I'm sorry to say this but....

[lovehurtme]

oh, after reading more of the thread, it sounds like you are confused about your feelings for the guy you are with. You seem really smart, and beautiful inside and out. You must believe there is something underneath this guys antics to be spending as much time as you are thinking about him ...

My opinion is that you would be wasting your life helping this guy to wise up, when you can already find a much much much much much much much much much much much much much much ... actually I'm not sure I can finish writing how much better a man you can find before this night is over, but I hope you get the idea.

If this guy's magic really is just under the surface, maybe you could help him see it. I know that sounds dreamy, but it's always worth exploring, I think. After all, once you have true clarity in your thoughts, and feel sure of yourself and your decisions, you will know in all your being what the answer is about what to do about this guy. I mean, the answer may never be 100% black or white, so you have to trust yourself and go the way your heart is pointing you toward.

I have no doubt in my mind you will know the right thing to do, and I am impatient to hear posts about how love healed you!

That is so optomistic. I hope that happens. When you said this:

"When you rise up and reclaim all of yourself, the universe feels it, and changes come about (like in "The Secret"). It is imperative for our life for each one of us to find courage within ourself to follow our heart; and that does mean listening very carefully even when it is only whispering to us under the screaming of an analytical mind."

I was moved. That spoke to my heart. That is totally me. I rationalize everything.

 

[lovehurtme]

Ok, update. The guy in question has called twice (once late last night, and once at 3 pm today, but I was in class). He sent me 2 myspace messages too. How can someone not speak to you for almost a week (when you are supposed to be together), and then all of a sudden have so much to say? ***Should I talk to him to tell him it's over or what?

He is calling because you are showing (teaching) him that you are not waiting for his every call. He does not have the power in your relationship unless you give it to him. By not answering like he expects you to do, you took back your power and become a stronger woman. You go girl!

Thanks. I am not good at figuring out men. I am me. I answer calls, or call back quickly. I do nice things. I like to make people happy, so I go out of my way for them. After being with me a while, the men I date begin to expect me to do those things. If I don't answer the phone, they get mad. If I don't cook, they get mad. If I don't dress up when they come over, they get mad. If they ask me to do something, and I say I can't, they get mad. I don't want to be who I'm not, but it seems that who I am encourages men to take advantage of me.

I hate men!! Sorry to all men who may be offended my this. That is all.

sucks for me to be a male =P

I'm sorry if I offened you, but you must admit that many men suck.

 

[Lawrens]

I'm sorry if I offened you, but you must admit that many men suck.

I admit that I know that very well myself since I'm male.
Yea I do think it's sometimes a very difficult thing to deal with opposite sex.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Thanks. I am not good at figuring out men. I am me. I answer calls, or call back quickly. I do nice things. I like to make people happy, so I go out of my way for them. After being with me a while, the men I date begin to expect me to do those things. If I don't answer the phone, they get mad. If I don't cook, they get mad. If I don't dress up when they come over, they get mad. If they ask me to do something, and I say I can't, they get mad. I don't want to be who I'm not, but it seems that who I am encourages men to take advantage of me.

If they get mad at you for reasons such as those, tell them to piss off, and make their own dinner, put on heels, and call themselves if they want.

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^I will say that next time.

 

[Black Dragon]

Tell it like it is, lol we males deserve it XD

 

[lovehurtme]

Ok. Well I told him that I was hurt, and I don't want to see him anymore. I told him I feel like he treats me like property, and like a girlfriend of convenience. Then he said that I am all he thinks about. He has 2 pictures of me on his desk at work. His family knows who I am, and he wants me to meet them, and that all the things that he has ever wanted to do for and to a woman he can only see doing for and to me. See why this is so hard? Everyone wants to feel loved. I know what to do though. I have to be strong and stick to my guns. I told him to call me back, because I was busy (but mainly because all the stuff he was saying was getting to me).

 

[Black Dragon]

Ok. Well I told him that I was hurt, and I don't want to see him anymore. I told him I feel like he treats me like property, and like a girlfriend of convenience. Then he said that I am all he thinks about. He has 2 pictures of me on his desk at work. His family knows who I am, and he wants me to meet them, and that all the things that he has ever wanted to do for and to a woman he can only see doing for and to me. See why this is so hard? Everyone wants to feel loved. I know what to do though. I have to be strong and stick to my guns. I told him to call me back, because I was busy (but mainly because all the stuff he was saying was getting to me).

It sounds like he cares but he might just not know how to handle a relationship in a way that benefits both parties involved. I don't know the whole story and I'm no expert, but I bet he doesn't want to lose you but he may just not know how to express it in a way that makes you feel like a partner and not just a piece of property?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Ok. Well I told him that I was hurt, and I don't want to see him anymore. I told him I feel like he treats me like property, and like a girlfriend of convenience. Then he said that I am all he thinks about. He has 2 pictures of me on his desk at work. His family knows who I am, and he wants me to meet them, and that all the things that he has ever wanted to do for and to a woman he can only see doing for and to me. See why this is so hard? Everyone wants to feel loved. I know what to do though. I have to be strong and stick to my guns. I told him to call me back, because I was busy (but mainly because all the stuff he was saying was getting to me).

