Is this BS or what?

[GrannySmith111]

So I made a post a few weeks ago. Long story short, I moved in 8th grade away from my friends. We still hung out in person lots even though we moved but overtime especially last summer thats been changing. We never hangout in person much and they kept blowing me off every time I would ask them to hangout. Full post is here if you're interested but it's pretty lengthy http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=29303

This might be quite lengthy as well but I really need to get this BS off my head. I can't quite understand this and I hope you guys can help me? It gets a little more interesting towards the end for me. Lets refer to these friends as Friends A,B and C again.

Last week, Friend C asked me to come to their school's football game. We went and had quite a blast. Afterwards on Monday, he asked me if I could go to the next game (which was today). I told him yeah and he said he might go.

Yesterday, I asked all 3 friends if they could go. Friend B never responded to my calls or texts. Friend A said "idk maybe". Friend C told me "idk" since he had homework that was due at 12 today and he's been really tired the whole week. I don't know how you can have homework due at 12 but that's what he told me lol.

Lets go to today. This recently happened in the past hours. Friend A tells me this. "I can't go to the game. I mean I can go but I don't wanna since I gotta bring my little bro and I don't wanna do that". We have this conversation over text. I'm just asking him to see if he wants to just go and bring his little brother. I ask him if Friend B is still going and he says "idk he told me he would go but he doesn't pickup his phone a lot". I just tell him "friend b only texts me when he plays PS3 but never picks up when I call him lol". Friend A tells me "he probably can't go...".

While this is going on, I'm not quite sure whether or not they're going to the football game or not. I would love to go since it's been ages since we've hung out a lot. I told my mom that I was gonna go. After all this I told her I wasn't gonna go and I changed my mind.

And then, in the group message Friend C just says "guys meet up at the game". I'm really confused at this point and I just ask "r u guys going or not???". I text Friend A and say "Friend C is going all of a sudden lol?". No response for what seemed to be a good 5-10 min. Now by this point, I told my mom AGAIN that I was gonna go since my friends changed their mind.

All of a sudden Friend A texts me saying that Friend C was "just kidding and he was lying". I'm getting a little frustrated at this point. "wtf. r u guys going or not honestly" I reply to him. He replies back in all caps saying "WE'RE NOT GOING". We get into this little argument over text because i'm a little angry over why they kept changing their mind and they couldn't tell me that they weren't going in the first place. Like I said, this isn't the first time something of this nature has happened. I'm just telling Friend A that if they don't wanna go hangout then they should just TELL ME THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. He says "I told you we weren't and Friend C was just kidding". First off, Friend B never picked up his phone and Friend C never gave me a definite answer and neither did Friend A. Friend A says "omg I'm with them right now they cannot go". After some more texts he says "dude i'm really busy right now talk to me later". I'm pretty furious at this point and getting sick of the BS so I ask him "how r u with them then?". Friend A is just like "lol u want a pic?"

Ok so out of nowhere Friend B (the one who hasn't been picking up his phone or saying crap to me) sends a picture of what appears to be Friend A doing some homework at Friend B's house over the group message. At this point I'm just like ??????????????? WHAT???????????.

I just get completely FURIOUS at this point alright. Why couldn't they have given me a definite answer in the first place if they knew they had HOMEWORK to do with each other? Friend A obviously CANNOT GO and neither can Friend B if he's RIGHT NEXT TO YOU DOING HOMEWORK. Why would Friend A give me this BS about how he wants go go but he doesn't wanna bring his brother. Why the heck did Friend B not pick up his phone until now? All these questions just appear in my mind so we just continue arguing for some time over text (me and friend A). I'm just asking him why the heck did he have to tell me all this "idk", "probably" "maybe" and this BS about how he wanted to go but couldn't because of his brother. Basically he tells me to F off since they can't go, and stop asking him about every detail in his life and telling him when to do his homework.

Any clarification you guys need please just ask. I barely understand wtf is going on so I doubt you guys will understand the full thing. Now that that's off my mind, what do you guys think?

Last post I made one user told me that I've had some history with this group of friends. My brain is probably telling me the right thing to do is move on but my emotions are making it hard. It's a decision only I can make. I guess at that time, I decided that yeah, these guys are great to hang around. I'll just keep acting normal until some BS happens when I absolutely cannot take it anymore. Is this it?

Any advice you guys have for me? Thoughts? Just anything? I don't know what to do about this. Obviously, that user was right. They don't need me and they never needed me. Leaving won't matter to them. But honestly guys, is it finally that time when I should just move on?

 

[jzinsky]

Wow, sounds to me like you're done. Don't lose contact of course but don't expect to stay friends. All imho of course

Ok time for the long post. It looks like they're messing you around, it also looks like they're trying to get rid of you. However there could be a reasonable explanation, there might be something you missed, something I've missed in reading this, we both could have it all wrong.

