Just Pathetic

[Irishdoll]

I decided to start this thread tonight, because I have been seriously deluded. I should know better than to expect anything more than the usual, but again I let my personal feelings and moral ideals get in the way.
I have been coming to this site since May and I truly found it to be a place of solace and helpful advice. Full of caring and wonderful people who only to want to help others. However, tonight I was highly disappointed. I've felt a little out of my element recently when I have come here.
I found I remember why i cut myself off from other people to begin with. Talk of sex with all kinds of people, pornography, lifestyles that make me wonder why we have all kinds of problems with diseases. I guess this is one reason I don't do so well with friends and why guys never would approach me in clubs. I just look like a biotch who isn't gonna put out.
Anyway, I'm really thinking I don't want to help much anymore. I'm thinking I don't want to talk much anymore. I think I should just stay in my wasted, hate filled, puke every time my man touches me relationship, because I find meeting new people to be a disappointing endeavor.
I'm not totally dilusional. I know people will be people and most of society shares todays views of ettiquette. I, however, get told that something is wrong with me, I need to lighten up, I'm just a prude, I'm too honest or a bible thumper. I'm none of those things. It's no wonder I feel lonely and like there is no one who understands me. I'm too old for my age.
I'm not sure where else to go with this. I'm just full of sadness and disappointment.

 

[Qui]

I'm not sure if anything I can say will hold any weight. I mean, I'm just a punk that's only been on this earth for seventeen short years. What do I know of the world and those who live in it?

But I do know one thing. No one is the only one. There's always someone out there who's in the same place you're in, or who's been there and can help you out. Sometimes those people reach out an find you. Sometimes you've got to do the reaching. But I can guarantee that no one is ever the only one.

 

[samba101]

Don't give up irish, come back

 

[Minus]

Irishdoll, i don't know what you ran across but i'm sorry. More people share you view then you seem to know. Somehow i feel guilty and i wasn't even in chat if that is where this happened.

 

[Naleena]

Irish,
Since I was one of the ones in chat talking about sex, I want to let you know that I was unaware of your offense. The room we were in had a warning and it was freestyle. I asked twice in the room if anyone was offended and stated that I would respect their feelings. I was told by people in the room that they were alright with it. Most everyone was talking together. I wish you had come out and said you were bothered by our talking about sex. I realize you have a differing opinion and respect your opinion. I am sorry that I had to find out about it here instead of chat. Perhaps I missed something? It seemed most of the people in the conversation were enjoying it. I didn't have a clue you were offended. Perhaps you didn't see when I was asking if anyone was offended? We were in free chat. No offense but, you could have left. You did leave and came back twice and then asked if you had missed anything? I didn't realize you were upset. I respect your beliefs and would stopped had I known that you were offended. I didn't know that was a personal boundary for you. I hope you do not let one experience run you away. To be honest, I was a bit taken back by a few of your remarks about a certain group of mothers but, I didn't let it get to me because I know everyone has a right to their opinion. If anyone told you to lighten up or call you a bible thumper (sorry I didn't see that but you know how fast chat goes), I hope they appologize because that wasn't very nice. It's not right for anyone to disrespect or be condesending to another person because they don't hold the same opinion.

 

[lonelydude]

I dunno what happened in the chat coz of some probs i havnt been on there for a few weeks.

However Irish, from the many times ive chatted with you , your nothing like a bible-thumper or any other thing u have described urself as. Really , i cant imagine what could drive you to believe that you were lol in fact i used to be writing all sorts of weird stuff and you were nothing but a playful person who appreciated all of what we had to say

However generally, u said somefin about being dissapointed in people...well in my experience i have noticed that once u start expecting something from people(even if it is kindness ) you get dissapointed. This might not be that true for ppl on the chat here, but for in real life it most certainly is. I really thought you were feeling better by chatting in the chat room and im really sorry u feel this way for whatever reason.

 

[bluehawk]

You know what, Doll? I completely agree with you. I left the chat room last night because the conversation was getting a little too risqué for me. And it's not that I'm a prude either. Heck, I was a bartender for years in the three biggest nightclubs in Little Rock (Electric Cowboy, a place for redneck-cowboy wannabes / Discovery, a drag club place where "girl wannabes" performed onstage / and Joe's Big Bamboo, a place which is closed now, but was for the crowd that was somewhere in between the first two mentioned). If those boys and girls in the chat room, the ones that were verbally muggin' on each other anyway, think that they've got anything on me as far as having the capacity to make ribald, rude and indecent comments or display racy, suggestive and improper "locker-room" behavior then they are grossly mistaken. It's just that I come to this forum to find like minds and hearts searching for something better in life.

