Internet date meeting

[user 108508]

He is writing about coming to this country to see me next month and I wrote to say that he would have to book into a hotel as I wouldn't let someone I hardly know stay at my house. He agreed to this but has written to ask me to pay for his hotel in advance and that he will refund me the money when he comes.

Not a snowball's chance in Hell you will ever see that money again.

Are my instincts here right or am I being paranoid?

You are spot on to be suspicious. Run like zombies are chasing you.

Be safe.

 

[BeyondShy]

But just watch, this guy will get some really nice girl to be with and I won't.

The whole universe wasn't created to piss you off y'know !

No it wasn't. Thank God for that.

 

[Triple Bogey]

But just watch, this guy will get some really nice girl to be with and I won't.

The whole universe wasn't created to piss you off y'know !

No it wasn't. Thank God for that.

Good. And I know it feels like it sometimes !
And it's easy to get down on yourself when things don't your way !

 

[Tiina63]

Thank you everyone who has responded.
I haven't written to him yesterday or today because of not really knowing what to say.
He didn't ask me to send him the money for the hotel but to go to the hotel and reserve a room for him and pay, and then he will pay me back when he comes. But I don't feel right about the situation at all.
He knows my surname because it is on my email but he doesn't have my address or phone numbers (landline or mobile.) He also doesn't know what I look like because we haven't exchanged photos. This, too, I find odd, as usually men (not being anti men here, just honest about my experiences with online dating) want a photo before planning a meeting.
And I told him about my Aspergers and about the two serious physical illnesses I have had as these are things I like to be open about at the start, so that the other has the chance to back off if he can't handle it before I have become attached emotionally. Anyway, he didn't refer to any of this in his subsequent emails which I found odd. He just kept saying he though I was right for him. I'm not saying it should have put him off, just that normally when I write to someone, they do acknowledge these issues.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Thank you everyone who has responded.
I haven't written to him yesterday or today because of not really knowing what to say.
He didn't ask me to send him the money for the hotel but to go to the hotel and reserve a room for him and pay, and then he will pay me back when he comes. But I don't feel right about the situation at all.
He knows my surname because it is on my email but he doesn't have my address or phone numbers (landline or mobile.) He also doesn't know what I look like because we haven't exchanged photos. This, too, I find odd, as usually men (not being anti men here, just honest about my experiences with online dating) want a photo before planning a meeting.
And I told him about my Aspergers and about the two serious physical illnesses I have had as these are things I like to be open about at the start, so that the other has the chance to back off if he can't handle it before I have become attached emotionally. Anyway, he didn't refer to any of this in his subsequent emails which I found odd. He just kept saying he though I was right for him. I'm not saying it should have put him off, just that normally when I write to someone, they do acknowledge these issues.

Sounds very much like a scam of some kind.
Have you any proof he is telling the truth about who he is and where he is from ?

 

[HoodedMonk]

Thank you everyone who has responded.
I haven't written to him yesterday or today because of not really knowing what to say.
He didn't ask me to send him the money for the hotel but to go to the hotel and reserve a room for him and pay, and then he will pay me back when he comes. But I don't feel right about the situation at all.
He knows my surname because it is on my email but he doesn't have my address or phone numbers (landline or mobile.) He also doesn't know what I look like because we haven't exchanged photos. This, too, I find odd, as usually men (not being anti men here, just honest about my experiences with online dating) want a photo before planning a meeting.
And I told him about my Aspergers and about the two serious physical illnesses I have had as these are things I like to be open about at the start, so that the other has the chance to back off if he can't handle it before I have become attached emotionally. Anyway, he didn't refer to any of this in his subsequent emails which I found odd. He just kept saying he though I was right for him. I'm not saying it should have put him off, just that normally when I write to someone, they do acknowledge these issues.

Sounds very much like a scam of some kind.
Have you any proof he is telling the truth about who he is and where he is from ?

For once, I agree with you. Scam.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Thank you everyone who has responded.
I haven't written to him yesterday or today because of not really knowing what to say.
He didn't ask me to send him the money for the hotel but to go to the hotel and reserve a room for him and pay, and then he will pay me back when he comes. But I don't feel right about the situation at all.
He knows my surname because it is on my email but he doesn't have my address or phone numbers (landline or mobile.) He also doesn't know what I look like because we haven't exchanged photos. This, too, I find odd, as usually men (not being anti men here, just honest about my experiences with online dating) want a photo before planning a meeting.
And I told him about my Aspergers and about the two serious physical illnesses I have had as these are things I like to be open about at the start, so that the other has the chance to back off if he can't handle it before I have become attached emotionally. Anyway, he didn't refer to any of this in his subsequent emails which I found odd. He just kept saying he though I was right for him. I'm not saying it should have put him off, just that normally when I write to someone, they do acknowledge these issues.

