Yes, I've paid for sex. My history on this subject is modest, only five times (with six women) over the past ten years, but it has relevance to this board. Maybe some readers will find the story interesting or even relate.
The first time, at age 24, was while attending an out-of-state conference, and was some sort of victory of courage. I'd been planning to try a massage parlor for a while and took this as the chance. A year earlier I'd been at another conference, drove by a couple of places, and chickened out. This time I felt more determined and picked up an alternative weekly. There was one ad that caught my eye. The place had some Asian name (I don't remember), a picture of a Japanese woman looking demure and lightly dressed (obviously taken from the internet) and copy along the lines of "why waste your hard earned money at a frustrating strip club when you can be pampered by our ladies", and there was a coupon for some money off the massage. Coupon in hand, I drove to the location, a non-descript industrial park by the railroad. Rows of white buildings with parking out front. Then I left, but the next day I drove there again. I don't know how, but I found the courage, and just as I pulled up, a man in a suit was coming out of the door and left. There may have been a small sign, but the facade was mostly just a door and a closed window. I rang the doorbell and three middle-aged Asian women quickly appeared (safety in numbers?) and asked if I wanted a massage. After I said yes two dispersed leaving one to show take me down the hall to a room. A younger woman in a tight dress came out from the back and my guide told me that she would be doing the massage. Then entering the room, which had a chair and a massage table, I was told to undress. I also gave her the coupon and (I think) forty dollars. Then came time to get ready. Should I get completely naked, I wondered? Might as well. So I did and wrapped a towel around my waist. Another of the middle-aged women showed up a couple of minutes later saying she would wash me, and took me down the hall to a tiled room. There I took of the towel and lay on a rubber mattress while she scrubbed me with a sponge glove. I was completely naked, but the air of common life had been broken. This was definitely a sexual situation and I was enjoying it. We finished with her toweling me down as I stood there naked, looking down at her. This was the most I had done with a woman up to that point in my life, but the best part was coming up.
The massage and the bonuses took place back in the massage room. I took off the towel and lay on my front on the table and waited. Soon the woman came in to perform the massage. I don't think it was the same one that had been shown to me earlier, but she was still a beauty. She had a pretty face, long hair, and a body that wasn't bony like a lot of asian women. She had just the right softeness and thickness to her, and was wearing a one-piece dress that ended about mid-thigh. I don't remember much about the massage itself, but it was good. I enjoyed feeling her stradling me and she seemed to know what she was doing. Finally I was on my front and she was over me asking if I wanted anything else, and after a little awkwardness I asked for sex. She told me a pricelist, and I eventually asked for "everything". It was two hundred dollars, but I only had about one hundred twenty on me, so we put the rest on a credit card. I think I still have the receipt somewhere. She left the room for a little and came back with lubricants and condoms. I was lying on the table as she stripped off her dress while facing away. To say I felt excited would be a ridiculous understatement. This was the first time I had seen a nude woman up close and we were going to have sex. She climbed onto me and began gently stroking her breasts all over my front. After some more stroking she was performing orally on me and had somehow got a condom on, apparently by hiding it in her mouth. This part didn't appeal to me much, so I just waited for it to be over. I hadn't had any idea beforehand how things would go for me, and had been afraid that I wouldn't even make it to the real act, but I hardly even felt the oral, probably because of the condom. I didn't have to wait too long as she got on top of me and we began to share intimacy. What I remember most is how wonderful it felt to hold her and feel her body pressed up against me. I like to hug but have almost no opportunity to do it, and here was a superhug. Down below I didn't feel too much. Thinking back from the perspective of the little experience I have now, I'm pretty sure she had recently had a baby. Even so, after a couple of minutes my hips seemed to move into autopilot and it was over. She lay on top of me for another couple of minutes, still feeling great, and then got off, did some cleaning, and it was time to dress and leave. Driving away I was elated, feeling like I had really accomplished something. It wasn't just having sex, it was facing a goal and carrying through.
