karma

[heretostay]

i really like coming on these sites. its so nice to come on here, say what i want to say, and not have to worry about all the social ramifications.

that being said, i had a pretty crap-tacular week with my husband. he just flew off the wagon. everything has been going pretty good for us and then he just had to go and loose his mind.

relationships are the strangest things to me. i was so emotionally removed from the world before i met my husband that i never cared about anything anyone else did. boyfriends came and went and it made no difference to me. i never fought with anyone. i remember one boyfriend having a fit because i didnt text him enough and i thought he was very strange. i had no idea what he was taking about. I had another boyfriend take me to a beach house, to some really pretty waterfall where he said he wanted to have our first kiss. i thought that was pretty odd. And then there was the boy who said to me one day that he'd wanted to talk to me about something important but couldnt because of how i was acting. I was curious why he would want to talk to me and what would make him think i cared what he had to say. he was hurt and i thought that was so strange. I had a couple boyfriends propose to me and i thought they were very odd. i never understood why they wanted to get married.

and then i met my husband and i dont think ive stopped fighting for three years straight. i feel like im living out my karmic debt. seriously. i feel like tracking down a couple of my exe boyfriends and telling them that i had no idea how they were feeling, but if its anything like this, then im so, so sorry. i hurt. a lot. and i care a lot. i cant just walk away. its the strangest thing.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

If contacting your exes will help you let go of the past a little easier then I suggest you do it. Hopefully things will work out for yourself and them to be able to create closure in the best way possible.

At least you are doing what I think is the right way to treat people from your past. I wish some people from my past would do the same instead of just treating me like I was dead.

My actions towards someone were bad, but they were warranted. I was strung along the whole time and now that they have some things to explain, but they decided to just leave and never look back. The so called closure I received was quite pathetic, but it does not really surprise me.

I hope things go the way you have planned if it can follow through.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I like that...my relationship with my gf was going good too, until she went
out of her god **** mind. Roflmao
Maybe it was becuase she was living with me.lol

Seriously...as much as i wanna stab my ex-gf eye's out sometimes
for the amount of torment she put me through.lol
Or sometimes I wish all the pain and suffering she put me through
will comeback to her 10x full...becuase i was in a lot of pain.
No...No..No...i wish none of that upon no one..not even her.

i just had to accept that she was doing the best that she could.
Perhaps she had alot of internal struggles or pains already.

Please forgive yourself..You did the best that you could when
you where younger.

I'm sorry you're going through marrital problems ATM...
ALL marriage have their ups and downs or struggles.
Maybe at the moment you're hurt and you're feeling guilty.
Our minds dose that..when we're emotionally distraut.
Maybe if you get some rest or sleep....you might feel better.
Maybe take a time out from you husband for a while...
just to stop the fighting or argument.
Give yourself time to gather yourself....and your husband too.
Maybe you can seek marrital conseling together.

Your mind and body is seeking relief from all the stress...mmm hord core sex with your husband...IDK.
My ex-wf and i used to fight a lot...just so we have wild, crazy makeup sex.
Something to consider.....

Maybe atm...the best thing for you to do is get rest..so you can think more level headed.

Maybe the marriage conselor might tell your husband to stop trying to figure women out so that he won't flip out...lmao.
That's what drove my ex-gf crazy ya know...she wanted me to think like a woman. it drover her nutz

If you feel compell to work out your karma.
Maybe you can do sometype of service work. Help other people.
Nothing to put your marriage at risk.
Maybe do some volunteer work to help other women.
Salvation Army or other centers for women.

I don't think its a good idea for you to be contacting your ex..with guilty emotions attach.
If you're tire and emotional ATM. It's not a good idea.
It like me tell you...hey babe, come have sex with me to work off all your karma.
I'm your karma...come play with me..
I mean...talk to your husband about it...and watch him flip out some more....lmao

Giving a homeless drunk $1 at the store won't help him...that's just enabling him.

