LONELY LOSERS? or JUST BAD LIVERS???

[deirdre]

THE NAME OF THIS SITE, for the lonely life, WHILE ACCURATE, for it is how we feel, is disturbingly feeding into our low esteems, we are identifying with the connotations that lonely means loser.

OH for sure sure sure, the site name draws us here because we are seeking company in our misery..... but it is alarming that every single posting from the lonely drawn here see themselves as LOSERS.

Maybe we should think more in terms of being LOUSY LIVERS and this site is " For those who can't find a happy life" ..... and maybe a better blurb that explains to especially the younger people here that we never grow up, not really, growing up, learning to cope, change, find ourselves, is a life long project and things like love, success, marriage and careers do not necessarily fall into the acceptable time tables of society or our families. No ONE IS A LOSER.... rather, most of us have emotional issues that have kept us from seeing our true potential, worth and value..... it's never too late and even if you are 60 years old, like me, you are never too old to keep trying to make your dreams of happiness come true.

Basically it seems, the majority of us are here and lonely because no one loves us or we perceive it that way. The younger set, which is the majority here, fail to see or take into account any family member who is there for them. THAT kind of love isn't on their radar screen and isn't perceived as valuable or a resource because it just doesn't qualify. It doesn't come from a peer group or a member of the opposite sex who finds a value in attaching themselves to us.

So, do you really really really believe you are a LOSER? Do you? Are you 100 percent totally honestly for darn tooting sure you have no worth as a human being? why? And can you at least TRY to reorientate your thinking to you are NOT a LOSER, but a lousy LIVER???

 

[Jesse]

I don't think I'm a loser or a lousy liver lol.

 

[SophiaGrace]

wow when you first said "lousy liver" i was thinking of a dish of liver and onions that had gone terribly terribly wrong. duh! lol. My mind is so strange.

 

[deirdre]

then you are so so lucky aren't you Jesse???? I'm just saying, most of the posts I read on this site are from desperately lonely people who do equate their status of isolation and often depression due to the fact that see themselves as a loser....

heck my best poems are ones of loss, despair, wandering, searching, my most evocative images are of desolation and emptiness....I can't seem to write a poem that isn't associated with one of these themes....well, I do have one moon poem, basically about being alone, but I did manage to be a bit playful, still and all.... it bothers me just about all my poetry is associated with me trying to comes to terms with loss, sorrow and hopelessness.

---

LOL.... I KNOW!!! me too, I was truly envisioning a cirrhotic horror lying on a dish somewhere too!!! LOL, but I like to use alliteration, consonance in my descriptions, I write poetry, it's a bad habit.

wow when you first said "lousy liver" i was thinking of a dish of liver and onions that had gone terribly terribly wrong. duh! lol. My mind is so strange.

 

[It was Mine]

I think it's within everyone here to become something new. I don't feel like a loser although I've lost a great deal of friends from my past. and now have to make new ones. but it's been going well, I've definitely entered a new chapter in my life. Although EVERYDAY I wake up thinking of the past and the mistake's I've made. Every night I go to bed dreaming of it, and how I'd give my sweat and blood just to go back! if only to go back... So in this I can relate to a lousy liver for sure! It seems I've learned the lesson "you don't know what you got until it's gone" too many times!

I'm one of those people who measure there worth through a loving relationship. not materiel. I had the relationship and then materiel forced us blind to what we started with! lousy liver!

 

[Jesse]

I'm not saying I'm not lonely. I definately am.

I know what you're trying to say though.

 

[Stagnant]

I was hoping that there was some new study that if we took a certain vitamin to improve liver function it would fill our hearts with joy (but I new it couldent be that simple)

 

[deirdre]

ahhh, wouldn't that be the clincher? just take a pill and all of a sudden, we could stop playing the old tapes, we could erase all past mistakes, we could break out of our self imposed prisons of doubt and mistrust, we would all have the clarity of thought, reason and sanity to see only the best and good of ourselves and others and not be afraid of tomorrow.

And It Was Mine? You still can have IT.... It's going to look differently and perhaps you won't even recognize IT when it when it tiptoes quietly back into your existence...I think we just have to expect IT, know IT is ours and maybe even that we didn't really lose IT at all....just really a small part of IT, just the part of IT that had the power to make us believe in ourselves. We can get that back.

I remember someone once saying to me, no matter how many times he made me cry, the thousands and thousands of empty nights and the oceans of tears tidaling in my soul, why is it all I can remember are the few good days? I think we just cling to our dreams of what might have been because we are so afraid to dream again, make new dreams, believe we can even have a dream. One of the silly quotes I have on my computer tower is from Louisa May Alcott: Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead..... I guess that's all I can try to do too...take one small step forward every day, try to keep going forward and not the five steps backward I have been, immersed in the past losses and pains.

 

[It was Mine]

"And It Was Mine? You still can have IT.... It's going to look differently and perhaps you won't even recognize IT when it when it tiptoes quietly back into your existence...I think we just have to expect IT, know IT is ours and maybe even that we didn't really lose IT at all....just really a small part of IT, just the part of IT that had the power to make us believe in ourselves. We can get that back."