The next time was a couple of years later and wasn't so much of a success. I had traveled all the way to Bangkok and was in a massage parlor in an alley off the main tourist strip. I stood in the lobby by myself, sipping a coke and watching an entire room full of women through a window. Then one of them began to sit up very straight and address herself right to the window, and I couldn't resist. I told the old man in the suit her number, and he announced it into a microphone in Thai. She gave a little cheer, came out, took me by the hand and led me to an upstairs room. The room was pretty large, with a low king-size bed and a big bath to one side. I had no idea what to do, what was supposed to happen, or how I would do, so I just stood there. She started the water, gave me a hug and began to undress me. Soon I was standing there naked while she undressed and got into the tub. In the tub she washed me and gave me a little oral favors, which still wasn't a big deal to me, and then we got out and got onto the bed. Then the trouble began. I didn't lose my arousal, but I just couldn't come to completion. First she tried manual stimulation for a while, then using a condom we coupled, but the end never arrived. Maybe it was a combination of me being tired from walking around in the sun all day, being too used to taking care of myself, and the heavy dose of Prozac I was taking. Feeling her pressed up against me was still wonderful, but there was the pressure to perform hanging over me. Whatever the reason, the session ended, we got back in the tub for a rinse, I dressed and left. I was disappointed with myself.
A couple of days later, the night before I left Thailand, I tried again at a different place. This was a more casual and downscale "massage" parlor
than the first. I walked up a little early, it wasn't completely dark yet, and the women were still outside at the bar. The bartender asked if I
wanted a massage, and I said I'd like a coke first. So I sat there drinking, and feeling a little nervous since the women were watching me. Then I was ready for my massage and went up the stairs. Here was another glass wall facing a mostly empty room with a bench lining the wall. The attendant rang a buzzer and the women filed in. They weren't as beautiful as in the previous place, but I picked the one that seemed the most appealing to me. She took me to a room, not the largest place, but with a tiled area containing a tub and an elevated, about queen-sized, bed. As before, I didn't know what to do or what I was allowed to do, and stood stiffly as she undressed me. We got into the tub, went through the initial routine, which I just waited to be over, and then we got onto the bed. This was finally the sexual encounter I had been waiting for. Maybe I was more relaxed, but the worries weren't there. We were in a few positions, my first time for most of them, and then I finished while on top. Then we lay side-by-side and I stroked her body for a while. At no point during the session did I lose my arousal, so she got another condom and we experienced physical intimacy again. This time it did take a little longer, and I felt a tinge of anxiety starting to rise, but the end finally came while I was on top again. This was what I though sex should be like, but it would be awhile for me to find it again.
A few years later I had my girlfriend for a couple of months. About a year after that I was feeling miserable and alone and my mind wandered to my past and I scheduled another trip to Bangkok (this past summer). I didn't want my family or co-workers to know, so I took the trouble of going through another city, and just telling everyone I went there. I traveled a little in Thailand, ate some noodles, got in some jogging, and wound up back in Bangkok and went to the same two parlors, in the same order. The first place was as good as I remembered it. I picked out a woman who was beautiful and she led me to an upstairs room. My fear of women had dissipated to a large extent, and I wasn't as nervous in that situation. So I hugged her back and helped in the undressing. After the bath, we got onto the bed and we began to caress each other. She tapped me down below and said "Condom?", and it sounded like the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. She put it on and I got on top of her and I expressed physical togetherness for a few minutes, with no trouble reaching a conclusion. Then we lay there for a while, after which she got another condom, but I was a little reticent this time. I didn't know if there would be a long delay, and I didn't feel as obligated to perform as in the past. She got on top, and she definitely know what she was doing, but after a couple of minutes I stopped it and we just lay there a little before rinsing off and leaving. It was a good experience, but there was one more I knew I wanted to try before leaving.
