Making an effort

[beans]

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.

Luna, what you say make sense. I find a lot of people who say things but I think the problem is also that a lot of people (as you grow older), they already have all kinds of people in their lives. They have their ex high school/college friends, work friends, bf/gf, wife/husband, kids, in laws, the whole works. So it's very rare that I meet someone who is as lonely as I am and am looking for a best friend. So people don't feel the need to have a new friend. They already have their own social networks.

This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.

And you know, although I do go out, I spend a lot of time online -still. Sigh. And I've been chatting with two people daily over a year and both hurt me in the end really bad and left. I already developed an attachment and dependency on them. I am silly like that in the sense that people make me happy. I love communicating with someone I can clique and I wish I didn't have this desire to. Now that they left me, I am left hurt and more alone than ever.

Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

 

[putter65]

You guys are NUTS with the quoting! :club:

Presuming I'm very low down on her friends list, I wonder why she didn't just say 'thanks for the text' - why put the -'we will play golf real soon' bit on the end. I told my brother about it awhile ago and he said she probably likes male attention. I've already asked her out to the cinema. She must know I like her. My brother said it was wrong for her to encourage me by saying she wants to spend time with me. She could easily have answered my text without mentioning golf. It's not like I mention it all the time. I only bring it up when she does. I suppose I am in my rights to ask her in a couple of weeks time.

Didn't you say you'd already confronted her about the flakiness before? If so, then NO! NO! NO! You have made her aware of your concerns, now let her actions speak. She'll either change out of consideration for your feelings, or she won't, affirming that she doesn't give a flying piece of dog **** about you. Do not ask her anything again. Leave her alone. Because you clearly had feelings for her, this will be difficult (makes me think of drug rehabilitation or something) . But it's time to start seeing this as some kind of twisted hoax until she can prove otherwise. I'd LOVE to be proven wrong in your case (and mine), but let her SHOW you that she wants a friendship and not just some superficial acquaintanceship where two people know names and some insignificant details about each other. In my case, I am not holding my breath. To say what I've gone through has been SHOCKING is an understatement given the full details of my circumstance.

Yeah... she probably does like male attention, but what a strange way to like it considering it's a **** good way to lose the attention (assuming dude is strong enough to walk away from the abuse). I like female attention. I'm proud that I'm not trying to dog them out in the process of getting it.

No I meant ask her if she wants to play golf. Since she mentioned it in her text. And 'no' I've never said anything about her flakiness. I've said nothing to her. I've never asked her why she wants to play golf with me, I've not discussed our 'friendship', not told her I want more. I put in one text something like 'not heard from you in awhile, hope your okay'

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

Her message was a text and not on facebook. The first time we played golf, she did make an effort, in fact asked me a few times before I realized she meant it. I just think the last two times I have sent her messages I haven't mentioned golf, in her replies she has. I've given up hope of playing to be honest only for her to mention it again. I'm not really that cut it about it, it's not life and death. I'm just wondering.

There are alot of other things to mention. The last time we played was May. I thought we would play every 2 months or so only for her to say after we finished 'we'll play real soon' - when I saw her next at her work place I said 'have a nice holiday' - she replied 'we'll play golf before that' - she thens messages me on her facebook 'can't wait for another game' - and then sends me a text a few days later giving me a time and date. We were going to play but it rained. She made the arrangments to play on another day, not me. So it's not all me when you look at things. I am just reacting to her.

I do have other friends but I don't mention them on here. Mostly people I know who I chat with on facebook etc. They don't say things like 'we'll have to do xx sometime' - so everything is clear with them.

 

[allanh]

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

Luna:

Great advice there! Kudos!

I almost feel this advice is directed at me since I am almost in this exact situation as Putter65

 

[putter65]

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.

Luna, what you say make sense. I find a lot of people who say things but I think the problem is also that a lot of people (as you grow older), they already have all kinds of people in their lives. They have their ex high school/college friends, work friends, bf/gf, wife/husband, kids, in laws, the whole works. So it's very rare that I meet someone who is as lonely as I am and am looking for a best friend. So people don't feel the need to have a new friend. They already have their own social networks.

