Isolating

[TrailerTrish]

I pretty much keep to myself, not because I want to be alone and lonely, but because of my experiences with those of my own species. Most of them already have all the friends they want and just freeze me out anyway, but then there are those who approach me quite aggressively and with an obvious agenda running. My gut instincts have served me very well where such people are concerned, and kept me out of a lot of trouble and heartache, but they have also led me to retreat into isolation for the most part.

I stay home a lot, spend my time alone for the most part, all the while wishing I had just one good close friend that I really connect well with, the friend I've never yet had. So far all those who called themselves my friends, and declared me their best friend, have cynically used me, betrayed me, and abandoned me. This has been a lifelong pattern, and after 57 years of it I've come to a place where I just don't put myself out there at all anymore.

If I am out in public I am very wary of anyone approaching me. When I moved here I had not been in town two hours before a man approached me and aggressively started prying into my personal business, and trying to recruit me into what turned out to be a criminal scam. Since then I've been approached by several others of this stripe, all looking to use me for short-term gain under the guise of friendship.

It's like they are all out there just waiting for me to come out in the open so they can run their game on me, and I have to wonder what it is about me that draws them so, and why they think they can put one over on me. It's not just me they come after either, my one friend in the neighborhood has one after her too, and it pains me greatly to see him using her in such shabby ways.

So I've gotten used to being alone, and painful and depressing though it is at times it's at least a lot safer than putting myself out there as prey, and from where I'm at now it really does seem that finding that one good friend I've never yet had is a hopeless dream that can never be realized.

So that's where I am now, isolating and not thinking much of my own species.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I suppose I can relate to people having their own friends. For the past few years I've made all of my friends through work, but after being out of work for so long, I've become a hermit. It does terrible things to my psyche, I can just tell it's changed me. I'm in a new town and just can't seem to find even 1 close friend here. People seem to kind of have who they are comfortable having and are very careful who they allow into their social circle.

I suppose there are places I could go and things I could do to get into situations that would involve me meeting new people, but I tend to be shy, quite, and reserved. Something about that seems to attract people that bother the hell out of me. It's as if they feel obligated to impart all this knowledge and wisdom from the mistakes they've made in their life or point out everything that's wrong with mine. I guess I don't realize how much I make myself stand out by trying so hard to not be noticed. I think for me anyway most of these people are just trying to be nice or are themselves in much the same place.

In the neighborhood I live in now, I made a point to introduce myself to all my neighbors. Try to be friendly. That went just about as bad as something so simple could possibly go.

I'm slowly finding out there is a vast richness to be enjoyed in solitude, and for a great portion of my life I've always preferred my solace anyway. It is a great thing to have a friend though. I'm sure there are numerous points in history where great trajedies could have been avoided if only some one who really needed a good friend could find one, but didn't.

Anyway, I wish you well, and take care. Welcome to the site.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Unfortunately the world is full of predators and prey in all species though humans are certainly the most cunning and sadistic. Like you I seem to attract the undesirables, I have a rough and ready appearance so people often assume I’m into shady business, a far cry from the man who likes baking cakes and watching romantic movies. Having said that, I can understand how wanting to avoid such people has lead you into a life of isolation, you’ve locked yourself away to keep safe but in doing that have become a prisoner of your own fears perhaps?

It can be a vicious circle. You keep away to feel safe but feel isolated, you go outside to relieve the isolation but are reminded why you kept away in the first place. I tend to move around during late evening or night. 24 hour supermarkets are a blessing to me! But then I think why am I doing this? Why is a man in his thirties hiding as if he should be ashamed of something? And that’s where I get angry. Why should I lock myself up when those arrogant punks swagger around like they own the place? Why must I hide when they’re the ones who have done wrong? Why should they dictate my life?

I recommend looking into being more assertive, it did wonders for me, sure you’ll still have the oddballs approaching but feeling comfortable in looking them in the eye and telling them to take a hike will do lots for your confidence. Once you feel comfortable with doing that, then you can get to work in getting out and finding that friend you’ve been looking for. Don’t let them deny you that, please.

 

[TrailerTrish]

I suppose I can relate to people having their own friends. For the past few years I've made all of my friends through work, but after being out of work for so long, I've become a hermit. It does terrible things to my psyche, I can just tell it's changed me. I'm in a new town and just can't seem to find even 1 close friend here. People seem to kind of have who they are comfortable having and are very careful who they allow into their social circle.