Two days later I went to the second place and tried two women, which was the worst sexual experience I've had. Not that it was bad, but it wasn't very good. The attendant as I picked out women behind the glass wall was a fortyish woman, probably a former worker herself and still quite attractive. I told her I wanted two and she started saying some things I couldn't quite make out, but she indicated two of the women and I agreed. We went to a room slightly larger than the last time, this was the deluxe room, and then began to undress and get into the bath. One was a little on the chubby side and did all the talking. The other was slimmer and darker, and didn't seem to speak any English. The problem with the experience was that they just weren't into it. They spent most of the time talking to each other and they would frequently leave the room one at a time, leaving me waiting with the other one. They also kept towels wrapped around their waists most of the time, perhaps to hide stretch marks, but I don't know since I never got a good look. The slimmer one actually did very little. In the tub she stayed behind me while the chubby one was in front taking care of business. When we got onto the bed, there were a few moments that felt nice. These were when I was laying back and had one naked woman in each arm. The sexual moment came when the chubby one (sorry for calling her that, she wasn't really that fat) sat next to my legs and stimulated me manually. I didn't think a woman could take me to completion that way, but she was good at what she did. The other woman lay across my chest facing my feet, so I only saw her back. I began to caress it , letting my hand travel down her back onto her rear, and just as my finger entered her private area, I got a sense of being enveloped in womanhood and that was enough to send me over the edge. Then they put on their towels, and did some halfhearted massaging and engaged in a lot of back-and-forth as one or the other left the room. I turned down another manual session, and the time was over. It was something to try at least once.
That's where I stand now, with no real prospects for romance, and also no plans to pay again. If I did, I'd probably go back to the massage format, and not in this country. I'm too afraid of the illegality. And I'd really like to find another girlfriend and put the whole business behind me. Overall, though, these weren't bad experiences. I think they can actually be quite helpful. They buoyed my mood and kept me from sinking further into depression and feelings of being strange for some time afterward. I'm not going to outright recommend that men who are going through extended bouts of isolation go to commercial outlets. But it is an option to consider.
The first time, at age 24, was while attending an out-of-state conference, and was some sort of victory of courage. I'd been planning to try a massage parlor for a while and took this as the chance. A year earlier I'd been at another conference, drove by a couple of places, and chickened out. This time I felt more determined and picked up an alternative weekly. There was one ad that caught my eye. The place had some Asian name (I don't remember), a picture of a Japanese woman looking demure and lightly dressed (obviously taken from the internet) and copy along the lines of "why waste your hard earned money at a frustrating strip club when you can be pampered by our ladies", and there was a coupon for some money off the massage. Coupon in hand, I drove to the location, a non-descript industrial park by the railroad. Rows of white buildings with parking out front. Then I left, but the next day I drove there again. I don't know how, but I found the courage, and just as I pulled up, a man in a suit was coming out of the door and left. There may have been a small sign, but the facade was mostly just a door and a closed window. I rang the doorbell and three middle-aged Asian women quickly appeared (safety in numbers?) and asked if I wanted a massage. After I said yes two dispersed leaving one to show take me down the hall to a room. A younger woman in a tight dress came out from the back and my guide told me that she would be doing the massage. Then entering the room, which had a chair and a massage table, I was told to undress. I also gave her the coupon and (I think) forty dollars. Then came time to get ready. Should I get completely naked, I wondered? Might as well. So I did and wrapped a towel around my waist. Another of the middle-aged women showed up a couple of minutes later saying she would wash me, and took me down the hall to a tiled room. There I took of the towel and lay on a rubber mattress while she scrubbed me with a sponge glove. I was completely naked, but the air of common life had been broken. This was definitely a sexual situation and I was enjoying it. We finished with her toweling me down as I stood there naked, looking down at her. This was the most I had done with a woman up to that point in my life, but the best part was coming up.
