My life

[lonelyman91]

My life? What life? I don't really have one.

I had nothing but grief during secondary school. I was the one who everybody liked to pick on and tease, the easy target - that was me. All it did was fresia up my self-esteem and social skills and leave me with just 2 friends who I could actually trust. I lost count of the people who I once considered friends who later stabbed me in the back. I also became constantly paranoid about people taking the piss out of me which led to my grades starting to slip. I stayed on in the sixth form which was a ******* waste of 2 years because everybody else buggered off to university while I got left in the slow lane. I didn't think I was good enough for university.

When I left, I felt happier because I didn't have to wake up everyday thinking 'will they all take the piss out of me today?', but on the other hand I wasn't because I spent all day everyday moping around the house with nothing better to do. When I got a job, I was over the moon because I thought 'new life, fresh start'. That was nearly 7 months ago now, and I am sitting here now wondering just where the time has gone. Ever since I started working, the weeks just seem to fly by and I'm starting to get the feeling that I've wasted what are usually the best years of most people's lives. I've just turned 19, and I feel like I've never lived a day in my entire life.

Everybody else I work with is older than me, and they often talk about all the fun they had when they were my age and all I can do is smile and nod. Then on the occasions when I do go out and see everybody my age with friends and girlfriends having the time of their lives and all I can do is stand there and watch as if it was some programme on the TV. I do find it hard to connect with people my age because for one, I spend most of my life working with people older than me. But when I do get the opportunity to interact with people my own age, I seem to fail miserably because I'm so out of touch. The only time I spend with people my own age are with the only 2 real friends I have. We all share the same sort of interests but they're not considered 'normal', i.e not getting pissed 24-7, football, video games etc, so when I do get the chance to speak to other people my age I'm a bit limited, and usually end up boring them to tears.

Every week is exactly the same for me. Monday to Friday is spent working, and the weekends are spent not doing much at all. And I'm starting to wonder whether it'll be like this forever. The reason I think this is because on the few occassions where my life could have potentially changed, things have gone tits up. It's like being sad and lonely is my destiny, and however hard I try to change it, I'll never succeed.

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs lonelyman91*




i can relate to a lot of what you said
i turned 19 in march, and i feel like I've been kept out of all the cool crazy party teen years
all these years I hoped something would happen somethign worth writting about worth living all these years for,
i feel a life unfullfilled but i can't seem much to care anymore
where do you work at? what do you do?

can pt some money in the bank at the end of the month?

if you can try saving up for a fun trip or something you can look forward to
well if your not into football or videogames what are you into?

( by the way i would totally suggest you get into video games if you have the time, and some money get a PS3!! it's loads of fun)

I'm familiar with feeling like everything in life is intent on making you miserable printers alarm clocks they're out to get your soul man :O
but trying to fight it just makes it worse
try to live and let live, happieness will come once you cease to seek it
just take life as it comes

would you be able to get a raise or a promotion in a few years?
anyways best of luck man you're not alone in being alone

*hugs*

and
ps *highfives for 91*

XD

 

[Rammy]

I don't think getting pissed 24/7 is normal, or considered normal by most people. I'm pleased you have 2 friends that you share intersets with, these sound like good friends and exactly the kind of people you should have around you. Remember, 1 real friend is worth more than any number of fakes, and you have 2! That's something at least, hang in there

 

[arkitek4]

I believe there is always a reason for everything, why we get sick, why our job applications doesn't work, why this and that but the rest of the world gets what they want on a silver platter. But I do know based on experience that, we do not really get what we all aspire for in life. What we usually get is what we need nothing more and certainly nothing less.

I can not begin to fathom your situation my friend, imagine the thought of being eased out of one's residence. that's one deep honeysuckle of a situation. But I have been thrown out of my accommodations also, with a 1 year old son and another still in the womb. Drained of money and strength and all the close ties I knew could only do so much.

Yet despite of all my trials and tribulations I gained one thing, the will to survive! You said so yourself you can't put yourself to kill yourself because death scares you, and if death scares you so should losing you residence. It is wrong to assume that you do not have a place in this world, because God didn't bring anyone life for no reason. Doesn't matter what job you have, nor how small your paycheck is. What is important is the things you can have with what little you earn and should put a smile in your depressed face.

As opposed to other people out of work people you on the other hand have one, I remember for 7 months I didn't have work. Scrapping and extending the small amount of money extended by family and peers to me. 7 months out of work! and I have a 1 year old son, a loving wife, and her 3 siblings and her mother and a host of other problems compounding by the day to worry about.

You are lucky, in my country it takes usually 25 or more job applications 75 interviews 100 exams and honeysuckle of a month of waiting just so they will tell you if you are hired or not. Plus when I did get a job, it was a job abroad, plus I have to wait 3 months for my first salary to be released due to the 2 months salary deposit clause in my contract. Not to mention in the country where I I'm now working alcoholic drinks are strictly prohibited!

But now after 1 year of working here I am at peace, my bills paid in full, my rent secured, my sons have milk and candies to boot! you see you have to check out your options, I didn't even know I can even get a job abroad but I did at twice the pay I would normally get in my country. Do not limit yourself in self-loathing its depressing, find your path in life, regress, lower your standards of what is right for you and what is not. For most of the time opportunities does not come knocking on your door, most of the time you actually have to struggle to attain your dreams of a place in this life.

Good luck! Remember; its all in the mind.

 

[Frodo Baggins]

I think that you need to to something more constructive with your time. I find that there is a lot of wisdom and insight in books. I think they are good starting point.
I find with Lord of the Rings I have fun with this. I practice reading aloud and sometimes perform the actions and use props and such. No-one can see and the neighbours never complain and so who says being alone is all bad.