Lonely 16 year old boy.

[Argh]

My name is Brandon, and I am a 16 year old Sophomore. I am (you guessed it) very lonely. I have good looks, I'm 130 pounds and am slightly athletic (I work out a lot). I'm good at making friends, but people just don't feel like they're anything to me anymore. It feels like everybody else is a mindless sheep wandering around completing tasks/shoving artificial food in their mouth. My dad died when I was 5, and my mom has been a gigantic slut trying to find the right person ever since. She's had about 8 different boyfriends ever since, and all of them abused me. I've been in foster care before because my mom accidentally started a fire, I was seperated from my 5 sisters and put in a foster home were I was sexually abused by a lady named Jill (she was like 24 or something and thin, but it wasn't an enjoyable experience). I was put in 5 different foster homes before I was returned to my mom. All my life I've been surrounded by woman and I don't have many male friends, and people have described me as being very feminine at times. My mom has a new boyfriend who I hate. He thinks I'm a pussy.

Not to sound arrogant but I'm one of they smartest kids in my school. I scored the highest scores in my school/nation for English and Reading in my ACT, and I normally get straight As. I'm in all advanced classes/pre Cal. However I haven't been trying lately because it feels like nobody cares.

So anonymous people that probably don't care, what should I do?

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[Sci-Fi]

Wow Brandon, sorry that you've been through so much crap in your young life that's horrible to hear. But hey, you're still here and you continue to push on despite all that so good for you. No shame in bragging a bit of your accomplishments especially after what you've been through. Though it is a bit discouraging to hear you haven't been trying lately, it might feel like nobody cares but don't let your schooling slide. Keep at it, do it for you, make something of yourself just so you can rub it in all those people who hurt you faces.

High school is full of mindless drones just trying to make it through each day. Teenage years are full of emotions and ups and downs, you're trying to find yourself as you grow up. Most people just try to fit in, it's those that make more of it who stand out. As for your mom's new toy, it takes one to know one right, a grown man calling a 16 year old a pussy, how much more of a pussy is he that he picks on someone younger than him. Just think of where it's coming from next time he wants to pick on you. Maybe you feel that your friends don't care because of what you have been through. Do you have ones you can talk to about these feelings? I know being a teenager but try talking to one of your female friends, they can be better listeners than male ones. I had more female friends in high school than male friends, my brother and I were raised by our mother, our father was never around, so I know how you feel, but my mom didn't date many other men. If any guy she dated ever mistreated us she'd dump his ass in a flash.

I take it you are in the US, I hear their foster care can be bad. My mom volunteers for the Children's Aid here in Canada, and she tells my brother and I about some of the kids she drives around. Some of them come from homes like you, have a mother like you do. Our foster care is much more strict, foster parents can't even touch a kid in care or even their own. If it gets reported that they even spanked their own kid while having another kid in care they get investigated. Sometimes the foster kids are even taken out of care and placed into another home. They take it very seriously here, they want the kids to be safe, they're all going through enough as it is.

You'll find anonymous people do care, there are many people on this site who will care about you and how more anonymous can you get besides the internet. We're all just text hiding behind a computer screen.

Just a theory, but it might be that your mom has had a hard time dealing with your fathers passing, she might have been looking for a man to replace him and be a father to you. I was quite surprised to see you call her a slut, sounds like you have some hard feelings towards your mother. Have you ever sat down and talked to her? Maybe what the two of you need is a good heart to heart.

Welcome to the forums, thanks for sharing your story. You'll find a lot of support here.

 

[Argh]

My mom barely speaks English.

 

[Mary Mary]

Argh, I'm so sorry about your situation. It is so tough to be stuck with such a destructive parent.

Being able to feel and express anger towards your parent(s) is healthy, especially when they really do leave a lot to be desired. I do think we should respect our parents; but the simple truth is some people cannot have a meaningful relationship with their parents. Their parents are just too screwed up, and I don't think because of some fourth/fifth commandment guilt trip (depending on which church or synagogue you belong to), you should force yourself into a relationship with them when that relationship is so destructive to you.

Can you get counseling somewhere?

 

[Sci-Fi]

My mom barely speaks English.

What language does she speak, do you speak it well? I kind of get the impression you don't but thought I'd ask. That could be a small cause for the rift between you two. When there's a language barrier communication is very difficult. Emotions aren't though, anger, sadness, joy, those anyone can understand.

Like Mary suggested, maybe if you can get some counseling. There are some that can speak different languages. Since you were in foster care are you still in contact with your case worker, they might be able to help you? Maybe your mother just doesn't know how to express how she feels to you. You should try something, anything, because at least then you know you made the attempt.

 

[Argh]

My mom is Japanese and I can barely understand her half the time. I went to foster care when I was 6, so I don't know if I can still contact my case worker.