 

[Nyktimos]

I agree with Crow, it's probably not good to contact your ex-boyfriends. Chances are, they've moved on as you have. But it isn't good to be dealing with the past as well as the present.

I don't think the universe really punishes people for the mistakes they made while they were still learning about the world and themselves. I don't believe in karma in any real sense, but remember your ex-boyfriends will have learned things from their pasts which will help them with their presents, and you should try to do the same. The important thing now is your marriage.

If your husband is going through tough times, you should try to understand. But you need his support too. You both need compatible visions of your future.

Listen to me, talking like I know squat in spite of the evidence of my entire bloody life!

Wishing you the very best future.

 

[heretostay]

thanks for your replies guys. im sorry for what your exe's did to you cowboy. Now that i know what it feels like to be with a jerk, i feel really bad. So maybe your exe's are thinking the same thing. i do think about some of the crap i did to my exe's and i feel pretty guilty. I think i really traumatized one guy. He told me that he found his dad dead when he was younger and then a few months after we were dating i tried to kill myself and he found me. then a few months after that i came to visit him with my new boyfriend. he looked like crap. i dont think i'll ever forgive myself for doing that to him.

I dont think i ever would really contact any exe's. but if i was to contact anyone it would be this guy. i realize now that he was so sweet and so sincere. of all my exe's he's the only one whos last name i remember.

Your mind and body is seeking relief from all the stress...mmm hord core sex with your husband...IDK.
My ex-wf and i used to fight a lot...just so we have wild, crazy makeup sex.
Something to consider.....

Ahh Crow you crack me up. this is just how ive been feeling. i have wanted some hard core sex. lol. i love the internet. i can say that and it doesnt even matter.

the problem is i think my h is not attracted to me. we've gone through a lot with him being addicted to porn. i think about cheating all the time. i think about going on the dating websites. i dont think i ever really would. i mean a couple years ago when all my h did was look at porn and i was extremely desperate i did contact some people off the internet and almost met some guy at a hotel. but i didnt do it. things are better with my h and me so i dont think i would do it now, but you are so right Crow. i could really use some hard core sex.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Have you tried Al-anon, CoDA...
Living with an addict can take a toll on anyone.

mmm...i went through the sort thing with my ex-gf in the sex department.
Holy schmoly...we had more sex when we were seperated, anywhere and everywhere...all the time.
I was stress out all the time..wondering and worrying about her.

At the sametime..i also felt mentally and emotionally alone thoughtout her 5 years run.
She wasn't menatally and emotionally availiable to me.
To me...it felt as if though she cheated on me...She love the
booze and gambling or her addictions more than she loved me.
I just wanted to go out and have a romantic evening with her.
It became like a lost dream. Sometimes i would even beg her.

Also at the sametime...I felt guilty becuase of my previouse
relationship. The relationship lasted for 5 years...but I wasn't
the greatest partner in the world. I wasn't mean to her.
I wasn't in love with her. I never got her flowers...We hardly
have sex...Sometimes she'll even tell me..that I need to have
major sex with her becuase she was sexaully fustrated...
She was actaully the nicest girl I've been with and i bascailly
treated like honeysuckle or bascailly i wasn't availiable to her when
she needed me...Just to hold her or cherish her.
Everything was on my terms. I took her for granted.


Anyway...that was also one of the main reason why I bent
over backwards with my recent ex-gf. No matter what the
problems where..I would try to see it through. Even if she
went into her addictions...but it got to the piont where
i couldn't handle that anymore. Since she wasn't avaliable
to me...there were plenty of women that were and wanted
to be with me....hence Jenni.
Will...It got kind of messy after that..becuase Jenni and I
started having an intimate relationship...not just sex.
Alot of heart to heart talk. She was emotionally availiable to me.

anyway...I hope things work out between you and your husband.
Co-depedency has all kinds of reading on the subject guilt.

I play this freaken tape in my head over and over again.
My ex-gf threaten to kill herself as she was walking away.
She had also called Jenni..
Jenni asking me...
"do you love her or do you love me?"
"do you love her or do you love me?"
"do you love her or do you love me?"
I didn't give her an answer.