This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.

And you know, although I do go out, I spend a lot of time online -still. Sigh. And I've been chatting with two people daily over a year and both hurt me in the end really bad and left. I already developed an attachment and dependency on them. I am silly like that in the sense that people make me happy. I love communicating with someone I can clique and I wish I didn't have this desire to. Now that they left me, I am left hurt and more alone than ever.

Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.

Luna, what you say make sense. I find a lot of people who say things but I think the problem is also that a lot of people (as you grow older), they already have all kinds of people in their lives. They have their ex high school/college friends, work friends, bf/gf, wife/husband, kids, in laws, the whole works. So it's very rare that I meet someone who is as lonely as I am and am looking for a best friend. So people don't feel the need to have a new friend. They already have their own social networks.

This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.

And you know, although I do go out, I spend a lot of time online -still. Sigh. And I've been chatting with two people daily over a year and both hurt me in the end really bad and left. I already developed an attachment and dependency on them. I am silly like that in the sense that people make me happy. I love communicating with someone I can clique and I wish I didn't have this desire to. Now that they left me, I am left hurt and more alone than ever.

Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Just remembered I already have. Very little in my town.

 

[jjam]

After reviewing your initial post, and your most recent one, I realize that I may have misunderstood your situation with her the whole time. I thought there was a blatant trend of her getting your hopes up about golf and then letting you down without good reason. But from what it seems, she made a strong effort and followed through to get the two of you to play golf the first time you did. She has expressed interest in wanting to play again, but an illness came up, which she and a co-worker have told you about. Soooooo... what are you concerned about again? Maybe she's not being flaky. It just sounds like she worked to get you two to play golf, you played golf, she said "let's do it again soon", got sick, and hasn't been able to follow through sooner rather than later because of it.

Let's get this clear now. How many times (not including when she became ill) did she cancel actual plans to play golf? When I say plans, I mean the idea that you all would meet to play golf at a time far more specific than "soon".

Also, was it shortly after the time she cancelled using tiredness as an excuse that she became ill?

Sounds like you haven't a problem yet (a long way from my experience).
Give her time to fully recover and see what happens. Continue to check on her health status in the meantime.

 

[putter65]

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

Thanks for your reply and advice. I know it's quite hard for you because you only have what I am giving you. The thing is she doesn't read this of course so she has no idea how I am feeling. My contact with her in the last 2 weeks as been one text on her birthday. So I don't think I'm chasing her that much. On Facebook I haven't contacted her and I leave loads of messages to other people (including women).

But your right I am fond of her and I do over think everything !

I do feel she likes me and wants me as a friend. She never played golf before and it's my main hobby so for her to take an interest is a big deal. Playing golf was all her idea in the first place.

Thanks again !

 

[beans]

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.

Luna, what you say make sense. I find a lot of people who say things but I think the problem is also that a lot of people (as you grow older), they already have all kinds of people in their lives. They have their ex high school/college friends, work friends, bf/gf, wife/husband, kids, in laws, the whole works. So it's very rare that I meet someone who is as lonely as I am and am looking for a best friend. So people don't feel the need to have a new friend. They already have their own social networks.

This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.

And you know, although I do go out, I spend a lot of time online -still. Sigh. And I've been chatting with two people daily over a year and both hurt me in the end really bad and left. I already developed an attachment and dependency on them. I am silly like that in the sense that people make me happy. I love communicating with someone I can clique and I wish I didn't have this desire to. Now that they left me, I am left hurt and more alone than ever.

Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.

Luna, what you say make sense. I find a lot of people who say things but I think the problem is also that a lot of people (as you grow older), they already have all kinds of people in their lives. They have their ex high school/college friends, work friends, bf/gf, wife/husband, kids, in laws, the whole works. So it's very rare that I meet someone who is as lonely as I am and am looking for a best friend. So people don't feel the need to have a new friend. They already have their own social networks.

This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.