 

[Mary Mary]

My mom is Japanese and I can barely understand her half the time. I went to foster care when I was 6, so I don't know if I can still contact my case worker.

Get out! My mother's Japanese, too; and I can't understand her either, and it's very annoying.

She's not as bad as your mother, but she's crazy.

 

[Argh]

My mom tries to do good things for me after all that's happened but she's incredibly desperate. She's made lots of mistakes and the language barrier makes it really difficult for us to understand each other. I've tried talking to her before to tell her how I appreciate her but she just thinks I resent her so she's mean to me.

 

[Mary Mary]

My mom tries to do good things for me after all that's happened but she's incredibly desperate. She's made lots of mistakes and the language barrier makes it really difficult for us to understand each other. I've tried talking to her before to tell her how I appreciate her but she just thinks I resent her so she's mean to me.

Yep. My mom will have these intense guilt trips and just pour all this ooey gooey lovey dove stuff on me; then on a dime, her mood will suddenly change, and she'll start treating me very contemptuously.

My all time favorite is how she'll badger me for reassurance that I'm not angry at her. I have to tell her over and over, "I'm not mad at you, mom, I'm not mad at you, mom." However, when she does do something that makes me angry, when I tell her, she'll just trivializes it by saying how cute I look when I'm angry and totally not take me seriously. Utter lack of emotional stability.

She's mean to you because she feels guilty.

 

[Argh]

I'm not quite sure what to do anymore.

 

[Mary Mary]

Is there a Big Brother program where you're at?

 

[Argh]

I'm too old for that.

 

[Mary Mary]

Also, I'm looking into a few things...

 

[Argh]

Well I don't want counseling. I'm incredibly sick of counseling. When I was 8 I went to the counselor once a day.

 

[Mary Mary]

Well, maybe not Big Brothers, but you've said you've spent so much time around women. I'm just wondering if there's a place you can go where you can be around emotionally healthy men. I mean grown men.

Argh: I'm not sure I can offer anything meaningful to you other than a ready ear, but you can also go to http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org.

Also, others will be coming along here; and they can probably give you more ideas.
.

---

Also, you can PM me anytime. If you just need to blow off some steam, you're more than welcomed to contact me.
.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Not as rough as urs Brandon..but it was prettty rough. I got abadent as a child..and just shipped off from relative to relatives or boarding school..
Then of course my mom had to married a wack job. My step father is the so call alki...but hes just very abusive to me..He holds everybody
mentally N emotionally hostage..
pretty much the whole nine yards
of growing up in a dysfunctional home.
Used to lock myself in my room and just played my guitar...
Yeah I had good grades too..but anything I did wasnt good enough.
Excelled in alot things but my step father wholes everybody hostage..
I never got accepted N bascially the blacksheep of the family....
but Im actaully the most sane one out of all of them..
I didnt enter recovery until I was 22..
Didnt really what was really going on..but I knew something wasnt right..

Your education is ur ticket out

Is there AL laTeen avaliable in ur area?
Just keep reaching out Brandon

 

[Lonely.Pianist]

Brandon, I'm very sorry for all those bad things that happened to you. But you have a nice gift: you're smart. If you don't give up, you'll be very successful. About your mom, gestures can overcome the language barrier. A hug is all you need to tell her you love her. Try to work things out with her. I'm sure you're more important to her than any jerk she dates.
Never think no one cares, you're not alone. We're with you.

 

[apathy]

My mom tries to do good things for me after all that's happened but she's incredibly desperate. She's made lots of mistakes and the language barrier makes it really difficult for us to understand each other. I've tried talking to her before to tell her how I appreciate her but she just thinks I resent her so she's mean to me.

Yep. My mom will have these intense guilt trips and just pour all this ooey gooey lovey dove stuff on me; then on a dime, her mood will suddenly change, and she'll start treating me very contemptuously.

My all time favorite is how she'll badger me for reassurance that I'm not angry at her. I have to tell her over and over, "I'm not mad at you, mom, I'm not mad at you, mom." However, when she does do something that makes me angry, when I tell her, she'll just trivializes it by saying how cute I look when I'm angry and totally not take me seriously. Utter lack of emotional stability.

She's mean to you because she feels guilty.

Wow, my mom behaves exactly the same way too.
I wanted to start building these bridges with her, but she either pouts like a petulant 5-year old, totally ignoring me while she goes ranting about or she doesn't take me seriously at all. When she says how cute I look when I'm angry, that just adds up to more frustration.

She's too emotionally unstable to see pass anything that isn't HER idea of doing something for "my own good". She keeps making mistakes, even as she desperately tries to make it up to me.
Besides that, we have a language barrier as well, very difficult for us to communicate effectively or even meaningfully. I've given up on patching up our relationship. I just think that, forgiveness can be given but reconciliation needs to be earned. If she's going to continue being self-absorbed and delusional, I don't want to be around her.