Later jenni called me to go retrieve my ex-gf from a hotel
room because she was trying to drink herself to death.
I founded her stupid drunk. Many many months of picking
her off of our living room floor and finding her in the car
passed out on our driveway. We were still seperated
but she would break in becuase her mom had kicked her
out too...and she had no where else to go.
mmm...she was a social worker...dressed prefessional
with all of her clothe in her car...I'd find her passed out
in her car...many many times in our front yard.

Oneday she called Jenni after instigate an argument
and threw the phone at me...

Jenni's last words to me...as she's crying
" I hope you have a fucken nice life"

Jenni is dead today.
My ex-gf pretends like I'm fucken dead.

N i c e...real fucken nice...

 

[Nyktimos]

I've got some guilt over the way I treated my ex who I love deeply but had no patience for when she was going through honeysuckle.

I now seem to have endless patience with my current girlfriend who is just spoilt and doesn't deserve it, and who I don't love.

Dunno! Just wierd!

But if you feel guilt about how you treated past lovers who you didn't love, cheating on someone you do love is only likely to produce more guilt in the future.

Hope things work out!

 

[Steel]

I would agree with those who said not to contact your exes. Hopefully they will have moved on with their lives now, and if they were hurt it's only going to open old wounds.

Oh and porn? Nothing wrong with watching it together.

 

[heretostay]

dang cowboy you have some things to deal with that is for sure. you've been through a lot. and ya, i have been to al-anon. i just moved and havent gotten around to getting to more meetings. they are extremely helpful though.

the porn issue sounds easy enough, and that's what i thought in the beginning too, but when its an addiction its a whole different story. its not as easy as just watching it together, or trying to be sexy for him. its very complicated. luckily we have worked through that part of our lives and things are starting to turn around in that area.

we hit another bump in the road that really threw me. he kind of lost his mind for a day and practically threatened to hurt me. it was so random. he's never done anything like that and we've been together for years. he's never said a derogatory thing, never once did anything like that, and believe me i have a temper that a saint probably couldnt handle. he is going through counseling and i think the counselor is drudging up somethings from his past that are really hard for him to deal with. nonetheless i told him if he ever does that again i will report him, and also try out my tennis racket on his 'balls'.

i was online last night surfing the web for past boyfriends. i even went on some dating sites to see who is out there. shame on me i guess. and my h was sleeping right beside me. i do feel guilty. its one more thing to add to the list.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

You are so right, heretostay. So. Right.

Anyways, the situation with your hubby sounds like its getting a bit dangerous. I hope he doesn't get like that again. Scary. After thinking about what I said earlier I have to agree with the others. I don't think it would be a good idea to contact anyone from your past. You seem to have to deal with enough for the moment.

LOL at what you said about the tennis racket thing though. My imagination is running wild.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

dang cowboy you have some things to deal with that is for sure. you've been through a lot. and ya, i have been to al-anon. i just moved and havent gotten around to getting to more meetings. they are extremely helpful though.

the porn issue sounds easy enough, and that's what i thought in the beginning too, but when its an addiction its a whole different story. its not as easy as just watching it together, or trying to be sexy for him. its very complicated. luckily we have worked through that part of our lives and things are starting to turn around in that area.

we hit another bump in the road that really threw me. he kind of lost his mind for a day and practically threatened to hurt me. it was so random. he's never done anything like that and we've been together for years. he's never said a derogatory thing, never once did anything like that, and believe me i have a temper that a saint probably couldnt handle. he is going through counseling and i think the counselor is drudging up somethings from his past that are really hard for him to deal with. nonetheless i told him if he ever does that again i will report him, and also try out my tennis racket on his 'balls'.

i was online last night surfing the web for past boyfriends. i even went on some dating sites to see who is out there. shame on me i guess. and my h was sleeping right beside me. i do feel guilty. its one more thing to add to the list.

lmao...why didn't you just jump his bones ?
Slap him with your bewbies and say "It's not all about you, dude"
" now SHOW ME what a real man can do...and stop being so selfish"..