Oh yes, I can relate to all of that straight across, it's exactly where I am now. Nice to know someone else can relate too.

I suppose there are places I could go and things I could do to get into situations that would involve me meeting new people, but I tend to be shy, quite, and reserved. Something about that seems to attract people that bother the hell out of me.

I've run into that too, but in my case it seems to attract those out to use me or rip me off. It also attracts a lot of horny men who seem to see me as an easy piece, when I'm anything but that. I have no desire for anyone that way at all, and I get hit on in the most aggressively vulgar ways by the very worst creepers. I had thought that by this point in life that would taper off, but no, it's as bad as ever, and the creeps are even worse.

It's as if they feel obligated to impart all this knowledge and wisdom from the mistakes they've made in their life or point out everything that's wrong with mine. I guess I don't realize how much I make myself stand out by trying so hard to not be noticed. I think for me anyway most of these people are just trying to be nice or are themselves in much the same place.

Oh good lord, the preachers! Oh how I dread them! I regard them as just more people out to use me, just in a different way, by using me to boost their egos as they lecture me on how to live my life as they see fit, lifting themselves up by talking down to me. I've no time for such people and leave as soon as they start up.

You make a good point, that protracted loneliness does change you, and others pick up on that. Some keep their distance because of it, while others seek to exploit you for it, seeing you as a vulnerable target.

I'm quite sure that's why I've run into so many seeking to exploit me and use me. Fortunately I've frustrated a great many of them being that I've not just fallen off the turnip truck, and have learned all about them from long and unhappy experience, but they never stop coming at me or underestimating me. It's even fun to toy with them on occasion, but they leave me quite cynical about humanity.

---

Unfortunately the world is full of predators and prey in all species though humans are certainly the most cunning and sadistic. Like you I seem to attract the undesirables, I have a rough and ready appearance so people often assume I’m into shady business, a far cry from the man who likes baking cakes and watching romantic movies. Having said that, I can understand how wanting to avoid such people has lead you into a life of isolation, you’ve locked yourself away to keep safe but in doing that have become a prisoner of your own fears perhaps?

Oh not so much fear as disgust and weariness of it all. I can't see the point in bothering. I'd like to say also that as a man you deal with a different set of problems than I do, and I can appreciate those as I've seen other men confronted with the same things.

It can be a vicious circle. You keep away to feel safe but feel isolated, you go outside to relieve the isolation but are reminded why you kept away in the first place.

Well I keep to myself because it's much less hassle than dealing with someone trying to hustle me or get into my pants for a quickie, and it often seems as though that's really all that's out there.

I tend to move around during late evening or night. 24 hour supermarkets are a blessing to me! But then I think why am I doing this? Why is a man in his thirties hiding as if he should be ashamed of something? And that’s where I get angry. Why should I lock myself up when those arrogant punks swagger around like they own the place? Why must I hide when they’re the ones who have done wrong? Why should they dictate my life?

See that sums up what men have to deal with from each other, and it's really pretty wretched to live with, but again, it's a different set of problems for women.

I recommend looking into being more assertive, it did wonders for me, sure you’ll still have the oddballs approaching but feeling comfortable in looking them in the eye and telling them to take a hike will do lots for your confidence.

Heheheee! Odd you say that, I just did that yesterday when a skeezoid I'd recently met came up behind me and tried to chat me up pursuant to working me for what he wanted. I turned to him and giving him my best .50 caliber look bluntly said "I don't want you talking to me again and I want you to keep away from me and leave me alone. Don't come to my house again you are not welcome there."

He was taken aback, I could tell. He never expected that, and the look on his face was priceless.

 

[SophiaGrace]

yes men tend to be creepers and sleazy like that, and then you see them trying to defend their behavior by saying they get blue balls, that they cannot help themselves and that they resent women for controlling the pussy. Really? Is it that hard to treat someone with some decency like they are a human being instead of something to be used? :/

Anyways yes i can see how this can jade and make someone bitter towards humanity, being treated like this. :/

I am certainly bitter about this after having experienced this online. Sex has big consequences. STDs, Pregnancy, Possible Rape, THe emotional ramifications afterwards...and those guys treat it like it's nothing. Of course it's nothing to them, they don't have to worry about pregnancy or being raped and they're obviously risk takers because they risk getting STDs and blow off the emotional consequences they might suffer or they aren't emotionally affected by it at all.