And you know, although I do go out, I spend a lot of time online -still. Sigh. And I've been chatting with two people daily over a year and both hurt me in the end really bad and left. I already developed an attachment and dependency on them. I am silly like that in the sense that people make me happy. I love communicating with someone I can clique and I wish I didn't have this desire to. Now that they left me, I am left hurt and more alone than ever.

Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Just remembered I already have. Very little in my town.

---

---

---

Yes, very few in my town too. And I kinda see the same few faces really. Hopefully yours will grow.

I think what your friend said is true. You can send messages to people but don't be discouraged if they don't respond in the way you'd like them to. Let's say you have lots of other friends, you wouldn't even be worrying about this one golf lady.

I can't think of anything else to add on here that hasn't be said already. But I guess you still feel 'meh' huh.

 

[Pheenix]

Holy quoteshole Batman!

 

[putter65]

After reviewing your initial post, and your most recent one, I realize that I may have misunderstood your situation with her the whole time. I thought there was a blatant trend of her getting your hopes up about golf and then letting you down without good reason. But from what it seems, she made a strong effort and followed through to get the two of you to play golf the first time you did. She has expressed interest in wanting to play again, but an illness came up, which she and a co-worker have told you about. Soooooo... what are you concerned about again? Maybe she's not being flaky. It just sounds like she worked to get you two to play golf, you played golf, she said "let's do it again soon", got sick, and hasn't been able to follow through sooner rather than later because of it.

Let's get this clear now. How many times (not including when she became ill) did she cancel actual plans to play golf? When I say plans, I mean the idea that you all would meet to play golf at a time far more specific than "soon".

Also, was it shortly after the time she cancelled using tiredness as an excuse that she became ill?

Sounds like you haven't a problem yet (a long way from my experience).
Give her time to fully recover and see what happens. Continue to check on her health status in the meantime.

Hi, this is what happened. In January she said in a text that she wanted to play golf with me sometime. I suggested her been my caddie but in the summer when it was better weather. In March while chatting with me on facebook she said 'can't wait for summer when I can be your caddie' - I was on holiday from work the next week so she asked if we could do it then. I said 'yes' - she then left another message for me telling me what day she wanted to play. So we go and have a great time, she really enjoyed it. We spend the time laughing, both of us really enjoyed it.

I then don't hear from her for a month. Nothing. She then comes back and starts saying 'we'll play golf soon' in her texts and facebook messages. So in May when I'm off again I ask her and she says 'yes' - we go on the pitch and putt this time and she plays and loves it. We have coffee after and she says how much she enjoyed it. I ask her if she wants to play again and she says 'yes'

Two weeks later while working in her shop she says 'she wants to play on a regular basis' - 3 days later she goes and plays with another bloke. Writes it all on her facebook. I am miffed but try not to show it. I have loads of spare clubs so I tell her I've got some for her. She says it's great, cool and tells me she wants me to teach her how to play better. Two weeks later she says on facebook 'shall we play next week sometime ?' - I say 'yes' - I send a text later on in the week asking her if were still on and she asks me to work in her shop and then play golf after. So I work in shop but it starts raining so we can't play. She suggests playing the following week. We are due to play wednesday only for her to send me a text an hour before saying 'can we play Thursday instead ?' - due to her been tired. Thursday - she does the same thing, an hour before saying 'really sorry, too tired. We'll play after her holiday' - she did say she had been literally asleep for a few hours in the afternoon.

She goes on holiday, comes back. I send her a text saying 'glad you enjoyed your holiday etc. I don't mention playing golf. She replies saying 'we'll play golf soon'

Two weeks later , I'm on holiday again so I ask her. She replies she is ill. It turns out to be a kidney infection. I send her a text on her birthday on Sunday, don't mention golf again. She replies saying 'thanks. we'll play golf real soon' - She is still off work with her illness.

That's it. I'm probably worrying over nothing. Just bad luck !

---

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.

Luna, what you say make sense. I find a lot of people who say things but I think the problem is also that a lot of people (as you grow older), they already have all kinds of people in their lives. They have their ex high school/college friends, work friends, bf/gf, wife/husband, kids, in laws, the whole works. So it's very rare that I meet someone who is as lonely as I am and am looking for a best friend. So people don't feel the need to have a new friend. They already have their own social networks.

