Intelligence and loneliness

[Superman]

Hello,

I've decided to post this cry for help, a message in a bottle, sort of. Perhaps I'll get lucky today, perhaps in ten years, perhaps never... but it's comforting that at least today I *tried* to do something, to change something.

I'm an unusual person, this I know. I have had trouble connecting/relating to other people my whole life, and I can make a good case that I've never met anyone who understood me. I feel like an alien, or someone from the future. My current explanation for this, a view shared by my therapist, is that I am exceptionally smart. Not just academically, but also emotionally, spiritually, whatever-ally.

If you are still reading, good for you! You managed to sidestep the path of 'exceptionally smart?! yeah right, keep deluding yourself buddy, I'll go spend my time elsewhere' . Yet, it's true. I really am that smart, and proportionally lonely as a result. Trust me when I tell you that people like smart, but they don't like 'too smart'.

I've been proven incapable of functioning in our current society, and so I spend the majority of my time at home. I honestly would like to contribute something truly meaningful to the world, but I have not found it yet. But first things first: In order to be able to fulfill my potential and create something extraordinary, I must first live.

I spent year after year searching for myself, and for answers to questions we all share. I have actually found both. I now know myself and love myself, as the person I was, am and will be. And I have some answers, not all of them, but some. For this post, I will focus on the question: What does a person need in life?

Besides the obvious answer of food/shelter/..., I have established a person needs to be connected to other people, if he or she wants to be happy. The stronger this connection, or the more people you are connected to, the better. Going back to my personal situation: When I was alone in my room all those years, I was completely disconnected, and 100 percent alone. In a way nothing has changed.

You see, I can't connect to most people even if I wanted to. I can help them, take care of them, listen to them, understand them... yet none of them can return the favor. Everyone stuck in his or her own life, unable to see the big picture. I *can* see this big picture, and it looks a bit like this: <3

You see, we are a young species, and still evolving. Eventually we'll outgrow all of our 'problems' and we will be at peace with ourselves, each other, other animals, the planet, and everything, really. I know this, because this calmness is already inside me. It's the result of years of thought and experience, but it's there and undeniably true. If I can feel it, we all can (and will, eventually).

So if I'm so peaceful, why a cry for help? Good question! You see, no matter how peaceful I am inside, it's still really lonely across that river. Every day I search the fields for others like me, people who have looked deep inside themselves and found the fundamental truth, but I have yet to find someone. I have tried to help people cross the river, but without success. Perhaps one can only cross alone.

I have a ton of free time, and I would like to spend it forging deep, meaningful connections with as many people as possible. A life alone is no life at all. I need you all, to love, to live, to share, to give. If you have the courage to look deep inside yourself and find out what you really want, I believe you'll find much of the same thing. And when you do, please contact me. We will have great adventures together.

P.S. please hurry

Regards,

Superman

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Ponder this. In order to truly know God we are told to come unto him as a little child. You may just be missing it.

 

[LoneKiller]

You're walking around with kryptonite in your back pocket. Judging by what you posted you seem to have all of the necessary tools to solve your own problem. You seem quasi enlightened. You just need to not try so hard. Forgive me for saying, but you seem to be feeling yourself a little too much. I recommend a little from Zen philosophy here. Check it out. Don't just do a cursory study. Put what you learn into practice.

A little humility here might help your cause.

 

[Alienated]

Lean NOT on your own understanding.... cause you'll screw it up every time !!

Partner !! You thoroughly mentally masturbated yourself into a lather , slowdown Superman !!

Take your Adderall , and reread what you wrote. Because one must not think more highly of himself than he ought.
Your jigsaw puzzle has a few pieces gone !

And there are mushrooms that make you small, and others that make to tall, but the ones that mother give you don't do anything at all !

Contemplate these facts, take a little nap, and try again... OK ?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You're not perfect. You're not Superman. Everyone has flaws.

I think part of your problem is that you think you're better than everyone else, and then you expect to relate to everyone else. Putting yourself on a pedestal is no better than putting others on a pedestal. We are all human beings, and all are flawed.

