losing my heart

[Fvantom]

Thats honestly the only way I can describe the way I always feel, its sort of like this, I went through my entire teen years without a single real friend, not only that but I didnt even have anyone to talk to or hang out with, period. Already, Ive missed out on the best years of my life and I hate to say that now, at 21, its not much different, I have people who call me their friend but they ignore me regularly, always going out without me, I cant call them friends.


Ive been feeling especially bad recently, to the point where I lose my emotions and go numb, I cant feel anything except for the pain and emptiness that comes with what Ive been through, but anything that should invoke positive emotions, happy music, seeing people around you who are happy, etc. fills me with pain. Its as if Im losing my heart, I keep fighting for it, but every time Im expected to be happy for someone who actually has caring friends, or be subjected to watch all these people being happy from the outside, it fills me with unbearable pain, although I try, theres times where strength shines through but it hurts.

 

[Ak5]

I'd say the best years of life are those when you can buy booze any time you want.

I mean it lol. But anyway, you should forget the past; don't dwell on it. Focus on your friends, ask them to hang out with you, if they are your friends they will accept you or invite you. The only way is to move on.

 

[Fvantom]

I'd say the best years of life are those when you can buy booze any time you want.

I mean it lol. But anyway, you should forget the past; don't dwell on it. Focus on your friends, ask them to hang out with you, if they are your friends they will accept you or invite you. The only way is to move on.

thats what Ive been working on, its hard to throw away 21 years of dealing with the same crap, but Im getting better

 

[Ak5]

The important thing is that your getting better, nothing else matters.

 

[Fvantom]

Im getting better, but the pains getting worse. What I mean it that my heads starting to clear and Im starting to like myself more and that people arent all out to make me feel like honeysuckle, but at the same time, Im still really alone

 

[Ak5]

I get it.

The best thing to do right now is to take action.

Call your friends and ask to hang out.

 

[Fvantom]

good plan, its already in action :3

 

[Ak5]

Great, good luck.

 

[markyj82]

Thats honestly the only way I can describe the way I always feel, its sort of like this, I went through my entire teen years without a single real friend, not only that but I didnt even have anyone to talk to or hang out with, period. Already, Ive missed out on the best years of my life and I hate to say that now, at 21, its not much different, I have people who call me their friend but they ignore me regularly, always going out without me, I cant call them friends.


Ive been feeling especially bad recently, to the point where I lose my emotions and go numb, I cant feel anything except for the pain and emptiness that comes with what Ive been through, but anything that should invoke positive emotions, happy music, seeing people around you who are happy, etc. fills me with pain. Its as if Im losing my heart, I keep fighting for it, but every time Im expected to be happy for someone who actually has caring friends, or be subjected to watch all these people being happy from the outside, it fills me with unbearable pain, although I try, theres times where strength shines through but it hurts.

Depression is awful, you are going through hell, there are a lot of people who hate life and what it is materialistic, people who have a lot of friends "don't", they are acquaintances that don't care about that person, true friends will stand by you know matter what and in your lifetime you would be lucky to have more than 3 real friends. You need to seek help, I did and it saved my life, remember you are special know matter what people think or how many friends you have its what's inside that matters not in the outer world. Your pain needs addressing you suffer from severe depression, so do I.

 

[Vinan]

Lovely we can fix this don't think your without. I am sorry its turned out the way it is but don't worry look at the future with me shall we? Your pretty important for you have free will and you can do anything you want. You can make anything come true. Now what happens with such a power? Anything that can physically happen. You just gotta make them happen! If you make them happen they will come true as well.

They don't invite you out? Invite them out!, You see other people happy? Go be happy with them! There is plenty of people in the world just smile and say Hi and strike up a conversation. Think think think my friend all these things are here waiting for you reach out for them and don't let go

 

[Fvantom]

Lovely we can fix this don't think your without. I am sorry its turned out the way it is but don't worry look at the future with me shall we? Your pretty important for you have free will and you can do anything you want. You can make anything come true. Now what happens with such a power? Anything that can physically happen. You just gotta make them happen! If you make them happen they will come true as well.

They don't invite you out? Invite them out!, You see other people happy? Go be happy with them! There is plenty of people in the world just smile and say Hi and strike up a conversation. Think think think my friend all these things are here waiting for you reach out for them and don't let go

Ive been realizing that lately, but to "go be happy with them" is much easier said than done. What I usually see is people talking about how much they love their friends, most of these are people Im trying to get close with, and I keep getting reminded how I dont have any friendship like that, and Im constantly having to compete with history, every time I hang out with people, I just met them within the last few months and theyve been friends for YEARS, so I feel like Ill never get farther than just being second best.