This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.

And you know, although I do go out, I spend a lot of time online -still. Sigh. And I've been chatting with two people daily over a year and both hurt me in the end really bad and left. I already developed an attachment and dependency on them. I am silly like that in the sense that people make me happy. I love communicating with someone I can clique and I wish I didn't have this desire to. Now that they left me, I am left hurt and more alone than ever.

Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.


This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.


Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Just remembered I already have. Very little in my town.

---

---

---

Yes, very few in my town too. And I kinda see the same few faces really. Hopefully yours will grow.

I think what your friend said is true. You can send messages to people but don't be discouraged if they don't respond in the way you'd like them to. Let's say you have lots of other friends, you wouldn't even be worrying about this one golf lady.

I can't think of anything else to add on here that hasn't be said already. But I guess you still feel 'meh' huh.

---

---

---

No I feel allright. I think I worry about the golf lady because she means alot to me.

 

[Pheenix]

Guys, you're glogging up the tubes.

 

[beans]

After reviewing your initial post, and your most recent one, I realize that I may have misunderstood your situation with her the whole time. I thought there was a blatant trend of her getting your hopes up about golf and then letting you down without good reason. But from what it seems, she made a strong effort and followed through to get the two of you to play golf the first time you did. She has expressed interest in wanting to play again, but an illness came up, which she and a co-worker have told you about. Soooooo... what are you concerned about again? Maybe she's not being flaky. It just sounds like she worked to get you two to play golf, you played golf, she said "let's do it again soon", got sick, and hasn't been able to follow through sooner rather than later because of it.

Let's get this clear now. How many times (not including when she became ill) did she cancel actual plans to play golf? When I say plans, I mean the idea that you all would meet to play golf at a time far more specific than "soon".

Also, was it shortly after the time she cancelled using tiredness as an excuse that she became ill?

Sounds like you haven't a problem yet (a long way from my experience).
Give her time to fully recover and see what happens. Continue to check on her health status in the meantime.

Hi, this is what happened. In January she said in a text that she wanted to play golf with me sometime. I suggested her been my caddie but in the summer when it was better weather. In March while chatting with me on facebook she said 'can't wait for summer when I can be your caddie' - I was on holiday from work the next week so she asked if we could do it then. I said 'yes' - she then left another message for me telling me what day she wanted to play. So we go and have a great time, she really enjoyed it. We spend the time laughing, both of us really enjoyed it.

I then don't hear from her for a month. Nothing. She then comes back and starts saying 'we'll play golf soon' in her texts and facebook messages. So in May when I'm off again I ask her and she says 'yes' - we go on the pitch and putt this time and she plays and loves it. We have coffee after and she says how much she enjoyed it. I ask her if she wants to play again and she says 'yes'

Two weeks later while working in her shop she says 'she wants to play on a regular basis' - 3 days later she goes and plays with another bloke. Writes it all on her facebook. I am miffed but try not to show it. I have loads of spare clubs so I tell her I've got some for her. She says it's great, cool and tells me she wants me to teach her how to play better. Two weeks later she says on facebook 'shall we play next week sometime ?' - I say 'yes' - I send a text later on in the week asking her if were still on and she asks me to work in her shop and then play golf after. So I work in shop but it starts raining so we can't play. She suggests playing the following week. We are due to play wednesday only for her to send me a text an hour before saying 'can we play Thursday instead ?' - due to her been tired. Thursday - she does the same thing, an hour before saying 'really sorry, too tired. We'll play after her holiday' - she did say she had been literally asleep for a few hours in the afternoon.

She goes on holiday, comes back. I send her a text saying 'glad you enjoyed your holiday etc. I don't mention playing golf. She replies saying 'we'll play golf soon'

Two weeks later , I'm on holiday again so I ask her. She replies she is ill. It turns out to be a kidney infection. I send her a text on her birthday on Sunday, don't mention golf again. She replies saying 'thanks. we'll play golf real soon' - She is still off work with her illness.

