gal1989
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- Jan 20, 2011
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Hello guys first off id like to say im new here and hello to u all and any advice/experiences will be really appreciated
Well i finished university last may and so i live back at home with my parents and my sister. I have a good family life etc etc. I also have a bf who i have been with for 9 months. What my problem is i have not done absolutely anything (productive) since i left uni. I have not had a job, done no volunteering, done no activities, no fitness activities (hardly any), no travelling, not seeing friends much. nothing!!
I dont know why. i feel like im SO unmotivated to do these things even though i DO want to do them so badly. its like theres something stopping me! I get very anxious, i worry 'what will (might!) happen', i feel kind of numb to stuff, im aware of myself allll the time, i dont get excited much about stuff, hardly ever want to go out of the house (walking, seeing friends, nights out) because i seem to get so bored so easily and want to be at home. I used to be talkative, confident, talk to knew people and not give a **** whearas now i hate talking to new people, i hate going out alone (unless i HAVE to and i rush back home when i do).
I WANT so badly to be able to do volunteering outdoors (i did for a day in summer but i was so unmotivated to go back because i had to leave the house) i want to apply for jobs (but the thought of an interveiw scares me to death i had one not long ago and it went so bad so i dont apply) i wish i had a job so bad! But im unconfident with my skills (i dont really have any actually and i didnt take uni seriously at all i hated my course but i saw it through because i thought having a psychology degree would help me get a job better but it made me realise i do not want to go into it at all i want to help wildlife, animals, woodlands, habitats etc etc) I want to travel to america and new zealand.
I dont because i have no idea what im doing and worried about what might happen.
This is the other major thing thats bothering me. My sleeping habit is also really bad. I feel tired all day everyday. I go to bed usually late at about 2/3 sometimes later and i get up at 2 usually. I am so tired when i wake up. I set my alarm for 10 am and i just CANNOT get up!! i have it on for 2 hours and i still cant get up. I have tried getting up at 8, im tired all day, tried going bed earlier, still tired. (not tried getting up early for a continuous amount of time maybe only for a day or 2 i guess thats where im going wrong?)
I cant really explain this one but i feel like 'i am not here' or spaced out each and every day, like this is a dream or something and i am the person inside my head (think of the film men in black with the alien in the guys head (lol)) i feel like im just watching as if my eyes are a screen looking at the world. Sometimes it doesnt even feel like the worlds real (i cant explain it, but a bit like theres nobody else in the world apart from me and the people who i know) heres a link to describe exactly what i feel like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization
Second major thing thats a big problem is i talk to myself, in my head and out loud when im on my own i have done since i was a kid but no way to this extent - the extent that i talk/think exactly like i would with someone else such as explaiong things to myself that i already know!! and its almost CONSTANT thinking to myself, tbh i have more conversations with myself than what i do with a real person in a day!!I think i sound crazy or mentally ill :S
I have been to the doctors who diagnosed me with anxiety gave me the link to a website (??!!!) to help myself and a number for a counselling/cbt service thing which i have rang and been waiting since november to have some cbt!! When i did go to the docs, i didnt describe all these feelings that i have here. i did mention to the doc about derealization (the link i posted) and she said basically that its a side effect of anxiety. It doesnt feel like it is, it feels like anxiety is a side effect of that!! Its ruining my life. Felt like the doctor really wasnt bothered. I dont know, im thinking of going back soon anyway.i mentioned to her about my sleeping habit and she gave me yet another website address which hasnt helped in any way as it was a leaflet website!! I have only been once so maybe she didnt get the REAL picture of what is really going on. She specialises in mental health (apparently)
I thought i would clear things up about my family and bf and where they come into it also. I have not told my mum, dad or sister about how i feel, i dont think they would get it... lol My bf does know and has tried to help so many times, he goes kickboxing asked me to go every time since we met and ive said no, even though i want to so bad. I did go with him on our own once and i was so aware of myself and how i must look and i felt SO anxious! I feel anxious with him alot too (but i dont know if he knows that). I sound like im all over the place, but on the outside nobody would notice this is going on, im constantly struggling within myself all the time.
And heres a little bit of history which i thoight might be relevant: When i was at college (in the UK age 16-18) i had not felt anything like this. I was happy, spoke to people, joined a climbing/mountaineering club and did that twice a week and really enjoyed it, i had a good social life, wasnt afraid to leave the house and talk to new people. I think it started gradually from starting uni. First year was really bad, my halls were full of ignorant people so i hardly made friends with any of them. And i do remember that put me off slightly talking to people...but i lived off campus, and my course mates were on campus (and the area where my halls were was quite rough) nobody wanted to ever come to my halls or walk me home etc etc. I couldnt wait to come back home for the weekend/see my then bf as i felt i had no real friends at uni and i felt like i didnt fit in at all (whearas i did at college and that was honestly the best time of my life) i missed loads of freshers week activities because for some reason i had no idea that things were happening, so i missed out on (what i thought) was a vital week at uni to make friends.