Is he attending or working sometype of recovery program ?
Errr....yeah when doing step 4th...you write about everything,
all the issues...no more living in denial...Sometimes it brings
up a lot of pains and it takes time to process that pain.
Not trying to make excusses for him...
A good sponsor will alway tell you right of the bat to
make an assest list after making a resentment list..lol
So that you won't flip out.
Lots of forgiveness.

My ex saw a therapist for a year...but i don't think they
ever go beyound the piont of the she's still blaming me for everything.
Addicts are good at the honeysuckle...blame everyone else..lol

Step #5 is admmiting I'm fucken wrong...my bad.
Extremely difficult for an addict to do...lmao
When you get to that stage...it's almost natural to not
be too resentful or hateful..lol

I found it helpful for me to make a list of how I hurted my GF.
So that i won't bend over backwards to her anymore.
I felt guitly for hurting her.

It was difficult...becuase i was so pissed off at her.
It sort of defused my anger towards her...becuase I messed up too.
I also realize...she too had feelings and is subject to failings.

I'm not saying it was okay for her to threaten to kill me.
It took the **** cops three times to come to our house to figure that honeysuckle out...becuase I'm a guy.
They said they would arrest her right then and there...i had to do was say the word.
But they also knew me being a **** co-dependent as i am..I'd go bail her out anyway.

I'm been going to meetings...it's helping me.
I can say what i need to say and cry if I need to cry.
It allows me to process some of my emotions and guilt.

You made an asset list of yourself lately ...heretostay ?
Your good qualities....we all have good qualities.

Btw...I remember also doing the samething that you did or are doing.
For some reason..i started writting about all the women in my life and how i hurted them.
Yeah...sort of like a karma guilt trip deal i was going through.
yeah...sort like combing over everything with a fine comb.
I felt guilty for all kinds of minor infractions or not being perfect or good enough.
A sort of weird behavior i develope living with an addict that's using.
I started blaming myself for everything...becuase just becuase it was a Tuesday my GF would flip out
and blame me or nit pick me for every little thing.

Addicts start fights so they can go use...too ya know.
So they can say..."I had to get the fresia away from you..becuase you were pissed off and had anger issues."lol
They get pissed off too...this way they can go into thier addictions and numb the fresia out.
Addiction is cunning.

You know...walking on eggshells.
A simple deversion tactics by addicts so they can stay in thier denial and not look and accept their addictions.

 

[heretostay]

Anyways, the situation with your hubby sounds like its getting a bit dangerous. I hope he doesn't get like that again. Scary.

ya it was unsettling that day. mostly because things were going relatively well for a few months. we hadnt fought or anything. maybe that was the problem. i was never afraid of him physically hurting me. i was just really hurt he even thought it.

lmao...why didn't you just jump his bones ?
Slap him with your bewbies and say "It's not all about you, dude"
" now SHOW ME what a real man can do...and stop being so selfish"..

LMAO! you are so funny. you remind me so much of my uncle. you know, i really think that is just what our sex life could use right now. you are so funny.

I found it helpful for me to make a list of how I hurted my GF.
So that i won't bend over backwards to her anymore.
I felt guitly for hurting her.

You know i think i could learn a lot from you about how my H feels. i think he also feels guilty for how he's treated me. i think he also bends over backwards to try and make me happy because he knows he F*ed-up.

he's not currently in any program, but i think it would help him. he went to an AA meeting once and said he could really relate to the people there. he doesnt drink or anything, but i kind of figure an addiction is the same emotionally, it just manifests itself differently with sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.

You made an asset list of yourself lately ...heretostay ?
Your good qualities....we all have good qualities.

no i sure have not. i dont like myself very much. but i do think i should look up meetings in my area again. ive stopped working on the marriage because it pissed me off that he never did anything, but in the process im just making myself miserable.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

he's not currently in any program, but i think it would help him. he went to an AA meeting once and said he could really relate to the people there. he doesnt drink or anything, but i kind of figure an addiction is the same emotionally, it just manifests itself differently with sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.

