My Life is Falling Apart

[WallflowerGirl83]

I know I haven't been on here in a long time. I was trying to focus on myself for a long time cause I usually help people and put people's problems first before my own. Usually do this all the time, I sacrifice myself to help other people. I've been doing this all my life. However right now my life is at it's lowest right now. And it all started when my doctor prescribed me Klonopin. I started taking it for anxiety and for a little bit it started to help me but after awhile I started to notice that my hands would shake as I was smoking a cigarette. Soon after that the littlest of things would give me anxiety and I would have to take an anxiety pill to make myself more relaxed. I started to question myself and ask myself was I always this anxious and the answer was no.

Second I started to urinate a lot, I'm not crazy when I say this but I would urinate frequently. This was pretty much the last straw in my book. I stopped taking it and gave the medication back to my mother. I was on them for about a month. I started withdrawing. Let me tell you, they were so intense, I seriously thought about ending my life. I got these intense headaches, backaches, I couldn't eat anything, I couldn't sleep, I had dry mouth, my allergies was intense: hay fever. All day long I literally had to lay in bed and keep a heating pad on my back and a icepack on my head. Anytime I smoked, I would get very bad anxiety but sometimes I couldn't help myself cause I couldn't sleep. I cried on the back porch and started thinking about the way my life was before and how I wish I could have rewound back time and told myself never to take these pills. After awhile things got a little better for me, I could eat again but everything would just go right through me. I had such bad diarrhea that I took Imodium and than I was constipated for days and my stomach would hurt. It was like a never ending battle.

Pretty soon things started to lighten up for me a little bit, but I could tell I had a low grade fever and my head was feeling really hot. When I looked this up at online it said it was part of the withdrawal's. And I was even sweating at night too which freaked me out but it was also apart of the withdrawals but they subsided after awhile. However the frequent urination did not go away. Sometimes I went so much, it started to worry me. So I went to a walk in clinic cause my primary doctor wasn't able to see me and it came back positive for leucolytes and said it looks like I have a bladder infection and gave me Cipro for it. I took it and it helped a little bit but I was still urinating frequently. This was frustrating me so much, I ended up going to the a different doctor and this time they said I have no UTI or bladder infection. Now I feel like I'm losing my mind, cause I keep going back and forth thinking I have something more serious going on or it's the Klonopin. I'm having trouble going to sleep right now cause I seriously feel like something is wrong with my body. People on this different forum who all withdrawaled on Klonopin keep telling me it's from Klonopin but I keep thinking that something else is seriously wrong with me. And I can tell people on that Forum are started to get very frustrated and angry with me. I can't say that I blame them cause I'm a worry wort okay, I worry about so much stuff and I wish it would stop. I told my mother to take me to a specialist and I'm not sure if she will or not. I do know however is that she thinks that I'm losing my mind and she's never believed me about me withdrawling from Klonopin and either has my doctor who told me that I must be dying of some disease. And when my psychiatrist told me this, I started researching so many diseases and disorders online. My life is pretty much falling apart right now cause of this medication. I just want this all to stop! I just want things to go back the way they used to be.

Sorry for so much text, but I had to get this out of my system.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome back, WallFlower. Sorry you're going through all that.

First, for the UTI, bladder infection or whatever it is, try cranberry juice. No, I'm not a doctor, but I've done a lot of research into home remedies for a lot of things (UTIs being one of them) and well, it's just juice, so it's not like it's going to hurt, right?

As for the rest of it, if you really feel like something is wrong (not just a hypochondriac), keep trying docs until you find one that will listen and take you seriously. But, stop trying to self diagnose, that will only lead you further into your worry because a lot of things have the same symptoms.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Sorry to hear of the health issues. I truly feel for you, a good friend experienced terrible withdrawal symptoms from some drug prescribed by a doctor. WallflowerGirl83's experience is the reason I will not relent to my own doctor's urges to start taking different meds for "preventive" situations, as well as meds for depression. The side effects are off the charts for nearly every drug.

It is 100% true about Cranberry juice. I drink at least one full glass every morning. It prevents bladder problems. The rest of the world can have their coffee (yuck), I'll take the 'berry, please.

 

[LonesomeDay]

Hi Wallflowergirl83,

I took myself off anti-anxiety medication many years ago and I still feel the need to urinate frequently. However, I think it's more related to feeling anxious than a physical disease.

The medication made me so sleepy I couldn't stay awake for long. I gradually stopped taking the tablets, and it took about a year to get back to "normal" after that.

The key here is to do a gradual withdrawal, as some drugs, especially the addictive medications, cause unpleasant side-effects when they're suddenly stopped. The contra-indication of the drug is your guide on this: however, there may be some medications that can be stopped abruptly - you would need to find this out for yourself.

I think it's important to keep hydrated though - your kidneys function better that way. And the headaches are part of the long-term withdrawal I suspect.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Peaches]

this sounds really an awful experience, I am so sorry, and it makes me so angry that doctors prescribe these medications

About the infection, this is what Google doctor would say: if the test turns out negative (as you have two contrasting opinions perhaps you want to seek a third one), if you still have frequent urination, take a look at the color and the smell, it can tell a lot about infections -
http://health.clevelandclinic.org/2013/10/what-the-color-of-your-urine-says-about-you-infographic/
if the color and smell are OK and you don't have any pain or discomfort urinating, then you can reasonably suspect that it is not an infection but it's because of the **** medicine.