Sounds very much like a scam of some kind.
Have you any proof he is telling the truth about who he is and where he is from ?

For once, I agree with you. Scam.

what do you mean 'for once' ?
(only kidding )

 

[Peaches]

And I told him about my Aspergers and about the two serious physical illnesses I have had as these are things I like to be open about at the start, so that the other has the chance to back off if he can't handle it before I have become attached emotionally. Anyway, he didn't refer to any of this in his subsequent emails which I found odd.

I am sorry to say but some lowlifes do see illness and every weakness as an opportunity to take advantage of other human beings, been there myself a couple of times

 

[Serephina]

The more I read,the more I want to say don't do it,even if the guy was legit (which I really don't think he is from the sounds of it) he would be decent enough to wait until he could pay his own way and organise the hotel himself and not expect you to do this for him. Also what if you do go to the hotel and pay and then he doesn't show up and you waste your money.

On another issue,I know what you mean about the aspergers and wanting to be honest about it from the start but I think perhaps divulging too much too soon isn't always the best idea. My boyfriend has Aspergers and all I knew was that he had social anxiety when we met,we went on a date and when we knew we were getting along he told me he had Aspergers and it didn't matter to me because I liked him for who he was. This man appears not to have to you that much about himself and yet may have revealed his true colours before it was too late. I hope you find someone more worthy of you.

 

[Tiina63]

No TB I have absolutely no proof that he is who he says he is. He could be anyone. I haven't written to him since Friday and think it is probably best to let it die. His saying he thought we were right for each other after a few emails was too much, really. And the fact he said so little about himself has put me off.
Peaches-maybe it would be better if I kept my past illnesses to myself for a while-its just that I know that some people would be put off by them so like to get them out into the open early on so that they don't come as a shock later on. Both have left physical evidence-a mastectomy and misted lens on my glasses-so they can't be forever hidden and can be offputting. Then again, the sort of person I hope to meet would not be put off by them.
Serephina-maybe I should keep my AS to myself for a while?

 

[Triple Bogey]

No TB I have absolutely no proof that he is who he says he is. He could be anyone. I haven't written to him since Friday and think it is probably best to let it die. His saying he thought we were right for each other after a few emails was too much, really. And the fact he said so little about himself has put me off.
Peaches-maybe it would be better if I kept my past illnesses to myself for a while-its just that I know that some people would be put off by them so like to get them out into the open early on so that they don't come as a shock later on. Both have left physical evidence-a mastectomy and misted lens on my glasses-so they can't be forever hidden and can be offputting. Then again, the sort of person I hope to meet would not be put off by them.
Serephina-maybe I should keep my AS to myself for a while?

I am glad you have stopped writing to him. I am sure it was a scam of some kind which would involve you sending some money for him to come and see you.

This brings back some horrible memories for me. A couple of years ago, this Russian woman. I lost nearly a thousand to her. She wanted more, three and half grand. If I had gone along with it, I would have been stood at Heathrow airport with a bunch of flowers in my hand and four and half grand in her pocket. Luckily I came to my senses and didn't send anything after the first grand.

I told people at work as well. I told my family. They all told me it was a scam, I didn't listen. I was stupid.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Tiina, this guy sounds very fishy and like the others have said.... major amount of red flags. Someone who is so rushed to want to meet you in person.... that doesn't feel right either. Especially when they're in a different country. If he's local, it might probably make some sense but... no, I don't feel good about this one. :\

I know you will be careful, but still, be careful, Tiina.

 

[Tiina63]

I feel the same way lady Forsaken-if he had lived a few miles away, I could understand wanting to meet soon instead of emailing for months first, but when someone lives ina different country it seems very odd and dubious that they would be prepared to travel abroad to meet someone without knowing much about them first.
TB-I am sorry you lost £1000 but glad that you didn't lose so much more. It can be hard when people tell you it is a scam as you think that 'they don't know him/her like I do etc' (tho in my case I don't know this guy) and so you give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes peoples' protestations can even make you cling harder to the one scamming you. But in this case our 'involvement' was so shortlived that backing away is not hard.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I feel the same way lady Forsaken-if he had lived a few miles away, I could understand wanting to meet soon instead of emailing for months first, but when someone lives ina different country it seems very odd and dubious that they would be prepared to travel abroad to meet someone without knowing much about them first.
TB-I am sorry you lost £1000 but glad that you didn't lose so much more. It can be hard when people tell you it is a scam as you think that 'they don't know him/her like I do etc' (tho in my case I don't know this guy) and so you give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes peoples' protestations can even make you cling harder to the one scamming you. But in this case our 'involvement' was so shortlived that backing away is not hard.

I am glad you didn't fall for whatever he had planned.