J
Juggalonely
Guest
Greetz everyone! I am putting this post here because I don't know where it should go, if I am wrong let me know 
I have been visiting this site for a few weeks now, just reading other ppls posts and comments to get a feel on what the community is like here, and generally I have found it to be overwhelmingly supportive, so I thought I would "bust my cherry" and get up the balls to make a post of my own. Ok.... I'll start with some info about me. I am a 24 year old guy from the Gold Coast in Australia. I come from what could be called a troubled childhood, but haven't we all? I am not here to rant about how unfair my life was because I don't really believe any life is "unfair". If there is such a thing, tell me about a life that WAS "fair". Anyway, I never had a large circle of friends, I would prefer to keep a group of 5-10 close friends around me, it just seems to eliminate some of the "politics" that can arise form a large group of friends. Now, when I have these close friends I am completely dedicated to them, you know? I will defend them even if i know they are in the wrong, even if I had 20 ppl saying what honeysuckle my friends were i would always stick up for them, even if it meant being stigmatised from a group of more "popular" pp. The problem is that the feelings of loyalty don't seem to be reciprocated. For instance, the reason I went searching for other lonely ppl online is because my most recent group of friends turned their back on me when I needed their support the most. This group of friends started in high school. I have always been somewhat of an outcast, never quite fitting into one group or another. I was never interested in being one of the "cool" group, with their shallow ways of thinking and petty grievances, nor was I a complete geek/nerd whatever. So instead I started looking for other ppl like me, who were "unclassifiable" as I like to put it
Anyway, us freaks used to cop a lot of honeysuckle, but I was raised not to take any, so I became a sort of defender of our kind. When the "cool" kids tried to rip on us, I would stand up and fight back with my words, or, failing that, my fists. After a while ppl stopped screwing with us because of the "short ass psycho" as I became known (not that short but a bit below average height). In short, I gained a lot of respect in school, not just with my group, but with everyone (respect or fear, same results) , in the short term). Anyway, a lot of honeysuckle happened within our crew after we left school and it came down to just 4 of us. Let's call us Me, JB, DJ and DF. So (sorry trying to keep it short) DJ became an alcoholic at the age of 20, the rest of us smoked a lot of pot. We tried for 3 years to help DJ kick his drinking habit, and get a job but he seemed determined to destroy himself. It came to a point where he was lying to us and stealing from us, and I decided I wasn't going to tolerate another alcoholic in my life (my father was an alcoholic for the first 17 years of my life) and told him never to contact me again. I have not spoken to him since 2004 and I miss him terribly. I never had a friend who understood me as much as him, and now I feel like I deserted him when he needed me. On the other hand I think that i tried to help him for 3 long years and he never made an effort to help himself. I am still torn over my decision to this day.
Before I go any further I should explain my name. I am a juggalo, and proud of the fact. I am sure there are many of you who know what a juggalo is and have already condemned me for it. For those who don't, a juggalo is someone who is a fan of music released by Psychopathic records, namely Insane Clown Posse. Now, I am not going to go on about them and defend their style of music (horrorcore rap, about murder, death, gangsters, etc) but I will say that they give hope to ppl who come from nothing and show that they can become somebody, without operating the way society would like you to operate. Also they preach the significance of friends and family, because they are the ones who will be there to lift you up when you stumble.
That being said, us being juggalos was one of the main factors that brought us together. My group had not heard of a juggalo til I introduced them to it, but it changed them. they became proud of being different rather than trying to conform to what everyone else was doing like sheep. We swore to always be there for each other no matter how rough honeysuckle was. The only problem is, I think I was the only one who followed through on my word. When DF's mother became addicted to painkillers and almost OD'd on his kitchen floor and he thought she tried to commit suicide, I was the one who talked sense into him and calmed him down. When JB became addicted to speed and was losing his whole life because of it, I was the one who helped him get through it, kick the habit and get his life back on track. My entire family has always supported them, and meanwhile their families shat on me because of my background.
After 7 years of close friendship... no fresia that, of BROTHERHOOD, I go through a bad time in my life (I have always suffered clinical depression, and they knew this) I reach out for help, but no, suddenly they are to busy, they can't even take a 5 MINUTE ******* WALK DOWN THE ******* STREET to see if if I am still alive, let alone how I was coping. (I had lost my dream job, stopped talking to my father and sisters, my mother was the only person in the world who cared...) now.... honeysuckle I dunno, now I have burnt all my bridges, and have no one left except my dear old mum.... i am so lost.... i just need someone to care whether I am here or not. Now I live alone, have a job where I get no recognition, others take credit for my work, i am scared to try and make new friends in case this happens agin.... pretty much every group of mates I have had rejects me at some point and I just want to know WHAT THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING HELL AM I DOING WRONG?!?!?!
Sorry for the language, but this has been building up for 10 months now. i feel like I should be over it and moving on but I just can't seem to. I realise at times I can be arrogant and overbearing but I feel that my good points should override this, or at the very least ppl should realise I am human too, with flaws, weaknesses and fears, just like everybody else. But no, they biuld me up just to knock me down.
I am really sorry I babbled for this long, I didn't mean to rant, it's just that I have really had enough of humans for one lifetime. Thanks for putting up with me, and if you read all that, good effort!