There's one thing that does appear clear though, you have an instinct on this one. Just like all the threads on other forums I see titled "Is this a scam?" or similar my first thought is "Yes it is" and then I go read it. Most of the time I'm right. If you feel like these people are trying to get rid of you then leave them, you deserve better friends. It's going to hurt like hell and I'm sad that you have to go through that, but surely it's better one big heartache now than a whole bunch more like this down the line. Remember we're all here for you, and if you ever feel like ranting but don't want it public feel free to pm me (and I'm sure others will offer this service too, and be more help!)

 

[Seeker]

Hey Smith, as a person who has faced this exact situation 3-4 times, my only advice to you is to talk to your friends and tell them exactly what you told us. They may understand that they're hurting you and make it up to you. Then again, they may say they understood and it won't happen again but continue their old ways anyway. And lastly, they may just make fun of you about it, in which case, as hard as it can be, leave them before it's too late. You're still at the early stages of a toxic friendship, so you can still bail out without irreparable damage, but if you continue to tolerate them, it may get worse for you. Nothing more damaging than a toxic relationship. Eventually it makes you wonder what's wrong with you, instead of seeing that something is indeed wrong with them. Hope you find your way, cheers

 

[GrannySmith111]

Thank you for the kind words!

I've tried telling Friend A this. I asked him why we don't hangout anymore, and if something is going on at school. Same thing for all the other friends. They just say the same old crap of how they can't or they don't know.

On the day this crap happened, I go even more furious. I feel like my friendship right now with these guys is like "in the middle". Its not great like the friendship we used to have and the one I'd like to be in, but it's not the kind where they just tell me they don't wanna hangout with me anymore or something is wrong with me. I feel like its in the middle and I don't know what the heck is going on. It's just "empty" you could say. I'm not at school everyday with them, so I have no idea what happens with them at school. They've never confronted me with anything personally or over the phone.

So yeah, I have tried talking to them. Asking them to hangout. Asked them why we don't hangout anymore. Like I said when this BS happened I just asked my friend "what the f man?". Don't understand why it's so hard to pickup your phone or just tell me straight up they were all planning to do homework together. I feel like I don't matter to them anymore since they have each other everyday at school. most of the time when I talk to them over the phone, they never answer or they say idk. They won't take it seriously. Friend A probably thinks I'm just insane or crazy for arguing with him over text about this but what else am I to do?

I don't know what to do man. Talking to them sounds like a good idea, but nothing seems to get resolved. To them, it probably all seems normal and nothing is going wrong except for me. Again, it's like I don't matter to them anymore. Friend B and C texted over the group message about how it was "a fun game last night". How it was a "fun game of who can do their homework first". I don't even get what that means but in my mind i'm guessing they don't give a single crap about why i'm angry or whats up with me. I blocked both their numbers on my phone. Don't know why I feel like I just acted impulsively.

Is it time for me to just stop talking to them and move on? If I do move on and say later on down the road they decide they wanna hangout with me again or something, should I keep moving along or talk with them? I just have no idea where this is going. Obviously I'm not on the same page with them.

 

[jzinsky]

A fun game of who can do their homework first? Did they seriously post THAT?

Call me paranoid, but they went to that game and ditched you. Best thing to do now is ditch them back, forever. You don't need people like that in your life. Really

 

[GrannySmith111]

I doubt it they ditched, but you bring up a possibility. Like I said I have no idea lol. Don't know what they actually did but from what they told me over text, they were doing homework that they should've done a while ago. I guess they decided they didn't feel like going to the game and just had a get together by themselves to do homework. Maybe they went to the game after they did their homework. My best guess is they just hung out amongst themselves after they did homework.

I don't blame you for suggesting they just ditched me though. I HARDLY understand wtf is going on with them or what they're trying to say. I don't expect you to be able to better understand anymore than I do. Right now, my instincts do tell me that I should leave these guys. But for some reason it's not easy. I'm just stuck dead in the middle.

When I went off on my friend over text about why they didn't tell me in the first place that they were just gonna do homework , I felt like I was trying to find a good reason to sway myself in one direction. You know what I mean? Right now, I don't know whether or not to continue being friends with these people. I'm fighting over whether or not I should leave these people or try and become better friends like we used to be. I wanted to see what they would say when I asked them angrily why they always do this because THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME something like this has happened.

So anyways, I'm trying to see how they respond you know? I want their actions to sway me in one direction. I want to see if they're gonna finally just tell me they wanna get rid of me. That they don't wanna hangout with me anymore or something along those lines. At least then it'll be easier for me to do what you said, ditch them forever. On the other hand, I was hoping that they would make it up to me. Maybe they would stop blowing me off all the time whenever I ask them to hangout. Maybe they would stop giving me all this BS?

So far, all they've been doing is swaying me towards the option you gave me unfortunately . Whatever they said over the group message, probably some kind of inside joke among the two of them I guess. Even more though, I don't understand why they couldn't just tell me ahead of time they weren't going since they were gonna do homework. Why the heck would Friend A even give me that crap about how he wanted to go but "didn't want to bring his brother"?

