I'm lonesome and trying to look for love

[Exil]

Hey,guys!
ok, you need to not be so sad okay. I mean there's still hope for all of us,so pleeeeeeeassse don't kill yourselves just yet.As hard as this is to believe right now there are sadder cases out there and you'll survive as long as there's no guns or knives involved. Hang in there and stay strong. I just came out of depression myself and it gets better,trust me!

 

[shinojuly]

Sure, sweetviki, it isn't the only thing that matters in a relationship, but I can tell you that it's important. I've been connected to a woman which I really cared for and she could really trust me but it wasn't enough: we had a relationship for a while but she didn't like me so much and soon we splitted.
For some people looks etc. are more important than common interests etc. I've also met some people which choose a friend depending on his/her looks, fashion, family, etc. That's very mean I think, but over here the most part of ppl does it, and I must face it everyday.
I keep going on my path, and leave behind me all these things.

keeper,if u r really lacking of look, at least u r a healthy man. dont u think thats the most important thing indeed?

 

[keeper]

keeper,if u r really lacking of look, at least u r a healthy man. dont u think thats the most important thing indeed?

Yes, that's the most important thing to me. Not to others, unfortunately...

 

[angeLLblueshadow]

hi, from reading this posts i don't have much to say because i feel a little bit like it's not my disscusion, but i still wanted to say that you should never give up on love, there is always love in this world, even if this world is so mean...there is always somebody that just like you looks for love you just have to wait...don't lose hope, and never say you gave up love...

 

[keeper]

never say you gave up love...

I gave up. At least for a while

 

[angeLLblueshadow]

I gave up. At least for a while

now why did you do that? if you don't have love how do you want not to feel lonely...i don't now this is just my oppinion...but then again you don't have to listen to me...

a kiss and a big smile FOR LOVE!!!!!!!

 

[keeper]

I gave up. At least for a while

now why did you do that? if you don't have love how do you want not to feel lonely...i don't now this is just my oppinion...but then again you don't have to listen to me...

a kiss and a big smile FOR LOVE!!!!!!!

I gave up because it's better this way...

 

[iny_75]

I've been trying to date for over 10 years and I still got nobody to love me. I'm crying as I type this thread, I cry before and after I go to work, I cry because of my failures and years of rejections. I have these visions about my own death in less than 20 years away...not from suicide, not from drugs or alcohol, but from getting so lonely, you get ill. So ill, you can't get out of bed and you're saying your final goodbyes to your family as you lay dying. To make my matters even worse, I decided to give up on love because nobody wants me. They all hate me and want me dead!

dont give up ,  if u give up that  means the death and wts the point if we here on earth and dont resist ! ,,, do u think if u in love so that is the paradise ? no ,, will be disagreements , will be there problems so ull also give up ?  , plz i am sure there s someone waiting for u but ur sadness make u blind u cannt see him good or not give it enough patience  ,,, u r a kind person its not a compliment am sure u r ...also  if some hates u that possible caused by misunderstanding , or u dont know the right way to treat them or , or , or , but u said all of them hates u  here idont think so we cannt say all of them r wrong no just we can say u dont see some or all of them loving u , or u keep bushing them away , so plz dont cry ur beautiful eyes doesnt deserve that ...

 

[iny_75]

I've been trying to date for over 10 years and I still got nobody to love me. I'm crying as I type this thread, I cry before and after I go to work, I cry because of my failures and years of rejections. I have these visions about my own death in less than 20 years away...not from suicide, not from drugs or alcohol, but from getting so lonely, you get ill. So ill, you can't get out of bed and you're saying your final goodbyes to your family as you lay dying. To make my matters even worse, I decided to give up on love because nobody wants me. They all hate me and want me dead!

dont give up , if u give up that means the death and wts the point if we here on earth and dont resist ! ,,, do u think if u in love so that is the paradise ? no will be disagreements will be there problems so ull also give up ? , plz i am sure there s someone waiting for u but ur sadness make u blind u cannt see him good or not give urself enough time to meet him ,,, u r a kind person its not a compliment am sure u r ...also if some hates u that possible there s misunderstanding u dont know the right way to treat them or , or , or , but u said all of em hates u here idont think so we cannt say all of them r wrong no just we can say u dont see they r lovin u , so plz dont cry ur beautiful eyes doesnt deserve that ...

