Is starting later an advantage or disadvantage?

[Revengineer]

When most people experience their first relationship, they typically don't last very long. It's assumed that the main reason that these relationships fail is due to inexperience and immaturity. It's said that without these failed relationships, it's hard to get a good idea of the sort of person you're looking for, and you also don't learn what it's like to share your life with another human being. According to this theory, the cycle of dating and breaking up is considered an essential part of the process of eventually finding someone to settle down with.

At the same time, someone who's only started dating at an older age has a pretty good idea of what to expect from observing their peers, and also lacks any baggage from past relationships. So they may be better suited to making better choices both before and during the relationship. But they may also be blindsided at the sudden loss of independence that they've taken for granted their entire lives, and this may cause trouble later on. Also at this point in life, most potential partners would be years ahead in dating experience and are probably looking for someone who's "played the game" already.

These are my two views on the subject. Which do you think makes more sense?

 

[Locke]

Both views make sense. I think dating earlier is the better choice though (assuming it is a choice). You gain confidence, learn social skills, learn to really open up and be honest with someone, learn how to deal with heartbreak and rejection, learn to kiss....the list goes on.

I'd guess waiting until you're in your 20's or 30's could adversely effect a person's self esteem and confidence, among other things. But then again, so could baggage from past relationships. Still, I think the lessons learned from early relationships are valuable.

 

[MellyVinelli]

The flip side is you could have never experienced the freedom of the single life as I have been in a relationship since I was 15. Had another relationship on the go at college and then broke of the first one. Now I'm engaged to the second one.

Still socially awkward because I never practiced the chase and never really experienced heartbreak because I was the heartbreaker. Perhaps I have no business talking to girls but I am definitely behind in the department. If for whatever reason it didn't work out, I would fare no better at the moment.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Relationships are important, but not that important.

I'd argue that finding someone, period, is something that will make you happy...not waiting until a certain age, or having not waited.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Both views make sense. I think dating earlier is the better choice though (assuming it is a choice). You gain confidence, learn social skills, learn to really open up and be honest with someone, learn how to deal with heartbreak and rejection, learn to kiss....the list goes on.

I'd guess waiting until you're in your 20's or 30's could adversely effect a person's self esteem and confidence, among other things. But then again, so could baggage from past relationships. Still, I think the lessons learned from early relationships are valuable.

I'm thinking same as Locke.

Although my first relationship was when I was 18 and lasted about 5 years. Made me learn a whole lot really.

 

[BlossomedInShadows]

I think it depends a lot on the person. I know plenty of people who have moved from relationship to relationship, with none of them lasting very long. I also know some people who have only dated one person, and ended up marrying them. Some people learn better from making mistakes in dating, while others learn more from observation and self-awareness.

Me, I'm 22 and never dated anyone, but I've been in enough situations where I know what kinds of people to avoid, along with what characteristics I find attractive, although I have yet to test it out. Even so, I'm hoping that when I do start dating, I'll have a better sense of who I am and what I want out of life. So I guess in my case, waiting until older has been an advantage, although there are some downsides as well.

 

[Ignis]

You could argue that people on both ends have ther advantages and disadvantages, however I believe it's the people who start dating younger who will have more of an advantage.
Sure, being younger means you'll be more immature, and you'll make mistakes. But those are mistakes you'll learn from, so that you don't make them again.
However, just because you've SEEN other people dating, doesn't mean you'll be able to avoid it yourself when you're older... Which is where starting later has a big disadvantage.

Being in a relationship, it can give you a form of tunnel vision where you don't really see problems in your relationship. You can't see that you're being controlled, or that you've said something you shouldn't have. Witnessing it happen outside a relationship, and EXPERIENCING it inside a relationship are two different things. Chances are, you're not going to remember yourself saying "I won't do that if I ever get in a relationship" until it's too late, if at all.

Unfortunately, as the saying goes; there's no substitute for experience.
The more you have, the better off you are. Experiencing at a younger age means you don't lag behind at an older age.

