Life and loneliness

[timzor]

I'm 16 years in my last year of high school and the term has just ended and holidays begun. It is usually in the holidays that the feeling of loneliness starts to overwhelm me and I become depressed and lose motivation to do anything... My friends are more like schoolmates and we don't really share many interests in common so we don't really do much together and I end up by myself most of the time while they do their stuff.

I never really had a really good friend who had common interests. I usually play computer games to distract me from my problems even though I'd rather be doing other stuff with people but don't really have anyone to do stuff with since my closer schoolmates have gone off overseas or interstate for the holidays. This loneliness has impacted my studies as well as I have no motivation to do anything and don't really have anything to look forward to..... I guess the only real friend I have is someone I met over the internet but who lives in another state and have known him for a few years now.....

I don't think looking for new friends now in school would be productive since there is only about 10 weeks left of school in the year and I should probably focus on my studies.

I'm also an introvert and have some trouble communicating with others, I tend to mumble and slur words together and so people usually have to hear it another time. I also tend to say the wrong words and have little to talk about so it's quite difficult for me to make friends.

Sorry for the wall of text but thanks if you made it down to here ;]

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^You consider that little shpiel to be a wall of text? Oy vey, what are these new cell-phone-texting-crazy generations coming to?

Welcome to the site, timzor. I think you'll find some welcoming people here that might have good advice..and we might be able to bridge the gap of friendship that you're feeling during the summer break/holidays. I look forward to seeing your presence around the forum.

 

[Luna]

Welcome Tim,

I find that the summertime tends to "down" me a bit also; in fact, today is one of those days so I can relate to you.
Regardless of company or not, I hope you spend your summer doing something you enjoy.
Oh how I miss summer vacations.

 

[Solitary]

Hey Tim,

I'm quite close to your age, 17, and I am having lots of similar experiences. My friends from school are nothing but acquaintances, nor do we share any interests among ourselves. Nevertheless, for me summer is not any different in terms of loneliness. Sure, during school year I get to see their faces, feel their presence - but what does that change? We don't become closer, we don't further develop our ever so weak bonds between ourselves.

We all have something we like to do during our alone time. You have chosen to play video games - so did I. It really distracts us and lets us forget that loneliness. But while you do what you choose to do alone and you do not feel the satisfaction, because you still wish for other's companionship. I think if you were to develop something more interesting and involving to do, that you would do that thing even if given the opportunity of interacting with others.

For example, I recently took a deep interest into the field of psychology. I bought myself lots of books from famous psychiatrists and psychotherapists (S. Freud, Karen Horney, A. Adler, V. Frankl). It has really improved my time alone. I even get to further my knowledge of my feelings, some of them lead to better explanations of loneliness itself. I have only read one Freud's book and it didn't really speak to me - maybe I'm having difficulty understanding it... But Karen Horney's book 'The neurotic personality of our time' has really intrigued me.

Okay, sorry for that quite an unnecessary detour from my main point. If you develop new hobbies, interests, the need of companionship should lessen. Then you will find it easier to bear, and maybe even help you later find likeminded people who enjoy the same things as you do.

Also, you must believe that you have a future. You don't need to depend on others. You should study ONLY for yourself. Being alone should be a motivator to study, to get a good education, and, ultimately, to be able to take care of yourself.

And, finally, being an introvert is great. Being an extrovert loner is difficult - you yearn for interaction and you don't have it. An introvert, however, enjoys the solitude and therefore is quite happy with himself while alone. My social skills are also **** weak, but I just know that it is one of my flaws. We can't all be perfect, can we?

So, to sum up, keep your head held high, study for yourself, don't depend on others, don't think too much about your loneliness and you won't notice how it will quickly have less impact on you. And if it doesn't, well, at least you will have tried to do something about it.

 

[timzor]

Cheers for the replies guys, reassuring to know people who share feelings that i have.

I do have other hobbies like martial arts and playing music but for martial arts its a problem with it being at set times while music, there is a lack of motivation at times to do anything as well. Probably the main problem in my life now is the lack of motivation to do anything and find myself procrastinating much of the days away. Sometimes I can't recall what I did in the day or don't really want to for lack of productivity xD.

And anyway, I don't have the same feeling of content playing video games anymore, they seem bland and repetitive to me now and without anyone to play with its almost like a chore at sometimes just to distract my mind from important things that I don't really want to deal with or think about.

Once again, thanks for the replies guys.

 

[huggybear]

I'm 16 years in my last year of high school and the term has just ended and holidays begun. It is usually in the holidays that the feeling of loneliness starts to overwhelm me and I become depressed and lose motivation to do anything... My friends are more like schoolmates and we don't really share many interests in common so we don't really do much together and I end up by myself most of the time while they do their stuff.

I never really had a really good friend who had common interests. I usually play computer games to distract me from my problems even though I'd rather be doing other stuff with people but don't really have anyone to do stuff with since my closer schoolmates have gone off overseas or interstate for the holidays. This loneliness has impacted my studies as well as I have no motivation to do anything and don't really have anything to look forward to..... I guess the only real friend I have is someone I met over the internet but who lives in another state and have known him for a few years now.....

I don't think looking for new friends now in school would be productive since there is only about 10 weeks left of school in the year and I should probably focus on my studies.

I'm also an introvert and have some trouble communicating with others, I tend to mumble and slur words together and so people usually have to hear it another time. I also tend to say the wrong words and have little to talk about so it's quite difficult for me to make friends.

Sorry for the wall of text but thanks if you made it down to here ;]

Hey id say dont worry about it and dont compare yourself to other people your only 16 all you need to worry about is finding a good career and stick with it opnce your 21 youll feel different about things and once your 25 and 30 even different again and by that time you could have a Phd or several dont get into drugs workout with weights and fitness and youll get there and find a lady

 

[freedom]

hi. i know what it's like to feel what you're feeling. by the time that i graduated from high school, i had no friends. i went on to colllege and was really lonely. i also try and do stuff that i like to keep myself busy. my best friend is 1,500 miles away in another state. i've been depressed for ten years now, and i've gone through all the feelings. i've lived through a lot in my reclusive, stigmatic loneliness, and i offer you my advice anytime that you need it. for now, just try and find something great enough to live for.