sriguhan said:
So1itaire said:
Thank you all for your replies. Of course, it had occurred to me that he simply doesn’t love me anymore – and that may well be the case. But he behaves in exactly the same way with our grown-up daughter as he does with me. I suppose in a way I shouldn’t be too surprised he behaves the way he does, as all his family were the same as him – very self-centred. He wasn’t like that in the early days though, so I guess I kidded myself that he wasn’t like the rest of his family. I have often thought of leaving him, but unfortunately I’m dependent on him financially, as I have health problems which would make it very difficult for me to work enough hours to support myself. I have tried talking to him in the past, and telling him how I felt. But he simply got all defensive and told me I was imagining things. He will never admit he is wrong about anything, ever! After I’d tried talking to him about my feelings in the past - despite him not admitting that I had a point - he did make a bit of an effort to be more attentive. But it just felt like he was spending more time with me out of duty, not because he actually wanted to. His attentiveness never lasted more than a couple of weeks anyway, he soon went back to his old ways. Things would be more bearable if I could just get out and have a life of my own, but my health problems make it difficult to do that. I don’t have any friends – all the friends I thought I had gradually disappeared after I became ill. Most of my family are gone, I just have one elderly aunt left, who I don’t get to see very often. I would love to join some local groups and hopefully make some new friends that way, but there aren’t any suitable ones near where I live, there are only exercise clubs and unfortunately I’m not physically capable of doing anything that energetic! I’ve joined Meetup in the hope of finding a group I could join on there, but again there aren’t any near to where I live. I don’t drive, and I find public transport a bit of a struggle. So, here I am, on the internet, talking to you good people!
As for TheRealCallie’s suggestion of a she-shed – that’s a nice idea! Unfortunately his man cave takes up all the available space…
I'm guessing most of us are here to find company! It isn't called " A Lonely Life " for nothing !
I joined here only a last month and I feel better already, having made new friends!
I’m glad to hear you’re making new friends here – it seems like a great site!
Enpatsu No Shakugan said:
So1itaire said:
Thank you all for your replies. Of course, it had occurred to me that he simply doesn’t love me anymore – and that may well be the case. But he behaves in exactly the same way with our grown-up daughter as he does with me. I suppose in a way I shouldn’t be too surprised he behaves the way he does, as all his family were the same as him – very self-centred. He wasn’t like that in the early days though, so I guess I kidded myself that he wasn’t like the rest of his family. I have often thought of leaving him, but unfortunately I’m dependent on him financially, as I have health problems which would make it very difficult for me to work enough hours to support myself. I have tried talking to him in the past, and telling him how I felt. But he simply got all defensive and told me I was imagining things. He will never admit he is wrong about anything, ever! After I’d tried talking to him about my feelings in the past - despite him not admitting that I had a point - he did make a bit of an effort to be more attentive. But it just felt like he was spending more time with me out of duty, not because he actually wanted to. His attentiveness never lasted more than a couple of weeks anyway, he soon went back to his old ways. Things would be more bearable if I could just get out and have a life of my own, but my health problems make it difficult to do that. I don’t have any friends – all the friends I thought I had gradually disappeared after I became ill. Most of my family are gone, I just have one elderly aunt left, who I don’t get to see very often. I would love to join some local groups and hopefully make some new friends that way, but there aren’t any suitable ones near where I live, there are only exercise clubs and unfortunately I’m not physically capable of doing anything that energetic! I’ve joined Meetup in the hope of finding a group I could join on there, but again there aren’t any near to where I live. I don’t drive, and I find public transport a bit of a struggle. So, here I am, on the internet, talking to you good people!
As for TheRealCallie’s suggestion of a she-shed – that’s a nice idea! Unfortunately his man cave takes up all the available space…
This is more concerning for me. That you're so dependent on him as well, because I worry now with already how he treats you, what if he decides to just up and drop you himself?
I mean, honestly, it's possible if he takes offense to you trying to make new friends, trying to make your own place, get in his way, etc...
There's got to be some other option to simply get away from him, because that's what you really need.
Why not just go out on your own and try to meet someone new? Then move in with them if you like them? It won't be instantaneous, but I'm sure it's possible, and it's way better than doing nothing and hoping things continue precariously as-is. Then leave his ass.
I don’t think there’s much chance of him suddenly deciding to leave – he’s quite happy with the way things are, so why would he? As for me meeting someone new, I’ve been in a relationship for so long that I really feel like I wouldn’t want to get into another one. It would be nice to just be me for a change, not someone else’s other half! As for me getting away from him - my daughter still lives at home but is planning on getting her own place in a year or so, so I could always move in with her.
TheRealCallie said:
I read in your bio about one of your health problems (not sure if that's the only one). My mom has that, in addition to other things. It took her a while, but while she's never going to go running a marathon or anything close, she has managed to get to the point where she can work and do things for herself. I know everyone is different and the disease itself has more than one level and you don't live in the same country, but have you tried everything? Second opinion, different meds, natural remedies and all that. You may have, just throwing that out there. I mean no offense. I don't know how much you are able to do, but maybe you could volunteer somewhere. That would get you out of the house and meeting new people.
As for your husband, is he abusive in any way, verbally or physically? If he is, there has to be some program out there who will help you. If he's not, I would recommend to just continue trying to get something for yourself in life. Are there any support groups there for your illness? Even online support groups may be able to help you.
No, he’s not at all abusive – there’s no way I would have put up with that! I have tried pretty much everything for the fibromyalgia – I’ve changed doctors many times, tried all the prescription medications they gave me but nothing helped, and they all came with horrible side effects. I’ve also tried acupuncture and lots of herbal remedies, but without success. I’ve recently seen some promising stuff online about Sam-e though, so I’ve just ordered some of that to try – fingers crossed! I have looked into volunteering, but there isn’t anything I could do locally. I think this site will be a great help to me though, as everyone seems very friendly and helpful!
Joturbo said:
How about your local church.My mother ,my wife ,her friend have all found spin off activities from their chosen churches and you don't have to be super religious.
Thanks for the suggestion, but I’m not at all religious! Besides, I don’t think I could cope with all that sitting on hard pews and kneeling – ouch!