls. If she likes you it really won't matter whether you're photogenic or not. If she doesn't like you she'll constantly say things like "I'm busy that time." If so, making a quick exit plan saying "maybe I should go?" is probably best.
I'm afraid about what her friends would think
I'm afraid her friends would tell her to leave a loner like me, that being alone for so long is weird and I should be avoided because of it
and I'm afraid she would agree with them
This one is a very real concern. The sweetest girl, because she is obliging, would willingly do the whims of jerkass friends.
and if she disagreed with her friends, and was willing to give me a shot
I'm afraid they would tease her mercilessly, because why would someone want to be with someone like me?
I'm afriad that because of my inexperience she would be completely turned off and get bored with me quickly
I'm afriad that because I have very few friends, she would feel trapped
and I'm afraid I would unintentionally make her feel that way, and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone
but at the same time, I dream
I dream about what could happen
Just give it a shot. You have plenty to lose (that whole "nothing to lose" is crap), but you have plenty to gain too.
I dream because I feel like I don't deserve to be alone
I dream because even though I am unphotogenic, when I look in the mirror I see a tall and handsome man
A man who walks tall, with his head held high despite suffering so deeply inside
A man who is not ashamed to cry silently to himself every once in a while, because holding in all the emotions hurts so much more
A man who dreams
Dreams about what holding someones hand feels like
Dreams about how much fun watching a great movie together would be
Dreams about going on a first date
Dreams about kissing someone he loves who also loves him back
Dreams about cuddling on a cold winter night
Dreams about making love with someone who loves him
Dreams about making someone else happy, instead of only himself
These are dreams we all have. If she makes you feel worthless for having them, she isn't your ideal anyway.
Everything I just said is embarassing, painful and true
But I feel like I needed to get it off my chest
and everyone who listened
thank you

Women like strength and are repulsed by weakness. It sucks but it's the state of things.

If this were true, how did I manage not one, but three lasting friendships (I'd not call them relationships) without being a tough guy, without being exceptional or particularly forceful, etc?

This is not the way of things, this is cultural. And the culture is changing, with women more and more taking "house husbands."

 

[cyberman]

I couldn't disagree more. That's why they were friendships and not mating.