 

[LoneKiller]

You're not perfect. You're not Superman. Everyone has flaws.

I think part of your problem is that you think you're better than everyone else, and then you expect to relate to everyone else. Putting yourself on a pedestal is no better than putting others on a pedestal. We are all human beings, and all are flawed.

Not me. I'm perfect.

 

[Locke]

See, the problem isn't that people don't like 'exceptionally smart', the problem is that people don't like arrogant. I remember you told us how smart you are in your intro thread. I'm not sure if you believe that we care about your intelligence, or you just feel the need to brag, or what.......Whatever the case, if you do this with everyone then it's no surprise you think people don't like 'too smart'.

My advice is to stop telling people how smart you are. Let them discover that on their own.

I'm hoping you will take this as the feedback that it's meant to be and not as an insult. I'm sure you're a very nice person.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You're not perfect. You're not Superman. Everyone has flaws.

I think part of your problem is that you think you're better than everyone else, and then you expect to relate to everyone else. Putting yourself on a pedestal is no better than putting others on a pedestal. We are all human beings, and all are flawed.

Not me. I'm perfect.

My mom always tells me that she was the youngest, because you can't improve on perfection.

I'm guessing that's why I'm an only child. Everything went right the first time...

 

[Solivagant]

See, the problem isn't that people don't like 'exceptionally smart', the problem is that people don't like arrogant. I remember you told us how smart you are in your intro thread. I'm not sure if you believe that we care about your intelligence, or you just feel the need to brag, or what.......Whatever the case, if you do this with everyone then it's no surprise you think people don't like 'too smart'.

My advice is to stop telling people how smart you are. Let them discover that on their own.

I'm hoping you will take this as the feedback that it's meant to be and not as an insult. I'm sure you're a very nice person.

^ This.

 

[Alienated]

Usually the first one... is a accident !!

 

[Garbageman]

Hey that doesn't mean you can't have a perfect accident.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That's what I'm going with.

 

[ardour]

What was your IQ and which IQ test did you take?

I have the opposite problem.

 

[MTrip]

Others here have brought up arrogance, which is a good point. No one likes it. Admittedly if you are an intellectual it can be tempting to show it off. I've always been a curious person as well & my education didn't stop with getting a B.A. But ordinary people usually don't like the bright ones. They feel threatened for some reason. So in real life I try not to speak polysyllabically, among other things.

I disagree with your future prognostications for the human race, though. With all due respect, you give humanity far too much credit. Just because you love yourself & know that peace is the better way does not mean everyone else will agree. Look at the story of Cain & Abel; you don't have to take it factually to see a truth about human nature there. Several times in history, there have been predictions of a coming age of universal peace & brotherhood. Thus far it has not happened.

Have you ever read Anti-Intellectualism in American Life by Richard Hofstadter? If not, then you should.

 

[ardour]

Others here have brought up arrogance, which is a good point. No one likes it. Admittedly if you are an intellectual it can be tempting to show it off. I've always been a curious person as well & my education didn't stop with getting a B.A. But ordinary people usually don't like the bright ones. They feel threatened for some reason. So in real life I try not to speak polysyllabically, among other things.

I disagree with your future prognostications for the human race, though. With all due respect, you give humanity far too much credit. Just because you love yourself & know that peace is the better way does not mean everyone else will agree. Look at the story of Cain & Abel; you don't have to take it factually to see a truth about human nature there. Several times in history, there have been predictions of a coming age of universal peace & brotherhood. Thus far it has not happened.

Have you ever read Anti-Intellectualism in American Life by Richard Hofstadter? If not, then you should.

I think ordinary people don't like being made to feel inferior, as opposed to just uninformed.

 

[Superman]

My therapist is one who specializes in treating people who are 'hoogbegaafd' (i guess 'gifted' is the word that comes closest in English) and she told me being 'gifted' should be acknowledged as a handicap just as much as being 'laagbegaafd' is (a person in the bottom X percent when it comes to intelligence). I too believe this would be a very good thing for me, as now I can't say I'm exceptionally smart without being labeled as arrogant, even when it's very relevant to the subject. Keep in mind, my intelligence is the number one cause of my life-long isolation from others, so it seems necessary to mention it. Even more so when I'm actively looking for others who might have had a similar path.