There was one "little boy" that was in there who was just casually cussing away like it's a normal part of his everyday way of communicating with other people. Apparently, even evidently, he's just another punk needing to have his head squeezed within the unyielding jaws of a primitively barbaric vice until his eyes bulge far enough out of his head for him to see the other people around him who really don't want to be associated with characters like himself who exhibit such unprincipled behavior.

I feel like flirting is okay; even kind of cool. And perhaps a slightly "off color" joke once in a awhile is okay, but when people start talking about what they'd like to do to or with other people's body parts, and those other people respond in kind, it just gets to be a place for "childish chatter," instead of what a chat room should be: a place to stimulate intellectual growth and broaden the horizons of everyone present, all participants sharing ideas worthy of a dignified race of beings.

I've been a member of other forums that won't even allow any sort of chat room to be directly linked to them because, inevitably, whether the forum's moderators wish it to be so or not, the value of the forum itself gets cheapened, demeaned, debased, degraded, discredited, etcetera, etcetera.

Anyway, I don't think I'll be visiting the chat room here much anymore.

Good Day

 

[Steel]

I just want to add my comment here, since I too was in the chat to which you refer.

Like Naleena, I certainly didn't receive the impression that anyone was offended in any way. Certainly, talking about subject matter that anyone finds disturbing or that runs contrary to their values is anaethma to me... and had you simply asked for a change of conversation, then you would have received it.

While I can't speak for other people, I certainly would not have drawn the conclusion that you were a prude or a bible-thumper.

I am sorry you were offended. Any subject matter discussed frankly can cause offence, be it sex, religion, politics or indeed a whole variety of other subjects. It is unlikely that any two people share exactly the same values on all subjects - and indeed, a dull world it would be if we did. This is certainly not an excuse for you to isolate yourself or to try to conform to the majority; it is these beliefs that make every one of us unique.

 

[Naleena]

Why didn't you say you were upset last night, Blue? The real problem here is that no one said anything! We aren't mind readers. Well, sometimes but thats beside the point....lol Why give someone down the road and judge them in a thread when you could have just said, "I am offended." That chat room was free chat with a warning that there could be offensive things. I did ask if anyone was offended- TWICE. We could go around this over and over and insulting other people isn't going to help. I know those people in that chat room and I bet everyone would have stopped had someone spoken up. That chat room is there for a purpose. It was not main chat where things are kept pg 13. If you don't want to hear such stuff, go to the main chat. I'm not trying to be a ***** but, why gripe and raise hell when at least those who were offended could have given the rest of us a heads up on how you felt?

Fair is fair. Free style is where you can say anything you want. Ya know, like America? Freedom of speech. Unless that warning was just a joke or not meant to be taking literally.

Bottom line, if anyone didn't like it, why didn't they say anything?
Don't go behind people's back posting , attack someone's person instead of the issue, and ***** about it later when you could have said something right there. Not everyone is alike. We are not all made the same way. It's a real shame this could have been handled in a proper way by speaking up last night instead of this crap.

As anyone can see, I really have a problem with judgemental people who can't accept others. We had the right to say what we wanted and you who didnt like it had the right to leave or at least give us the courtesy to let us know you were offended so we could have stopped. Jesus christ, I feel like I am in kindergarten.

My wish would be that this could be reconciled and we could come to some sort of an agreement. We are adults, we have mouths. We can talk things out. So why don't we? Let's not do this, ok? Let's move on. It doesn't have to be this way.

 

[bluehawk]

I've said what I had to say; if you don't want to hear it, don't read it.

Freedom of speech, right?

 

[Naleena]

I've said what I had to say; if you don't want to hear it, don't read it.

Freedom of speech, right?

Ditto! Something we can agree on. You have the freedom to say whatever you want, and I will not verbally attack you,
degrade you, judge you or tell you what you should be doing. I appreciate the same in return. : ) Glad we could come to an agreement.

 

[BlackCat]

I know I said this in the chat over and over, but I'll say it again. Sorry you got offended by what we were talking about, we didn't mean anything.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Free-Style Chat
Not recommended for anyone under 18. Enter at Your own risk!

A direct quote from the Rules page. If anyone doesn't care for the subject matter, there is another chat room. There is also an "ignore" fucntion that can be utilized. There is no need to harshly judge others, no matter which side of the moral fence you think they're on. No one should ever paint everyone with the same brush stroke. Everyone is entitled to their own views and opinions, no matter how juvenile, prudish, or free spirited. Anytime you come to a public forum, you can expect to be offended at some point, because there is such a wide range of thoughts and beliefs among the members. I didn't see even ONE member in the chat room who wouldn't have toned down the conversation, had they been asked. It's always a bad situation when someone has been offended on the forum. However, this is a chat room issue and those are a little more tricky. Especially the freestyle chat room. People have different lifestyles and that is why there are different chat rooms and the Main Chat is moderated to prevent anything other than PG chat.
Bottom line:
When I see something on TV that offends me....

