low self-esteem ruining me

[AL_23]

There's a girl I like and unlike most people who probably pursue and either get rejected or get the girl, I on the other hand tell myself she will not like me if she were to get to know me and so I never really make the effort in pursuing the girl but continue to want her nonetheless. The reason why I say she wouldn't like me if she were to get to know me is because on the surface I may come across as a normal functioning person in society but really I'm not. I'm 27 years old, unemployed, still in the same bedroom I share with my younger brother at my parents house, a virgin and a gambling addict. Oh and my teeth aren't straight which I'm very conscious about. Not much to feel proud about. I've made wrong choices that have impacted my life considerably and now I have to live with them. Is there any hope for me. Should I take my attention off this girl immediately before making a fool of myself and try and focus on improving my situation. My life is slipping away from me and it really feels like I'm cursed to live in this prison without bars that I have built around me from a young age.
Please be honest.

 

[Callie]

Why not do both?
Everything you said can be corrected/fixed, so really, that's just a matter of time and patience. What's the harm in trying with the girl? The worst she will say is no, and you'll never know if you don't try. Don't be too quick to judge what you think a girl will and will not like. The economy sucks ass, so living with your parents isn't really as "bad" as it once was. Who cares if you're a virgin, again, not really much of an issue these days. And the gambling, how much does it rule your life?

We all make wrong choices in life. We all fall down at some point. You just have to keep getting back up and keep trying. Eventually, you'll get it right and you'll know you never gave up. Sounds like you're still trying to me, so that, in itself, is something to be proud of. Go easy on yourself and work at things to make yourself better, but I don't think you should wait to fix everything you deem as wrong with you before you ask out a girl, especially if you like her.

 

[AL_23]

I don't think you should wait to fix everything you deem as wrong with you before you ask out a girl, especially if you like her.

Thats something I'm concerned about because I do tend to see the worst in myself and although I am intending on improving I could spend a lifetime doing so and miss out on so much but I find it so hard to embrace myself and all the wrong choices that have led me to where I am now. I wish I could just wake up in the morning and make the right choices for once.
Low self-esteem effects my entire life. It makes it more difficult to get a job and without money I can't get braces for my teeth or go anywhere even if the girl were to want to go somewhere with me. I just need a break-through which is probably why I've gravitated towards gambling with the sad hope of getting easy money to climb out of this hole I've dug for myself. I have been gambling for about 5years and I'm worse off now then before I started. I don't gamble as much now and even barred myself from my local bookies which unfortunately is where my friends dwell and where I did a lot of my socialising so now I just wander the streets. My life is pretty lonely and dismal

 

[theraab]

Two things - we could all spend the rest of our lives trying to improve ourselves and never be completely satisfied with where we get. That's just life - it's a waste to put pursuing her on hold until you're where you want to be.

Second, when you do talk to her (especially if she knows your current situation), accentuate specifically how you are trying to improve your life. Like, "Oh, I've been on a couple interviews recently. I'm really trying to get in somewhere where I can move up." (Of course, if she doesn't know about your situation, no need to bring it up prematurely - just be ready when she does ask about it). As far as the gambling...keep up the good work. As far as the teeth, it's probably not as bad as you think - a guy brimming with confidence with outshine crappy teeth.

 

[Veilside05]

You know your situation well and you need to start making a change. That is the right choice you need to make now. The thing is which morning will you make it? Having no job is only temporary if you put efforts to find them. It ok to fail interviews as you will gain more experience from each one of them.

 

[perfanoff]

Forget about having the girl any time very soon. If thinking about her helps motivate you, get your life to where you would like to be. The only real way to being happy from where you are is by going up. And yes, it's backbreaking work. And yes, it doesn't get easier, but it is totally worth it.

 

[TurboShepherd]

You will remain in the same position for the rest of your life unless you take action to change it, correct?
You will never even have a chance at knowing if you have a shot with the girl you like if you don't address her to find out.

If you fail at an attempt to improve your life and yourself, the logical thing is to assess what you did wrong, and try again. Yes?
If you are rejected by said girl, the best way to look at it is 1) She's not worth the trouble. OR 2) There will always be another one. OR 3) You don't want to feel that way again, so you'll better yourself in order to avoid future failures.
But if you wind up getting your chance with her, huzzah! Let it be the confidence boost that you need, just don't get cocky.

Either way, really, all you need to do is stop living in the shadows of life and feeling sorry for yourself. I've been there plenty of times before, and while I'm still fairly young, I feel as if most of my own life has slipped away. There is a fine line between being reckless and enjoying life to it's fullest. So just stay in the range of things that doesn't endanger your life and get out there and live.

 

[AL_23]

start making a change. That is the right choice you need to make now. It ok to fail interviews as you will gain more experience from each one of them.

I'm glad you mentioned experience because I've been thinking about my anxieties and its seems that with experience comes knowledge/understanding and confidence.

If thinking about her helps motivate you, get your life to where you would like to be.

Thinking about being in a relationship and hopefully one day being a father definately motivates me. Its one thing that keeps pushing me on when I all want to do is throw in the towel.
I'm well aware that it won't be easy but I have to make myself believe its achievable.

You will remain in the same position for the rest of your life unless you take action to change it, correct?
You will never even have a chance at knowing if you have a shot with the girl you like if you don't address her to find out.

If you fail at an attempt to improve your life and yourself, the logical thing is to assess what you did wrong, and try again. Yes?

Either way, really, all you need to do is stop living in the shadows of life and feeling sorry for yourself.

I think I need to seriously look at myself and decide whats the most important things I need to address and improve on and then actually act on it instead of just imagining what my life would be like if it was how I wanted it to be. Take my gambling addiction for example. I need to address why I keep going back, what is compelling me? its definately something I need to put an end to. nothing in my life has ever taken me on such an emotional rollercoaster. I found myself shaking from the buzz and had headaches from trying to supress the rage. It really is the worst thing in my life! I think thats the 1st thing to deal with because who can live a prosperous life under such conditions? who can feel good about themselves when the throw away any money they struggle to get hold of in the 1st place.
It's one step at a time but the clock is ticking down. I better get on with it. I've already squandered half my life!