Hello there everyone! I am new to this site and I thought id share some thoughts about myself. I am a 20 year old male, a bit of a nerd but I guess that's expected lol... For most of my life, or at least most of what I remember, I've been depressed. You guys have probably heard this a thousand times. crappy childhood, no friends, un-attentive parents. My teenage years were horrible, filled with self resentment and datelessness lol. I was the guy who made everyone laugh but no girl wanted to be with because i was so strange. Got picked on a lot. Not so much bullied, but i did have a few encounters with rather burly fellows. and the whole experience evaporated whatever little self esteem I had left. my grades were horrible, but its really hard trying to focus on grades when you feel worthless all the time. it got to the point where i would get really depressed and sometimes when i went to the bathroom id burst into tears. So eventually at the age of 18 i just gave up on the entire thing and dropped out of high school because going there just made me feel awful. I did however get my GED a year later, and things seemed to improve a little, i finally had something to be proud of myself about, but at the same time i still felt empty. i still had no friends, no girlfriend, no job(despite many searches) and on top of that id argue with my mom a lot. she would get drunk and find something to start arguments about, and i remember once she got drunk and she told me how i embarrassed her and asked me why i couldn't be like my cousin because he made straight A's and had no trouble in school. And she also said "you're probably the reason why i cant keep a man because i always have to deal with you" and that just broke me. so one day we got into an argument and i just snapped and told her that if she wants me out of her life so **** bad then i will just leave, and i did. I went to go live with my father, who was and still is a very positive influence in my life. he helped me get my drivers license. i passed it on my first try and got a perfect score so i felt really good about that. but the problem is, the area where my father lives has no public transportation or nearby stores within walking distance and he goes to work early in the morning and
doesn't get off until late in the evening around 6 pm. so i cant attend college or get a job because i have no transportation. and again the depression is really starting to set in again because i cant go anywhere, i cant work, i cant do anything and i just feel like dead weight to my father. i still have no friends because there is really no way to find people with the same interests and hang out with them. iv'e never been in a relationship, and i have no job experience, so even if i do magically find some way to get to a place of employment they will most likely reject me because i have no employment history(had it happen before multiple times) its like no matter what improvements i try to make to my life, i end up hitting a brick wall. iv'e been living with my dad for two years now and i'm still unemployed and the entire situation really stresses me out. I'm scared because i don't think i can take another year of this and i might end up doing something stupid. It wouldn't be so bad if i had a girlfriend i guess,i would know that there was someone who enjoys my company and thinks that i'm desirable, but what woman wants to date a 20 year old boring socially awkward high school drop out with no car or money/job. even just one friend to talk to and hang out with would be nice... But that's a luxury i just cant seem to acquire. I just want a friend, is that too much to ask?
doesn't get off until late in the evening around 6 pm. so i cant attend college or get a job because i have no transportation. and again the depression is really starting to set in again because i cant go anywhere, i cant work, i cant do anything and i just feel like dead weight to my father. i still have no friends because there is really no way to find people with the same interests and hang out with them. iv'e never been in a relationship, and i have no job experience, so even if i do magically find some way to get to a place of employment they will most likely reject me because i have no employment history(had it happen before multiple times) its like no matter what improvements i try to make to my life, i end up hitting a brick wall. iv'e been living with my dad for two years now and i'm still unemployed and the entire situation really stresses me out. I'm scared because i don't think i can take another year of this and i might end up doing something stupid. It wouldn't be so bad if i had a girlfriend i guess,i would know that there was someone who enjoys my company and thinks that i'm desirable, but what woman wants to date a 20 year old boring socially awkward high school drop out with no car or money/job. even just one friend to talk to and hang out with would be nice... But that's a luxury i just cant seem to acquire. I just want a friend, is that too much to ask?