I'm good at making friends, but people just don't feel like they're anything to me anymore. It feels like everybody else is a mindless sheep wandering around completing tasks/shoving artificial food in their mouth. My dad died when I was 5, and my mom has been a gigantic slut trying to find the right person ever since. My mom has a new boyfriend who I hate. He thinks I'm a pussy.

Not to sound arrogant but I'm one of they smartest kids in my school. I scored the highest scores in my school/nation for English and Reading in my ACT, and I normally get straight As. I'm in all advanced classes/pre Cal. However I haven't been trying lately because it feels like nobody cares.

So anonymous people that probably don't care, what should I do?

---

---

Hey, Argh. You might think that nobody cares, but think about how many people there is in the world. Even if the people around you don't seem to care, care about yourself. Sometimes I spiral out of control, feeling apathetic for weeks. After the couple of weeks of burnout, I get up on my feet again and continue on. Someone once told me that, "It could be worse." He's right. Think of it this way, you're young, smart and haven't fully experienced the opportunities coming your way.

High school is stupid. Most people are like mindless sheep, chasing after social statues and getting all over-dramatic.. jumping into superficial relationships etc. I'm sure that the people we meet in high school might not stay the same throughout their lives. Even if they do, why do I care? I'm just going to do my personal best for school, treat my friends and enemies accordingly and get the hell out of here. Ten years down the road, I'd like to think that I've achieved everything with my fullest capabilities.

I think that if you stay true to yourself and to others, sooner or later you'll end up around people whom you can really connect to. Life happens when we're busy making plans. To me, all these plans are to better myself so that when I meet these people, I'd be able to be the best person I can possibly be. I don't know about you, but that's enough motivation for me to get the A's in school, or at least try to. I don't always succeed, but I'd like to think I tried.

 

[Argh]

I just keep on hearing people saying that life will get better, and to go get counseling. I don't even feel like getting out of bed in the morning, much less get counseling. I don't even want to do counseling in the first place because it doesn't help.

 

[Mary Mary]

I just keep on hearing people saying that life will get better, and to go get counseling. I don't even feel like getting out of bed in the morning, much less get counseling. I don't even want to do counseling in the first place because it doesn't help.

I know it's frustrating because you've been, and it hasn't helped. Unfortunately, it's the best thing I can offer right now. I'm not saying this because I read it somewhere and thought it sounded neat. I actually had OCD and depression, and regular counseling did cure me. However, it took seven years of seeing a counselor every three weeks.

The biggest problem you face is that you just don't have a good adult taking care of you. Addressing issues such as these takes time, resources, and dedication. I spent many, many hours reading. I went through three different therapists and two psychiatrist. That's the work a competent parent would do for a child. (Of course, if you had a competent parent, you probably wouldn't be facing these issues.) You've been in dysfunctional environments for 16 years. You're not going to undo all the damage in a few weeks, months, or even years; but you can do it.

Like Lonesome Crow said, just keep reaching out. The fact is the right counselor will be able to help you, but as I said, not having a good adult to help you find one makes it a challenge for you.

In the mean time, you need a quick fix now. I have a friend who's a teacher. Let me talk to him. Honestly, I may not be able to have anything meaningful for you, but let me see what he says.

---

Yep. My mom will have these intense guilt trips and just pour all this ooey gooey lovey dove stuff on me; then on a dime, her mood will suddenly change, and she'll start treating me very contemptuously.

My all time favorite is how she'll badger me for reassurance that I'm not angry at her. I have to tell her over and over, "I'm not mad at you, mom, I'm not mad at you, mom." However, when she does do something that makes me angry, when I tell her, she'll just trivializes it by saying how cute I look when I'm angry and totally not take me seriously. Utter lack of emotional stability.

She's mean to you because she feels guilty.

Wow, my mom behaves exactly the same way too.
I wanted to start building these bridges with her, but she either pouts like a petulant 5-year old, totally ignoring me while she goes ranting about or she doesn't take me seriously at all. When she says how cute I look when I'm angry, that just adds up to more frustration.

She's too emotionally unstable to see pass anything that isn't HER idea of doing something for "my own good". She keeps making mistakes, even as she desperately tries to make it up to me.
Besides that, we have a language barrier as well, very difficult for us to communicate effectively or even meaningfully. I've given up on patching up our relationship. I just think that, forgiveness can be given but reconciliation needs to be earned. If she's going to continue being self-absorbed and delusional, I don't want to be around her.

I agree. I'm not angry with her. I've had OCD and depression; and my parents have everything to do with that, and honoring your parents doesn't include letting them emotionally damage you.

In fact, even though there was no magic bullet, distancing myself from my parents was an important component in my recovery.