I don't mean to brag, degrade others, make you feel stupid,... none of that. In fact, I don't think I've ever had any bad intentions in my entire life. I don't think that I'm better than other people, but I am luckier. That's how I feel, lucky, blessed. Despite people mistreating or ignoring me my whole life, I've never seen my gifted-ness as a curse. It's a blessing, and I wouldn't trade with anyone... but boy, would I like to *share* it with everyone. I want you to see the beauty I see, and feel the calmness I feel.

It's true that I crave connections, it's not true that I'm actively distancing myself from others. I actually *am* different, just as someone with autism for instance (an affliction which often shares several characteristics with my own). I can't choose to mingle and join everyone else, I can only fake it. I have done this more times than I can remember, but it's never brought me any joy or fulfillment. Plus, I'm actually in a wonderful place... I don't even want to leave, I want you to join me here, and be free. Free, together.

P.S. I already said this in my first post, but it bears repeating: I don't think I *am* Superman, I chose this name because every day I *aspire to be* Superman. You know, like The Iron Giant.

 

[Solivagant]

I understand where you're coming from. I was often told that I was wise beyond my years, that I was different, and people would label me "snobby" for being smart when I actually wasn't snobby at all. (I also have Asperger's, which as you said shares characteristics with your own.) In fact when I was in high school I was at essentially the same place you are now in terms of inner peace and being self-actualized, but still lonely. You can imagine that being mature and at peace as a teenager does not exactly help you connect with your peers. Exceptional intelligence does make it difficult to relate to others, as does exceptional maturity, exceptional morality, and a number of other attributes one might possess.

I don't think you're arrogant, but you have to understand that talking about your exceptional smarts is going to sound like bragging to most people, the same way an exceptionally attractive person talking about how good-looking they are is going to sound arrogant, or a religious person trying to convert someone they just met is going to make them want to be as far away from that person as possible. It's self-defeating.

Your goal is to put people at ease first. If I approached people I barely knew and said things like, "I'm gifted with exceptional intelligence that sets me apart from ordinary people, I'm enlightened, I think on a higher plane, I see beauty that you don't see, and I oh so wish I could teach you all and elevate you to my level!"

...Why would they want to talk to me? Can you see how that would sound patronizing? You may not be saying those exact words, but that's exactly what it sounds like to "the rest of us". It seems like you're trying to elevate yourself to the position of a leader or a guru, without convincing anyone why you deserve to be there. In addition, you keep mentioning your therapist and it sounds like you're trying to use her opinion as some kind of proof. I hope you don't take that the wrong way, I'm just saying that people are going to judge your gifts by their own standards, not by hers, or yours. I doubt anyone here cares if your therapist thinks you're special. That's not going to mean anything to most people.

Unfortunately human nature is not going to accommodate you. You may think that you should be able to speak openly about your intelligence and the problems that come with it. And there I agree with you, and share your pain. In an ideal world people would not react defensively to open discussion about such a subject. But this is not an ideal world, and the unfair truth is you just can't talk about being intelligent without it sounding a certain way. People have strong reactions to perceived arrogance and if that's how you're perceived, they will start looking for more reasons to dislike you. You very well might have great things to say, but if you say them with the wrong tone, nothing will get through.

This quote might be relevant to you: "True genius can get an idea across even to an inferior mind." - Flannery O'Connor

If you just wanted people to lend an ear so you could vent, that would be one thing. But if you hope to connect with them, then you have to be aware of and care about how you come off. It's not about what you say, it's about how what you say is going to be heard. Someone who is smart about people will understand this, and find ways to broach the subject without putting everyone off. There are better ways to mention the reason for your isolation.

I want to reiterate what Locke said. Live by example, and don't tell other people how smart you are. Let them discover that on their own. If you really are that smart, they will, and they will respect you more for not broadcasting it. If people want to connect with you or learn from you, it will be because of how you make them feel, not your self-proclaimed credentials.


