Isn't this sexism?

[amale]

Hi.
My neighbor upstairs is that kind of idiot who plays some sort of "music" real loud.
The problem is that I can't invite any female to my place because of that.
Everything goes well, sometimes great until they're here. But once that noise ruins a romantic evening and I can't do anything about it, - it is over immediately.
The last one was at least honest enough. She said, "What kind of man you are if you can't even show me a good time?"
The only female I know who has no issue with that and who doesn't despise me because of that is my friend. She has a husband who is my good acquaintance, too. They don't think bad of me just because I can't put my neighbor in his place. But they're friends.
So, yesterday was the forth time I got dumped because I wasn't "man enough".
I think that's too much evidence to be dismissed as anecdotal.
If I was at a female's place, I wouldn't judge her if there were any inconveniences and she couldn't sort them out for my pleasure. After all, we're all humans and can't get everything perfect all the time. Not to mention that I would be interested in her and not her surroundings.
But obviously, as a male I'm expected (required even) to sort honeysuckle out simply because of my gender. And that "we're all humans" fancy talk doesn't apply anymore.
In my book, that's sexism.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sounds like the females you date have personal issues. Because that wouldn't bother me, nor would I think you're "less of a man" because you can't put a stop to noisy neighbors. Maybe those females can grow some balls of their own and go do something about it. If they can't do that, they need to shut it up. I'm sure it is sexist on some level, but I couldn't care less about that as much as the fact they complain, but don't help the situation either.

 

[Alone By Faults]

Three out of the four that cited "man issues" would probably wig out later and say that you dont respect their independence as women later on. It is not about gender and the roles we might play but dis satisfaction in themselves.

Consider this as a favor they are doing for you.

If you really think the music is cramping your style then take a time out from entertaining and get another job so you can move...sounds harsh but it is a reasonable solution if you think their views are justified

I however think they did you a favor

 

[BadGuy]

I went threw tons of BS when I lived in an apartment

Guy that lived above me was unemployed ... would blast music all night add to that stomping his feet to the music
I tried to be nice as possible for someone that gets woke up at 2 or 3am
I no sooner crawled back into bed and it started again
At 730am when I left for work I layed my speakers on their backs ...tuned a radio station ...cranked the amp to 10 ...locked the doors
Apparently he didnt appreciate being kept awake all day anymore than I did at night
Oddly enough I never had to deal with him and noise again LOL

Same building guy under my apartment would lift weights in the middle of the night
Apparently his idea of lifting was dropping the weights
Same deal ..spoke to his parents ... no change
A random hammer strike on the floor for a couple days fixed that issue

I can play nice as long as there is mutual respect

 

[SofiasMami]

If a number of different people who don't know each other are telling you the same thing is a problem, maybe you should take heed instead of dismissing them as sexist.

-Teresa

 

[EveWasFramed]

If a number of different people who don't know each other are telling you the same thing is a problem, maybe you should take heed instead of dismissing them as sexist.

-Teresa

+1

 

[kamya]

If a number of different people who don't know each other are telling you the same thing is a problem, maybe you should take heed instead of dismissing them as sexist.

-Teresa

+1

Why can't it be both?

 

[Sci-Fi]

It isn't up to you to do something about a noisy upstairs neighbour, that can just cause problems. That is the landlord/superintendents job. File a complaint.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Have dates away from your apartment gone well? Or do they end the same as well?

 

[ardour]

"Show me a good time!"?

Either eat out or show her the friggin door.

 

[SofiasMami]

If a number of different people who don't know each other are telling you the same thing is a problem, maybe you should take heed instead of dismissing them as sexist.

-Teresa

+1

Why can't it be both?

Both what? Sexist and not sexist?

-Teresa

 

[kamya]

Sexist and also some kind problem he might want to work on.

If genders were reversed most of the time it wouldn't end up being a deal breaker. So... sexist. Or prejudiced if you're one of those crazy folk who think only privileged cisgendered men are capable of sexism. (Not saying anyone here is. Just in case.)

Yet it is an actual problem that he might be too passive in dealing with his neighbors. So... take heed in what the women are saying.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can understand why someone wouldn't want to bother with neighbors. I don't get why anyone would blame him for the noise they're making. What's he going to do? Break down their doors and demand silence? It's not his fault or his problem, from either the neighbors or the females who have a problem with it. I don't understand what he's to take heed to.

 

[SofiasMami]

Sexist and also some kind problem he might want to work on.....
.....Yet it is an actual problem that he might be too passive in dealing with his neighbors. So... take heed in what the women are saying.

Ok, I see your point.
Blaming both external (sexist women) and internal (problem OP might want to work on to improve his romantic life) factors is contradictory though and not likely to lead to a solution for the OP.
It's pretty common for people (me included) to blame external forces for negative things in our lives. Whether that is happening here in our OP's situation is a little difficult to tell without more details and information.

-Teresa

 

[lonelypanda]

Hi.
My neighbor upstairs is that kind of idiot who plays some sort of "music" real loud.
The problem is that I can't invite any female to my place because of that.
Everything goes well, sometimes great until they're here. But once that noise ruins a romantic evening and I can't do anything about it, - it is over immediately.
The last one was at least honest enough. She said, "What kind of man you are if you can't even show me a good time?"
The only female I know who has no issue with that and who doesn't despise me because of that is my friend. She has a husband who is my good acquaintance, too. They don't think bad of me just because I can't put my neighbor in his place. But they're friends.
So, yesterday was the forth time I got dumped because I wasn't "man enough".
I think that's too much evidence to be dismissed as anecdotal.
If I was at a female's place, I wouldn't judge her if there were any inconveniences and she couldn't sort them out for my pleasure. After all, we're all humans and can't get everything perfect all the time. Not to mention that I would be interested in her and not her surroundings.
But obviously, as a male I'm expected (required even) to sort honeysuckle out simply because of my gender. And that "we're all humans" fancy talk doesn't apply anymore.
In my book, that's sexism.

