More lonely than I've ever been

[Xelha]

I've been lonely for most of my life, but I can't remember a time when I felt lonelier than I do now... and I no longer know how to deal with it.

I graduated from university back in June, and for a few months things were ok. I went on a couple trips, worked for a couple months... and I really enjoyed that. But when I got back from my second trip, around September 12, things started to really change for me.

I started my hunt for a job, one that was meant to last me about a year and enable me to make money to do a master I want to do in September 2011. Things didn't turn out as planned. I had a few interviews, all of which fell through, including one I was particularly excited about, seeing as how it would have really helped me out career-wise.

I've been looking for a job for about 2 1/2 months now, and I've really lowered all my standards. I've applied to a bunch of minimum wage jobs in crappy locations, something that's a real blow to my self-esteem, considering I graduated with a distinction and won all sorts of awards. So I've started losing the little confidence I'd built up, and am becoming a lot more pessimistic about my future.

To make matters worse, there's the whole loneliness issue. I've had to move back in with my parents, which used to be okay, but now I don't have any friends here. The few I've held onto are either not here or are too busy to spend any time with me. My university is 3 hours away from here, so going there to meet people isn't an option. I also live in a pretty small town with no real places to go to meet people. We don't even have a mall... >_>

I know getting a job would really help me out in terms of meeting people, but so far I haven't had any luck with that and I don't know how to deal with the loneliness in the meantime. Right now I meet up with friends maybe once every two weeks, at best.... :/

Any advice?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Just keep putting urself out there. Dont sit around the house all day... Go to the park, go jogging. Laundry mates, bars.liburaies, support groups, churches, volunteer work, internships, hobby clubs..etc yeah make the best of whats avaliable to you.
Sitting at home all days escaping from life is not healhty. If u isolate long enough..ur have too much time to think. Too much thinking is the devils workshop.
Theres nothing wrong with u..just current life situations. LEARN HOW TO SAPERATE URSELF FROM LIFE's situations.

 

[deirdre]

have you ever tried meetup.com on te web, most areas of the U.S. have really active groups, you'ld be surprised what might be going on right under your very nose. that's an option for meeting new people and getting out of the house.

quick pointer: i did that lowering my standards bit for most of my life, believe me, it truly wears on you, don't go there unless you know your self esteem can handle the constant assault on your worth, you most likely will be working with 17 or 18 year olds who very well could be above you, ordering you around, you will take your crappy job seriously, convinced your stellar work record will mean something...believe me, it means nothing out there, what of yourself you pour into a meaningless job, you are a dime a dozen, they can get anyone to do your job and no value is placed on you....you are better off volunteering in a high profile organization that makes a difference, there you will meet the caliber of people who will notice your worth

 

[futurecatlady]

Xelha, I know exactly how you feel. I've been looking for jobs too, and it's not easy to keep getting SO close and then turned down. Don't be too hard on yourself--it's 99% luck these days. I know people who are going to law school because they couldn't find a job. It was literally easier to get into Harvard Law than to find one measly job.

Keep on trying, and know that you are not alone! Things will get better!

 

[Harold_King]

I've got a good job, but I have no one to socialize with in my off hours. I'm completely socially retarded. It's really frustrating to be sitting home on yet another Saturday night with no one to talk to. I haven't spoken to a human being in person since 5PM at work on Wednesday.

I hate holidays.

 

[Naleena]

Xelha, I'm sorry you are having a difficult time right now. It's not easy working hard towards your dreams and then hitting a wall. As far as taking a minimum wage job; it's a way to get you from A to B. I have always said that no honest job is below me. Having a minimum wage job doesn't say anything about your worth as a human being, your intelligence, or your capabilties. Those people stocking shelves are just as important as the CEO's and they deserve just as much respect. We all put our pants on the same way; doesn't matter what we do for a living, what we drive or where we live. Working in public service can give you contact with people. Some of that contact is good and some not so good, but it's all experiences to learn from.
Lonesome Crow had some great advice as far as getting out. Deirde's suggestion of volunteering as a way of making contacts was an excellent idea and it looks good on a resume. You never know what good things life will put in your way Be available. Be flexible. This time in your life of not having a job and living with your parents isn't permanent. Like all things in life, it will pass. It's not easy making the most of a hard situation but sometimes it's all we can do. And please stop by ALL chat. Lots of nice folk there to talk to and socialize with Good luck!