Sorry for the long post, I probably should have PMed you.

 

[Garbageman]

^Well put. I really can't add anything.

 

[Locke]

My therapist is one who specializes in treating people who are 'hoogbegaafd' (i guess 'gifted' is the word that comes closest in English) and she told me being 'gifted' should be acknowledged as a handicap just as much as being 'laagbegaafd' is (a person in the bottom X percent when it comes to intelligence). I too believe this would be a very good thing for me, as now I can't say I'm exceptionally smart without being labeled as arrogant, even when it's very relevant to the subject. Keep in mind, my intelligence is the number one cause of my life-long isolation from others, so it seems necessary to mention it. Even more so when I'm actively looking for others who might have had a similar path.

Fire your therapist, she's feeding your ego. Intelligent you may be, but you are not 'gifted' or 'handicapped', and the fact that you wish to be treated as such makes you sound arrogant. Your intelligence isn't to blame for your isolation, I have known many intelligent people who have friends. It's more likely that the way you view yourself and the world is to blame.

I don't mean to brag, degrade others, make you feel stupid,... none of that. In fact, I don't think I've ever had any bad intentions in my entire life. I don't think that I'm better than other people, but I am luckier. That's how I feel, lucky, blessed. Despite people mistreating or ignoring me my whole life, I've never seen my gifted-ness as a curse. It's a blessing, and I wouldn't trade with anyone... but boy, would I like to *share* it with everyone. I want you to see the beauty I see, and feel the calmness I feel.

But you come off as if you do think you're better than other people, at least in your posts here. Nearly everyone has some talent, gift or blessing. We are all unique and special, and we are all blessed. I'm glad that you want to share what you can with the world. I'm sure that whatever you contribute will be worth seeing, so show us what you've got.

It's true that I crave connections, it's not true that I'm actively distancing myself from others. I actually *am* different, just as someone with autism for instance (an affliction which often shares several characteristics with my own). I can't choose to mingle and join everyone else, I can only fake it. I have done this more times than I can remember, but it's never brought me any joy or fulfillment. Plus, I'm actually in a wonderful place... I don't even want to leave, I want you to join me here, and be free. Free, together.

I can't choose to mingle and join everyone else either, so I understand where you're coming from. But this doesn't make either of us 'different'. It just means that we have to keep looking until we find people who we are comfortable with.

P.S. I already said this in my first post, but it bears repeating: I don't think I *am* Superman, I chose this name because every day I *aspire to be* Superman. You know, like The Iron Giant.

An interesting aspiration, but impossible and ultimately pointless. The world doesn't need a Superman. The world needs an intelligent, capable and caring person. I believe that is something we should all aspire to be.

The best thing about Superman is something he wasn't even born with: His humanity.

 

[Superman]

Thanks for that, Solivagant. Well thought-out response, no hostility found Another quote to go with the one you posted: "If you cant explain it in a simple way, you don't understand it yourself" --Albert Einstein.

However, I'm not really in the business of putting people at ease, dancing around sensitive topics... That's not what I want to use my precious time for. If someone concludes I'm arrogant or delusional after a single post, it was likely that this person isn't one I'm looking for anyway, as the act of 'jumping to conclusions' depresses me. I have plenty of people in my life already who do that. I'm looking for people who *don't* do this, and because of that it doesn't seem to matter how delicately I present my problem. I like to be positive and give people a real chance, and this is a trait that the people I want to find have to share.

Did I put that clearly? I'm still waiting for my Alien-Human dictionary, so forgive me if I messed it up again. Know that I come in peace <3

---

Dislike the other reply, sadly... sensing too much hostility. I definitely am both gifted and handicapped. It took me a long time to accept these two truths, but now that I have I will not hide them from the world. I have a piece of paper that says I'm unable to work, which is legal proof in my country that I am handicapped. Somehow you all seem to think my therapist is someone with a major influence on me, which really isn't true. I knew I was gifted before I went, as I only ended up with her after specifically looking for someone who specializes in my condition. Truthfully, it's just a coincidence she was mentioned in all these posts. On other websites I posted in hundreds of topics without any mention of her