The massage and the bonuses took place back in the massage room. I took off the towel and lay on my front on the table and waited. Soon the woman came in to perform the massage. I don't think it was the same one that had been shown to me earlier, but she was still a beauty. She had a pretty face, long hair, and a body that wasn't bony like a lot of asian women. She had just the right softeness and thickness to her, and was wearing a one-piece dress that ended about mid-thigh. I don't remember much about the massage itself, but it was good. I enjoyed feeling her stradling me and she seemed to know what she was doing. Finally I was on my front and she was over me asking if I wanted anything else, and after a little awkwardness I asked for sex. She told me a pricelist, and I eventually asked for "everything". It was two hundred dollars, but I only had about one hundred twenty on me, so we put the rest on a credit card. I think I still have the receipt somewhere. She left the room for a little and came back with lubricants and condoms. I was lying on the table as she stripped off her dress while facing away. To say I felt excited would be a ridiculous understatement. This was the first time I had seen a nude woman up close and we were going to have sex. She climbed onto me and began gently stroking her breasts all over my front. After some more stroking she was performing orally on me and had somehow got a condom on, apparently by hiding it in her mouth. This part didn't appeal to me much, so I just waited for it to be over. I hadn't had any idea beforehand how things would go for me, and had been afraid that I wouldn't even make it to the real act, but I hardly even felt the oral, probably because of the condom. I didn't have to wait too long as she got on top of me and we began to share intimacy. What I remember most is how wonderful it felt to hold her and feel her body pressed up against me. I like to hug but have almost no opportunity to do it, and here was a superhug. Down below I didn't feel too much. Thinking back from the perspective of the little experience I have now, I'm pretty sure she had recently had a baby. Even so, after a couple of minutes my hips seemed to move into autopilot and it was over. She lay on top of me for another couple of minutes, still feeling great, and then got off, did some cleaning, and it was time to dress and leave. Driving away I was elated, feeling like I had really accomplished something. It wasn't just having sex, it was facing a goal and carrying through.
The next time was a couple of years later and wasn't so much of a success. I had traveled all the way to Bangkok and was in a massage parlor in an alley off the main tourist strip. I stood in the lobby by myself, sipping a coke and watching an entire room full of women through a window. Then one of them began to sit up very straight and address herself right to the window, and I couldn't resist. I told the old man in the suit her number, and he announced it into a microphone in Thai. She gave a little cheer, came out, took me by the hand and led me to an upstairs room. The room was pretty large, with a low king-size bed and a big bath to one side. I had no idea what to do, what was supposed to happen, or how I would do, so I just stood there. She started the water, gave me a hug and began to undress me. Soon I was standing there naked while she undressed and got into the tub. In the tub she washed me and gave me a little oral favors, which still wasn't a big deal to me, and then we got out and got onto the bed. Then the trouble began. I didn't lose my arousal, but I just couldn't come to completion. First she tried manual stimulation for a while, then using a condom we coupled, but the end never arrived. Maybe it was a combination of me being tired from walking around in the sun all day, being too used to taking care of myself, and the heavy dose of Prozac I was taking. Feeling her pressed up against me was still wonderful, but there was the pressure to perform hanging over me. Whatever the reason, the session ended, we got back in the tub for a rinse, I dressed and left. I was disappointed with myself.
A couple of days later, the night before I left Thailand, I tried again at a different place. This was a more casual and downscale "massage" parlor
than the first. I walked up a little early, it wasn't completely dark yet, and the women were still outside at the bar. The bartender asked if I
wanted a massage, and I said I'd like a coke first. So I sat there drinking, and feeling a little nervous since the women were watching me. Then I was ready for my massage and went up the stairs. Here was another glass wall facing a mostly empty room with a bench lining the wall. The attendant rang a buzzer and the women filed in. They weren't as beautiful as in the previous place, but I picked the one that seemed the most appealing to me. She took me to a room, not the largest place, but with a tiled area containing a tub and an elevated, about queen-sized, bed. As before, I didn't know what to do or what I was allowed to do, and stood stiffly as she undressed me. We got into the tub, went through the initial routine, which I just waited to be over, and then we got onto the bed. This was finally the sexual encounter I had been waiting for. Maybe I was more relaxed, but the worries weren't there. We were in a few positions, my first time for most of them, and then I finished while on top. Then we lay side-by-side and I stroked her body for a while. At no point during the session did I lose my arousal, so she got another condom and we experienced physical intimacy again. This time it did take a little longer, and I felt a tinge of anxiety starting to rise, but the end finally came while I was on top again. This was what I though sex should be like, but it would be awhile for me to find it again.