How does the situation escalate to that? I mean do they first ask you to go tell the dude to keep it down and you refuse? I'm just trying to get a better picture in my head of how it goes down that it turns into anger.
I always tell my bf to be a man, but there not fighting words. I'm not storming out on him or thinking less of him, just picking on him. Maybe it's a type of girl you're attracted to, to do that is bold and agressive. I'm pretty out there but even I wouldn't even say that. Maybe you need a more passive female in your life.

---

I went threw tons of BS when I lived in an apartment

Guy that lived above me was unemployed ... would blast music all night add to that stomping his feet to the music
I tried to be nice as possible for someone that gets woke up at 2 or 3am
I no sooner crawled back into bed and it started again
At 730am when I left for work I layed my speakers on their backs ...tuned a radio station ...cranked the amp to 10 ...locked the doors
Apparently he didnt appreciate being kept awake all day anymore than I did at night
Oddly enough I never had to deal with him and noise again LOL

Same building guy under my apartment would lift weights in the middle of the night
Apparently his idea of lifting was dropping the weights
Same deal ..spoke to his parents ... no change
A random hammer strike on the floor for a couple days fixed that issue

I can play nice as long as there is mutual respect

You sound like me, but I get nasty when people mess with me. I had a neighbour beneath me in a basement suite that kept blasting music late at night. We tried the civil route and when that didn't work it got ugly. He ended up swearing infront of my kid, so I used his back door as a trash can for the rest of my time living there. It was nice, never had to take the trash out again. Then when he started blasting music we started pouring buckets of water down the furnace vents. Don't blast music at ungodly hours and I won't turn your house into a pool. That stopped the music real quick.

 

[Alone By Faults]

Sexist and also some kind problem he might want to work on.....
.....Yet it is an actual problem that he might be too passive in dealing with his neighbors. So... take heed in what the women are saying.

It's pretty common for people (me included) to blame external forces for negative things in our lives.

-Teresa

I agree with this. Alone each individual is responsible for how happy they are allowed to be. When you live by yourself, your situation is as good or bad as you let it.

write down things you are grateful for each day (least three times)
Journal it

Take a time out from relationships that progress to the level of having to take her back to your place. Work on your inside to find the happiness I know that is there. Once you find it, one of the after effects is that you usually become more attractive to people.

GL

 

[amale]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Maybe those females can grow some balls of their own and go do something about it.

Boy, when I imagine that, they always come back with "Grow some tits, then", and I wouldn't know how to further continue that magnificent repartee.
Thanks for the support though!

If a number of different people who don't know each other are telling you the same thing is a problem, maybe you should take heed instead of dismissing them as sexist.

-Teresa

By this logic, sexism can't exist at all, because it would inevitably require people who don't know each other to share the same widely accepted stereotype.
I don't know, try to imagine several males telling you to make them a sandwich because you're female and that's what you do. Would you take heed, too?

How does the situation escalate to that? I mean do they first ask you to go tell the dude to keep it down and you refuse?

I would go up there to no result, and once I said that I tried before but couldn't do anything.
Either way, they would lose any interest in me the next second.
As for the "passive female", I guess passive females especially would want me to sort everything out for them.

As for the landlord, complaints, the police and sophisticated revenge schemes - no, this doesn't work.
The only civil solution is to change the apartment, but I can't do it right now.
But again, this isn't even my main issue.
Also, it's not that awful as some of you described. At least they don't do that at 3 AM.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think the word sexism gets thrown around way too much. I would probably say it's more of a stereotype than anything else. You've tried to talk to the guy, he won't listen. What else are you supposed to do..break all the big honeysuckle and shove the rest up his ass? (I wouldn't recommend that )

If a girl has a problem with it, she can just deal with it or get the hell out of your life because you don't need that petty honeysuckle.

 

[SofiasMami]

It sounds like you've already made up your mind that your female visitors are sexist. If that's what you believe, that's what you believe. Good luck to you.

-Teresa

 

[VanillaCreme]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Maybe those females can grow some balls of their own and go do something about it.

Boy, when I imagine that, they always come back with "Grow some tits, then", and I wouldn't know how to further continue that magnificent repartee.
Thanks for the support though!

That doesn't mean physically. It means to have some wits and courage about you to go do something about an issue. So, if they did say that, I wouldn't bother with them. But yeah, it seems as though you've just slapped the sexist label on them anyway, which is probably why you imagine them saying that. Best of luck to you and your issue though. Maybe one of them won't be so high and mighty about neighbors making noise.

I think the word sexism gets thrown around way too much. I would probably say it's more of a stereotype than anything else. You've tried to talk to the guy, he won't listen. What else are you supposed to do..break all the big honeysuckle and shove the rest up his ass? (I wouldn't recommend that )

If a girl has a problem with it, she can just deal with it or get the hell out of your life because you don't need that petty honeysuckle.

I think it does, too. From all sides, it's just getting worse and worse. Political correctness is getting worse and worse in general.