So we've been caring for my mum who has been sick for several years and then last August were told that she had just days to live because she was in acute kidney failure - just 3% kidney function.
She hung on til the 30th April @ 20.36. We had been at the hospice with her for days holding and loving her til the staff told us we should go home and get some rest, as they could see we were on our knees with exhaustion.
I got home, grabbed some food and was heading for bed when the phone rang and I was told to get back there asap.
She died ten minutes before I got there.
All I had wanted all along was to be with her when she left, holding her hand so she knew she wasn't alone, but it wasn't to be and i'm heartbroken.
We haven't had the funeral yet - in the throes of organising it and to be honest I don't know which day of the week it is at the moment. I feel as if I have everything under control and then Wham! the grief comes along and side swipes me, knocks me over, brings me to my knees, literally.
All those years caring and now emptiness and I feel so resentful that the one wish I had, to be with her when she left was denied me.
The amazing staff at the hospice made a big point of telling us that people often wait til their loved ones have left before passing, so i'm hoping that was the case, but right now i'm mentally stuck in that hospice room with her watching her poor ravaged, bleeding body wasting away and I can't get out of there.
People try to be kind, searching for comforting words to say, but there are no words that can alleviate this desperate, crushing sorrow.
Just want you back Mum, can't bear the thought of never seeing your sweet smile, or hear your dear voice thanking us for everything we did for you.
I'm one lucky girl having such a special, loving mother, that I know, but this loss is unbearable..............
She hung on til the 30th April @ 20.36. We had been at the hospice with her for days holding and loving her til the staff told us we should go home and get some rest, as they could see we were on our knees with exhaustion.
I got home, grabbed some food and was heading for bed when the phone rang and I was told to get back there asap.
She died ten minutes before I got there.
All I had wanted all along was to be with her when she left, holding her hand so she knew she wasn't alone, but it wasn't to be and i'm heartbroken.
We haven't had the funeral yet - in the throes of organising it and to be honest I don't know which day of the week it is at the moment. I feel as if I have everything under control and then Wham! the grief comes along and side swipes me, knocks me over, brings me to my knees, literally.
All those years caring and now emptiness and I feel so resentful that the one wish I had, to be with her when she left was denied me.
The amazing staff at the hospice made a big point of telling us that people often wait til their loved ones have left before passing, so i'm hoping that was the case, but right now i'm mentally stuck in that hospice room with her watching her poor ravaged, bleeding body wasting away and I can't get out of there.
People try to be kind, searching for comforting words to say, but there are no words that can alleviate this desperate, crushing sorrow.
Just want you back Mum, can't bear the thought of never seeing your sweet smile, or hear your dear voice thanking us for everything we did for you.
I'm one lucky girl having such a special, loving mother, that I know, but this loss is unbearable..............