My Horrendous Secret Of 27 Years

[Badjedidude]

Man, this entire thread could use a big dose of the 'ol chill pill.

 

[Barbaloot]

Wow, some of the responses here are totally unnecessary. No one opening up about a painful, traumatic chapter in their life deserves to be at the receiving end of criticism or asinine drama like this. Not in this thread.

 

[Minus]

Iris' reply could have been more civil. If it had of been, chances are this whole honeysuckle wouldn't have started. I'm not trying to be a dick here Minus, but c'mon. This is bullshit and you know it.

I said no name calling. I do not believe that Iris called you any names.

I do not believe that someone else can tell you that you did not experience any trauma over the situation and to try to do so is insensitive. After all you are the one that knows how you feel. As i said before, i believe that can be stated civilly.

 

[LoneKiller]

Fair enough Minus. You have a job to do as a mod and I respect that. Can't please everyone. I never wanted any of this to happen. Regardless of who is right or wrong I do know one thing that this thread accomplished, and it's sad. Any new member or Jr. member that reads this thread is highly unlikely to open up to anyone here now. 27 Goddamn years I kept that a secret. Now I regret typing every **** word.

EDIT: I realize that nobody forced me to post this thread. I just thought that after being here almost a year it was safe to share. I appreciate everyone who stuck by me.

 

[Minus]

Are you saying that you feel that degenerating to the lowest common denominator is necessary to accomplish anything or is this still about the wording of a couple posts? Or maybe sometimes dissent should not be allowed?

 

[Montreal Skye]

Fair enough Minus. You have a job to do as a mod and I respect that. Can't please everyone. I never wanted any of this to happen. Regardless of who is right or wrong I do know one thing that this thread accomplished, and it's sad. Any new member or Jr. member that reads this thread is highly unlikely to open up to anyone here now. 27 Goddamn years I kept that a secret. Now I regret typing every **** word.

EDIT: I realize that nobody forced me to post this thread. I just thought that after being here almost a year it was safe to share. I appreciate everyone who stuck by me.

I think despite the pissing contest that some people seem to want to keep going in this thread, LoneKiller, you DID accomplish something by posting this. You got a lot of support from caring people who wanted to make you feel better about the situation. You also opened the door to healing. Once we can admit things to ourselves then we can start to take care of ourselves. Even though these forums are generally anonymous, it's very brave to have said what you did. Lots of people won't understand unless they've been through something similar themselves. The best thing to do is take the caring support and ignore those who seem to be trying to hurt you further or who just want to be contrary, for whatever reason they have. It's tough when someone tries to dismiss your trauma and it's normal to feel offended because you're so vulnerable right now. Stay strong and positive and don't pay attention to the negative responses. There's no questioning what you went through or how it has affected you.

 

[LoneKiller]

I am very grateful to all who supported me. It's very nice. I'm very touched. I guess that if this thread has proved helpful to others and informative to any, then it does have a positive side. I guess I can deal with everything I like and dislike about the whole experience if it helps even just one member. I'm just so blown away at how this thread went. Besides, I feel awkward arguing with mods. They hold all the cards.

 

[Trent]

i wish i could say that i was shocked at some of the idiotic responses in this thread...

yep, i wish...

 

[EveWasFramed]

Just my two cents here...

Children sometimes don't realize that, not only has their body been violated, but so has their emotions and their minds.
They are sometimes too young to understand what's actually happening because they are innocent of such things. I think sometimes they sort of just push it to the backs of their minds and later, when they are older, the seriousness of what was done to them finally dawns on them. The breach of trust (in LK's case, it was someone he had no reason not to trust), the violation of the body, mind and emotions....
That kind of experience has been known to really take a toll on adults later in life, when they realize they were a victim.
Yes, ANYONE who is taken advantage of in such a way IS a victim.
I completely agree with Montreal Skye here.

 

[frey12]

Are you saying that you feel that degenerating to the lowest common denominator is necessary to accomplish anything or is this still about the wording of a couple posts? Or maybe sometimes dissent should not be allowed?

Minus being a bit petty. Dissent in a molestation thread... what is wrong with you?

 

[Barbaloot]

I hate to say it, but I kind of agree with frey. And this is no offense to you, Minus.

I just really don't think there's any utility in allowing people to post "dissenting" views in a thread like this. When someone is a victim of a crime. When someone opens up about being molested, and people are allowed to minimize that or air their petty grievances here - I simply can't understand why that is allowed. That kind of nonsense should be left for more mundane threads and matters. Not this.
I have anticipated this kind of reaction before and it is exactly why I have never opened up on this forum about anything substantial. I would have hoped that people on this forum had enough decency to not try to tear genuine suffering apart, but it's simply not so. And apparently if anyone dislikes you on a forum, you're going to hear about it in every thread you make, no matter how serious the subject matter. I just think that is terribly unfortunate.

