kids

[Skorian]

well, i was just curious...why were u with her in the 1st place, how long and why broke up...

....and maybe why not tell the whole story?
This kind of relationships always puzzzzzzzled me ....

As tyra banks says ,looking pretty in her comfy couch ,...:" Sooo, tell us about it"

No problem Tyra...uh...Incognita.

I met her on a BBS that a friend and I ran. For those of you too young to remember, a BBS (Bulletin Board Service) was a pre-internet message board. You called in with a 1200 baud modem and could post messages and reply. We started talking one day and eventually ended up meeting...and falling in love.

The fact that she had kids didn't even phase me. I liked her too much to let it get in the way. They were all great, not a brat in the bunch and I got along with all of them.

We talked about living together, getting married, etc, but for some reason things never materialized. It was no one's fault, we were just big procrastinators.

Things came to a halt when one evening a man with a ladder broke into her upstairs bedroom while she was home alone. I won't go into detail but he basically did terrible things for hours and left her for dead. Amazingly, she lived.

After that happened, I guess she decided she wanted to start her life over fresh. This didn't include me and she stopped returning my phonecalls. I think perhaps she simply couldn't deal with a relationship at that point. I understand why she had to let me go but I was still devastated. We were together for 6 years.

Anyway, there's my tragic tale...and one of the many reasons why I'm a very sad person.

Maybe I should have started a different thread. I hope I didn't derail this one too much.

Dude, she was probably so emotionally messed up. I can't believe you let her leave after that

 

[JustLost]

thanks...
pardon me...but why did u like her so much?

You're very welcome. I hope that wasn't too much information.

As to why I liked her, we just got along really well. We had a lot of the same interests and she could be silly at times (like me). She was extremely pretty but she didn't think she was. I spent a lot of time trying to convince her of it which created some amusing conversations.

I guess it was just a bunch of little things that added up.

 

[JustLost]

Dude, she was probably so emotionally messed up. I can't believe you let her leave after that

It's not like I didn't try. Ultimately though, you can't force someone to let you into their life.

 

[Hijacc]

As to why I liked her, we just got along really well. We had a lot of the same interests and she could be silly at times (like me). She was extremely pretty but she didn't think she was. I spent a lot of time trying to convince her of it which created some amusing conversations.

I guess it was just a bunch of little things that added up.

This sounds very familiar.......

 

[Incognita]

thanks...
pardon me...but why did u like her so much?

You're very welcome. I hope that wasn't too much information.

As to why I liked her, we just got along really well. We had a lot of the same interests and she could be silly at times (like me). She was extremely pretty but she didn't think she was. I spent a lot of time trying to convince her of it which created some amusing conversations.

I guess it was just a bunch of little things that added up.

so, she basically like broke up because of what happened with that man with ledder? Just like that?Cause ..u have been together for a while

 

[JustLost]

so, she basically like broke up because of what happened with that man with ledder? Just like that?Cause ..u have been together for a while

I guess. I never really got a definite explanation.

I also thought maybe if I gave her some time to "heal" we might be able to pick up where we left off...never happened.

 

[Naleena]

I never had a problem dating when I had small children. It depends on the man. Some don't want the responsibility but, there are plenty of men who don't mind. My children are grown except for my 16 yr old at home. My thing was that I never introduced my children to my dates. I was very protective of my children. Only the men I dated seriously got to meet them.

Now heres a kicker. I recently broke up with a man I was engaged to for the past four years. One of the things that hindered our relationship was the way he treated his six year old daughter. He was obsessed with her every want. I was tired of feeling and being last on his list of priorities. There has to be a balance in a relationship-with or without the children.

 

[Incognita]

He was obsessed with her every want. I was tired of feeling and being last on his list of priorities. [/color]

aw thats terrible.

 

[penny143]

it was a long time coming but it finally happened. 7 yrs and 7 months later, it's over. just like that.

and now begins my life as a single mother.
wish me luck.

 

[RobertJW]

Good luck - I hope you find happiness again. i hope I do too!

 

[BlackCat]

This is an interesting thread. We get the children AND the parent's POV (Naleena ). I have a story about how my dad waited for too long to re marry or to get in another relationship.

So. My parents divorced when I was two years old. Them not being together has been a normal part of my life. They both regret (I think so anyways) that they didn't stay together for me. I was their only child. They split my time between them like this: Dad Monday nights-Friday mornings, mom the rest of the time.