That's it. I'm probably worrying over nothing. Just bad luck !

---

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.


This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.


Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Just remembered I already have. Very little in my town.

---

---

---

Yes, very few in my town too. And I kinda see the same few faces really. Hopefully yours will grow.

I think what your friend said is true. You can send messages to people but don't be discouraged if they don't respond in the way you'd like them to. Let's say you have lots of other friends, you wouldn't even be worrying about this one golf lady.

I can't think of anything else to add on here that hasn't be said already. But I guess you still feel 'meh' huh.

---

---

---

No I feel allright. I think I worry about the golf lady because she means alot to me.

---

---

---

---

The question is, do you mean a lot to her?

 

[putter65]

After reviewing your initial post, and your most recent one, I realize that I may have misunderstood your situation with her the whole time. I thought there was a blatant trend of her getting your hopes up about golf and then letting you down without good reason. But from what it seems, she made a strong effort and followed through to get the two of you to play golf the first time you did. She has expressed interest in wanting to play again, but an illness came up, which she and a co-worker have told you about. Soooooo... what are you concerned about again? Maybe she's not being flaky. It just sounds like she worked to get you two to play golf, you played golf, she said "let's do it again soon", got sick, and hasn't been able to follow through sooner rather than later because of it.

Let's get this clear now. How many times (not including when she became ill) did she cancel actual plans to play golf? When I say plans, I mean the idea that you all would meet to play golf at a time far more specific than "soon".

Also, was it shortly after the time she cancelled using tiredness as an excuse that she became ill?

Sounds like you haven't a problem yet (a long way from my experience).
Give her time to fully recover and see what happens. Continue to check on her health status in the meantime.

Hi, this is what happened. In January she said in a text that she wanted to play golf with me sometime. I suggested her been my caddie but in the summer when it was better weather. In March while chatting with me on facebook she said 'can't wait for summer when I can be your caddie' - I was on holiday from work the next week so she asked if we could do it then. I said 'yes' - she then left another message for me telling me what day she wanted to play. So we go and have a great time, she really enjoyed it. We spend the time laughing, both of us really enjoyed it.

I then don't hear from her for a month. Nothing. She then comes back and starts saying 'we'll play golf soon' in her texts and facebook messages. So in May when I'm off again I ask her and she says 'yes' - we go on the pitch and putt this time and she plays and loves it. We have coffee after and she says how much she enjoyed it. I ask her if she wants to play again and she says 'yes'

Two weeks later while working in her shop she says 'she wants to play on a regular basis' - 3 days later she goes and plays with another bloke. Writes it all on her facebook. I am miffed but try not to show it. I have loads of spare clubs so I tell her I've got some for her. She says it's great, cool and tells me she wants me to teach her how to play better. Two weeks later she says on facebook 'shall we play next week sometime ?' - I say 'yes' - I send a text later on in the week asking her if were still on and she asks me to work in her shop and then play golf after. So I work in shop but it starts raining so we can't play. She suggests playing the following week. We are due to play wednesday only for her to send me a text an hour before saying 'can we play Thursday instead ?' - due to her been tired. Thursday - she does the same thing, an hour before saying 'really sorry, too tired. We'll play after her holiday' - she did say she had been literally asleep for a few hours in the afternoon.

She goes on holiday, comes back. I send her a text saying 'glad you enjoyed your holiday etc. I don't mention playing golf. She replies saying 'we'll play golf soon'

Two weeks later , I'm on holiday again so I ask her. She replies she is ill. It turns out to be a kidney infection. I send her a text on her birthday on Sunday, don't mention golf again. She replies saying 'thanks. we'll play golf real soon' - She is still off work with her illness.

That's it. I'm probably worrying over nothing. Just bad luck !

---

Yeah, I have some girlfriends like that. They're always seen together. One of the girls I met (of a different age) she has 2 or 3 best girlfriends, they meet with each other few times a week and the friendship is still going strong even though they are on different paths. I'd like to have that too.

Well Luna, so how do you go about your life? When you have things to talk about in your heart, who do you talk to?