A few years later I had my girlfriend for a couple of months. About a year after that I was feeling miserable and alone and my mind wandered to my past and I scheduled another trip to Bangkok (this past summer). I didn't want my family or co-workers to know, so I took the trouble of going through another city, and just telling everyone I went there. I traveled a little in Thailand, ate some noodles, got in some jogging, and wound up back in Bangkok and went to the same two parlors, in the same order. The first place was as good as I remembered it. I picked out a woman who was beautiful and she led me to an upstairs room. My fear of women had dissipated to a large extent, and I wasn't as nervous in that situation. So I hugged her back and helped in the undressing. After the bath, we got onto the bed and we began to caress each other. She tapped me down below and said "Condom?", and it sounded like the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. She put it on and I got on top of her and I expressed physical togetherness for a few minutes, with no trouble reaching a conclusion. Then we lay there for a while, after which she got another condom, but I was a little reticent this time. I didn't know if there would be a long delay, and I didn't feel as obligated to perform as in the past. She got on top, and she definitely know what she was doing, but after a couple of minutes I stopped it and we just lay there a little before rinsing off and leaving. It was a good experience, but there was one more I knew I wanted to try before leaving.
Two days later I went to the second place and tried two women, which was the worst sexual experience I've had. Not that it was bad, but it wasn't very good. The attendant as I picked out women behind the glass wall was a fortyish woman, probably a former worker herself and still quite attractive. I told her I wanted two and she started saying some things I couldn't quite make out, but she indicated two of the women and I agreed. We went to a room slightly larger than the last time, this was the deluxe room, and then began to undress and get into the bath. One was a little on the chubby side and did all the talking. The other was slimmer and darker, and didn't seem to speak any English. The problem with the experience was that they just weren't into it. They spent most of the time talking to each other and they would frequently leave the room one at a time, leaving me waiting with the other one. They also kept towels wrapped around their waists most of the time, perhaps to hide stretch marks, but I don't know since I never got a good look. The slimmer one actually did very little. In the tub she stayed behind me while the chubby one was in front taking care of business. When we got onto the bed, there were a few moments that felt nice. These were when I was laying back and had one naked woman in each arm. The sexual moment came when the chubby one (sorry for calling her that, she wasn't really that fat) sat next to my legs and stimulated me manually. I didn't think a woman could take me to completion that way, but she was good at what she did. The other woman lay across my chest facing my feet, so I only saw her back. I began to caress it , letting my hand travel down her back onto her rear, and just as my finger entered her private area, I got a sense of being enveloped in womanhood and that was enough to send me over the edge. Then they put on their towels, and did some halfhearted massaging and engaged in a lot of back-and-forth as one or the other left the room. I turned down another manual session, and the time was over. It was something to try at least once.
That's where I stand now, with no real prospects for romance, and also no plans to pay again. If I did, I'd probably go back to the massage format, and not in this country. I'm too afraid of the illegality. And I'd really like to find another girlfriend and put the whole business behind me. Overall, though, these weren't bad experiences. I think they can actually be quite helpful. They buoyed my mood and kept me from sinking further into depression and feelings of being strange for some time afterward. I'm not going to outright recommend that men who are going through extended bouts of isolation go to commercial outlets. But it is an option to consider.