About the **** medicine: I was on withdrawal for two bloody years, (no worry, I was on stuff for WAY more than a month), and I swear that it gets better, even really fast, it's just like bloody heroin, you have to bite a leather strap (metaphorically) and wait until your nervous system recovers. I urge you to take some steps to detoxify your system faster, like - drink lots of fresh vegetable juices, eat mostly fruit and vegetables and whole grains with little to no meat and dairy, avoid refined sugar at all costs, possibly avoid other kinds of medicines.

Don't know which forum you are writing to, but this one is especially about this problem http://www.benzo.org.uk
and also this http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/

 

[Danielle]

hi Wallflower, Nice to see you, but im sorry you are going through all of this. I too have been on Klonopin for many years now, and I've tried quitting cold turkey, so I know how bad those withdrawals can be. I wasn't successful, but someday i will be.

I second what Callie said, if you feel something is wrong, go have yourself checked out fully.

I'm sorry things have been so hard. I'm glad you felt comfortable to come here and share your thoughts with us.

 

[Nicolelt]

Welcome back, WallFlower. Sorry you're going through all that.

First, for the UTI, bladder infection or whatever it is, try cranberry juice. No, I'm not a doctor, but I've done a lot of research into home remedies for a lot of things (UTIs being one of them) and well, it's just juice, so it's not like it's going to hurt, right?

As for the rest of it, if you really feel like something is wrong (not just a hypochondriac), keep trying docs until you find one that will listen and take you seriously. But, stop trying to self diagnose, that will only lead you further into your worry because a lot of things have the same symptoms.

I have found that eating blueberries and drinking pineapple juice helps with UTIs as well.

Welcome back!

 

[TheSkaFish]

Hello there Wallflower,

I'm sorry to hear you are still in the process of withdrawing from the Klonopin and it is giving you such a rough time. I can't really give any specific advice on this, as I've never had to withdraw from anything and don't know much about medical topics. But I will say that the others are right in saying that it isn't good for you to try to look up all these diseases and self-diagnose...I know firsthand how easy it is to convince myself that I have all sorts of illnesses.

If I had to guess, I would say that the urination problem is from nerves and anxiousness more so than any illness, especially if your doctors say that you don't have an infection and if everything appears fine, like it doesn't cause you pain or anything. Being nervous or anxious can cause people to have frequent urination. Have you ever suddenly had to go to the bathroom before giving a speech or presentation, or doing some other activity that made you really nervous? I'm guessing that this whole withdrawal situation is making you constantly anxious, especially when you add in the effects of the medicine which you said is giving you high anxiety about everything. And when you add in people saying you have some kind of horrible disease and your mother not believing you about your situation, that only adds even more stress and anxiety to your system.

I really think the frequent urination is because of the high levels of anxiety brought on by the medicine and the situation.

Just try to take things easy for a while, and like others have said, completely resetting your system and recovering from withdrawal takes time, so tell yourself it's okay if things don't go back to normal right away. If you keep getting these anxiety spikes, remind yourself it's just a side effect of the medication. I get anxiety too sometimes which causes weird, bad thoughts to surface, and while I'm not on any medication I just remind myself that these thoughts aren't really how I feel, it's just anxiety and stress and it's not the real me.

Anyway, take care Wallflower. Perhaps I'll see you around some time

 

[LonesomeDay]

Hi Wallflowergirl83,

I took myself off anti-anxiety medication many years ago and I still feel the need to urinate frequently. However, I think it's more related to feeling anxious than a physical disease.

The medication made me so sleepy I couldn't stay awake for long. I gradually stopped taking the tablets, and it took about a year to get back to "normal" after that.

The key here is to do a gradual withdrawal, as some drugs, especially the addictive medications, cause unpleasant side-effects when they're suddenly stopped. The contra-indication of the drug is your guide on this: however, there may be some medications that can be stopped abruptly - you would need to find this out for yourself.

I think it's important to keep hydrated though - your kidneys function better that way. And the headaches are part of the long-term withdrawal I suspect.

Take care of yourself.

I just want to add that I hope you were able to discuss these issues with your doctor. Personally I wouldn't want to trade anxiety for involuntary hand-shaking (speaking as an artist).

 

[there is no hope]

I know psychs like to use terror tactics to force people into taking medications that are killing them. It's far better if you have someone who can advocate on your behalf instead of conspiring against you, which the system will inevitably try to do. At the very least, having someone available who can confirm the side-effects should convince whoever is handing out pills to try something different. Most don't care, it took about 10 years and my life being totally destroyed before they realized they were killing me - and for reporting this I was shunned and written off as invalid, and made to feel like it was my fault for not having the correct, eugenic pre-disposition towards drugs and not having the correct world view, as if the nightmare they inflicted on me for the first 15 years of my life wasn't enough suffering. It's never enough of course, they have to bend over backwards to justify the horrible things others do. But eventually it got through that the SSRIs were killing my brain and causing severe panic - some years later a study came out confirming that you basically never give those horrible pills to children, and it was clear that the state was covering for the ABUSIVE TERROR environment they created.

Med-free for about 10 years now. It isn't exactly great and not by choice, but after the nightmare those people put me through I will never deal with them willingly, and to this day they're still PROUD of murdering my life and think they did a great job protecting the ******** who tortured me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey there. Sorry to hear about what you're going through. :\

I don't really have much more to add than what the others have already said here but just wanted to reiterate this point:

First, for the UTI, bladder infection or whatever it is, try cranberry juice.

It really works wonders. Some people might take a longer time to get it working (like me when I had UTI) but it did help a huge deal. Totally natural lifesaver.