It never occured to me

[Guest]

It never occured to me to google "so lonely" yet look what popped up. Isolated in small town nebraska - no car, only a pre-paid cell phone with less than 60 units. Artist who can sell, writer who can't write anymore. Husband that is emotionally abusive and, although 46 years old seems more like he's 17. Lots of years struggling with self-concept issues that I thought I had licked until he reminds me of "what I really am". Blah, blah, blah. I know (in my head) that "I'm good enough, smart enough and people like me" but (in my guts) feel like I am right back where I was. Just need to get it out and everyone I know only wants me to hear their problems because "I can always leave". Yeah, right. And do what? Go where? Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Tried all the "get counselling" (excuse spelling errors), "there are places for you to go", ... Well, guess what. Mostly it is trade one form of control for another. Just a bad morning, I guess. Thanks for being here.

 

[Guest]

Oops. In my post I made a typo that makes no sense - it should read "Artist who can't sell."

 

[Elaeagnus]

Lots of us found this site by a simple google search. I wasn't expecting it, but I'm glad I found it.

Feel free to register. The people here are supportive, and we can get to know you better if we know more about you.

You're absolutely right that it is hard to leave a bad situation if you can't think of anywhere else to go. Do you have a job? If you can become somewhat financially independent, you will find that you have more options about where to go and what to do. If you decide to leave your marriage or the place that you live, having savings or a job will help immensely. I'm not saying you have to leave your husband. That's a big decision, but it sounds like it's one that you are already considering.

 

[Guest]

Well. Job? Live 20 miles from the next largest town where there are no jobs. No car. Am a home-based educator. Have left him. Wish I hadn't come back. Enough for now. Will register. Thanks for just being here. Seems like all the work I have done to be content can be destroyed with his angry, passive-aggressive behavior in one day - or one phone call. I am so pathetic. Just want him to go away. How bad is that?

 

[kazman32]

I understand, I lost everything when me and my ex/gf split (emotionaly as well as material) I know how hard it is, when youv'e been knocked down and kicked when youv'e been down all your life, it can be very hard to get back up, if you ever want to talk......

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Guest,

Please register. So we can get to know you better.

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are up honeysuckle creek without a paddle, girlfriend. But in life, when we feel trapped, we are not always trapped. The circumstances may have conspired against us, and we feel there is no hope. But, there is always hope. Home-based educator? Can you elaborate? I may have some ideas for ways to get out of this. You probably need to leave him again to rescue what's left of your self-image and self-esteem. Don't let that ******* get you down! It's NOT "what you really are"! Helll, WHAT ARE all of us, really? Tiny insignificant human beings on a planet whirling in space. We are all humans, trying to avoid pain, seeking pleasure, wanting to know that our lives are not meaningless. I don't think they are. I wish you the best. PM me any time.