Is it okay to be open?

[Woz]

Some things I've noticed lately are the reactions of people when I talk about myself. A lot of people around me talk about themselves, such as what they did last weekend etc. I usually talk about anything without realising because i have no restrictions in what I say. I tend to "cross the fine line" in some of my jokes, however I never say anything with the intention to offend anyone.

In some conversation i often speak of the odd things i do that are different to most. I spoke to my teacher and he said "try not to get institutionalised and dependant on education". I accepted that i was already becoming dependant on college and told him "it's because i don't do much outside of college, I don't have much of a social life."

He responded with something like "where did that come from? That's quite taboo (or something)" and the mood suddenly dropped. I didn't think saying this would result with so much tension, it was weird.

Has anybody else experienced something like this?

 

[JustALonelyGuy]

Hi Woz,
I am the same as you and I have learnt the hard way at 31 years old that you can't be 'too open'. Dont let people tell you waht to do and don't always give them an answer. The truth is most people are quick to judge because they are insecure and want everyone to do waht they think they should do. Anyone asks me anything Im not comfortable with or tries to tell me waht to do, I either change the subject rapidly or say in an assertive manner 'well, we are individuals, we all ahve to do what we feel right. There is nothinw ron with being 'institutionalized' aslong as you also enuinely love learnign and bein educated. Remember also, people have motives that amy work aaisnt you in the disguise of 'good advice' Hope i am not putting you off buddy. Just my take on things.

Hope this has helped you.

Hope this helps.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

(You need to seriously spell-check your stuff, it's really scrambled)

Yes, it is very true that people when you're being honest, think you're asking for advice.

"You asked, I answered" was my approach in another web forum. They had no ability to understand this, and decided to "help" me with heavy-handed advice, and insults when I wouldn't take it. Human beings have the right to live as they choose, and be whoever they are, not be forced to do something because "everyone else is doing it."

If someone tries to make you feel odd because you want to share something you're feeling, don't share it with them.

 

[MissGuided]

Some things I've noticed lately are the reactions of people when I talk about myself. A lot of people around me talk about themselves, such as what they did last weekend etc. I usually talk about anything without realising because i have no restrictions in what I say. I tend to "cross the fine line" in some of my jokes, however I never say anything with the intention to offend anyone.

In some conversation i often speak of the odd things i do that are different to most. I spoke to my teacher and he said "try not to get institutionalised and dependant on education". I accepted that i was already becoming dependant on college and told him "it's because i don't do much outside of college, I don't have much of a social life."

He responded with something like "where did that come from? That's quite taboo (or something)" and the mood suddenly dropped. I didn't think saying this would result with so much tension, it was weird.

Has anybody else experienced something like this?

I think being open is fine, but cautiously so. 'Don't show all your cards', so to speak.

In the scenario you described with your professor, I found *his* reaction to be odd, honestly. Your comment of not having much of a social life outside of college did not strike me as one that would warrant such an incredulous response from him. Perhaps he just misunderstood.

(You need to seriously spell-check your stuff, it's really scrambled)

Actually, 'spell check' should not be hyphenated. Perhaps before chastising someone else's grammatical errors, you should ensure that you haven't made any.

 

[edamame721]

Most people will be very judgmental. Its fine to be open, but just make sure negative criticisms don't hurt you. As for your professor, maybe he was joking and not expecting you to take it seriously and agree.

 

[Tiina63]

Yes, I have experienced this sort of thing at times. Many social interractions are superficial and real openess can judged negatively. It is no wonder that many of us are lonely when we are criticised for being ourselves.
Justalonelyguy's and edamame's messages are useful. And I agree with Missguided that your professor's response was odd.

 

[Tealeaf]

Regardless of what it is you do or think, somebody somewhere is going to have issue with it or think it weird. People are coming at life from numerous angles and backgrounds. Keep the biggest things under wraps in casual conversation and that's about all you can do.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Social occasions should be uplifting and positive. You said something very depressing. Of course that is the reaction you are going to get. It sounds like the comment was made in jest. However, you took it and threw it into a dark/sad reality. Of course that will cause problems. No matter what the topic is.

 

[Gutted]

I have learned that I can't be very open to many people without it becoming a problem. But it's perfectly fine for many people to be open to me. Or at least, I wont complain if someone wants to talk to me and make conversation. Even if it is all about them. But if I do it back just a bit, it's boring

I guess you have to really get to know people before saying some things to them. You have to know that they will take you seriously. Try to be a very good judge of character. Be patient too.

 

[painter's radio]

A lot of the time it's about how you say it. Two different people could say the same thing to another, theoretically static person with entirely different results. You said yourself you talked about how you do things differently to most people, and used the word "odd" to describe yourself. I think being odd in this sense just means that it will be harder to find people that understand you, or are on your wavelength. Doesn't mean you're a freak or anything, just that the person you're talking to is different, and they too do their own things differently.

It's fine to be open but there's a time and a place for it, too. Not everyone wants to touch on the more depressing subjects. Some do though. Just learn who.

 

[Woz]

Social occasions should be uplifting and positive. You said something very depressing. Of course that is the reaction you are going to get. It sounds like the comment was made in jest. However, you took it and threw it into a dark/sad reality. Of course that will cause problems. No matter what the topic is.

It wasn't like a special social occasion, it was just general chit chat. What I said wasn't depressing, it was his choice to interpret it as being depressing, much like i may have misinterpreted his response.