I'm Hurting

[jjessea]

I am so alone, and I feel so hopeless.

I'm 35 years old, and I haven't had a personal relationship in over 10 years. I've never had a girlfriend, and only had a handful of friends, most of whom passed away when I was in my early twenty's. We did a lot of drugs.

Now I'm a Paramedic, and I don't feel like what I do matters anymore. I want to make a difference but it seems that people are either too sick save, or not sick enough to help. I've grown to hate the healthcare system at large and often wonder why I've chosen to be a part of it.

All I want, all I really want, is someone to hold on to. Someone to gently caress, to kiss, to smile sweetly at and have her smile back. Someone to care for, to care for me, someone to love. I just can't forge any relationships with anyone, I can't connect, and I've just given up.

 

[Tealeaf]

I can only imagine what it's like to have lost most of the people you knew at 35.

I have a lot of respect for people like paramedics, though. Whether or not they can all be saved, people need that. That someone is there and someone wants to do right by them when they're in trouble matters, when others might simply pass them by in the streets. The world can never have enough people who truly want to help.

 

[Tiina63]

I am really sorry that you have lost so many people. It must have been really hard for you to go through this.
Connecting with others is very hard. Sometimes I feel even lonelier when I am with people than when I am alone because of this issue.
Maybe you should look for a different line of work as it sounds as though you are very unhappy in your present job. Could you train for something new?

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't think there is much that I can say that will make you feel any better. But I hope that with time, these feelings will fade a bit or at least allow you to be stronger in facing them. I do wish you all the best and hope that something good will happen for you soon. In the meantime, try to stay strong and keep going ahead. Even if it feels like there is nothing to go on for. Maybe as you keep walking ahead, you'll find something. Won't know until you try.. and won't even be possible if you give up now.

Take care. *hugs*

 

[jjessea]

It was just a really bad night. It happens. It's over now, I feel better today. Appreciate it

 

[Peaches]

late hug…

 

[dawningday]

I wish I could say something that would help. All I can say, is that I feel for you and hope that it does get better for you. I'm glad that you are feeling better, and hope it continues to get better.

 

[MoogieHK]

Don't give up. It sounds like you've had a really hard time :-(

The right person is out there for you, just be positive and love yourself and enjoy your life.

This is what I'm trying to do at the moment anyway and it's helping me, still have a lot of "moments" but getting there - if I can do it so can you ;-) x