When I asked over the group message again, Friend B even told me "just go by urself". This guy never picked up his phone the whole day how am I supposed to know whether or not hes going? All I heard from them was "idk" or "probably, maybe". Friend A told me he never picks up his phone. I'm guessing Friend A just showed up at his house with a bunch of homework and a laptop without calling or texting right? Oh, and his little brother who was the "reason" he didn't want go to the game in the first place? Guess he found another babysitter for him or just left him somewhere on the streets right? Then when I ask him "wtf. r u guys going or not honestly" he tells me in caps lock "WE'RE NOT GOING". Was that so hard to tell me like HOURS ago? They're acting like I knew they were busy and I'm forcing them to go. They were the ones who asked me to go to the game again last week!

Um... yeah. I'm leaning more towards just ditching them lol. Tired of all the crap and lies. How do you think I should go about this? I already blocked Friend B and C's number after they said that crap about the "fun game" and whatnot. Should I just block all their numbers and move on?

Now what if by some MIRACULOUS chance that I've been misinterpreting all this and there is some CRAAAAZY explanation behind all of this? Or they all finally stop talking BS all the time and ask me if I wanna hangout with them again? Should I just ignore it all? I mean, how do I know if they're just BSing again right lol?

 

[nerdygirl]

When I asked over the group message again, Friend B even told me "just go by urself". This guy never picked up his phone the whole day how am I supposed to know whether or not hes going? All I heard from them was "idk" or "probably, maybe".

For what it's worth, they haven't deliberately included you in things, but it also sounds as though they may not have deliberately excluded you. either.

So here's how I imagine things went on their side of things...

B: I have some homework I keep putting off.
C: You haven't done that assignment yet? Me, either.
A: Crap, I forgot about it.
B: We should all do it at my house.
C: Dang it, E keeps asking me about the game.
A: Well, YOU'RE the one who asked if he could come to it.
C: I know... but I didn't mean definitely. I told him MAYBE I'd come.
B: I don't know if I want to go to the game. I need to do this assignment or I'm gonna fail.
A: Yea, me too!
C: Okay, so what do we do about E?
A: I don't know. I told him I might go to the game.
B: I haven't even talked to him. I knew I had this assignment to do, and I kept thinking maybe I'd do it before the game... but yea, I haven't done it.
C: We should probably do the homework.
A: Man, E just asked me again!
C: Me too. Told him maybe I'd go.
B: haha, you should just not answer your phone, like me.
A: I told him to go by himself, since he reallllllllly seems to want to go.
B & C laugh
B: You know what you SHOULD do? You should come to my house and get your homework done.
A & C: Yea, okay.


Of course, you say this has happened before. You've even confronted them about it. They don't really have any answers. That's probably because it isn't anything personal. The dynamics of a relationship change when you move.

My daughter and I moved two hours away from her best friend. Their schools have different hours and different approaches to assignments. The girls have different extracurricular activities. They probably talk on Skype an hour a month, and meet up in person a few times a year. It isn't as much as it used to be, but they're still friends.

Couldn't you do something similar with these guys?

 

[GrannySmith111]

You do have a point. But why all the BS about his little brother lol? They couldn't have told me they were just gonna complete this assignment instead of "oh maybe i'll go" or "idk yet". What was the point of Friend C to be "kidding" about meeting up at the game? This homework assignment or whatever the crap they had to do obviously wasn't assigned to them the day of the game. If it was, it obviously wouldn't be due Friday night.

What you said about the dynamics of a relationship changing when I move. I can see how that is true. The weird thing is when I moved, we still hung out quite a bit during the summer of 8th grade. I have no idea what happened but as the months passed they started making more and more excuses about why they couldn't hangout. It started last summer when Friends D and C had this "summer school" crap and church stuff. They were "busy" all the time supposedly but even Friend A and I knew they still had some time to hangout they were just being lazy or didn't feel like it. Over time, I felt like none of them wanted to hangout anymore or they were "busy" every time I could hangout.

Lastly, I didn't move away from them last summer. I moved closer. I even offered to ride my bike to their neighborhood so we could hangout over the summer. Even though it was like a 30 min bike ride, I had so much motivation to do it and I thought we were gonna have a great summer. Turns out that wasn't the case I guess .

 

[jzinsky]

What was the point of Friend C to be "kidding" about meeting up at the game?

That and the "It was the game to see who could get their homework done first" that leads me to believe they went to the game and C screwed up by letting slip.

Maybe the best thing now is to just let it go and see what happens next

 

[GrannySmith111]

Alright I'll see how it goes. Hopefully they stop acting like this

 

[jzinsky]

I wish you the best and it turns out for the best too

 

[nerdygirl]

Here's a more important question than whether or not what's going on there is BS: Are you working on building friendships where you live?

Your old friends may or may not come around. You've already done what you could to try and maintain those relationships. They either are oblivious, don't care, or they're trying to be nice about not wanting to hang out with you anymore. Whichever it is, they're not being good friends. You should really start turning some, if not all, of that energy to building more friendships.