Thanks guys x
Wessix you have sparked something I have wanted to say for a while.
I am ok , I have been through a lot, but I am strong and happy to see my family and friends, there has been a few tears but many laughs too.
Lonekiller ..........you are an absolute star ! thank you ! and it was especially in the integrity of your words for other people in your posts that helped me before I joined this forum. When I sat alone for weeks without seeing a soul after our boat was destroyed.
The truth is I love people, it costs nothing to be kind & polite or nice, unfortunately as we all know so many are corrupted, selfish or even evil and they don't come with identity labels.
I read so many posts all making the same mistakes I did, letting the bad people let you feel its your fault, your not good enough, attractive enough, not worthy enough, make you depressed, anxious or even have panic attacks, lose faith and hope.
We then sit alone surveying our options, the longer we sit alone the worse it gets.
Then we lose faith and doom ourselves to a lonely future. Our faith is jaded and our confidence depleted and then you turn on the tele or pick up a magazine and see a prefabricated vision of how you are supposed to look, be or behave. All feeding you images of how you should live too - big mansion, flash cars etc etc - Its all crap and it isn't reality !
I have said before in a post '' it creates a fairground mirror. if you listen to it and let others bad behaviour, attitude or words eat at you, you imprison yourself.
Please don't let that happen. Especially the younger ones - your whole future is ahead - go out look for it and grab it.
I know its hard - that does not mean it is impossible.
The fairground mirror was put in front of you by Bullies, cheats, jealousy, and greed of others - (selfish people).
Take it away ! and be the people you want to be and never give up hope.
This is what I did 5 years ago - after a life time of being bullied, cheated on, beaten and stolen from - I took away the fairground mirror and went out the person I was meant to be and found what I was looking for - myself !
Once I found that I was able to find the right person to love.
I was the weakest least confident person you would ever meet, I could not speak - I mumbled ! I shook and I shuffled along hunched up and I wanted it all to end, but would never hurt my family or friends by doing so. i felt like an alien on this planet, I could not identify with the bad behaviour of people, the spiteful words and the disloyalty, I would go to sleep willing myself to never wake up.
Bullied at school, rejected by parent, cheated on, welched on and beaten, cheated on again, jealous friends, more rejection, abandoned, defrauded and mentally and physically tortured by a man so sick and evil he left me a gun to shoot myself. - you sort of start saying to yourself without saying it 'I must deserve it '
I carried all this crap around for years in mental suit cases - looking for love and loyalty but ended up trusting no one.
In the end I had to clear those suitcases out - every single last item. Then I realised I had packed them all !
We can't change what the world throws at us - we CAN change how we deal with it in our heads.
Its not creating a false persona, its cleaning out all the crap that others have poisoned us with.
Then you have every possible strength to go and find what you really want in life and not let it beat you.
I hope I am making sense.
This forum is full of good people - please be the people you are meant to be and not waste so many years of your lives as I have. Sitting in fear, feeling fated and unhappy and accepting crap from people because you feel that is all you are going to get or deserve.
I know this is very open speaking - but I know it works, it also stops depression from spiralling too.
Bad people pray on the vulnerable, they see the unhappiness, put on a smile and be confident - even if its fake and you will attract people - good people.
I am now 45 years old - But I do know that life is just a series of chain reactions (good - bad) if you react badly outwardly or inwardly to others bad behaviour - you just carry on that reaction, so reject it and be kind to yourself instead.
Here endith the monkeysocks christmas message ! LOL
(Monkeysocks)
x