Sweets, forget about him and his family and his feelings for now. Once you figure out what YOU want to do, then incorporate him, his family, and his feelings into the mix.

That old saying applies here, "You can't love someone else without loving yourself first," and it's very true. Sort out and situate yourself first, then if he's the one, he should fall right into place. Think of it this way... if you have to wiggle around, and move about and try to make him fit where he doesn't go (in the most non-sexual way ever), then he shan't be there.

 

[Cooljohn]

Well lovehurtme, I am a man and you wouldn't believe the number of times that I've been rejected, lied to, and mistreated by women. I've always tried to love, treat people with respect. What have I received in return? Hate, lies, disrespect, coldness.
There is good and bad in both genders. Unfortunately some of us seem to be "accident prone" and encounter the bad seeds more often lol.
I'm sorry that you met jerks who hurt you, but there are good men out there. We are misunderstood and aren't ever given a chance. The same goes for good women. The sad part is that the good people are so hard to find nowadays. The wicked ones just seem to be getting away with everything and prospering. The good, kind, loving people are getting shafted. I'm so fed up. I wish you the best.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I agree with Cooljohn. Good people are hard to find now days, period. Genuine people are a rare breed, and it's like all the people who do wrong get away with murder. I can't even blame the overall society, because society as a whole doesn't know any better. All I can say to good people who keep being steamrolled right over is to keep on pushin' on. All great things start out slowly.

 

[lovehurtme]

Ok. Well I told him that I was hurt, and I don't want to see him anymore. I told him I feel like he treats me like property, and like a girlfriend of convenience. Then he said that I am all he thinks about. He has 2 pictures of me on his desk at work. His family knows who I am, and he wants me to meet them, and that all the things that he has ever wanted to do for and to a woman he can only see doing for and to me. See why this is so hard? Everyone wants to feel loved. I know what to do though. I have to be strong and stick to my guns. I told him to call me back, because I was busy (but mainly because all the stuff he was saying was getting to me).

It sounds like he cares but he might just not know how to handle a relationship in a way that benefits both parties involved. I don't know the whole story and I'm no expert, but I bet he doesn't want to lose you but he may just not know how to express it in a way that makes you feel like a partner and not just a piece of property?

I don't know what to think honestly. I don't want to think that someone would just lie t keep someone from dumping them.

Ok. Well I told him that I was hurt, and I don't want to see him anymore. I told him I feel like he treats me like property, and like a girlfriend of convenience. Then he said that I am all he thinks about. He has 2 pictures of me on his desk at work. His family knows who I am, and he wants me to meet them, and that all the things that he has ever wanted to do for and to a woman he can only see doing for and to me. See why this is so hard? Everyone wants to feel loved. I know what to do though. I have to be strong and stick to my guns. I told him to call me back, because I was busy (but mainly because all the stuff he was saying was getting to me).

Sweets, forget about him and his family and his feelings for now. Once you figure out what YOU want to do, then incorporate him, his family, and his feelings into the mix.

That old saying applies here, "You can't love someone else without loving yourself first," and it's very true. Sort out and situate yourself first, then if he's the one, he should fall right into place. Think of it this way... if you have to wiggle around, and move about and try to make him fit where he doesn't go (in the most non-sexual way ever), then he shan't be there.

I love myself and hate myself at the same time. I think I am a failure at life, but I think I am a nice person. I also think I deserve nice things, so I never deny myself a new purse.

Well lovehurtme, I am a man and you wouldn't believe the number of times that I've been rejected, lied to, and mistreated by women. I've always tried to love, treat people with respect. What have I received in return? Hate, lies, disrespect, coldness.
There is good and bad in both genders. Unfortunately some of us seem to be "accident prone" and encounter the bad seeds more often lol.
I'm sorry that you met jerks who hurt you, but there are good men out there. We are misunderstood and aren't ever given a chance. The same goes for good women. The sad part is that the good people are so hard to find nowadays. The wicked ones just seem to be getting away with everything and prospering. The good, kind, loving people are getting shafted. I'm so fed up. I wish you the best.

I agree. Some women can not see past a man's wallet, but those seem to be the women that men want. Likewise some men can not see beyond a woman's bra size, and they are missing out on nice women, but they don't care. We are all fed up. You are not alone.

 

[Brian]

I think you should flat out ask him why he saw fit that you should have to go out in the winter in shorts. =P Or about some similar event. See what he says to that one.

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^I did ask him. He said he thought it was fun and spontaneous. He felt bad when we got there. I don't know if it's a power thing, but he asks me to do a lot of questionable things. When I say it makes me uncomfortable he either says, "Are you serious??!!" or "Wooooow!!" Both of which I've come to learn are negative responses. When a man asks you to do things that you are totally against, does that mean he does not respect you? Does it reflect negatively on him as a person?

 

[Unacceptance]

Stop spending time with shitty men, then you'll have nothing to complain about.