There's not SA or GA in my area either.
I still attend NA or AA...
It's still the same 12 steps program. It's not about stopping the using
or addictions...it's about learning how to live a healtier life and
happier life so that we don't have to use.
After a while...if we chose to...we chose to focus on the solutions
and try to live in the solutions.

It's not a cure all...but it helps.
Yes..marrital couseling helps too.

But it's also about acceptence of our addictions.

NA's#1 simplifies it...Darn addicts and alki will debet about the wordings...of course...lmao

We powerless our Addictions and our lives had became unmanageable.

Nowhere dose it say drugs and alcohol only dose it. ?lol

Addictions are just symtoms of our deeper problems anyway.

well you know as will as i do the wordings in step #1 in al-anon
is bascailly the same...it's still the same 12 steps.

Okay...you can be like me too..I've been there and done that.
You didn't invented misery ya know...I did.lmao

When you have enough of your misery ...you can come out
and play with the rest of us kiddies..

when you get done with that...maybe you can lead by example. Men are from mars...we're retarted and slow..lmao

Yes..you know you can't fix him...but the moment you start getting well...you'll glow, look hawt, and feel hawt.
Then he'll be like...Errrrr !?!
Will...start off your asset list with #1...I'm Hawt !!!

Think of it like this...recovery is like peeling layers of onions.
when you get done peeling all of the layers away...
There won't be anything standing between you and your Husband.
You'll be surround by love

When you get to that piont..you'll have a brain fart...
wow..we were actaully arguing about nothing....lmao

it's the DIS-EASE that's we hold in our hearts and minds.
All the guilt , shame, hurt and ill feelings we have, that
seperated us from one another.

I hope you and your husband both get well

 

[Alive42]

dang cowboy you have some things to deal with that is for sure. you've been through a lot. and ya, i have been to al-anon. i just moved and havent gotten around to getting to more meetings. they are extremely helpful though.

the porn issue sounds easy enough, and that's what i thought in the beginning too, but when its an addiction its a whole different story. its not as easy as just watching it together, or trying to be sexy for him. its very complicated. luckily we have worked through that part of our lives and things are starting to turn around in that area.

we hit another bump in the road that really threw me. he kind of lost his mind for a day and practically threatened to hurt me. it was so random. he's never done anything like that and we've been together for years. he's never said a derogatory thing, never once did anything like that, and believe me i have a temper that a saint probably couldnt handle. he is going through counseling and i think the counselor is drudging up somethings from his past that are really hard for him to deal with. nonetheless i told him if he ever does that again i will report him, and also try out my tennis racket on his 'balls'.

i was online last night surfing the web for past boyfriends. i even went on some dating sites to see who is out there. shame on me i guess. and my h was sleeping right beside me. i do feel guilty. its one more thing to add to the list.

I don't think you need to feel guilty - you going on those sites is no different than him looking at porn - we are married not dead, we can look and chat we just can't touch. Let's face it after you have been with someone forever it's going to get boring so you do what you have to, but if you want to touch then it's time to make some real decisions.

Don't ever stay if he hits - if he does it once he will do it again - that has been proven over and over and over and over.

 

[heretostay]

but if you want to touch then it's time to make some real decisions.

Don't ever stay if he hits - if he does it once he will do it again - that has been proven over and over and over and over.

ya i do want to touch. that's the problem. marriage just really sucks sometimes and i just want life to go back to the way it was before i met my H. im just hoping that my marriage will work out but sometimes i really dont think its going to. and then other times i think it might. its pretty emotionally draining.

i really dont think he'd ever hit me. he's never hurt anything in his life. ive done things that just about any person woudl have retailed but he's never once even said a derogatory thing back. i just cant imagine he woudl ever do anything to hurt me. if anything i think im the one more prone to violence.

 

[heretostay]

I like the new picture Crow