I guess next time, LK, make your serious posts a diary entry so people can PM you their support instead of giving others a platform for being unkind to you. You don't deserve this and you shouldn't have to regret opening up about it. What you went through was awful and no child should have to go through that.

 

[Bob Arctor]

I'd also like to say that I'm really disappointed in the mods on this one. For more casual threads I wouldn't even have an opinion, but for a topic this sensitive I think a special case should have been made. Yes, I agree with the name calling policy, but what iris said:

It's not that I want to be cruel or anything towards you, but to be honest nothing traumatic happened to you that day (night, whatever). So stop playing the victim that you haven't been.

was a lot more offensive than simply being called a troll. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but nobody has the right to tell another person how they feel/felt in any situation, regardless of personal experience.

IMO the initial reprimand for name calling should have taken place in a pm, along with asking LK if he wanted iris' posts deleted or not. None of this had to have been public in a thread where someone just wanted to open up about a traumatic event. If the poster doesn't take the dispute to pm, then that responsibility falls to the mod. Carrying on an open debate about an inflammatory topic only adds fuel to the fire. The mods should be here to defuse situations like this, not make them worse with petty arguing, especially when dealing with a topic this sensitive.

 

[Barbaloot]

^ I agree.

 

[iris]

Oh please, many of you are such whiners and hypocrites! Although I related I had the exact experience as LoneKiller, at about the same age, none of you showed any bit of empathy towards me or my experience, except LeaningIntoTheMuse. Just because I said it was/is no big deal. This shows what hypocrites you are. It's not that this is why I shared my experience too and it's not even what I was expecting of you, though.

Your requests for my posts to be deleted are ridiculous! I guess you might also think that I should be banned from this forum or burned at a stake for being a heretic. I have the right to unpopular opinions, that I consider to be correct, especially that I and others close to me, went through the exact same thing. Not everyone has a sheep mentality.

 

[Bob Arctor]

Oh please, many of you are such whiners and hypocrites! Although I related I had the exact experience as LoneKiller, at about the same age, none of you showed any bit of empathy towards me or my experience, except LeaningIntoTheMuse. Just because I said it was/is no big deal. This shows what hypocrites you are. It's not that this is why I shared my experience too and it's not even what I was expecting of you, though.

Your requests for my posts to be deleted are ridiculous! I guess you might also think that I should be banned from this forum or burned at a stake for being a heretic. I have the right to unpopular opinions, that I consider to be correct, especially that I and others close to me, went through the exact same thing. Not everyone has a sheep mentality.

^Now who's name calling?

---

Oh and btw, I would have shown you the exact same level of empathy I showed towards LK had you made your own thread to talk about your issues, instead of trying to diminish someone else's experience to a re-imagined version of what happened to you.

 

[Barbaloot]

It's not having a 'sheep mentality' to think you should be tactful in a thread where someone is posting about a traumatic experience in their lives. No one is calling for you to be banned, either. Just to have some tact. And you haven't been the only person who has been inappropriate in this thread.

You didn't need to add that you felt it "was/is no big deal", it clearly was to him. He was still the victim of a crime that was committed against him when he was just a child. You have no right to try to minimize that.

There is really no point in trying to insult us. It does nothing to defend your original point. Some of us just clearly think that tact, sensitivity and above all else, having respect for the OP should be prioritized over what ever perceptions you have about how inconsequential being molested shy of penetration is. It's still molestation.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Okay I think this has gone on long enough. Getting so sick of all this, none of you realize the stress you put moderators under. You want us to police every single post that is ever made and reprimand someone for making extremely insensitive comments towards another member. Most of you are guilty of doing the exact same thing and not received any reprimand. In fact just because you don't like one persons own personal opinion that they base on their own personal experience, no matter how insensitive have been doing that exact same thing. So as far as I'm concerned every single one of you should be getting reprimanded for your behaviour. I'm so sick of all the reports on this thread. I'm sick of my co-mod being reported for trying to keep the peace and have people talk civilly with each other, and then having to defend himself. For doing his job that many of you report others for yet end up being guilty of doing yourself. No matter how unpopular, insensitive or inappropriate a members comments are you all know there is no name calling allowed. People are entitled to their own opinion and everyone is entitled to disagree with others opinions but do so in a civil manor. I am so disappointing with how this thread turned out.