I don't know, maybe I am just being Androgynist. I admittedly don't like or trust males very much and it'll probably never change. I feel half guilty about feeling this way.

Also I have recently learned how hard it is to get into the inner circle of social groups. So hard, it takes a lot of time, energy and effort, and then if you do something or say something wrong, you get kicked out. No questions asked.

Beware of thinking different. Beware of being different, be ware of looking different. People will castigate and ostracize you. Humanity and it's stupid petty social rules and regulations which think "oh if they are alone there must be something wrong with them so we won't let them in our social circle."

Where does that leave us? Still lonely, still alone, still loners, looking at everything from the outside in.

Thanks a bunch society.

 

[TrailerTrish]

Hi Sophia,

Yes, lots of men are like that, but thankfully not all of them. A man who says he can't help it and gets blue balls is really just excusing himself from having self-control and responsibility for his actions. I was recently out at a social event where two men, on either side of me, were loudly talking about how it's perfectly okay to sexually harass women, and it was all in good fun, and women who have a problem with it are just uptight femi-nazis or maybe lesbians.

Yeah, I get where you are coming from, bitter about it, and I've been there myself many times. You get that online as well. Many forums and websites I've registered on are full of creeps who cruise the women's profiles shopping for someone to hit on in private messages, and even create secondary accounts to do that from in the most disgusting ways.

I don't date at all anymore, and have not for the last ten years, largely because there are just too many of these kinds of guys out there, but mostly because I just don't want a man anymore having no desire for a sexual relationship at all. I wish it were possible to be friends with a man, but they always always bring it around to sex sooner or later.

I tried the Strictly Platonic section on craigslist, but the last 44 guys I wrote to started hitting on me by the third email despite having said in their ads that all they wanted was a female friend. I guess the Strictly Platonic section is something they use to get under your radar.

By contrast, the women seeking friends on there will exchange emails with you until you suggest talking on the phone to each other, and then they vanish on you.

Go figure....

 

[SophiaGrace]

I am one of those women! lol, i do it if I don't feel safe with the person, then I just disappear.

On behalf of other women like me, I am sorry. lola

Also, i think most guys think the platonic section on CL means fresia Buddy Central. XP

 

[TrailerTrish]

Oh don't apologize, I really do get it that people are afraid of each other for the most part, unless they are the aforementioned social predators out looking for prey, those being the reason so many don't feel safe.

 

[kamya]

http://news.ufl.edu/2006/07/13/women-attackers/

Most of the time all a guy has to do to be creepy is be talkative or unattractive.

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2011/07/05/richard-dawkins-and-male-privilege/



I also am starting to just get used to being alone. Having no one to go out with but myself. No friends to talk to or hang out with. No family that I even want to hang out with. And I'm also a little anti social. I just don't even bother trying to meet new people. Its a waste of energy and doesn't really add all that much pleasure to my life.

 

[TrailerTrish]

You didn't have to say you were a guy after the links you posted. I guess you feel you have to defend your gender. Just for the record, the evils even out on both sides of the gender fence, they are only different in nature.

 

[kamya]

Oh that's my sig =P. Some people assume I'm a girl because of my username.

I know there are evils on both sides. I've never posted any negative generalizations about women on this forum. But whenever anyone does, there is an army of women that come to defend their gender/ attack men. I just like to stick up for us when I can.

I'm sorry if I got off topic. I understand what you are saying about being isolated though. I don't have nearly as much experience with it as you do. BTW, is that your trailer in your avatar? I'm interested in trailers/ conversions and stuff.

 

[TrailerTrish]

Hey Kamya, no, it's just a cute little trailer I found and liked online. I lived in a 25 ft. trailer for several years until recently, so the handle seemed appropriate. BTW, I agree with your sig.

 

[roguewave]

TrailerTrish,

First off, that's horrible that predators have taken a liking towards?/interest in you. At one time in my life I was perfect prey: an overweight young woman with absolutely no self esteem to speak of, naive beyond belief and heavily into people pleasing. The weirdest part about it is that I was never really preyed on.
It's really interesting to me that both you and your neighbor friend are getting this unwanted attention when there are people out there that are obviously easier targets (like my younger self). We have to figure out why this is.
I'm sure it has something to do with appearance but probably a lot more to do with body language/physical composure? But it's not as if you're passive or don't stick up for yourself! I really wonder what is going on here.