 

[Guest]

Hi all, I seem to be in a slightly different situation to alot, I am actually fairly good looking and I have been with some very attractive girls, looks are important it seems, I want to try and change my outlook as i look for physical attraction far too much. i seem to have a personality problem, i don't know what's wrong with me, I think maybe its calmer or something, sometimes i think im a bad person, but alot of the time I think im a really good friend to people, I kinda have two problems, i found out today that my "best mate" is kind of seeing a girl I have recently been with, he knows how much im still in love with her, I basicly found this out on msn messager, i was using his laptop and this girl started messaging me thinking I was him, i didn't reply, but i looked at his convisation history which i shouldn't have done as its a complete invasion of privacy and found out that he apparently doesn't even like me! and she seems to hate me too, I feel like i have no real friends, and everyone including me can be so two faced, how do you know who to trust and open up too.

I long to be in a loving relationship, more than anything, i just dont know what to do, if my personality is my problem can you change your personality? you can always do things to make yourself look better but can you make a personality, which everyone says is the important thing, better?

I find life so hard sometimes, which i really shouldn't there are so many people out there in situations that are horrific in comparison. I go out of my way to find danger, secretly more for the danger than the thrill of doing it, I could never kill myself but by putting myself in these situations I might just end it all, like racing car's, free climbing (rock climbing without rope), etc. I feel so stupid for saying these things like i said there are so many people out there worse off.

My debt problems don't help matters, im with a debt management company due to being over £30k in debt, mostly spent on my car and ex girlfirend.

Does anyone have any advice for me on changing my personality so people will like mem or how to be a better friend so they actually like me?

 

[Guest]

(sorry for my bad english)
Hey
I am Lisa..16 years old from the Netherlands. 2 years ago I was very depressed. One day I ended in a hospital because I tried to kill myself. I took a overdosis. For 3 months I went to a clinic. It was a very hard time..I was feeling that nobody understood me.
It's now 2 years later. I'm feeling great and I'm so sorry for what I did to my parents and sister!!
  

 

[sweetviki]

Guest , You shouldnt have to change for someone else but do it for you. There will always be people that will like you and those that wont no matter what you do so just be yourself. Look withing yourself and identify whats causing all these problems and this desire for danger in your life. That seems to be the big problem you do things whithough thinking about the consequences because you enjoy the thrill of it. It's good to have fun just dont cross a line and end up in jail or worse. Stop and ask yourself why am I doing this? is it worth it? will I regret this decision later?Yeah everyone has standards when it comes to looks but if you make it your top priority the relationhsips arent gonna last long. Changing your personality is not gonna be easy but if you think that it will be better for you oyu shoudl work towards it. When you are thinking of doing somehting completely stupid stop and think is it worth it? When it comes to women once you meet a girl dont look for just looks but get to know her personality and see if she has things in common. As far as your dept try to develop some sort of plan to help you save money dont waist it on cars and girlfriends maybe toalk to some agency or company that can help you with your dept. Get another part job if you can.
The most important thing is dont do anything just so people will like you because there will always be people that dont no matter what you do so dont try to change to please others but to help yourself.

 

[sweetviki]

Hey Lisa. First of all you can't change the past all you can do is leanr from it. I'm shure your mom and sister love you despite everything and wouldnt want you to torture yourself over somethign you can't change. Just be there for them right now and it will make up for all the past events.

 

[lonelygirl]

It is SO HARD to find a compatible mate these days! The Internet is the solution. However, please don't rush into anything. The internet makes possible these "Instant relationships" which can just as quickly go sour. It can hurt like crap and also the person might just be using you--if male, for money or emotional support, if female, the obvious, for sex. SO take your time. You can also have a pretty cool relationship online--entirely online! You can sort of have a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' online who is in another country or state or city or province. Just chat each day, eventually talk on the phone if you like. But DO NOT meet in real life unless you trust that person. It should take time to build the trust.

Big hugs!!!

 

[Guest]

Wow;
It's interesting to read this entire "thread," because many people have interesting insights, and perspectives, generally, because 1: the themes are ones I have considered, and it's interesting, for whatever reason, to get outside of myself, and 2: I like to read, and if I'm repeating a previously discussed concept, appy polly loggies.
One issue that I consider significant in my own loneliness is the fact that I am not a very interesting person. For the past few weeks, I've been watching persons who seem to enjoy life, and people, and the people around them always seem to be laughing, or at least interested. However, because, for whatever reason, my jokes aren't funny, or because whatever I'm talking about I don't have much to interest and entertain others to say about it, others nod and go on to more interesting things.
Self-esteem is something that is important, because without it, one won't have the capacity to think highly enough of one's own opinions, or jokes, or whatever, to express them.
But what if one has the esteem and whatever the opinions, jokes, whatever, aren't interesting? Is the self-esteem them useless, because it bolsters stupid, unwanted conversation (such as this post)?
And how does one become interesting, or fun?
I remember when I was young, people said, "Be yourself, and you will meet people, you will find a place in the world." What if oneself doesn't have a place in a community?
Note, I didn't say, "In the world," I said, "In a community."
How does one find a raison d'etre if that reason is so boring, and unwanted, that it shuts one out of the common, communal pleasures many people seem to enjoy?
This fits into the concept of finding love because the people I'm attracted to, or people generally, don't find me interesting enough to actually want to spend any time with me, and I find it very frightening and frustrating, as I'm just now starting to develop my own life, outside of the one built for me by the parents.
So.
Sorry for the extended wordishness; I hope all persons on this forum can find a way to develop in a way they want to.