 

[Xelha]

Making sure I get out of the house everyday would be a good thing for me. What I've been doing mostly to deal with the loneliness is trying to keep myself busy while preparing for my master. It helps, but yeah, if I had more of a social life that would help a lot more.

I'd really like doing volunteer work or something, but at the moment I REALLY need to make money. I'm really freaking out these days because I have this constant feeling that time is running out(since I want to do a master in Sept 2011), and so I feel really pressured to come up with the money I need.

The other reason I'm having so much trouble finding a job is because I have a lot of anxiety. I'm really reluctant to apply to work at a lot of places, worried that I'll go there and just make a complete fool of myself. When I'm under pressure I suddenly freeze up and can't make good decisions. It's really hard for me to adapt to a setting that's unfamiliar to me, although this is something I've been trying really hard to work on.

When I was going around giving out resumes, a lot of the time I found myself walking into a place, convinced I was going to apply there, and then suddenly I would panic and leave without giving them my resume... >_>

 

[grainofrice24]

Mind if I lend my 2 cents...you don't have to read it...but here goes:

Minimum wage job: It honestly does give your self worth a serious stomping. You have a degree...thus u = smart. There are jobs out there that you could probably get that would be so much better in EVERY WAY than a dead end minimum wage job.

Being scared of interviews: DON'T BE. Like I said...you have a degree...thus you must have at least half a brain...which is more than a lot of people who have good jobs have. When you feel scared...ignore the feeling and push through it...I GUARANTEE YOU that afterwords you'll be thinking "What the hell was I scared of?!?!?". Trust me, there's nothing to it.

Loneliness: That's a tough one, while these forums kinda help...I think what most people are looking for is real contact with a REAL person and seeing their REAL face and hearing their REAL voice. Internet relationships don't cut it. They pass the time...but don't cut it. (at least not for me). If you're really looking for friends...and you're willing to start at the bottom...befriend a loser (not unlike myself hahaha). Dorks like us could use friends, and we'll make you feel as special as we possibly can as awkwardly as possible hahaha. Establish that nothing romantic will ever happen between u and HIM, and we're like dogs on a leash. Seriously...you think I'm joking? Loser guys will like you for who you are...because they know they have no right to change anyone! And they'll always be nice to you...because all their hate is wasted on themselves.

 

[Xelha]

If I get a minimum wage job it would be only temporary, but yet it still would make me feel like I'm just not good enough to get a better job. The problem with getting a better job, is that the one I'm looking for is one I'm not quite ready for, and is hard to come by. Ideally, I'm looking for a job as a translator, but all the ads I've seen want someone with years of experience and all sorts of other qualifications, such has having worked in a certain field. Then there's also the problem of my location. Where I live there aren't a lot of employment options, especially in my field, so I think it really comes down to finding a minimum wage job.

It isn't the interviews I'm afraid of(although my last one was a nightmare lol), it's the idea that I could be hired and then thrown into an environment which is new to me.

I'm not picky when it comes to friends. I'm really just looking for anyone who's around my age and is fun to hang out with/talk to. But yeah, as you said, internet friends help but just don't fill that void. At least not anymore. :/ Guess I'll just have to keep trying...

 

[Nyu001]

When I was going around giving out resumes, a lot of the time I found myself walking into a place, convinced I was going to apply there, and then suddenly I would panic and leave without giving them my resume... >_>

I am sorry, but I found this funny! The worst is that this has happened to me, haha. XD

I am experiencing near the same problem about the jobs like you. I wanted to do my master this year after finish my bachelor in August, but I have not been able to, yet. I am in need of a job now since my whole money dropped this month. :x

By the way, you want a translator job, what languages do you know?

 

[Xelha]

I'm glad I'm not the only one to have that problem lol. Yeah it seems like a really bad time to be looking for a job...

I know a bunch of languages: French, Spanish, German, and Italian... my best one being Spanish currently. People always said it'd be easy for me to find a job, and yet here I am . It's also due to a lack of confidence though, I guess. I've reached an advanced level in all of them and my teachers told me I'd make a good translator, but I constantly feel overwhelmed by all the things I *don't* know yet, and probably focus too much on that.

I'm really hoping to get a job, not only because I'm in desperate need of money, but also because I have this feeling that it will REALLY help me out with my loneliness issues. I'll be busy and I'll meet a lot of new people... and just have a reason to get out of bed every day and get ready to go somewhere. :/