When I was in middle/high school I was constantly rejected but never bullied yet a lot of the kids who were similar to me were bullied ruthlessly. Maybe I walk around with really pissed off look on my face! I really don't know. What you said about exploiters picking up on loneliness sounds like a strong possibility but how would they be able to sense loneliness/solidarity? A lot of people go out alone.

"I guess the Strictly Platonic section is something they use to get under your radar."
Yeah, totally.

Thanks for starting this thread btw. You've given me a lot to think about and I hope that my post helped in some small way.

 

[TrailerTrish]

Hey Roguewave,

I can't even guess how they zero in on us or why the seem to target-acquire on me all the time, but at least where I now am it's not as bad as where I was before, in rural Alabama. There it was all about sex, and they would come on to me very forcefully trying to bully their way into my pants as though I had no right to say no. They would do this where I worked in supermarket, and even come where I lived in my little trailer, knowing I was alone there.

I put a stop to that though. It's amazing how fast they back off when you pull out a big stainless steel loaded .45 auto. Word got around fast there, "Don't mess with that crazy *****, she'll shoot you!" I had to carry that gun all the time while I wasn't at work, and it kept me from being raped twice.

That was Alabama, here they seem to be out to use me for anything they can, and bully me into their scams for the most part, but there are still the horny creeps, just not as aggressive as back there.

 

[kamya]

Sounds scary. Those are some creepy ass doods.

 

[TrailerTrish]

Sounds scary. Those are some creepy ass doods.

Oh man, you have no idea! Rural Alabama is no place for a single woman who does not want a man. They will hate you for it big-time, and if you don't get yourself a man from among the inbred troglodytes there they will harass the living hell out of you and spread it around that you are either a whore or a lesbian.

I was never so glad to get out of any place in my life!

 

[roguewave]

Woah, I didn't realize where you lived when I posted before. Maybe it was mostly a geographical thing after all. It's good you have a gun for protection now, no matter where you are living. A big dog would help too.

 

[TrailerTrish]

Yeah Rogue, I think it really is a regional/cultural thing, I've never run into that anywhere else I've been, and I've lived all over the country. There's a LOT of really weird stuff about the culture there, and just about everyone is crooked as hell. The last person I worked for there was a certifiable psychopath, I'm not joking!

I had to escape from there because they didn't want me leaving. I was cleaning horse stalls 80 hours a week and more for what worked out to about 87 cents an hour, and they even sabotaged my truck to keep me there, and cut my pay so low I could just barely eat. This was on a horse ranch in Ohatchee, and after I left a tornado came through and totally wiped the place out.

Karma is a ***** I guess...

 

[roguewave]

Yeah Rogue, I think it really is a regional/cultural thing, I've never run into that anywhere else I've been, and I've lived all over the country. There's a LOT of really weird stuff about the culture there, and just about everyone is crooked as hell. The last person I worked for there was a certifiable psychopath, I'm not joking!

I had to escape from there because they didn't want me leaving. I was cleaning horse stalls 80 hours a week and more for what worked out to about 87 cents an hour, and they even sabotaged my truck to keep me there, and cut my pay so low I could just barely eat. This was on a horse ranch in Ohatchee, and after I left a tornado came through and totally wiped the place out.

Karma is a ***** I guess...

That is wild that they disabled your truck to keep you at the ranch. I have worked in the horse industry and it is one of the most exploitive legal industries I know of. So glad I'm out.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Yeah Rogue, I think it really is a regional/cultural thing, I've never run into that anywhere else I've been, and I've lived all over the country. There's a LOT of really weird stuff about the culture there, and just about everyone is crooked as hell. The last person I worked for there was a certifiable psychopath, I'm not joking!

I had to escape from there because they didn't want me leaving. I was cleaning horse stalls 80 hours a week and more for what worked out to about 87 cents an hour, and they even sabotaged my truck to keep me there, and cut my pay so low I could just barely eat. This was on a horse ranch in Ohatchee, and after I left a tornado came through and totally wiped the place out.

Karma is a ***** I guess...

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

they were trying to subjugate you. Dangerous dangerous honeysuckle there. :S

---

and even come where I lived in my little trailer, knowing I was alone there.

it kept me from being raped twice.

Unfortunately this is how men are and they know that they probably wont be prosecuted for rape if they commit it since it has such a low prosecution rate. The only reason why some men aren't like this is because of their personal concience.

This is the kind of stuff feminism is concerned about nowadays. :/

My mom had a few maitenence guys try to uh...work their way into our house.

Creepy honeysuckle.