 

[Guest]

The question I think I'm actually trying to get across is, "What if this is as good as it gets?

 

[sweetviki]

The thing is if you believe something it becomes reality in alot of ways. If you think thats as good as it gets then it will be. If you believe there is no love out there you wount find it because you will firmly believe it doesnt exist and even if an oportunity comes along you will miss it. Sometimes we all struggle to find a place where we belong but as soon as you start believeing it doesnt exist it will become reality. I've believed alot of times that I dont belong or that I wont find someone or make friends and when I believed it I realy was alone. Over time I began reading that alot of people struggle with thesame thing and realised that if you want to change your life you have to let go of the old way of thinking that oh no one understands me I'm alone, I cant relate or I'll be alone forever because even if there are people who can relate to you or like you or whatever you will never see it because you think your alone. I still struggle with my shyness and insecurities in school but I'm tying to overcome . I've made some new friends and I know I can get myself out of the rut I'm in. The main thing is to try to put yourself out there and yes it's so hard because you believe you can't relate but if you dont try you will never find out where you belong it's just all about taking the risk. If you have a certain hobby try to find people that can relate on that. Take this forum for example.. we were all brought here because we feel lonely or struggle in our lives and now we are all talking and sharing our experiences. The social life works in similar ways it just sometimes takes time to find people that you can realy relate to.

 

[Guest]

I think this is a really hard subject, I agree with everyone who says you shouldn't change your personality to please others, however I think to be honest, and this is only my opinion, maybe the way we get ourselves accross to others is what needs to be addressed, everyone is interesting in there own way and it's all about relating the the material, i think you can quite quickly find out what someone else is into and when meeting new people I always find you want to show an interest in THERE personality and interests rather than your own, asking questions, being interested in what they are saying and where you can draw comparisons to your own life you have things in common, no matter how small they are and that gives you things to talk about and elaborate on

 

[BlackRoses]

I'm trying not to sound bitter or make people feel worse, but the fact is that love is based only on looks. I found this out the hard way. I met someone and we had everything in common. Even our speech patterns were similar...I fell in love with him but he didn't want me. The reason? I just wasn't quite cute enough for him. It's just human nature and the reason people like myself are doomed to be alone.

 

[Guest]

i'm going down the same path u are going... i'm starting to isolate myself again from the world. it's all too painful. the only difference is that i'm 21. the truth about all of this is, personality doesn't matter, it's the looks that counts in this world. sad... but true.

The same thing is going on here. A few months ago I've started to isolate myself - not totally, to say the truth - because of a bad relationship which required a great everyday effort to carry on. When it came to the end it almost left me without any strength cause I gave everything I could. Fortunately I'm still alive and I can grow stronger. I'm no more 21 or 23, but some years older. Anyway I remember how it was when i was in your age and I must confess it wasn't that different to me.
Guest, I think that personality matters but it's only 50% and the rest is look, in my opinion. Maybe only power and wealth might compensate look - this is very true in my hometown but I thought that somewhere it would have to be different. This year I've got a great opportunity which I thought it could change my life: i can spend some months in another town but sadly I've found out that over there it's the same at all as here. Lacking in look, power, and wealth, I think I have to accept my actual condition. Maybe in some other place in this world there's somebody who isn't only looking for such things. I won't stop looking for a place where i can feel alright but I won't stop improving myself - that's what really counts, in my opinion.

hmm. I have to disagree with anyone who says that love has to do with looks because I think that is my curse. I have wanted to be loved for the last 4 years and still the only thing I find is people who want to sleep with me (which they dont get, Im not desperate), but alas I find my looks are my curse. I am a nice person, I have a big heart and there is more brains than breast here. I know everyone always thinks, if only! But I just wanted to conclude to all those who think that looks are all that.......THEY AREN'T