Anyway thank u all so much for reading this far If you know any books that may hep me start up my life again (set goals, do what i want to do etc) then that would be great too
Well i finished university last may and so i live back at home with my parents and my sister. I have a good family life etc etc. I also have a bf who i have been with for 9 months. What my problem is i have not done absolutely anything (productive) since i left uni. I have not had a job, done no volunteering, done no activities, no fitness activities (hardly any), no travelling, not seeing friends much. nothing!!
I dont know why. i feel like im SO unmotivated to do these things even though i DO want to do them so badly. its like theres something stopping me! I get very anxious, i worry 'what will (might!) happen', i feel kind of numb to stuff, im aware of myself allll the time, i dont get excited much about stuff, hardly ever want to go out of the house (walking, seeing friends, nights out) because i seem to get so bored so easily and want to be at home. I used to be talkative, confident, talk to knew people and not give a **** whearas now i hate talking to new people, i hate going out alone (unless i HAVE to and i rush back home when i do).
I WANT so badly to be able to do volunteering outdoors (i did for a day in summer but i was so unmotivated to go back because i had to leave the house) i want to apply for jobs (but the thought of an interveiw scares me to death i had one not long ago and it went so bad so i dont apply) i wish i had a job so bad! But im unconfident with my skills (i dont really have any actually and i didnt take uni seriously at all i hated my course but i saw it through because i thought having a psychology degree would help me get a job better but it made me realise i do not want to go into it at all i want to help wildlife, animals, woodlands, habitats etc etc) I want to travel to america and new zealand.
I dont because i have no idea what im doing and worried about what might happen.
This is the other major thing thats bothering me. My sleeping habit is also really bad. I feel tired all day everyday. I go to bed usually late at about 2/3 sometimes later and i get up at 2 usually. I am so tired when i wake up. I set my alarm for 10 am and i just CANNOT get up!! i have it on for 2 hours and i still cant get up. I have tried getting up at 8, im tired all day, tried going bed earlier, still tired. (not tried getting up early for a continuous amount of time maybe only for a day or 2 i guess thats where im going wrong?)
I cant really explain this one but i feel like 'i am not here' or spaced out each and every day, like this is a dream or something and i am the person inside my head (think of the film men in black with the alien in the guys head (lol)) i feel like im just watching as if my eyes are a screen looking at the world. Sometimes it doesnt even feel like the worlds real (i cant explain it, but a bit like theres nobody else in the world apart from me and the people who i know) heres a link to describe exactly what i feel like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization
Second major thing thats a big problem is i talk to myself, in my head and out loud when im on my own i have done since i was a kid but no way to this extent - the extent that i talk/think exactly like i would with someone else such as explaiong things to myself that i already know!! and its almost CONSTANT thinking to myself, tbh i have more conversations with myself than what i do with a real person in a day!!I think i sound crazy or mentally ill :S
I have been to the doctors who diagnosed me with anxiety gave me the link to a website (??!!!) to help myself and a number for a counselling/cbt service thing which i have rang and been waiting since november to have some cbt!! When i did go to the docs, i didnt describe all these feelings that i have here. i did mention to the doc about derealization (the link i posted) and she said basically that its a side effect of anxiety. It doesnt feel like it is, it feels like anxiety is a side effect of that!! Its ruining my life. Felt like the doctor really wasnt bothered. I dont know, im thinking of going back soon anyway.i mentioned to her about my sleeping habit and she gave me yet another website address which hasnt helped in any way as it was a leaflet website!! I have only been once so maybe she didnt get the REAL picture of what is really going on. She specialises in mental health (apparently)
I thought i would clear things up about my family and bf and where they come into it also. I have not told my mum, dad or sister about how i feel, i dont think they would get it... lol My bf does know and has tried to help so many times, he goes kickboxing asked me to go every time since we met and ive said no, even though i want to so bad. I did go with him on our own once and i was so aware of myself and how i must look and i felt SO anxious! I feel anxious with him alot too (but i dont know if he knows that). I sound like im all over the place, but on the outside nobody would notice this is going on, im constantly struggling within myself all the time.
And heres a little bit of history which i thoight might be relevant: When i was at college (in the UK age 16-18) i had not felt anything like this. I was happy, spoke to people, joined a climbing/mountaineering club and did that twice a week and really enjoyed it, i had a good social life, wasnt afraid to leave the house and talk to new people. I think it started gradually from starting uni. First year was really bad, my halls were full of ignorant people so i hardly made friends with any of them. And i do remember that put me off slightly talking to people...but i lived off campus, and my course mates were on campus (and the area where my halls were was quite rough) nobody wanted to ever come to my halls or walk me home etc etc. I couldnt wait to come back home for the weekend/see my then bf as i felt i had no real friends at uni and i felt like i didnt fit in at all (whearas i did at college and that was honestly the best time of my life) i missed loads of freshers week activities because for some reason i had no idea that things were happening, so i missed out on (what i thought) was a vital week at uni to make friends.
Anyway thank u all so much for reading this far If you know any books that may hep me start up my life again (set goals, do what i want to do etc) then that would be great too