It did not occur to me until recently....

[mgill]

^ The problem is that most guys believe the girl is into them even after a bad date. Guys don't read signals very well.


That's fantastic! Try to have fun and don't worry so much about how things turn out.

i would agree but the problem is that many men have never had a women truly interested in them so have not seen both sides of the signals.  when they are atrtacted to a man they make it VERY obvious-just as they do when they are not attracted to him.

MANY guys....really?  I seriously doubt that.  So, you agree that guys can't read negative signals from women, but you seem to think that they CAN read positive signals, which are usually much more subtle.....

A date  would be a rare enough situation for a lot guys, so unless it were an absolute disaster it would easy to jump the gun and assume a  connection that didn't happen.

I really don't understand why you and several others here keep saying "a lot" of guys.  First, I don't think it's all THAT many guys.  And second, I'm sorry, but you really need to get over your obsession that this honeysuckle doesn't also happen to girls and just as often.  Girls are often morons when it comes to guys and whether or not the guys likes them or dislike them.  And girls are also just as overly dramatic, if not more so, than guys and see honeysuckle that isn't there. 
The majority of guys (and girls) gets plenty of dates and if you look at the guys that don't, I think you would see a common factor that the majority of those guys share. 
Some of them just aren't interested or don't want to deal with rejections.  Some of them would rather make excuses and blame others.  And some of them just can't get over their "I"m a loser" attitude to give it a proper go.  Oh and some are just looking for a hot, "trophy wife" and won't even try for anyone else.

when it does happen to women it is usually because they are only interested in men well above their looks level. the vast majority of men would be very satisfied with their looks match-myslef included.  the problem is that women for the most part are only interested in the top 20% of men and are offended when a lesser male shows them interest or attention.

the reason why men have the "i'm a loser" attitude is because of the years of total failure & rejection from the women they were attracted to. the only common factor of men who are unable to date is that we are short & facially below average.

 

[TheRealCallie]

 

[mgill]

“The truth may be puzzling. It may take some work to grapple with. It may be counter intuitive. It may contradict deeply held prejudices. It may not be consonant with what we desperately want to be true. But our preferences do not determine what's true.” –Carl Sagan

 

[Abstamyous]

“The truth may be puzzling. It may take some work to grapple with. It may be counter intuitive. It may contradict deeply held prejudices. It may not be consonant with what we desperately want to be true. But our preferences do not determine what's true.” –Carl Sagan

I don't think someone pouring their heart out, over what has been their reality for a long time, can automatically be written off as excuses. Sometimes, reality is just reality. I know that goes against the general attempt to be uplifting. But so does constantly reminding people of where they aren't at. It is simply okay for someone to be at a different point in their journey, even if it's hard to understand personally.

 

[mgill]

“The truth may be puzzling. It may take some work to grapple with. It may be counter intuitive. It may contradict deeply held prejudices. It may not be consonant with what we desperately want to be true. But our preferences do not determine what's true.” –Carl Sagan

I don't think someone pouring their heart out, over what has been their reality for a long time, can automatically be written off as excuses. Sometimes, reality is just reality. I know that goes against the general attempt to be uplifting. But so does constantly reminding people of where they aren't at. It is simply okay for someone to be at a different point in their journey, even if it's hard to understand personally.

thank you for your empathy & understanding. and you are correct, it is very difficult to understand without ever having gone through it personally.  i know i would have been in denied of it myself years ago too but as you said, it has been my all too harsh reality for as long as i can remember.

 

[Nicolelt]

when a women is romantically interested in a man they make it extremely obvious from the get go.

LMAO. I missed that day in "How to be a Girl" School

 

[4No1]

But if 80% are interested in 20% how does it happen that less than 80% of people are single?

 

[mgill]

when a women is romantically interested in a man they make it extremely obvious from the get go.

LMAO. I missed that day in "How to be a Girl" School

all i can speak from is my own personal experience.  the very few times it has happened to me very long ago, this was certainly the case.  it is also true for the friends & family i know.