 

[kail91]

best way is never start and be alone

 

[Nice But Dim Jim]

The biggest disadvantage of starting later in my opinion is that the first time you get your heart broken...you REALLY will get your heart broken.

 

[nelloy]

I dont think it makes alot of difference.

In saying you learn from early relationships what makes a relationship good, what one is looking for etc, could it just be that younger people actually just have no idea what the hell they want? I know I didnt.

Maybe its just maturity that helps in that department?

I wouldnt really be bothered by the lack of previous relationships in a potential partner.

 

[Gutted]

I think it depends on the subjects really. Some people may be better off waiting. Others may not. I think you generally need to be in a certain position in life to have the best chance of a relationship. So if at 13, you're confident, secure and think you can handle it, go for it. It takes some people longer to meet the general requirements of a relationship though. Nothing wrong with that. Some people start off in a better position in life then others so it's bound to take longer.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I wouldn't say starting early is bad, because you get to experiment and experience things. However, starting later, you really have a good idea of what you really want. You're more developed as a person, and have stronger ideas about things.

 

[blackdot]

the problem I have found with starting to date late in life is that I have no experience and have no idea how dating works.
Women my age expect men to know what they are doing by now in terms of dating.

 

[Spiderpope]

I've never really "dated" per se, i sort of fell straight into a relationship.

My first, and only, relationship started when i was 22, so i was pretty late getting started. But it lasted five years and i had two children with her before i managed to completely screw it up. Been alone ever since (29 and rapidly approaching 30 now ).

I wouldn't say starting late is that big of a disadvantage at the beginning of a relationship, if anything it helps because you haven't had time to become jaded or distrustful. But it was certainly a disadvantage for me when it came to the end of the relationship. I didn't know what to do to try to fix things or how to cope with the break up, which is still something i am struggling with now,two years on.

 

[ardour]

Try being over 30 having never had any relationship experience and convince yourself there’s some advantage in it. Working up from Social Pariah status, hmm... well there is a *challenge* in that I suppose.

Fact is the normal (sane) women around my age are either married, partnered up, happier single, or waiting for one of the “good ones” to come along.
The single ones circle around the top 25% of men deemed attractive.. and would rather be used by those guys and dropped like a piece of tissue paper than settle for anything less. It’s all preferable to compromising and ending up with a loser.
I am yet to know a woman who has never been in a relationship, yet I’ve known several men who haven’t and several more who I suspect haven’t either. I feel sorry for them (not to imply I don’t feel pathetic self-pity along the way) Hard working, clean, average to good looking, decent non-perverts (I assume)... it doesn’t matter; they’re shy and don’t have the right appeal. Had they lived a few decades ago they would have been married. Now they are invisible.
Not that I want a return to those days, it’s just that the responsibility for this seems to fall on one gender’s incessant standoffish attitude.
Women are more emotionally prepared to be alone than men, that's the problem. Sorry another gender war post.

 

[Minus]

... Sorry another gender war post.

Then why do you insist on continuing it with an assortment of baseless claims?

 

[Case]

Neither is good or bad. Each position, be it an experienced person at relationships, or a novice, has unique challenges.

However, I will quote The Matrix to illustrate my own feelings:

"There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."

I have walked the path, I have stumbled, I have fallen, and I have picked myself up again and brushed the dirt off to try again. Only by doing will we ever learn to be better than we were before.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Women are more emotionally prepared to be alone than men, that's the problem. Sorry another gender war post.

Yes. Because there's NO female users on this site, right? :rolleyes2:

 

[ardour]

Yes. Because there's NO female users on this site, right? :rolleyes2:

I was speaking in general terms and people aren't necessarily here due to the lack of a romantic relationship.

Notable is the lack of "men are bastards", "why are men so picky?" type topics. There's been one since I joined. Compare that to the dozen or so from men complaining. What does that tell you, men are more whiney, less mature? Or perhaps women are (generally) less desperate. "The one who cares least, has the most power" etc.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Actually, there are plenty of women who are older who haven't been in a relationship. They tend to be either socially awkward or unattractive, though, which is what guys with the same situations go through.