I better go cry myself to sleep, gotta work tomorrow
P.S. I haven't even started on my love life yet lolz!
I have been visiting this site for a few weeks now, just reading other ppls posts and comments to get a feel on what the community is like here, and generally I have found it to be overwhelmingly supportive, so I thought I would "bust my cherry" and get up the balls to make a post of my own. Ok.... I'll start with some info about me. I am a 24 year old guy from the Gold Coast in Australia. I come from what could be called a troubled childhood, but haven't we all? I am not here to rant about how unfair my life was because I don't really believe any life is "unfair". If there is such a thing, tell me about a life that WAS "fair". Anyway, I never had a large circle of friends, I would prefer to keep a group of 5-10 close friends around me, it just seems to eliminate some of the "politics" that can arise form a large group of friends. Now, when I have these close friends I am completely dedicated to them, you know? I will defend them even if i know they are in the wrong, even if I had 20 ppl saying what honeysuckle my friends were i would always stick up for them, even if it meant being stigmatised from a group of more "popular" pp. The problem is that the feelings of loyalty don't seem to be reciprocated. For instance, the reason I went searching for other lonely ppl online is because my most recent group of friends turned their back on me when I needed their support the most. This group of friends started in high school. I have always been somewhat of an outcast, never quite fitting into one group or another. I was never interested in being one of the "cool" group, with their shallow ways of thinking and petty grievances, nor was I a complete geek/nerd whatever. So instead I started looking for other ppl like me, who were "unclassifiable" as I like to put it Anyway, us freaks used to cop a lot of honeysuckle, but I was raised not to take any, so I became a sort of defender of our kind. When the "cool" kids tried to rip on us, I would stand up and fight back with my words, or, failing that, my fists. After a while ppl stopped screwing with us because of the "short ass psycho" as I became known (not that short but a bit below average height
). In short, I gained a lot of respect in school, not just with my group, but with everyone (respect or fear, same results) , in the short term). Anyway, a lot of honeysuckle happened within our crew after we left school and it came down to just 4 of us. Let's call us Me, JB, DJ and DF. So (sorry trying to keep it short) DJ became an alcoholic at the age of 20, the rest of us smoked a lot of pot. We tried for 3 years to help DJ kick his drinking habit, and get a job but he seemed determined to destroy himself. It came to a point where he was lying to us and stealing from us, and I decided I wasn't going to tolerate another alcoholic in my life (my father was an alcoholic for the first 17 years of my life) and told him never to contact me again. I have not spoken to him since 2004 and I miss him terribly. I never had a friend who understood me as much as him, and now I feel like I deserted him when he needed me. On the other hand I think that i tried to help him for 3 long years and he never made an effort to help himself. I am still torn over my decision to this day. Before I go any further I should explain my name. I am a juggalo, and proud of the fact. I am sure there are many of you who know what a juggalo is and have already condemned me for it. For those who don't, a juggalo is someone who is a fan of music released by Psychopathic records, namely Insane Clown Posse. Now, I am not going to go on about them and defend their style of music (horrorcore rap, about murder, death, gangsters, etc) but I will say that they give hope to ppl who come from nothing and show that they can become somebody, without operating the way society would like you to operate. Also they preach the significance of friends and family, because they are the ones who will be there to lift you up when you stumble.
That being said, us being juggalos was one of the main factors that brought us together. My group had not heard of a juggalo til I introduced them to it, but it changed them. they became proud of being different rather than trying to conform to what everyone else was doing like sheep. We swore to always be there for each other no matter how rough honeysuckle was. The only problem is, I think I was the only one who followed through on my word. When DF's mother became addicted to painkillers and almost OD'd on his kitchen floor and he thought she tried to commit suicide, I was the one who talked sense into him and calmed him down. When JB became addicted to speed and was losing his whole life because of it, I was the one who helped him get through it, kick the habit and get his life back on track. My entire family has always supported them, and meanwhile their families shat on me because of my background.
After 7 years of close friendship... no fresia that, of BROTHERHOOD, I go through a bad time in my life (I have always suffered clinical depression, and they knew this) I reach out for help, but no, suddenly they are to busy, they can't even take a 5 MINUTE ******* WALK DOWN THE ******* STREET to see if if I am still alive, let alone how I was coping. (I had lost my dream job, stopped talking to my father and sisters, my mother was the only person in the world who cared...) now.... honeysuckle I dunno, now I have burnt all my bridges, and have no one left except my dear old mum.... i am so lost.... i just need someone to care whether I am here or not. Now I live alone, have a job where I get no recognition, others take credit for my work, i am scared to try and make new friends in case this happens agin.... pretty much every group of mates I have had rejects me at some point and I just want to know WHAT THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING HELL AM I DOING WRONG?!?!?!
Sorry for the language, but this has been building up for 10 months now. i feel like I should be over it and moving on but I just can't seem to. I realise at times I can be arrogant and overbearing but I feel that my good points should override this, or at the very least ppl should realise I am human too, with flaws, weaknesses and fears, just like everybody else. But no, they biuld me up just to knock me down.
I am really sorry I babbled for this long, I didn't mean to rant, it's just that I have really had enough of humans for one lifetime. Thanks for putting up with me, and if you read all that, good effort!
I better go cry myself to sleep, gotta work tomorrow
P.S. I haven't even started on my love life yet
lolz!