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But if 80% are interested in 20% how does it happen that less than 80% of people are single?

it was not always like this.  many people met their partners before the explosion of social media & OLD.  things are far different when one's choices are limited to a small group of people in their area as opposed to having access to just about the entire planet.

 

[TheRealCallie]

there is actual science behind this which i tend to look to instead of random anecdotal examples.

when a women is romantically interested in a man they make it extremely obvious from the get go.

LMAO. I missed that day in "How to be a Girl" School

all i can speak from is my own personal experience.  the very few times it has happened to me very long ago, this was certainly the case.  it is also true for the friends & family i know.

---

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So, you state that you go with scientific evidence and not anecdotal when someone says something to you....but now all of a sudden, YOUR anecdotal examples are perfectly legitimate?

 

[Nicolelt]

when a women is romantically interested in a man they make it extremely obvious from the get go.

LMAO. I missed that day in "How to be a Girl" School

all i can speak from is my own personal experience.  the very few times it has happened to me very long ago, this was certainly the case.  it is also true for the friends & family i know.

I can speak from my personal experience, that you are off base and out of touch here. I probably would not have ended up in the abusive relationships I was in, if I actually showed interest in the men I wanted and made it "extremely obvious from the get go", instead of settling multiples times for men who would pay attention to me. Pretty true in many cases with my girl friends as well.

I did evidently learn, but that is not how I courted my husband.

 

[mgill]

there is actual science behind this which i tend to look to instead of random anecdotal examples.

when a women is romantically interested in a man they make it extremely obvious from the get go.

LMAO. I missed that day in "How to be a Girl" School

all i can speak from is my own personal experience.  the very few times it has happened to me very long ago, this was certainly the case.  it is also true for the friends & family i know.

---

---

So, you state that you go with scientific evidence and not anecdotal when someone says something to you....but now all of a sudden, YOUR anecdotal examples are perfectly legitimate?

---

i go with scientific evidence for what there are studies on but they do not cover everything. the article i posted from Psychology today which described the sub concious reactions women have to the men they are attracted to is the closest thing i could find.  

if you can present a study which contradicts my experience i would most definately consider the results.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You are aware that those "scientific" studies just take a small group of people and analyze their personal preferences on dating and honeysuckle, right?

 

[mgill]

when a women is romantically interested in a man they make it extremely obvious from the get go.

LMAO. I missed that day in "How to be a Girl" School

all i can speak from is my own personal experience.  the very few times it has happened to me very long ago, this was certainly the case.  it is also true for the friends & family i know.

I can speak from my personal experience, that you are off base and out of touch here. I probably would not have ended up in the abusive relationships I was in, if I actually showed interest in the men I wanted and made it "extremely obvious from the get go", instead of settling multiples times for men who would pay attention to me. Pretty true in many cases with my girl friends as well.

I did evidently learn, but that is not how I courted my husband.

perhaps you are correct.  as i said it has been so many years since a female showed me any attention that i likely would not believe it regardless.  it sounds like you have had no trouble getting attention from men though since you have had multiple past relationships and are currently married.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Wow.............

 

[Nicolelt]

when a women is romantically interested in a man they make it extremely obvious from the get go.

LMAO. I missed that day in "How to be a Girl" School

all i can speak from is my own personal experience.  the very few times it has happened to me very long ago, this was certainly the case.  it is also true for the friends & family i know.

I can speak from my personal experience, that you are off base and out of touch here. I probably would not have ended up in the abusive relationships I was in, if I actually showed interest in the men I wanted and made it "extremely obvious from the get go", instead of settling multiples times for men who would pay attention to me. Pretty true in many cases with my girl friends as well.

I did evidently learn, but that is not how I courted my husband.

perhaps you are correct.  as i said it has been so many years since a female showed me any attention that i likely would not believe it regardless.  it sounds like you have had no trouble getting attention from men though since you have had multiple past relationships and are currently married.

I didn't get the attention I wanted. I got abuse. Are you saying that abuse is better than nothing? Because I chose nothing for a long time once I got out and it was bliss.