I'm the bad guy

[oarivan]

Someone I once considered a friend asked me for money because she couldn't pay for her baby's needs. Where was the father in all this? He was living his own life, ignorant of the baby and the woman he impregnated. I gave money, well LENT money with the full expectation that I'd get it back. Unfortunately that hasn't happened. I asked when I terribly needed it for my own medication but I never got the cash. Now after a year I've met a few of my old 'friends' and they treat me as the bad guy because apparently I only care about the money. I'm sorry but I'm not about to let eight hundred dollars go so easily. So now people I once considered friends are treating me terribly because I asked for my money back. I don't think its too much to ask for. You lend money with the full expectation that you'll get it back. I've even been polite about it so far and incredibly patient. Now I know I should just let it go, just drop the whole thing but I feel like I've been unfairly cheated. It's things like this that make me lose faith in people and the notion of friendship. Maybe I just have high expectations.

</rant>

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^That's why I don't give people money.

I've seen honeysuckle like that before... wayyyyy too often.

I don't think you're a bad guy for wanting your money back.

Next time, maybe make her sign a freakin' written contract for the money.

 

[oarivan]

^^^That's why I don't give people money.
Next time, maybe make her sign a freakin' written contract for the money.

I've learned my lesson the hard way. I even let it slide for a year and was having a normal life, well normal enough for me. But coming back to Fiji and seeing these people again and having them shun me just brings back memories.
I wish I didn't have to use contracts when dealing with supposed friends.

 

[Badjedidude]

Fiji (no)

fresia 'em.

 

[Caroline]

Maybe cuz I'm greedy or something, but I NEVER lend people my money. If I can't trust you to pay me back, then sorry...you're not getting anything from me. >:\

$800 is a lot. You definitely need that money back. >.<!!

 

[oarivan]

I think I might just cut my losses and move on. It's easier to do when I'm in another country but while I'm here, It's really pissing me off. The meditating just aint cutting it.

 

[Badjedidude]

Punch some balls. Go all Mel Gibson/Payback on the chick.

 

[Minus]

I've seen honeysuckle like that before... wayyyyy too often.

So often that it appears to be the way you do things. Any promises of paying it back are of no priority once they receive the money. Yeah not everyone is that way but it is very common.

 

[tehdreamer]

I'd ask her to at least pay back in small payments over time. $800 is a lot for a single mother to come up with all at once, but she should at least be making payments. Even $20 month would be better than nothing at all!

This is why I never borrow money; I don't have stable enough funds to guarantee I can pay anyone back in a timely manner. And I try to never loan money because I know people don't pay back. Especially if you're a friend or family member because they think you'll let it slide because you care about them.

Your friends obviously never loaned anyone money then really needed it later on. It's a awful feeling to be broke and in desperate need for cash after loaning out money to someone.

 

[Badjedidude]

So often that it appears to be the way you do things. Any promises of paying it back are of no priority once they receive the money. Yeah not everyone is that way but it is very common.

It's that blasted sense of pre-ordained entitlement that's so prevalent these days... Those sorts of people just naturally assume that they somehow deserve the money lent, and are therefore not obligated to pay it back.

*sigh* I sound like an old gramps, moaning about old-fashioned honor like this... lol

 

[Brian]

There are a very select few, honest, hard working people I will loan money to.

Stay away from deadbeats like those. They're bad for you.

 

[oarivan]

My attempts at obtaining her number aren't working so I suppose I do have to let this slide. Her friends have formed a protective shield around her.

@Brian problem is you can't tell a deadbeat until they screw you out of $800. It would be nice if they wore signs.

 

[shells]

I am really sorry, oar. You don't deserve that at all.

 

[yesm]

Been there done that... rough road man... the money is gone let it go... those people arn't your friends... just people who know how to find people they can take advantage of... sometimes your worst enemy is the person who is being most friendly to you... if you have money to give then by all means, but don't EVER expect to get money back that you GIVE away... no matter WHAT the person says... tough luck bro

i just read your last response to oar... STOP trying to getthe money now... if she has enough friends to form a protective sheild she has enough friends to mobilize an attack unit... drop it as quick as you can before people start harrassing you...

i mean if you have legal grounds to take her to court over it then go for it.. but if you GAVE her the money... you did GIVE it to her... so it's her whether you she used it to invest into the fortunate 500 or spent it on drugs it's hers now no way around it... i know i've done the EXACT same thing before... gave a girl 600 dollars once CASH... cuz she and her baby's dady (they are married now go figure)... the most I got back was 150 dollars and i was on the phone BEGGING her so i could pay my car bill (she had enough to buy her friends over 100 dollars worth of christmas gifts no less after she gave me the 150)... and she still owes me the rest...

now she tries to get back in contact with me every once in a while... I just ignore her... money is tough... you can love somebody and still hate the part of them that wounds you where it hurts the most... we tend to think of money as some object... but any money you own is a PART of you.. it's neccesary to survive... so if someone screws you over with money... they are willing to screw you over for ANYTHING if the circumstances are right... avoid them at all costs... they may not even know how shitty a friend or person they are becuase they feel like a nice person and may actually be in MOST aspects of life.... but think of it this way...

would it hurt more to have some one chop off your leg.... or would it hurt more to have some one rob you so broke you can't even drive to work anymore and lose your job and become homeless... i'd rather have one good leg... a job and a roof over my head... then 2 good legs to walk around all day homeless begging for money with...

i know it's an extreme metaphor heh, but you ARE you're money... don't give yourself away to some one ever without collateral... be it emotional collateral or a physical existing collateral...
love and feelings and friendships are onething, but SURVIVAL is another... and everyone on this planet will do almost anything to survive if pushed hard enough... even rob a friend... it's been done to me MANY times heh... live and learn bro... take care....

 

[NotBillMurray]

Ugh, that sucks. Sorry to hear it.
I think maybe the high expectations this is it. And believe me, I have been there too.
My new policy (after much frustration) is to never lend money I can't deal with not getting back. I mean, unless the friendship isn't worth a lot, in which case I'd draw up a contract and take them to court should they not repay.
So it has resulted in me turning down some requests for loans, and issuing some loans I knew I'd never get back.
It's always your call, just be prepared to lose that money if you lend it I guess. It's a bleak outlook but it's saved me some anger, and I really don't want to be mad at my friends.

 

[oarivan]

Never trust a friend and if you must give them money, take their firstborn as collateral.

 

[nerdygirl]

That's awful! I do not loan money. Few people ever ask me, but when they do, I never "hear" the word, "borrow". I automatically ask myself if I can make them a gift of x amount of money, because I think the likelihood is slim that I will ever see it again. I also avoid asking anybody for money, unless I am absolutely certain I can repay them. Heck, I don't even like when a friend pays for my lunch, because until we go out again, I feel like I owe them. That girl should be ashamed of herself.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hate lending money to people precisely because of awkward situations like that. I absolutely refuse to ask for money either, but that's probably more of my pride talking. For damned sure if I received a large loan like that I'd scramble to pay it back. It's be my first priority when I was able. Ugh, just thinking about it is stressful.

FTR, you are not the bad guy in this scenario. The girl and her cadre of protectors are... well, I was going to say crazy, but maybe I'll tone it down and just call them misguided.