Your words were really something I did need to hear. Thanks, for some reason i had never thought of it in that light. It is very true how fixated on the old I am, And it is so hard to make new dreams, when the old has fallen.

"Our wise acts accompany us through life to please us and to help us. Just as surely our unwise acts follow us to plague and torment us. Alas, they can not be forgotten. In the front rank of the torments that do follow us are the memories of the things we should have done, of the opportunities which came to us and we took not."

 

[deirdre]

yeppers, i know exactly what you are feeling. i had this one and only love and i almost can't conceive that i could ever be loved again or want to love again, or it ever could be as wonderful as it once was...yeah, it was for a very very short time really wonderful, but that then was followed by years and years, almost my whole lifetime, of pain and distrust and gut wrenching sorrow....

I may never find that kind of love again, that first flush of love, and who can? how can you ever recapture that innocense or complete belief??? But I truly do think now that I can find a different kind of love... and it will be gentle and slow and kind and thoughtful and no, maybe not wild, crazy, throttle out whoopdeedoo amazing, but still a deeper, calm understanding of someone, respect for someone .....not some immature needy, craving love based on hey, Look at Me World!!! I got this really sweet guy with buns to die for, gorgeous eyes, killer smile, wow, ain't I special I could capture this guy???

And yeah, so what if I don't? I think it will be enough to get my own sense of self back that has nothing to do with who is with me or not with me...I think with lots more work I can start liking myself a whole lot better, be kinder to me and give myself some points for all I have been able to overcome.

"And It Was Mine? You still can have IT.... It's going to look differently and perhaps you won't even recognize IT when it when it tiptoes quietly back into your existence...I think we just have to expect IT, know IT is ours and maybe even that we didn't really lose IT at all....just really a small part of IT, just the part of IT that had the power to make us believe in ourselves. We can get that back."



Your words were really something I did need to hear. Thanks, for some reason i had never thought of it in that light. It is very true how fixated on the old I am, And it is so hard to make new dreams, when the old has fallen.

"Our wise acts accompany us through life to please us and to help us. Just as surely our unwise acts follow us to plague and torment us. Alas, they can not be forgotten. In the front rank of the torments that do follow us are the memories of the things we should have done, of the opportunities which came to us and we took not."

 

[h i]

im a loser?

U.U

 

[deirdre]

did you read carefully? I said many of the posts on these forums are from people who insist they are losers... certainly didn't mean to imply everyone thinks that way.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

you actually wrote: EVERY single posting here from the lonely draw themselves as LOSERS.

i agree with you with pretty much all the positive optimism and hope-laden words you wrote and i get the jist of your post in as much as negating the tide of negative-ism that can only be self defeating and destructive to people's self esteem and sense of self. particularly the SENSE OF SELF which seems to be so easily corroded and mutilated by some of the cruelties of life and when it is damaged there is a tendency to get disconnected from the essence of who you are, the valued and worthwhile human being that is deserving of happiness and inner peace.

with a damaged heart and spirit the intuition and self trust we all have naturally inside becomes clouded, blurry and kind of lost within the confusion. without that internal compass it seems that judgement and priorities get thrown out of kilter.. lost in chaos.

but yes... no-one else, no OTHER can give you that sense of inner strength; no relationship, no friend, no family member.. that is that piece of the puzzle that is purely thyself.

Lonesome Crow always says, "happiness is an inside job"... there is nothing in the external world that will 'cure' whatever sense of emptiness, hollowness or loneliness we feel without the internal foundation of self-love.

i remember being a teenager and then my early 20's and feeling the pressures of society in achieving the correct milestones at the right pace.. it isn't easy when you are young and feel as though you are falling behind, moving at a different speed or just plain different and don't sense any desire to achieve or succeed by the terms that 'society' has laid out. there is a too narrow a definition for what sort of life we have to lead in order to have a fighting chance of happiness.. everywhere i turn i see it being defined for me.. marriage, career, travel etc.. there is nothing wrong with these dreams and i wish all those wanting to persue these paths all the best.. but not everyone wants the same things. if you fall outside the bounderies of what you are supposed to follow to find happiness it can be hard to have belief and faith in yourself.. but stand alone and stand strong.. you can.

i agree with you that sometimes it can be difficult to let the past go, all the mistakes and all the 'what could have been' thinking and look to the future and dream something new. i would also like to add that if you havent got a dream right now, that's OKAY. if you don't know which direction you want to take, that's OKAY. if you're not sure who you are, that's OKAY. if you're feeling lost and lonely, that's OKAY.

lets be KIND to ourselves. no-one is a LOSER... **** competative western culture based language.. losers/winners.. all/nothing.. black/white.. we are just human, we struggle, we walk, we learn and grow and suffer and try, try, try to pick ourselves up and keep walking..

there is no choice but to keep trying to excavate the light inside and keep digging for that love.