Hello,
There is a coworker who has been into me for about 2 years, but I con not accept him for personal reasons. There is almost nothing to tell about my relationship with him because nothing happened at all.
Yet, recently, he changed his behaviour toward me by being cold and even ignoring within a group of people. However, when I approached him to clarify the isssue, he tried to hug me over an argument.
The fact is that we still talk to each other but he still did not cool down.
I have been sick for aout two weeks, but he has never texted me not even once during my sick to ask about me. Very cruel!
Can anyone explain me what I should understand?
Thank you
Hi Mariposa
First of all, welcome!
I saw your post and wanted to weigh in because I am familiar with this situation. And I was hoping that I could lend insights from the guy's perspective. I was actually that guy before.
There was an amazing woman at my job that I was absolutely head over heels for at one point. She was/is everything that I could imagine if I could design the perfect gal on a computer program lol. She is funny, exotic, humble, down to earth, SUPER intelligent and well read/studied. I used to get into amazing conversations with her about art, science, politics, film, growing up, jokes. ANYTHING. We just "clicked" in theory.
It was just one of those kinds of things where things work so well between two people, that the guy (I'm saying "guy" because I can't speak to a woman's experience) just convinces himself that he should make a move.
It took me tons of courage and weeks to figure out a game plan. But I created a "hangout" between us that in my mind could have been an impromptu date.
I want to make it clear that I never crossed a line or was untoward with her in any way. We have both always had good rapport.
I made my my intentions clear to her and she just didn't reciprocate. There's nothing wrong with that. She just didn't view me with the same admiration I viewed her. She let me down easy and it was polite and all of that.
But from a guy's perspective, when you lay your cards out on the table like that, its tough. You might not necessarily have any negative feelings towards the person. But its hard to face them. It doesn't matter your age haha! Me? I went home for WEEKS after work, sick to my stomach, and couldn't do anything but lay back in my bed and listen to music with my headphones on and play catch with a rubber ball and the ceiling. I even called out sick a few days that I didn't have the mental energy it took to avoid her.
Me personally, I just couldn't be around her because I was embarrassed. I was a little angry, not with her, but with the universe because having her attention was something that I wanted most in the world at the time. And it wasn't possible, for absolutely no good reason I estimated. Also, when the rose tinted glasses fall off, I started to look at myself and her and wonder what in the world I ever thought she would want to do with me when she could literally pick and choose any man in the world that she wants, I'm sure.
After a little while to myself, I was able to face her again, but I did create a healthy and friendly cordial and professional arms length distance with her. This is no reflection on her, but I can speak out of experience and the experiences I've witnessed of just becoming "the nice guy". I don't care who you talk to, no guy wants to be "the nice guy". Its annoying. Its almost belittling. I'm not saying you'd do that. You seem like a nice and reasonable person. But guys just don't want to risk falling in "the friend zone" that way.
My suggestion is to just let this guy be. There's nothing you're ever going to be able to say that will make things identical to the way it was. If you're overly nice to him, it's going to feel condescending and like you're doing it out of pity (trust me). You're just now two equals and if he speaks, hey, he's just another guy from work. You'll never really know if he's doing it to avoid embarrassment. I know I did. And you didn't do anything wrong. You just were not able to reciprocate. And that doesn't make you a bad person.
Good luck to both of you!