My dad got re married when I was 13 years old. The step mom barged into my life and basically took over my father's place. I hated my life at that point pretty much, since I relied on my father a lot. My mom was in a cult of sorts then, it was basically giving her false hope and sapping her money (a whopping $250 a month). So she was more focused on that then me, I had to make her stop. She did when I was 14, so I at least had a parent to lean on. Then it was to make my step mom stop. That was the tough part. After revolting against her retarded rules such as one hour on the computer per day DURING THE SUMMER!! After 3 years of that I just got very very angry, and she got convinced I wanted to kill her. So until recently I was staying in a cabin my dad owns alone (awesome ). I am just now coming onto my step mom (just for my dad's sake) and trying to establish at least a talking relationship.

So, the moral is, a new parent would be fine at that age. Just if you waited like my parents did and your spouse tried to take over as a parent, the child might not like it.

 

[jales]

i say yes! i would definitely consider it penny..
but i'm a female..and maybe it's true that there are guys (and women) who would see it as something undesirable..
I guess I understand your fears conserning it..

But dont let this be a reason..
if you really think you need someone different ..give yourself room to find him.. i'm sure your dream guy will find you so irresistiable that kids wont matter.

the thing is though, that's muuuch easier said than done.
staying in a less than perfect relationship because you are insecure is not something i can proudly say i wont do.

so you can't take my advice unless you really think it's right for you.

 

[Incognita]

My mom was in a cult of sorts

What is that?

Then it was to make my step mom stop. That was the tough part. After revolting against her retarded rules such as one hour on the computer per day DURING THE SUMMER!! After 3 years of that I just got very very angry, and she got convinced I wanted to kill her. So until recently I was staying in a cabin my dad owns alone (awesome ). I am just now coming onto my step mom (just for my dad's sake) and trying to establish at least a talking relationship.

So, the moral is, a new parent would be fine at that age. Just if you waited like my parents did and your spouse tried to take over as a parent, the child might not like it. [/color][/font]

Oh boy...u poor thing...
I wouldn't take any honeysuckle from a step parent.I swear. I'd start throwing plates at her and spit in her food..... LOL

1 hour?????? Whaaaaaaatttt?

 

[Incognita]

The earlier the better. But becareful who ur marring though.

When my son was 2 I was dating this guy( oh thank god i broke up with him...two years later) so he automatically assumed that that was his father. I was shocked.


Just because ur scared to be a single mother don't rush into a relationship.
U can do it.

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

The kids are a touchy subject. I would have no problem if she has kids, I have one of my own, I know the older the kid, the more problems it causes. If they are very young it is easier, but say they are 16 or so. I know I'm not their father, they know I'm not their father, so all I could hope is they realize that I'm there for them and that I am not trying to be a dad but a mentor, someone that will try to help if they need it, but not push it on them. They still have to have rules. (that's a part of life.) but if I love their mother then her happiness is what we all should want. I know it's hard on the kids too, but would you want your mother or father to be old and lonely or happy with someone new. If you read my post about bully's then you know I have little respect for my (Dad) But my mother re-married and has a wonderful husband now. It's not that I like him (I really do) but he makes her happy, and I like to see her happy.
When you love someone, you must take all of that person. Not just bits and pieces. You must provide a future while excepting their past., be it good or bad it is what makes them who they are today.

 

[Naleena]

Hey Black Cat
I am the mom who would say,"As long as you do what your supposed to and don't get into trouble, I am open to it." I guess I try and see the big picture. I remember how very strict a house I grew up in. I was so very miserable.

Who cares if you are on the computer one hour or five, as long as you are a good kid and not getting into trouble? So what if you want purple hair and eyeliner as long as your doing your home work and obeying the law? ...lol I have gotten some slack for my type of parenting. No, I am not trying to be my childrens' friend. I try to give them freedom in acceptable boundaries. My boundaries are a little bit wider than most, I suppose. My children are good kids and thats what I want for the end result.

And ya know, Black Cat, you guys don't come with manuals...lol
It would be so much easier if you did. All of you are different and have different personalities. It isn't easy being a parent- not by a long shot. Sometimes we are afraid we might not do the right thing by you guys and it will be our fault. We, or maybe I should say I, don't want to fail as a parent. Where is that line between being too strict and too permissive? It differs with who the children are and their maturity.
I wonder if your step mom has had children of her own? I wonder how she was raised? Parenting is a learning experience. No one is perfect.

 

[Incognita]

Well, u sort of never know the intentions of a stapmother......lol

im just kidding

 

[BlackCat]

Naleena: My biological parents aren't the strict ones. They basically have rules like you do. As long as I don't get in trouble. I never have been a troublemaker, and my step mom just auto assumed control over my life somehow. I have no idea why my dad thought it would be best for me. Just don't make the same mistakes, your kids will thank you for it.

Besides, it never made sense. If I'm limited on the computer, then how is that helping me with not being a trouble maker? That just gives me more time to make trouble .

Edit: Incognita you are terrible XD