Of course in meetups, we don't really hold deep conversations like these.

Man, sometimes I just wish I was a little more ditsy, shallow and materialistic. Because people like that usually are just 'bliss'. I find myself wanting to have deep talks, well, maybe not deep but the kind of talks that people avoid - talks about feelings, emotions, relationships, (not just men vs women) and all. I think people find it kinda yucky to talk about stuff like that so often people mostly talk and yak about surface or material stuff like sports, cars, work, economy, travel, etc.

Anyways, I enjoyed everyone's posts on here. This is a great thread. I thought I was the only one being ignored, and not being invited, or let down, this is great.

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

I'm glad this thread has helped you.

We all think 'we are the only one' when in reality there are loads of people like us.

We can continue like this and be unhappy for the rest of our lives or change our attitudes slightly. What I'm aiming for and somebody suggested this to me on another forum is :If sending messages to people makes me happy then go ahead and do it. What I've got to try and do is not get disapointed if people don't reply or show massive amounts of friendliness back. These people I'm sending my messages to have loads of friends (alot of people do) so I can't expect them to reply straight away for example or send me long messages back.

Anything I get back is a bonus.

This might be the wrong attitude to have but I think it's the best. If you expect alot back then all you get is disapointed and upset. And if you get replies then after awhile that's not enough and you want more.

Regarding the golf woman, she's got loads of friends, both male and female. If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't reply to my texts and she wouldn't mention playing golf with me. She could have replied to me without mentioning the golf but she didn't. It looks like she is still off work so she isn't lying about her illness. And there is no way she can play golf when she can't work. I think it's a case of plain old bad luck. I will just have to wait and see what happens. I've got plenty of other things to do and occupy my mind apart from this woman.

---

I will look into meetup.com because it sounds interesting, thanks !

---

Just remembered I already have. Very little in my town.

---

---

---

Yes, very few in my town too. And I kinda see the same few faces really. Hopefully yours will grow.

I think what your friend said is true. You can send messages to people but don't be discouraged if they don't respond in the way you'd like them to. Let's say you have lots of other friends, you wouldn't even be worrying about this one golf lady.

I can't think of anything else to add on here that hasn't be said already. But I guess you still feel 'meh' huh.

---

---

---

No I feel allright. I think I worry about the golf lady because she means alot to me.

---

---

---

---

The question is, do you mean a lot to her?

---

---

---

---

When she left my work place in january, she made out as though I did.

 

[beans]

[/quote]

When she left my work place in january, she made out as though I did.


[/quote]

Keywords: as though, did

 

[putter65]

When she left my work place in january, she made out as though I did.


[/quote]

Keywords: as though, did
[/quote]

why be so negative ?

I mean alot to her. Last time I saw her, she said she would love it if I worked in her shop.

 

[beans]

When she left my work place in january, she made out as though I did.

Keywords: as though, did
[/quote]

why be so negative ?

I mean alot to her. Last time I saw her, she said she would love it if I worked in her shop.


[/quote]

I'm not. But it looks like you want to believe what you have believed to believe. Anyways, I won't say anymore and I'll unsubscribe.
Take care.

 

[putter65]

I've always been negative in the past. I worry alot. I need reassurance all the time. But this doesn't get me anywhere.

I've worked in my shop for 14 years and people have come and gone. I've made some really good friends as well. When they left, they usually said 'bye' - that was it.

With this woman it was so different. It was so emotional, lots of hugging, crying, kind words etc. Now I could think she was like that with everybody. Possible ? But it still happened !

And once she has left she decides to take up my main hobby, something she has not done in her life: golf.

The last time I saw was only a month ago. She was fine with me.

You've got to look at things rationally. She has loads of friends, both male and female that take up her time as well as family.

What should I do ? Think she doesn't care so delete her from my facebook and never contact her again ? Or do what I am doing. Sending her a text every few weeks to keep in touch and show that she's in my thoughts and I care about her welfare.

 

[hijodeganas]

I'm off work next week so I thought I would try and arrange a few things to do. I thought I would be friendly.

