Loneliness and BPD

[limper]

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in november, 2011, but had been experiencing the symptoms of it for much longer before.

the past 6 years, my social life has been alternating between having a couple friends, and going through long stretches with no friends whatsoever. at first, the lack of friends was because i wasn't able to control my feelings, whether it was me overwhelming people i had just met with affection, or me blowing up and raging at the few people that still hung around and cared about me. now i feel more in control of my outward expression towards people, but at the cost of having to almost bottle my feelings until i have to let them out not with affection or rage but by pushing everyone away and punishing myself.

i also have a lot of very extreme black and white thinking and can be very easily disillusioned. i feel like if im not very important to someone, then there is no point in having any association with them at all. if i feel unimportant or ignored by somebody i care about i'll immediately become numb and indifferent towards them until i feel acknowledged or needed again, at which point id go back to basically loving the person.

i just feel very lonely. my feelings drive most people away, cause usually they misunderstand and don't realize that i feel feelings a lot stronger and faster than most people do and they end up getting creeped out or overwhelmed. and the very, very few people that appear to be okay with my strong feelings are usually pushed away by me cause im an idiot.

can anybody relate at all?

 

[stopfordian]

Hi, Limper. No two people are exactly the same, and I'm probably a fair bit older than yourself, but yes, your words are like a distant well-read book to me. I recognise those feelings/actions.
If you want to chat My inbox is always open and I will always respond.

we are lonely,, but never alone.:shy:

I just clicked your profile and I think you are may in the usa by looking at the timeline so there may be a lapse before any response.

 

[Vicente Guedes]

I don't have BPD but being misunderstood is something that many people with a personality disorder will have experienced. For me it's being seen as aloof and arrogant when I'm anything but.