I change the channel!

PS: Anyone who I've offend, please feel free to use the ignore function on me!

 

[Naleena]

I know I said this in the chat over and over, but I'll say it again. Sorry you got offended by what we were talking about, we didn't mean anything.

Black Cat, I am sorry too, if anyone got offended. I am not sorry for what we were talking about. Don't let anyone define you or make you feel bad. I think we have said sorry enough. I'm not appologizing anymore.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I know I said this in the chat over and over, but I'll say it again. Sorry you got offended by what we were talking about, we didn't mean anything.

BC, don't apologize when you've done nothing wrong, please.

 

[Irishdoll]

I appreciate the comments. However, I did say something, without trying to be too rude and I was told I needed therapy. I went to the main chat, but there was no1 there to speak to, because you were all in freestyle. I guess, it's either sit in silence or go where the people are. I know I had the option to stay or leave, I was hoping I might run into someone, but alas they never came. I understand people are entitled to their views and opinions, but I've said things before about the conversation. As blue said, I don't mind the flirting or the games or things of that nature, but when it gets into talking about what people want to do or how they do it etc., it becomes just another site like...well; Yahoo for instance. Less than classy. I should not have made this post. I abhor confrontation, but I felt some things had to be said.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I appreciate the comments. However, I did say something, without trying to be too rude and I was told I needed therapy. I went to the main chat, but there was no1 there to speak to, because you were all in freestyle. I guess, it's either sit in silence or go where the people are. I know I had the option to stay or leave, I was hoping I might run into someone, but alas they never came. I understand people are entitled to their views and opinions, but I've said things before about the conversation. As blue said, I don't mind the flirting or the games or things of that nature, but when it gets into talking about what people want to do or how they do it etc., it becomes just another site like...well; Yahoo for instance. Less than classy. I should not have made this post. I abhor confrontation, but I felt some things had to be said.

I'm sorry that someone told you that you needed therapy, Doll. Maybe that comment was made in reference to your statement about your husband? I'm sure the person who said it wasn't trying to offend you, but I'm sorry anyway. I also understand that the main chat an be empty at times, so freestyle is the only alternative. I came into the chat after most of the content in question was already over. PLEASE speak up more or even PM someone if you have to. No one wants to deliberately offend anyone. Having said that, I'm sure that a lot of people took offense at your post because it seemed pretty judgemental. I understand that you were frustrated, but please just try to rememeber that, just because someone doesn't share your views on what's moral and what isn't, doesn't make them bad or immoral people. Just different. Again, I'm sorry that you were made to feel the way you were and I hope that you continue to use the forum.

 

[Naleena]

However, I did say something, without trying to be too rude and I was told I needed therapy.

Hey Irish,
I am sorry if you tried to say something and for whatever reason, it wasn't heard or wasn't interpreted as it should have been? Who knows what goes on when there are so many people in chat. Please let someone know next time by pming or just say "Hey guys, This is too offensive for me!" Shout it if you have to! : ) We will understand. I will be more sensitive now that I know what offends you and I do respect your feelings. I like talking to you. And if at anytime you come into the free style room and I personally say something that bothers you, please pm me. I won't take offense. : ) I hope you continue to come back. There are a lot of people who like you. We are a little different but, we can all get along and respect each other.

 

[Naleena]

PLEASE speak up more or even PM someone if you have to. No one wants to deliberately offend anyone.

I think the question here now is what went wrong and how can we make sure this becomes a positive, productive situation? There was a communication breakdown somewhere. How can we make sure that doesn't happen again? Everyone's rights need to be respected. Everyone needs the freedom to express themselves and their opinions. Everyone also has the right to feel welcome and be in a situation they are comfortable with. What can we do or what could we have done to ensure that? I don't want to see anyone leave the forum. Everyone is important here.

 

[Steel]

I was surpised to read bluehawk's comments - clearly his recollection of events differs from my own.

But I digress. I do agree with Nal, that there was a failure in communication. I did miss any comments made about therapy, so I can't easily comment on that individual issue. Personally, I wouldn't expect anyone to change their beliefs and values to match my own, and I would hope that most people would agree with me.

Different people will find differing subjects uncomfortable. Religion, abortion, drug abuse, politics, just to name a few, may challenge someone's deeply held beliefs, and not provide the light hearted relief the person expected. This does not mean that such conversation should in any way be censored; merely that someone's reluctance to discuss an issue should be made known to those concerned, whom I would imagine would then adopt a different topic.