I asked this woman I know if she wanted to play golf sometime. Her last text had said 'we will have to play golf soon' - So I asked her and she replied. Said she couldn't because she was 'unwell' - went on to say 'golf was good' and she may play when she 'feels better'.

Just sounds like an excuse and she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Anyway I sent her a text saying 'sorry to hear your unwell, get well soon'

I was only acting on her last text. It just annoys me when people say things and don't follow them up.

Another woman has just joined facebook so I sent her a long, funny message, just telling her about my day etc. She didn't reply to it. The effort it takes to type a few words and she couldn't be bothered.

Just makes me sick to be honest when I offer friendship and get nothing back. I don't know why I bother.

Apart from my Dad I probably won't speak to anybody next week. Without work, I don't usually speak to anybody. I thought I would try and change this. So next week is going to like all my other other holiday weeks. By myself, doing stuff alone.

What's so terrible about making kind gestures for the sake of making kind gestures, rather than expecting to be rewarded for them?

 

[putter65]

After reviewing your initial post, and your most recent one, I realize that I may have misunderstood your situation with her the whole time. I thought there was a blatant trend of her getting your hopes up about golf and then letting you down without good reason. But from what it seems, she made a strong effort and followed through to get the two of you to play golf the first time you did. She has expressed interest in wanting to play again, but an illness came up, which she and a co-worker have told you about. Soooooo... what are you concerned about again? Maybe she's not being flaky. It just sounds like she worked to get you two to play golf, you played golf, she said "let's do it again soon", got sick, and hasn't been able to follow through sooner rather than later because of it.

Let's get this clear now. How many times (not including when she became ill) did she cancel actual plans to play golf? When I say plans, I mean the idea that you all would meet to play golf at a time far more specific than "soon".

Also, was it shortly after the time she cancelled using tiredness as an excuse that she became ill?

Sounds like you haven't a problem yet (a long way from my experience).
Give her time to fully recover and see what happens. Continue to check on her health status in the meantime.

One of my friends at work is also friends with golf woman. She told me today that they were supposed to go out a few weeks ago only for golf woman to cancel stating she was 'working' - my friend asked me if I'd heard from her and seemed a bit upset about the whole thing.

So it's not only me she does this kind of thing to.

 

[Luna]

I ran into an old post of yours about this woman a few pages back while clicking around.
You're in love with her (but she's with someone else now)...I guess this explains things.
All the information that I have to go by is what you share here...but still, it seems you're very attached to her even if you say otherwise.
I don't think it's only because she's the only one that pays attention to you but also because you have feelings for her.
I could be wrong, but I hope that you try to meet new people.
I would enjoy reading new threads/ posts from you with success on finding a new friend etc.
I would think it to be a tad disappointing to see this thread (or many new ones) all focused on the golf woman...

 

[putter65]

I ran into an old post of yours about this woman a few pages back while clicking around.
You're in love with her (but she's with someone else now)...I guess this explains things.
All the information that I have to go by is what you share here...but still, it seems you're very attached to her even if you say otherwise.
I don't think it's only because she's the only one that pays attention to you but also because you have feelings for her.
I could be wrong, but I hope that you try to meet new people.
I would enjoy reading new threads/ posts from you with success on finding a new friend etc.
I would think it to be a tad disappointing to see this thread (or many new ones) all focused on the golf woman...

Hi there !

A few weeks ago I did make an effort with this rather flirty woman at work. I asked her if she wanted to do something out of work. I suggested the cinema. She didn't really answer and as not mentioned it since. (even though she continues to flirt with me)

And there is this other woman who I've liked for years. She's single too. She's just joined facebook so I have sent her a few messages. She was talking today about always wanting to goto London but not having anybody to go with. I suggested one of her girlfriends. Couldn't force myself to say I would go with her. It's obvious she likes me but also obvious she doesn't want to see out of work. (if that makes any sense !)

So I have tried to divert my attention away from the golf woman a bit. I still think about her alot of the time but I've got my golf to concentrate on and my books and football season is starting soon so everything is cool.