 

[Black Dragon]

Ok. Well I told him that I was hurt, and I don't want to see him anymore. I told him I feel like he treats me like property, and like a girlfriend of convenience. Then he said that I am all he thinks about. He has 2 pictures of me on his desk at work. His family knows who I am, and he wants me to meet them, and that all the things that he has ever wanted to do for and to a woman he can only see doing for and to me. See why this is so hard? Everyone wants to feel loved. I know what to do though. I have to be strong and stick to my guns. I told him to call me back, because I was busy (but mainly because all the stuff he was saying was getting to me).

It sounds like he cares but he might just not know how to handle a relationship in a way that benefits both parties involved. I don't know the whole story and I'm no expert, but I bet he doesn't want to lose you but he may just not know how to express it in a way that makes you feel like a partner and not just a piece of property?

I don't know what to think honestly. I don't want to think that someone would just lie t keep someone from dumping them.

Yeah it's a difficult situation indeed... I can't say for sure either, that's a good point though :].

 

[lovehurtme]

Stop spending time with shitty men, then you'll have nothing to complain about.

I'm not complaining, I'm asking for advice. And since you clearly don't have any to give, please take your "sunny disposition and helpful intentions" elsewhere. I appreciate the honesty, but not the tone. Thanks.

 

[Black Dragon]

Haha indeed two cloudies don't make a sunny XD? K last post, there was no advice in that one lol

 

[LonelyDragon]

Ok. Well I told him that I was hurt, and I don't want to see him anymore. I told him I feel like he treats me like property, and like a girlfriend of convenience. Then he said that I am all he thinks about. He has 2 pictures of me on his desk at work. His family knows who I am, and he wants me to meet them, and that all the things that he has ever wanted to do for and to a woman he can only see doing for and to me. See why this is so hard? Everyone wants to feel loved. I know what to do though. I have to be strong and stick to my guns. I told him to call me back, because I was busy (but mainly because all the stuff he was saying was getting to me).

Good. In keeping with the route you're taking this is the best thing you could have done. Don't let his sweet words confuse you. He may mean them and he may not. You're the better one to know which for sure. And getting away from the conversation before it overwhelms you gives you a better chance of seeing the difference.

I don't know what to think honestly. I don't want to think that someone would just lie t keep someone from dumping them.

I've known people who do that all the time. In fact I think it's more common than someone saying "Well, if I'm not the one you want then you're right and we should break up."

^^^^I did ask him. He said he thought it was fun and spontaneous. He felt bad when we got there. I don't know if it's a power thing, but he asks me to do a lot of questionable things. When I say it makes me uncomfortable he either says, "Are you serious??!!" or "Wooooow!!" Both of which I've come to learn are negative responses. When a man asks you to do things that you are totally against, does that mean he does not respect you? Does it reflect negatively on him as a person?

Very possibly. I'd have to say that asking you to do those things may not show a lack of respect. But insisting on you doing them even after you've expressed your reluctance and/or discomfort does show that in a big way. I think that may be a very big factor here. His respect (or lack there-of) of you. The respect to call you or arrive when he says he will rather than making you wait on him. The respect to not treat you like property or an employee (or worse). The respect to to not make you do those things you don't want to without questioning your reasons. Especially something as dumb as the shorts thing.

Even the way things are going for me here right now, she still has enough respect for me to regard my feelings when she needs to ask me to do something. Last week she ended up having to work straight through Thanksgiving and the weekend, but she really needed some things that were on the Black Friday sales. I was the one to hit them last year and had a really bad time of it. This year she asked me to go again, but between how it welt last year and how things are between us it was pretty clear she didn't want to ask me to go through that again for her. I think the fact that she never made me feel like I had to do it was the main reason I went ahead and did it. (Well, that and I'm still a sucker.) I know that if I had said no she would have either found another way or just let it go.

I can't tell you not to give him another chance. If you feel he deserves one and you are willing to risk going through this again then it's your choice. But after all this I at least think you owe it to yourself to say "this is the last chance he gets".

 

[Bluey]

I hate men!! Sorry to all men who may be offended my this. That is all.

I understand totally. Men and women, they do think differently about things.

There is one girl that goes out with a friend of mine and I am trying to get on with her. But I am finding it very difficult to get on with her. We did have a little tiny fall out on a camping trip. I probably could had been moor peasant about things then I was but I too at the time was hungover and tied. And I had not had much sleep in the tent as I had all this bloody sheep booooring at me all night long lol sheep are louder then you think lmao True.

But it wasn't much of a fallout and even though it was 50% her fault as well I did apologize to her. But I have found her to be hard work and always get the feeling she don't like me very much. I have found this to be frustrating cos I am trying to make a huge effort with her but yet she just throws it back in my face. I even tried adding her to face-book. But she obviously dose not wont me as a friend.

anyway this turned into a rant. Sorry about that. What I was trying to say but got side tracked into my own problems was you just need to find the right man for you. I do have some girls that I get on with very well.

But am not at all offended. Its not like you personally insulted me

I think your cool and ye I understand why you would hate men. If I was a women knowing what I know about some of my friends I would hate men.

But do try and remember where not all the same. Some of us do have morals and would stay faithful if given the Chane